This morning seemed to be filled with all sorts of surprises. Both good and bad.

Amy had thought about Josh all night, wondering how he was doing. She’d planned to go see him today, just to check in, but her plans changed when she heard noises coming from outside her apartment door very early in the morning. At first she didn’t know what was going on, then she looked through the peephole and saw Dom and his brother talking and heard everything they said.

Dom had said, “Let’s see if we can catch her with her clothes off today. I get to look first.”

Then she watched him bend down by the door lock and peer through. All this time she’d been here she didn’t realize that you could see clearly through the keyhole. It was like a viewing parlor. She couldn’t have been more mortified at the thought that they’d been watching her get changed and had seen her naked.

Not only did she feel uncomfortable there, she had the desperate urge to leave immediately. She left minutes after that.

She knew Josh would be surprised to see her and hoped that he wouldn’t be in one of his moods. What she didn’t expect was him choosing to spend his time with her over Allegra. That truly surprised her.

Now they walked side by side along the beach on their way to the surfing competition. It was Hilda that told her about it. Amy had never been to anything like that, and rarely ever got the chance to watch any form of sport, so saw it as a good idea with perfect timing.

Josh didn’t say anything as they left the house. He just walked next to her, seeming deep in contemplation. He looked at her looking at him and a slight hint of a smile lifted his face.

“Wait,” he said, stopping.

“What for?”

“I’ve decided I really don’t like your hair like that. We have to change it.”

She shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with my hair.”

“Maybe not in Kansas, but this is California.” To her surprise he pulled her closer and started undoing the braids on her buns.

“What are you doing?” She swatted his hands away.

“Making you look decent. You look like you have horns. Keep still,” he snapped. They must have looked ridiculous.

“What’s it going to look like when people see Josh Mancini unbraiding hair?” she teased, giggling.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Princess, this is Malibu Beach, no one will care and there are far more well-known celebrities here than me. I’d be lucky if anyone even recognizes me.”

“I can do my own hair.”

“I would have believed you more yesterday. Keep still, damn it.” He held her in place and frowned, then resumed his hairdressing.

“So I’m supposed to stand here and allow my boss to fix my hair how he wants?” she huffed.

“Yes, except that today I’m not your boss. I’m just Josh, and if you’re going to hang out with me on a Saturday you can’t look like that.”

She didn’t think she looked that bad, but then again she did leave in a hurry this morning. Amy stood still and allowed him to undo her hair. Once he had, he smoothed it to one side, allowing it to drift down to her stomach. It had a subtle wave to it and wasn’t half as curly as when she left it twisted up for hours, but it looked okay.

She thought he would leave her alone now but he surprised her further by pulling her t-shirt out of her shorts. Again she swatted his hands away.

“Josh, what are you doing? You can’t try to get into my pants with everyone watching,” she retorted, looking at him wide eyed.

“Princess, if I was trying to get into your pants I would have been in well before now.” He smirked with a devilishly handsome grin that lit up his blue-green eyes. The grin turned saucier. “Also, are you saying I could try to get into your pants if no one was watching?” He looked down at her shorts.

“No, and stop with the creepiness.”

“I told you, Italian blood flows through my veins.”

She wasn’t aware of that about Italians, but that could just be her. The way she figured it, he didn’t need any kind of blood to flow through him to make him like that. She also figured he wasn’t nearly as creepy as the men at her apartment. He was the lesser of two evils and honestly, if she hadn’t been worried about him she probably would have still ended up at his house. It was the only other place she had to go. Sadly, there was nowhere else she could go to hang out or relax. She supposed she could have met up with Hilda or Gabriella, but she didn’t want to impose.

“Okay, so what were you doing, then?” She looked at him askance.

“This.” He pulled out the rest of her t-shirt, gathered the ends together and tied it into a knot that rested just above her belly button. “Because this isn’t the eighties where people walk around with t-shirts tucked in.”

He had a point. She had to laugh because she was supposed to be the fashion designer here, yet he just made her look a whole lot cooler.

She watched him as he hooked his finger into the loop on her shorts and pulled her a little closer.

“What are you doing now?”

“Being creepy.”

She batted his hand away and moved back. “You are so silly.”

He smiled and she found herself smiling too.

“What’s this?” He took hold of her upper arm and felt the underside, rubbing his thumb over the extremely tiny rod she’d had inserted last year. Her cheeks warmed as he focused on her.

“Medicine.” It was birth control. She got it because it was easy to have and she didn’t have to think about it like she would with a pill.

“What kind of medicine?” His smile turned up a notch.

She got the feeling he knew what it was but was teasing her. “It’s birth control. Now unhand me.” She shrugged out of his grasp as he laughed, revealing his gorgeous dimples. The sight of which made her stomach tingle. It would be so much easier if she didn’t find him so attractive.

“Good to know, princess.”

She cut him a sharp glare and continued walking. He fell in step with her and they proceeded to the area that had been cornered off for the competition. They found a good spot near a fan palm tree and sat next to each other within its shade.

It didn’t take long for the area to get packed and she was glad they’d left at the time they did. As the crowd rolled in the area became saturated, and while Josh might have classed himself as practically average, a ton of people recognized him. A lot asked for his autograph and took pictures with him.

It was a casual event that turned into a public appearance.

They stayed out all day, which was good because he didn’t drink. Every time they were somewhere where he could easily grab a beer, she made sure he had fruit juice in his hands.

At nine they sat on the beach near his house watching the sunset. They were together for longer than yesterday. She wasn’t sure, but wondered if this might have been the longest that he’d gone without a drink.

She tried to remember what her father was like when he wasn’t drunk. It was difficult to remember because he was rarely at home. At the time she’d thought he was away working hard to take care of their family, but later found out he’d spent the time with one woman or another. He mostly used their house to crash and revive himself.

It was Tristan who told her all that. He’d found out the hard way and hated their father just as much as Amy did. Their mother, however, was still in love with him until this day. Amy blamed her illness. Clearly her defective heart gave her a distorted vision of the man. He’d put her through so much, all of them, and she just still hoped for the best in him. They hadn’t seen him in more than twenty years but she kept looking out for him.

That was Amy’s biggest fear. To fall for a man like that, someone who she knew would never be able to love her the same way as she loved him. At least she’d been lucky to stay clear of anyone like that.

She glanced over at Josh. He seemed to be doing well.

“How long have you been playing football?” she asked.

A peaceful silence had filled the space between them and she didn’t want him to leave just yet, get back in, and be tempted to drink. She thought she could fill him with happy thoughts of his love for football and maybe that would help.

“All my life.” He smiled. The soft, fading daylight caressed his tanned skin. He rolled up the sleeves of his t-shirt revealing solid muscle, which she couldn’t take her eyes off. “I can’t remember not playing. My earliest memory was when I was about four. My dad got me my first football, which I was attached to.”

“You remember stuff from when you were four?”

“Yep. It all checks out too. My mom would get so mad at me when I played in the house and terrorized my sister. So my dad had to take me out to play in the park. We lived in San Francisco then.”

She liked this, him talking about his family.

“I love San Francisco.”

“It’s cool. My family still lives there, they just…” His voice trailed off and a faraway look filled his eyes. “I mean they used to, all of them. It’s just my dad now.”

Pain etched over his fine features.

She realized that he was talking about his mom and sister as if they were still alive. That must have been so painful. She remembered the other day, too, when his dad called and he allowed the phone to go to voicemail. She didn’t know what that was about, but guessed that Josh was avoiding him.

“Josh, are you okay?” She looked him over and noticed the change in his appearance.

“I’m fine. I should probably go. Plus, you shouldn’t be getting back too late.” He stood up to go. She got up too.

“Josh. What are you going to do?” She knew he was going to drink. She could feel it. It was just like yesterday when he rushed out of the car and headed for the first bottle. She could only begin to imagine what he must feel. She’d never lost anyone that close to her and didn’t think she could survive if she did.

“That’s a big question, Kansas. You’re actually going to have to be specific.” The attitude had returned.

“What are you going to do right now?” Yesterday he’d been completely vile with his response of booze and bitches. She didn’t know if she could handle any responses like that, especially since she just spent a really nice day with him.

“Go home.”

“Go home and do what? You said be specific.”

“It’s Saturday night, Kansas, I might get up to all sorts of things.” He gave her a wicked smile.

“Does that include…drinking?”

“Kansas, you shouldn’t worry about me. I’m certain that even you have better things to do on a Saturday night.”

She continued to look at him. “Will you drink?” She decided to ignore the comment.

“Yes.” At least he was honest.

“And…call Allegra and bed friends?”

She didn’t know why she said that. The words just resonated from her lips from somewhere.

Maybe it was her failure to help, or…

Maybe it was her suppressed desire from the other day when they kissed and he couldn’t remember. She tried to forget the whole damn thing but found herself thinking about it at times, much to her great annoyance. It was like some kind of curse where she had to live with the memory and he just went about his normal life with these women.

Most people would think she was overreacting because it was just a little kiss, and yes there’d been a lot of intimate touching, but it was perhaps the most heated, passionate moment in her life. That was sad considering how old she was. She supposed it was down to her avoidance of serious relationships.

Thinking about it made her feel flustered. She didn’t know how she got to this point where she was here trying to convince Josh not to drink and hook up with his bed friends. The thought of both really peeved her off. “I mean you—”

Before she could say her next word he smoothed his hand across her cheek and sealed his lips to hers.

He moved so quickly that her brain barely had a chance to register that he was kissing her. His delicious lips fused to hers, sending a spark of electricity straight through her. Then something strange happened. Warmth gathered from the tips of her toes and propelled itself over her entire body. She felt it coursing through her veins like an awakened river zinging with vitality. It quenched her soul of a thirst she didn’t know she had and made her feel like she never wanted to be without him.

The kiss was brief, too brief, but it still had a powerful effect and stunned her.

He moved back a little to gaze down at her, but still touched her cheek. “No,” he said with that half smile that numbed her knees.

Her cheeks burned and her lips tingled from the heated blaze of their kiss. She narrowed her gaze, not quite sure what he meant. “No…to what?”

“No, I won’t be calling Allegra and bed friends.”

She held his gaze, trying to decide what to say next. “You just kissed me,” she breathed.

He’d kissed her and he wasn’t drunk. This was the real him.

“And you didn’t slap me.” He chuckled, running his finger along the edge of her jaw, making her skin tingle there. Tenderly his eyes melted into hers, holding her still. “Remember, it’s Saturday, we aren’t at work and I’m not your boss. Today I’m just Josh.”

“Josh.” She said his name on the edge of a whisper while he held her under his hypnotic stare.

It was like the rules had changed somewhat. The kiss had done something to her that she couldn’t quite describe and all she knew was that she craved him and the way he made her feel.

For those few moments, nothing else mattered and he really was just Josh. Josh, an incredibly handsome man that had just kissed her and made her feel better than she’d ever had.

Amy was already tilting her head up before he lowered to her lips again. She welcomed his lips and the divine ecstasy of him like pure oxygen filling her lungs. She allowed herself the indulgence of sliding her palms across the hard surface of the ridged muscles on his chest.

Blood pounded through her brain, danced frantically around her heart, and weakened her body. She enjoyed the taste of him and embraced the passion that filled her as his tongue tangled with hers. Amy kissed him back with the same strength and desire as the kiss intensified. He kept his hands at her cheek and stroked her face as if he loved the feel of her skin. But then he stopped and pulled away, leaving her lips swollen and burning with fire.

“I have to go,” he said quickly.

“Why? Just stay.”

“No.” He shook his head.

“We could just stay here and watch the sea, or catch a movie.” Or kiss.

After all the time she’d spent with him over the last few weeks she didn’t think she’d ever want to kiss him in this lifetime. But here she was, hoping he’d stay so they could kiss till the sun came up.

Josh simply looked at her and shook his head. “That sounds real nice, Amy.”

She liked the way he said her name.

“But I’m a mess. One big mess. Let’s be realistic here. It’s Saturday night, you aren’t at work, don’t waste your time on me.”

She blinked several times, feeling defeated as she watched him turn and walk away.

* * *

So that was what it felt like to kiss an angel.

Like pure energy, running through every fiber in his being and singing through his veins. When he had kissed Amy days ago it didn’t feel like tonight. For a start, the other day he’d been hyped up on alcohol and overloaded with testosterone. He’d wanted sex.

Tonight was different. He’d never experienced the kiss they shared tonight with anyone. It was the sweetness. Josh didn’t do sweet. He was downright dirty and liked his women to be the same.

Sweet was different and tapped into something he didn’t think he could feel. Not him. He’d gone through life on that wild edge of recklessness that made him who he was. Growing up he was the worst kind of guy to take home to meet the parents, and it was against him to even try to aim to be that guy.

Tonight, Amy made him see something his soul cried out for but couldn’t have.

It was a shame the kiss wasn’t powerful enough to cure his grief. He’d been sober for a whole day and just ruined it with two bottles of rum. Now as the clock stroke one minute past midnight he was wasted. Completely wasted.

“Happy Birthday, Clarissa,” he said to the empty living room. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the crate he had set on the floor in front of him. He didn’t bother to pour it into the glass. He just drank straight from the bottle.

She would have been thirty-three today. Because of him she didn’t even live to see her thirty-third birthday. How sad and cruel.

How very sad and cruel.

She and Pete would probably have been getting ready for their wedding. They wanted a summer wedding. Clarissa had asked Josh to walk her partway down the aisle, then their father would continue the march and give her away to Pete.

She’d said Josh had taken such great care of her all her life that it was important for her to have him be part of her big day. He would have been honored to walk her down the aisle. He would have been honored to do anything for her.

But now he couldn’t. Not for her, or their mother.

There was no way he could see Pete or his father. No way. He knew that now. It wasn’t even an option to contemplate. Not for him. His shame was too great.

He finished off the bottle of wine and felt that buzz it usually gave him. Now he just needed the other part of his medication: a few women eager to please. He picked up the phone and went to dial Allegra’s number. As he went to press the call button, an image of Amy’s face flashed into his mind. He saw her beautiful, beautiful face, and the tentative look she’d given him as she’d asked if he’d be calling Allegra and his bed friends.

He’d told her no. Usually he wouldn’t make such a promise or even come back with such an answer, but he did for her.

Josh looked at the phone, stared at Allegra’s number for a few seconds, then tossed it across the room. Thankfully it didn’t smash like the last one.

He’d told Amy he wouldn’t and he didn’t want to add liar to the already lengthy list of unsavory things that he was.

How long had he known Amy for? Two days shy of three weeks, and yet she’d had such a massive effect on him. Big enough to let him know that, despite his drunken mind, he didn’t want Allegra and bed friends.

What he wanted was Amy.

The freaking Disney princess he’d christened Kansas. The thought of it all was just as grievous as the rest of his life. It didn’t do him any favors to want something he couldn’t have.

* * *

Amy got to Josh’s house early again. As early as she could. She didn’t have any problems at her apartment like yesterday because she’d sealed up the crack in her door, but she figured that if she could get to him early enough they could have a day like yesterday.

She also planned to do something that could make him extremely furious with her, but it was the risk she was willing to take.

The sun hadn’t even come up yet when she got there. The place stank of booze like it did before Hilda started working there.

That told her he’d hit the bottle hard, and it could mean that he’d had his bed friends and strippers around too. The thought pulled at her heart but she pushed it aside. She decided that the kiss they had was just a kiss and nothing more. It was really nice and she enjoyed being with him, but he was so wrong for her. Amy was practically shooting herself in the foot by going after a man like that.

Just yesterday she’d considered herself fortunate to not have happened upon anyone who could potentially treat her like her father did her mother. Foolishly, she never considered the man sitting next to her.

There was, however, one thing she was hoping the kiss would help with. She hoped that when he realized that she’d emptied out all his bottles of wine and threw out the beer he’d be calm enough to remember that there must have been some part of him that liked her.

It took her awhile to find everything, but she did. The pantry was completely full of wine, vodka, and other mixtures of drink. But she got rid of it all. She hated wasting anything, especially when she knew how expensive it was, but it needed to be done. They couldn’t continue like this and his drinking would be both their downfall. He had two weeks of public appearances and promotional work booked. Then it was training. She wanted to get him to that stage.

Money had been at the forefront of her mind only days ago but things had changed.

Now there was more. Now she cared.

She cared that Josh was drinking too much. And, she cared that he grieved. Her heart went out to him and she wanted to help in whatever way she could. This was her helping.

When she was done she waited for him in the sitting room. This time she didn’t turn on the TV. She just waited, and the longer she waited the more anxious she felt. When she heard him moving around upstairs she stood up and brought her hands together. She heard him come down the stairs and go into the kitchen. Then she heard him roar like the other day when she threw the water in his face. Today was worse, though. Today he sounded like some kind of hell beast. That was undoubtedly the result of her swapping the cans of beer in the fridge with elderflower juice. He’d liked it yesterday so she thought hey, maybe this would soften the blow.

She was beginning to doubt that assumption as she heard him cursing, saying terrible things that literally burned her ears. With courage she gathered her strength and made her way through the living room and into the kitchen. He turned around when he saw her and stared her down like he would kill her.

“You.” He pointed. His face colored fiercely and his nostrils flared. His eyes blazed. “You did this,” he yelled, picking up one of the empty wine bottles near the recycling bin. The bin had been full and she planned to take that one outside.

“You are drinking too much. We won’t be able to achieve anything if you don’t stop.” She was trying to make him see her point, but he shocked her by throwing down the bottle on the marble kitchen floor. It smashed on impact and sent shards of glass everywhere.

He then went for the fridge, grabbed several bottles of elderflower juice, and smashed those too.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” he yelled.

That was when she knew no kiss on this Earth would have softened the blow.

“Josh.”

“Shut up,” he snarled and threw his fist into the wall behind her. She froze, thinking he was going to go for her next, but he backed away. “This stops now. You are my assistant. My employee. Don’t cross that line again. You don’t get paid to care. Now get out of my house and don’t come back till nine a.m. tomorrow.”

Amy pulled in a breath against the tears that stung the backs of her eyes. She looked at him and tried to find the man she spent the day with yesterday, but he wasn’t there.

The person standing before her was someone else entirely. She turned and walked out, wishing she never had to return.