It’s around midnight. There are still people outside, some by the pool, some in the hot tub, others are leaving. Even with me on the couch, the party here doesn’t stop, although Camden has gone home.
It’s another hour later when Scarlet comes inside wearing a sundress, her curls all over the place, carrying a bag from In-N-Out.
There’s a smile tugging at her lips, secrets held in by the prettiest pink lips. She smiles at me, still in the same place I’ve been for the last six hours. I haven’t moved but once, and that was to go to the bathroom.
I smile too, but it doesn’t touch my eyes. It’s more of a reaction. The continued detachment between us in unmistakable, yet avoidable. I also smile because fuck, she’s beautiful and holding a bag from In-N-Out. When you’ve been laid up for weeks, you’d smile at anyone holding a bag from there.
She surprises me when she plops down next to me on the couch, crossing her legs. “I’m sorry,” she says, holding out the bag of food.
I rub my eyes with the palm of my hand and drop the controller. “You went to In-N-Out for me?”
With a deep breath, she blinks, holding a pill in her hand and a bottle of water in the other. It’s my pain pills. She bites on her thumb, messing with those curls I still want wrapped in my fists, tugging her face to mine. Not much about this girl has changed in the last few weeks, but I wonder if she knows how I feel about her. I want to fuck the doubt out of her.
I don’t like the way she hesitates to tell me.
“I did. And I took this job because I wanted it. I thought I could be there for you as a friend and maybe just a little bit—” She pauses and pinches her thumb and index finger together. “—thought I could convince you that you loved me.”
There’s no convincing, baby. It happened.
She then hands me a milkshake.
“And you brought me a strawberry milkshake?”
Another nod as she hands me my pain pills I didn’t take earlier. I take the milkshake and the water she gives me. “Damn, you really know how to apologize.”
“I do. You should take a lesson in it, Mr. Get Out of my Way.”
I take a drink of the milkshake and stare at her. “I’ll admit, not my best move but I don’t remember what I said to you that day.”
“Fair enough. So let’s start over then?”
I breathe in slowly. “Okay, but I have a confession, too.” She needs to know she’s not the only one who went into this with a plan. “I gave you the job because I wanted to fuck you.”
Scarlet’s eyes cloud with emotion and her nose wrinkles in an innocent way. “I know.”
We’re quiet, staring at one another. I take the pills, both of them, then the water, and screw the cap back on with my thumb.
There’s been one constant presence in my life since I wrecked, not pain, not thoughts, but the one next to me. She deserves to know my feelings for her haven’t changed. They won’t.
“Shade. . . .” She blows out a breath, relaxing against the back of the couch, our shoulders touching. I can’t look at her now, given the neck brace, but having her next to me is enough. It’s the closest she’s been in weeks. “I miss being friends with you.”
My jaw clenches, my heart beats faster. I swallow, feeling like the pills I took are lodged in my throat. “I miss that too.”
I leave my words at that. Sure, we could have a long, drawn-out conversation about all the ways we fucked this up along the way, but did we really need that? Was it necessary? We both fucked up, plain and simple.
Do you see us there? Side by side like we used to be? Forgiveness doesn’t have to be exhausting. It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out and fighting until you’re blue in the face. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I know I fucked up.”
And that’s all it took for Scarlet and me to know we were different. Maybe not a few weeks ago, but now we are. I tend to think the accident had something to do with it. I nearly died. I should have died, or at the very least been paralyzed. But somehow, and I think because of this right here, the one next to me, the unfinished life I still have to live, I’m not. I’ve been given another chance to right what shouldn’t have been wronged in the first place.
“I miss you trying to have sex with me,” she admits, giggling softly.
I smile. “I could try again, but I won’t get far being one handed,” I tease.
She leans across me, careful not to bump me too much and takes the controller from my hand. “I can’t let you play this stupid game anymore or sleep on the couch.” Our hands touch in the process, and I grab her wrist, refusing to let her go. “We’re going to get you up to your room tonight. You’ll feel better sleeping in your own bed.”
“Scar?” My voice breaks. I hate the emotion welling up, but it’s easily subdued by the curls in my face. She’s so fucking pretty I can’t stand it.
“What?”
“Come closer?”
Her brow creases. “What do you mean? I’m sitting right next to you.”
My eyes drop to my lap, and I don’t care that there are still people outside and everyone can see us, including my brothers. Like they’d give a fuck though.
“You want me on your lap?”
I give the slightest tip of my head, the best I can with the neck brace on. The damn thing is like wearing a dog collar, and I can’t wait to take it off.
“That doesn’t seem like a good idea. What if I hurt you?”
I wink. “I’m not afraid of pain with my pleasure.”
Scarlet bursts out laughing, remembering my words on the plane to Seattle. Carefully, she straddles me, and it’s a lot like Twister. Put your hand here, no, not there, okay, but don’t move there, that hurts, that’s okay, perfect.
She’s hesitant, stiff, ready to move at any second. I slide my right hand over her hip, up her side and then to her face. “Kiss me.”
“I. . . but everyone’s out there and if Willa sees me. . . .” It’s true, everyone can see us, but I don’t care what they think, or Willa.
I raise my hand and cup the side of her cheek, leaning in the best I can. “I don’t care. Kiss me.”
So she does. With my hands on her hips, her body moves against mine, her soft hands sweeping up my arms to my shoulders and she leans in.
Do you see us there kissing? Are you smiling? I would be if my mouth wasn’t busy.
But do you see me breathing heavily, like a goddamn teenager about to be kissed for the first time and her, a woman who well, wants me?
It isn’t romantic. It’s downright savage.
I let go of everything I’ve been holding onto these last few weeks and kiss her. Everything rises to the surface, displayed in ways I can’t and don’t want to control. She meets me as an equal, touching, kissing, and moving. The feel of her against me consumes me. My hands greedily search and settle on her ass.
I’m operating on pure instinct and want.
Even with all that, there are some limitations physically for me. I can’t turn her over and press her back into the couch. I can’t cover her body with mine or, as much as I want it, to have sex with her. It’s just not happening.
She pulls back first, probably because I wince in pain when I involuntarily try to move my head.
Scarlet freezes, her palms raising, lips bright red from being kissed. “Are you okay?”
I smile. I am now.
Staring at her, I know there are some things I need to clear up. I had to kiss her first. Now that I’ve done that, she deserves to hear what I have to say. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend. I know you still technically work for me, but you’re more than that to me,” I finally admit. “When I saw you talking to Jaime, something inside me snapped. I don’t even know what it was. I can’t remember. But I know I lost it. I wanted to kill him for simply talking to you. . . .”
“I’m sorry.” Her words tremble. Nervously, she touches the bottom of my neck brace, and then her eyes find mine. “But not for talking to Jaime. I’m sorry for not telling you the truth in the beginning.”
“I know. . . . I’m sorry, too. I know I reacted badly.” My voice is tender as I speak and I understand this is the part where we forgive each other. “I just. . . all I had ever known was the unhealthy relationship I had with Rhya, and I didn’t want that with you.”
“Do you regret letting me in?” The words spill from her lips, like she didn’t want to ask, but it sort of slipped out before she could stop them.
My eyes beg her, plead for her to see the truth. “No, that’s not one of my regrets.”