Josh strayed into one of those dreams again.

It always happened in the space between asleep and awake where his mind would take over and drift to happier thoughts. That was where he saw them. This was where his mother and Clarissa existed for him. Here they were alive and they still loved him.

Josh had them in his life again and he never wanted to wake up…

“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” his mother said, leaning into his shoulder as they sat side by side in the grand theatre. His father sat next to his mother and looked at Clarissa with the deepest pride.

Josh nodded, not wanting to take his eyes off Clarissa’s performance. Not even for one second. Amazing was too meager a word to describe her as he watched her glide across the stage as Odette, the Swan Princess. She was the star of the show, the prima ballerina, and a star she was indeed. Josh was used to his sister giving her best, but when she did performances like this it was more than her best that came out. She danced with soul and talent comparable to an angel.

He didn’t even lie like he used to anymore when he had to explain to his friends that he was going to the ballet. He was so proud of her that he just told them straight that that was where he would be.

He watched her, getting absorbed in the music, the mood, the atmosphere. Like always, when the performance ended his skin tingled. His parents were crying and stood up to cheer with everyone else. The cheers and applause were deafening, euphoric and joyous. Josh stood too. Clarissa and the cast truly deserved the grand-standing ovation. He’d never experienced the blissful exhilaration he felt anywhere besides here.

He had flowers for her. She loved oriental lilies, pink oriental lilies. They were her favorites.

He looked at his mother as she reached out to cup his face with one hand. Her smile proud and brimming with love. While Josh had his father’s strong Italian features, Clarissa looked exactly like their mother. Same jet black hair that hung in soft waves, same mole on the left cheek. Same hazel-colored eyes.

Josh leaned forward to hug his mother, anticipating the warmth he’d feel when he touched her, but in that second everything changed. It was like his body shifted out of time and instead of being at the theatre he was at the gravesite, in the cemetery in California.

He recognized this.

This part wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. This was the memory of his mother and sister’s funeral.

His father was on his knees crying, completely inconsolable while Josh’s uncle tried to comfort him. Josh stood over by his sister’s coffin, staring at her cold dead body. The oriental lilies in his hand hung by his side as he tried to work out what had happened and if this was real. She still looked so beautiful.

In this part of this whatever it was that was a dream, his mind ran wild and made him visualize the accident. The head-on collision that claimed their lives.

Then screaming…

Josh jumped up. Cold sweat ran down his face and neck. His back was wet with it as well.

His heart was pounding so much he had to put his hand at his chest and take several deep breaths until he calmed. He looked around his room and felt relieved that Allegra and Cindy weren’t there. He wanted to be alone, to put a rein on his damaged mind and painful memories.

His dreams were getting worse and taking on an eerie edge that pulled him into dark memories that weakened him. Perhaps it was the effects of having too much alcohol.

This wasn’t getting any easier, and he was growing weary of waking up and feeling like this. This guilty self-reproach that reminded him that it was his fault why his mother and sister were dead.

Last year this time they were alive. They were both alive and living their lives. He’d gotten all worked up because Pete, his sister’s longtime boyfriend, had proposed to her. Clarissa was going to accept because she was in love. Josh acted all high and mighty with poor Pete, calling in his big brother cards, giving the poor guy a full-on interview before he would give his blessing. His mother and father told him off, chastising him for being such a jerk. His mother said he should take a leaf from Clarissa‘s book and tame his wild ways. It was a running family argument for weeks.

His mother was a charity worker who was always doing some service project at every chance she got. She came from a poor family and had a difficult upbringing so that was her way of helping people. She always told Josh her stories and called her meeting his father her happily ever after. He used to laugh at her because people didn’t speak like that in real life, and he thought his mother lived in a world of her own. She and Clarissa both did.

The week before the first game they went to help out at a soup kitchen event in Missouri. To catch the game they were supposed to leave the night before but the storms made it dangerous to travel. Josh with his arrogance, selfishness, and ignorance didn’t think that anything could happen to them. After all, why would God let something happen to two of his angels? Especially if they were doing charity work. So when he spoke to his mother he practically demanded that they come to the game.

“We’re opening up the season, Mom, it’s not exactly little league. Just drive carefully.” That was what he said. That was what he had said to her.

He didn’t stop and think that this was a woman who’d gone to every single game he’d ever played. Right from his first when he was five and could hardly throw a ball, to the Super Bowl that closed off the last season. She’d been there, and if she thought there was a chance she’d miss one he should have understood. It should have been no problem whatsoever.

But no, Josh wouldn’t hear of it. He was the Mancini Machine and it was a must to have his whole family there. The press would be there taking pictures and he wanted them all there so he would look good.

When he didn’t see them at half time he had the audacity to be angry. He remembered thinking this was the game of his life and they were missing it. How dare they miss it?

And as Josh tackled the defense for the Bears and shot the ball to Gage, he knew they’d win hands down. Nobody was faster than Gage.

As the crowd cheered when Gage scored the winning touchdown, Josh looked to where his father had been sitting and saw the empty seats. It was only then that he realized something must have been wrong. Only then.

He couldn’t even cheer with his team. Josh walked off the field to find his father sobbing with devastation and his face grief stricken. The poor man couldn’t even talk. It was Zelda that had to break the news of what happened to Josh. He could still hear her voice now. The sadness in the tone and the tears that filled her eyes. He could still hear his heart break and shatter. The news ripped away his soul and everything strong that was in him. It ripped his world from under his feet and he hadn’t been able to function since.

The doorbell rang, bringing him out of his memories. He wondered who that was. He wasn’t in the mood for visitors and actually noticed that his little PA hadn’t bothered to come back yesterday. He glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly twelve. She’d been coming in at nine and he hadn’t heard her, so he was guessing this meant she’d quit.

Good. She didn’t need to be here, he didn’t need her, and now he could tell Zelda that he wanted to do things his way.

The bell rang again, but this time with insistence. Josh got up to answer it because there was only one person who rang the bell like that.

Corey stood on the porch with his hands in his pockets and a silly lopsided grin on his face.

“Hey.” Josh offered a small smile.

“Hey yourself.”

Josh stepped aside so Corey could come in, then he closed the door.

“Is Allegra and friend here?” Corey asked.

“Nope.”

“Good.” He actually sighed with relief.

They went into the living room and sat down. Josh laid back on the larger sofa and placed his hands behind his head. Corey always came by at some point in the week for a pep talk, he just hadn’t expected him so soon as he’d only seen him on Monday. Josh rolled his head to the side, gearing up to hear it.

Corey sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

“Okay talk.”

“You’re sober,” Corey noted.

“Yes, until you leave.”

“Josh…” Here we go. “You can’t continue like this, man.”

Yup. That was how their conversation always began. Every single week.

“I’m fine.” Josh grabbed a stress ball and started tossing it up and down.

“You aren’t fine. You have problems, man, and one day soon it’s going to catch up with you.”

“I don’t care.”

“But you do.”

“Why do I care, Corey? Tell me what is there to care about?”

Corey frowned. “Josh, you’re acting like you don’t have friends or family.”

“I don’t have a family. They’re dead.”

“You have a father, and he’s done nothing wrong.”

As far as he was concerned everyone was dead. He couldn’t face his father. Every time the thought crossed his mind he remembered how inconsolable he was as he cried by the gravesite.

Josh could never see him again. Not ever.

“I can’t see him, okay.”

“No, it isn’t okay. You’re living on drink and women.” He lowered his brows and grimaced.

Josh looked over at him and smiled. “What’s wrong with that?”

“A drink here and there and a good woman is no problem.”

“What the hell do you mean by a good woman? They’re all good.” That philosophy was one he always had. He knew what Corey meant, but Josh loved women too much to be with just one. He didn’t understand why anyone would do that and preferred the freedom to be with anyone he chose, one or two at a time.

“Josh, things have to change.” Corey glossed over the question because he knew the debate that would follow.

“Things are fine the way they are.”

“Do you want to play football again, Josh?”

That was the question of the hour, of the day, of his life right now. Hadn’t he always wanted to play football? He dropped the stress ball and watched it roll across the wooden floor.

“Josh.” Corey said his name more insistently.

Josh looked up at him at the same time that he heard the door open.

Again, that could only be one person. Only one person had the keys to his house. His blonde-haired and green-eyed PA walked in carrying a big bag. She came into the room, cut a quick glance at Corey, then stood in front of Josh eyeing him with some serious daggers.

“Here is your order, sir.” She reached into the bag and, to his surprise, pulled out all the condoms that were attached together and dropped them into his lap. There were at least a hundred. One hundred extra-small condoms. He didn’t even know they made them that small.

Then she took out a bottle of hot sauce and said, “Lubricant,” and followed it up with a multipack of root beer with cartoon characters all over the package.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she stormed out of the room and made her way to the office. Corey burst out laughing, and laughed even harder when he saw everything properly. The extra-small condoms, the hot sauce, and the damn kids drink.

“Jesus H,” Josh cursed.

“Oh Lord. Who was that?” Corey asked, his Texan accent became more pronounced when he got excited.

“This isn’t funny, Corey. Why are you even laughing? This is what Zelda sent me.”

“That’s your new PA?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Looks that way.” So she was back.

“She’s hot.”

“I noticed. It’s a trick of that damn Zelda. She thinks if I have a beautiful PA it’ll make me do what she wants.”

“Is it working?”

He gave Corey an askance look. “Working? Please.”

“You should give her a chance.” The seriousness returned to Corey’s face. Josh pushed the condoms off him and sat up properly.

“A chance for what? I can manage to do what I need myself.”

Corey shook his head. “No, none of us can do everything ourselves. That’s why we each have PAs, and you need yours more than the rest of us. You should be grateful that you got the beautiful one.”

Josh sighed with frustration. “I don’t need anybody. I just…” He looked away and gazed at the display of seashells over in the corner on the shelf. Clarissa gave him those when she was about five. He’d taken care of them over the years and planned to have one of them polished and made into a necklace for her. He’d never get the chance to now.

“Josh.” Corey’s voice returned his focus to him. “This is me. I’m you’re oldest friend. We grew up together, bro, and we’ve been through life together. Talk to me.”

Josh didn’t know if he could talk to anyone. He didn’t know if it was wise to start.

“I don’t know if I can play football anymore,” he told him, and just saying the words pained him to his soul. Surely if it felt that bad, it meant not playing wasn’t the answer either.

“Is that what you want? To not play anymore?” Concern filled Corey’s eyes.

“No.” That was the truth. “I just don’t know if I can. It’s hard to go back out there knowing that…” He closed his eyes and sighed.

“I knew them too. Remember? I knew your mom and sister too. They were like family to me. Heck, you even dragged me along to a few ballets, and I helped your mom with a ton of her charity events.” Corey smiled with reflection.

It was good to hear someone talk about them like that. Someone else who remembered them.

“Corey, I can’t get past it. If I hadn’t made them come to the game they’d still be here.” That was the most words he’d ever said to anyone. It was perhaps because he’d reached breaking point and didn’t know what else to do.

“It’s natural to blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault. Josh, they could have decided not to come.”

“They didn’t want to disappoint me.” That was the truth of the matter. They didn’t want to disappoint him so they put their lives at risk to support him.

“Things happen, Josh. Bad things happen sometimes. You may think it’s easy for me to say because I’m not you, but it’s the truth. They meant a lot to me too.” Corey nodded. Josh took note of the sincerity in his eyes.

In their high school days Corey probably spent more time at Josh’s house than his own. Corey’s parents were always busy flying between Texas and L.A. for one business event or another. There were a number of summers that saw Corey practically living at Josh’s house because he couldn’t stand going back to the family farm in Texas. Josh’s family treated him like he was very much a part of them.

“I know.” Josh nodded. It felt good to talk like this, as hard as it was.

“Josh, your behavior…this way you’re living and route you’re going down will destroy you. They loved you, a lot. They wouldn’t want to see you like this. They were always so proud and happy to watch you play. If you want to remember them you should play. Get your act together and play.”

It was all very encouraging. Corey gave some very encouraging points, but until Josh stopped blaming himself none of that would sink in.

“I’ll think about it.” Josh ran his hand across his face. He needed to shave, and he needed a drink.

“I hope you will, Josh. I really do. I understand if you don’t make it to the meetup next week, but you got to be at the show. If you’re not, I’m not sure if that will bode well for you.”

Corey wouldn’t say it, but Josh knew what he meant. He meant Josh would get cut from the team. This was why all the efforts—the PA that took his crap, the constant insistence from Corey, Zelda telling him he should retire if he didn’t want a PA—it was all because they wanted him to come back and didn’t want to cut him from the team.

“Sure, thanks for the heads up.”

“No problem, and jokes aside, you may want to take it easy on your PA too, she’s here to help.”

Josh nodded his agreement only because he didn’t want to deal with this now. Having choice taken away from you was a big thing, but he understood the need for it. The team couldn’t wait for him forever. They had to move on. The thing was, if he lost his position it was likely that this would definitely be the end of his career. He’d already been out of the game for six months, and out of shape by an athlete’s standard. He doubted that he could run for two minutes without stopping to catch a breath. That was from lack of training, junk food, and the constant alcohol consumption. Probably the sleeping around, too, and staying in bed practically all day.

“Okay.” Corey got up to go and gave him a tap on his shoulder as he was leaving.

Josh knew he had some serious thinking to do. He just wondered if he had the strength, because his worst enemy here was himself.

* * *

Amy felt like screaming. Screaming and crying.

The desolate hole in her heart was getting bigger and she was at her wits’ end.

It was a mistake calling Dr. Carson because he’d only come down hard on her with some serious home truths. Put simply, her mother was dying and if she didn’t do what she needed her chance of life was next to none. He hadn’t been able to give her any form of estimate on how long the stent would last, or the maximum length of time her mother could wait because she needed the bypass as urgent as yesterday.

Dr. Carson had sympathized to no end but he reiterated that all they could do without the surgery was their best. Her mother’s condition was so far gone that the surgery was a necessity for survival. The time it would take to run all the tests required before the surgery was enough of an impediment because her mother was approaching end-stage heart failure, and if they weren’t careful she’d need a heart transplant. That was a big worry as she wasn’t severe enough to be placed on top of the waiting list, and since she was so weak chances were she wouldn’t be strong enough to survive the wait for a donor. Not to mention the extortionate costs of doing that surgery. The cost of the bypass was high, but a heart transplant cost so much he couldn’t tell her.

Amy had gone through a mixture of emotions. She was angry about the situation, angry that her mother hadn’t told her how sick she was before things got so bad, and she was terrified. Terrified that she was going to lose her mother and there was nothing she could do.

By the time she’d finished with Dr. Carson there wasn’t a question in her mind as to if she was coming back to work. And she had to buy the stuff on Josh’s stupid list. She just thought she’d put her own spin on it, which she was glad for. She didn’t get the chance to meet with Gabriella or Hilda, but since they exchanged numbers she was able to message and arrange something for tomorrow. That would at least be something to look forward to.

As for today, she needed to get on with work. The time was getting away from her and if she wanted to get all she needed done she had to sort out the paperwork and other documents. She needed some form of organization. And, she needed to stop cleaning. The passageway from the sitting room to the office had been trashed with garbage and the kitchen was a mess. When she saw it she went into the office to calm herself.

The friend she saw Josh talking to leaned in and smiled at her just as she picked up the dust pan and brush from the floor. She straightened up a little and looked at him, wondering if he was going to bother her too.

“Hey there.” He smiled.

“Hi.” She decided to try and be polite.

“You know I didn’t know they actually made condoms that size.” His smile widened.

She didn’t like this, and she was in no mood for foolishness from these men.

She might not have lived in Atlanta for awhile—technically she wasn’t living anywhere—but that didn’t change her southern roots and manners. She was a lady and wasn’t used to these presumptuous men who spoke so openly about condoms, lubricants, and all kinds of crap like that.

“Can I help you with something?” Her irritation was evident in her voice. His brown eyes widened in surprise at her tone. He ran his hands through his rich brown hair and smiled again. He was another one of those gorgeous types who’d obviously, like Josh—His Majesty—thought he was God’s gift to the world. Maybe it was the wrong thing to ask if she could help him with something. What if he, too, sent her on some crazy shopping spree, or responded with some explicitly sexual comment.

“Before you answer, please, no fool’s errands or sex stuff. I can only deal with one asshole at a time.” She pointed her dust brush at him and inclined her head to the side.

“Wow, Zelda really did it this time.” He chuckled.

“Zelda did what?”

“You. Look, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but you see that whole attitude thing?” He motioned to her and circled his hand. “You need to supercharge it and make sure you don’t take any of Josh’s crap.”

Okay, that wasn’t what she thought he would say. She narrowed her gaze at him, thinking about his suggestion.

“Seriously. You shouldn’t be cleaning or going on his crazy errands. Don’t let him push you around.”

“Aren’t you his friend?” She found it strange that he wasn’t like Josh. So far everyone she’d met in this house had been quite unsavory.

“Yes, ma’am, I sure am.”

She picked up a twang in his voice as he spoke and wondered where he was from.

“But I am no asshole. And someone has to tell you that instead of taking orders, the way to deal with Josh is to give orders of your own. Don’t ask him for anything, tell him what you are doing and tell him what to do. I’m also sure Zelda said to contact her if you needed anything. That pretty much means anything.”

Her perspective of him changed. She appreciated his advice. Honestly, she should have contacted Zelda already and told her what was going on. Amy was just a little worried Zelda would think that she couldn’t handle the job.

“Thank you.”

He tipped his head in reverence the way most southerners would. “You’re welcome, and if you need some extra help with him call me. My number’s in the phone book on top of the fridge. The name’s Corey.”

“Thanks, I’m Amy.”

His smile widened again. “Good luck, Amy.” He gave her a curt nod and left.

She looked around the room and dropped the dust pan and brush. She wouldn’t be cleaning anymore, or taking any of Josh’s orders. She left the office and went back into the living room to find he was still there on the sofa. Sitting there looking like he was deep in contemplation.

She’d seen some mail at the front door on her way in and wanted to grab it and put it with the others. Ignoring him she got the mail and made her way back to the office. He followed her just as she anticipated.

“You got my order wrong.” He gave her a hard look as she turned around to regard him.

Amy didn’t answer, she just looked at him thinking about what she should say.

“Hey Kansas, I’m talking to you.”

“My name is Amy. It isn’t Kansas. I’m not even from there so I don’t know where you cooked that up from.”

“You got my order wrong.” He narrowed his gaze.

“Did I? It all seems about right to me.”

“Why would you think I meant root beer, and a damn kids’ root beer too?”

“You never specified what sort of beer you meant,” she answered with a tight-lipped smile.

“You think you’re funny. The beer I might drink and the hot sauce I can use in a sandwich. But what the hell am I supposed to do with them midget condoms?”

“Mr. Mancini. I’m afraid that is above my pay grade. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m afraid I have things to do.” She turned her back to him and focused on the stack of mail.

Thankfully he gave up this nonsensical argument and walked off. As he did, an idea brewed in her mind. Amy needed to up her game. Since being here she really had allowed him to push her around. This was just her third day here and she was already feeling like she’d been here for years and needed to retire.

No more of it. She was going to take Corey’s advice and put things in order.