I wish life was as simple as a children’s book. Like Cinderella. Okay, maybe not Cinderella. That girl had it rough. I’m talking about Beauty and the Beast. Because that’s really what our story felt like to me. Only I can’t figure out who was the beast in the relationship because we were both messed up. Or maybe it wasn’t like that story at all and I’m just crazy. Whatever. Let’s just say this. Boom. Fairy tale complete. But it’s never really like that, is it?
Or maybe it is. Because when I’m near Shade, it feels like a goddamn fairy tale. An X-rated one, sure, but just as crazy on the pinch-me-this-is-perfect.
I have no idea where this is all going to take me, but I know I want to go where Shade is. I love this family and I can’t see myself leaving them now.
I fit in so well, don’t you think? Take a look around the patio and, more importantly, how relaxed the guys are in my presence the night after the Aftershock event.
Roan’s not here. He flew out to Florida this morning to train with his buddy Parker O’Neil for Erzberg, but Tiller is here. He’s in the pool with his cell phone, floating on a raft, beer in hand.
And Camden. The cute little now eleven-year-old who thinks someday, I’m going to be his girlfriend. Shade might have something to say about that.
Do you see that? The moment I think of Shade my heart starts racing? I can’t help the smile touching my lips.
The sun has set, the last remaining bits of the sunset smudging the sky in bright pink and purples.
And then there’s Shade, next to me in the hot tub, sunglasses on, beer in his hand as I sip one too, thinking about how perfect the last twenty-four hours have been.
I used to think loving someone nearly always ended in heartache. But it doesn’t have to.
Love is consuming and rebellious, obsessive and self-destructive enough to end in heartache, but again it doesn’t have to. Because guess what?
It’s never the same twice.
There’s comfort around me as Shade and I sit in the hot tub that night, slow drinking to his victory, clear liquor in our glasses as the sun fades into a scattered bright pink sunset. It’s dancing over the track behind the house, a last sliver hanging on, giving every last piece of light it has to give until it’s swallowed by the flowing hills to the west. There’s so much beauty in the sky above me it’s hard to look away from. But there’s beauty beside me too.
I’ll never regret my decision to leave Seattle and work for Shade. I never will because I did the unthinkable and in those three months with him, he showed me a love I would have never thought possible had I not gone. A love I thought I lost at seventeen and would never experience again.
You know who Marilyn Monroe is, right? She has this quote I’ve seen on countless Pinterest posts about relationships. The whole quote isn’t important. This part is: I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go.
For someone who feared love, because falling hurt so badly the first time, I finally understood what she meant. In no way did I think Asher killed himself so I could find Shade, but what if he did? What if the way they killed themselves was all related? Crazy talk, right?
What if I wasn’t meant to be with Asher? What if I was meant to find Shade is some weird way through Asher and Rhya?
Ed Sheeran had it right when he said people fall in love in mysterious ways. I had no idea how, or when, but goddamn did I fall in love with Shade Sawyer. And not the Shade I thought he was. I fell for the real boy. Shit, that’s Pinocchio, isn’t it?
Whatever.
I’ll admit, Shade isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met before. He fearlessly puts everything out there for you and makes you fall in love with his honesty and the pureness he possesses. He has this passion buried down deep in his bones that forces you to see him in a different light. It’s a passion he risks his life for. Some call him crazy for it. An adrenaline junkie who doesn’t take life into regard. Someone who would risk his life for glory? And he would. He does. All the time. That’s exactly what makes Shade so special.
How many people do you really know who risk their lives for their passion? Some, I suppose. But not many. Fear holds them back. The unknown weighs on them. With Shade, it doesn’t. He’s a fighter for what he believes in, heavy on the throttle of life and loves faster and harder than any other man I’ve ever known.
“Now what?” Shade asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and sliding me over to him.
“Huh?”
“What is it you’re going to do? You staying for me?”
“I don’t know. After I finally bagged the star, I was thinking of heading back to Seattle. Got what I wanted, you know.”
His face is stone silent. God, I’m an asshole.
I crack a smile.
And then he laughs. “Yeah, right.”
Maneuvering myself onto his lap, I slide my hands over his inked shoulders. “I work for Willa now. I’ll be her assistant and still make your flight arrangements, driving you around, that sort of thing and helping with the promotion of S3.”
Grinning, he raises an eyebrow and squeezes my ass. “Is that so? And no, you won’t be driving me around.”
“We can negotiate on the driving.” I kiss him, just once, and then pull back. “Wanna know the best part?”
“What?”
“I can sleep with whoever I want.”
Do you notice the way his expression goes from playful to fucking pissed in like a second? “You will not be fucking anyone, but me.”
“We’re dating, aren’t we?”
“Fucking right we are.” And then guess who makes an appearance? His hard cock, like hey there, don’t forget me. Pfft. Like I could. Shade bites my neck, marking his territory. “I might even knock you up.”
My heart soars but does he not realize Camden and Tiller are out here? Knowing Shade, he probably doesn’t give a fuck.
I slap his forehead. “Um, no. You won’t. I’m on the pill, and it’s my only responsible trait.”
“That’s not true. You keep me in line just fine,” he points out. “Give yourself some credit for how amazing you are at being a personal assistant.”
“I was pretty fucking good, wasn’t I?”
“Kept me in line, but seriously, wouldn’t you want a little girl with wild blonde curls and my eyes?”
“What’s wrong with my eyes? We both have blue. . . .”
He searches my face, his smile damn near beaming. “Yeah, but my eyelashes are longer, and she’s gotta have something of mine.”
“True.”
Guess what? Tiller’s listening to all this and he looks like he wants to fucking vomit. I can’t blame him. How’d this conversation even get started?
Oh, right. I’m a California girl now and we’re dating. And now we’re making out.
Do you remember when I said Shade’s life would forever be altered by the day Rhya took her life? Life, love, everything about him would never be the same, because of her.
He loves differently, but selflessly.
Do you also remember when I said suicide is selfish? My theory that the only selfish part about suicide I had found to be true was the way I’d never found the girl I was before Asher?
I don’t think that’s entirely true anymore. I think I found her again, in the arms of a man who’s experience the same loss.
Do you see those two people in the hot tub? Not Tiller and Camden. . . the two holding onto one another, loving without regrets? He’s twirling and tightening his fist in wild curls, whispering, “I love you,” and she’s falling for consuming rebellious baby blues.
Love is never the same twice, but fuck if it isn’t worth soaring through the air for.