Chapter 14

 

Kelly

 

Bronze position was better than I expected to be in after the short program. It wasn’t gold, but with all of my distractions, it was a damn good thing to even get this close to that position. Of course, Alexis and Jacob were in the gold position. There was something about her smile and niceties that had me think she was planning something. Of course, that could have also just been everything else that was going on in my crazy head and making stuff up. Maybe my relationship with Blake was all just made up in my head. Maybe it wasn’t real.

But even as I thought that thought, it quickly exited my head. What I felt with him was more real than anything I’d ever felt in my life. Having him admit that we were a bet broke that one little sense of realness I had in my life and pushed my anger to the forefront of my mind.

That anger helped to get the fire back in me to get ready for the free skate. There was no way I was going to walk away from The Games without a medal around my neck, and if we skated our asses off, it would be gold.

“Hey, wanna take a site-seeing trip today?” Becca asked, drying her hair as she got out of the shower.

I shook my head as I packed my skates in my duffle bag. We may have been in medal position going into freeskate, but we could just as easily lose it if I messed up again. “No, I’m going to head to the rink for another practice.”

Becca stepped in front of me, putting her hand over my bag before I could zipper it. “You already practiced for umpteen hours this morning with Logan. It’s time for a break.”

I shook my head. “I had a break. We had lunch, and now it’s time for more practice. The Games aren’t about fun. It’s about winning.”

Before I could grab my zipper, Becca took the bag with one hand and threw it behind her, with a crash it went slamming against the wall.

I widened my eyes, staring between the wall and Becca. “What the hell was that?” I snapped.

“That was me, for the first time ever, standing up to my big sister and tell her to stop being such a diva,” Becca snarled.

“You have some nerve,” I muttered, trying to step past her to grab my bag.

Becca blocked my path; her arms crossed over her chest. “Look, you don’t want to talk about what happened with you and Blake or with Logan and me and we don’t have to. We’ve been sisters all of our lives, and this is the most time we’ve spent together since we were in grade school. We’re going to take this opportunity to at least get a few hours together and do some sisterly bonding, dammit.”

“What are you talking about? We spend all night together,” I scoffed.

Becca laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Yeah, sleeping. That doesn’t count for shit. And if you’re not sleeping, you’re practicing or eating. At least when you were with Blake you did a little bit more, but now you’re back to hyper-skater, and you need a break.”

“This is The Games, Becca. This might be your first one, but you should know being an athlete all your life that we need practice. I can’t walk away with a bronze and end my skating career with that,” I muttered the last part.

“Yeah, and it isn’t going to kill you to take a couple of hours off. I promise, just a few hours then you can go and skate all night if you want. Please? For me? These two weeks at The Games is all we have for a while. After closing ceremonies, you go back to New York, and I go back to Wisconsin and who knows when I’ll see you again,” she said, her words softening.

I sighed, melting at my little sister’s words. She was right. After The Games were over, I’d fly back to New York, and she’d go home for Wisconsin and go back to school. I didn’t know where my career would go after these games. By 2022 I’d be almost thirty. Ancient in the sport of skating. Would I stay in New York? Go back to Wisconsin? I didn’t know. I guess I had to figure that out at some point and maybe spending some time with my sister could help that.

“Okay. Let’s go on an adventure.”

 

***

 

The Uber car drove out of the village and toward the mountains instead of downtown Pyeongchang where I assumed we were going. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I remembered this familiar road. The last time I was on this road was when tears were streaming down on my face, and I was in the back of an Uber, leaving Blake’s cabin after finding out we were a lie.

“Where exactly are we exploring, Becca?” I whispered, staring out the window.

 “You ask a lot of questions. Isn’t exploring all about the unknown?” Becca asked in a huff.

“We’re going to watch Blake’s finals, aren’t we?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Dammit, how are you so good at figuring shit out!” Becca hissed, pounding her hand on the seat between us.

“You know you could have lied then I wouldn’t have figured it out until we got there,” I offered.

“Yeah, but you know I’m a terrible liar.”

“Not that bad, you kept you and Logan from me,” I muttered.

“Lying and secrets are two totally different things,” Becca said, crossing her arms over her chest, the puffy coat crinkling against the seat.

“How do you figure?”

Becca threw her arms in the air. “Seriously. Can you just be happy and not question things or be a killjoy?”

Becca’s voice raised enough that the Uber driver looked at us from the rear-view mirror. Pretty sure he couldn’t speak English or knew for sure who we were, but he was at least sensing the tension in our conversation.

“Me? A killjoy?” I asked, pointing at myself and widening my eyes.

“Yes, you. What? Can’t expect someone to give you criticism when you’re America’s, darling?”

“I didn’t say that.” I glared.

Becca groaned. “Look, Kel, I love you, and you know that even if we haven’t seen each other much in the last ten years. You know why that is?”

“Because I’ve been living in New York and you stayed in Wisconsin?” I asked.

Becca rolled her eyes. “Because you’ve had a stick up your ass. Even Mom and Dad hated visiting because all you would do was complain that you needed to be at practice or go to bed early and leave us in the living room of your apartment twiddling our thumbs. It’s always been about you and whatever it’s taken you to get to the top.”

I winced as if Becca’s words slapped me. “That’s not fair, Becca. You know I’m dedicated. I didn’t move to New York or come to The Games for fun. That dedication has made me a millionaire, paid for your college, and equipment for the farm, so how’s that for a kill joy?”

“It’s not about the money or the fame, Kel. It never was. Mom and Dad just wanted to see you happy and to see me happy. You put on a nice fake smile for the judges but the only time I’ve seen a real smile on you lately has been when you’re with Blake or talking about him.”

“That was before I knew I was just a bet,” I muttered.

“Do you think a guy would show up at your events, make a big show for social media, and, hell, talk to your little sister and skating partner if it was all just for a bet?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what I think.”

“You wanna know what I think?” Becca asked.

“Not particularly.”

“Imma tell you anyway.”

I watched the woodsy area at the base of the mountains, filled with people. There were flags from all of the different countries, and I found my heart skipping faster as I realized that even though he might not see me again, I was going to watch Blake for the first time since everything went down. Since I found out, I was a bet. My heart shouldn’t have been beating as wildly thinking about seeing him, but the truth was that I missed him. I missed his touch. His company. His everything.

Becca sighed. “I think that Blake may have started talking to you because he was dared or made a bet or whatever, but I could see it when you two were talking that first night and the other night at your short program finals. You probably didn’t know it, but he was there watching you. If you were just a bet, I don’t think there would be any way in hell that guy would stay around.”

I shrugged. “Maybe and maybe not.”

The Uber driver pulled to stop where a bunch of people were gathered at the gated entrance to an area where a huge course was set up in the mountains.

I never paid attention to the sport of snowboarding before Blake came along. I figured it was just another thing that boys did in the snow, but watching him spin and jump and the way he did everything so effortlessly made me rethink the sport. Made me rethink his passion for it. Someone with that much passion for a sport had to have it in everything in life. At least I thought he had that passion for me. Maybe he really did, like Becca suggested, but I couldn’t get over the pretense that it was all because of a bet.

“So, this is slalom huh?” Becca asked as we flashed our credentials and walked to an area at the base of the mountain where a few other athletes were milling around.

“Yeah, it kind of reminds me of that time I was home for the summer when you were in  middle school, and you dragged me to that skate park because you liked a high school boy who hung out there,” I replied, casually looking around for a familiar face in a red and white jacket with dreadlocks.

Becca tossed her arms out. “Avril Lavigne was big, and I wanted a skater boy, okay? You didn’t have to come.”

“What else was I supposed to do? Stay on the farm and do both of our chores?”

“Probably would have been more fun than watching a bunch of fourteen-year-old-boys fall on their asses over and over,” she said with a laugh.

“Speaking of boys, are we going to talk about when this all happened with Logan?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Becca adjusted her scarf and lowered her beanie. “He’s just a hook-up. Everyone has them at The Games.”

“Oh, so you can have a hookup, but for me, it must be something more?” I asked, crossing my arms over my puffy coat.

Becca sighed. “What do you want me to say? That I’ve had a crush on my sister’s skating partner forever? That he’s a hot geek and kind of reminds me of that know-it-all guy from Criminal Minds that I know you binge watch too?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I don’t think Logan’s like him. Maybe the hair,” I added.

“The point is, I’ve liked Logan for a while, but it’s always been weird because you know he’s older and your partner. But the more time I spent with him in New York because you were too busy doing hot yoga or something and then at The Games, well one thing led to another…”

“And somehow hanging out turned into him hanging out in our bedroom?  Maybe he just fell on you over and over and over?” I asked.

“Real mature, Kel,” Becca said, pushing my shoulder, which I think was supposed to be a gentle shove but I was pretty sure I’d have a bruise.

“So, what’s going to happen with the two of you then? Are you going to try for something more?” I asked, genuinely curious. I’d never thought about Logan as anything other than a partner. Or my sister in a romantic relationship with him. Two of the most important people in my life together could either go good or turn out catastrophically bad.

Becca shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ll see what happens I guess. A lot can change over the next week we’re here.”

“That it can,” I whispered, thinking of how much my own life had changed in the past week. I’d gone from being completely focused on The Games and another medal, to worrying about this dreadlocked boy who was talking to me, to falling hard for that same guy, then ultimately going back to being broken. To just focusing on The Games and nothing else. At least that’s what I thought I could focus on, but I couldn’t deny that part of me was still broken. Part of me that I thought Blake had fixed but ended up just smashing again.

When we got to the athlete's area, I expected to see some familiar faces, especially with all of the Americans who trained at Lake Placid. We had people from all over the world in summer and winter sports that trained in everything from swimming to bobsledding, so I met a lot of athletes from around the world. But what I didn’t expect to see was Alexis Cote.

Every hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and I tried not to stare at the statuesque brunette, standing in the middle of a group of guys in ski caps. She had her gloved hand wrapped around a Styrofoam coffee cup and took slow sips in-between some haughty laughs.

I don’t know why I hated her so much. I barely even knew the girl outside of competition. I just knew that we were always taking silver and gold on the podiums. Sometimes I got gold, and sometimes she did. It had been a toss-up between the two of us the last four years since we took gold and silver in Sochi and now I didn’t want to be on the lower end of the podium. Especially knowing she had a history with Blake. She was younger than me, this only being her second Olympics, so she would ultimately be the next leading lady of the ice. I should have been happy for someone else to come up and keep attention to the sport, but instead, I thought about the younger, brunette skater taking the hearts of fans and even Blake Tremblay.

He said she meant nothing to him when he showed me the picture. Was that what he would tell people about me too? It shouldn’t have bothered me this much. I didn’t have any romantic relationships with boys back home. I may have only been in middle school when I left for New York, but while I crushed on the pee wee football playing boys, they all looked at me like I was the weird girl who never went to after school activities because she was too busy skating. I never had time for anyone, and it made me an outcast. That’s why it was so easy to always leave. If I was nothing, then nobody could miss me, and I couldn’t miss anyone.

“Hey, American, are you going to stare at me the entire time or are you going to join us?” Alexis shouted, her French accent ringing through the crowd and I felt the heat of a few eyes on me.

I shook my head out of my reverie and saw Alexis staring at us with wide brown eyes.

“Do we have to go over there?” Becca asked. “She reminds me of a Kardashian and not the friendly one.”

“She’s still staring at us, I don’t think we can get out of it,” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth as Becca, and I slowly moved forward.

It wasn’t until we were standing right in front of Alexis that I realized the guys with her in big puffy coats were none other than Liam and Erik, Blake’s friends he made the bet with. As if she knew how awkward this would be for me, Alexis smiled like a Cheshire cat and looked at the boys then to me. Did Alexis know what happened? I was sure I was the laughing stock of Canada now if she did.

“Erik, Liam, I don’t know if you’ve met her, but this is American pairs skater, Kelly Johnson, and, I’m sorry, but I don’t know your name,” Alexis said, holding her hand out to Becca.

“It’s Becca. All-American hockey goalie or you can just call me a badass,” Becca replied with a smirk, shaking her hand firmly before looking at the two men and hitching a thumb in both of their directions. “And I already know these assholes. I don’t even mean that in a nice way.”

Liam, Erik, and Alexis all stared at each other open-mouthed for what felt like at least a full minute. The joke was always that Canadians were super polite and obviously, they’d never met a foul-mouthed girl from Viel, Wisconsin like my little sister.

“Good to see you again, Becca, I think we’re gonna head over there before this gets any more awkward,” Erik said, putting his hand on Liam’s shoulder before they both turned and headed in the opposite direction.

“Good move, Pussy,” Becca muttered, and I nudged her side.

“What? He’s an ass. I could have shouted it, but then I’m sure someone would get that on camera, and that would be my sound bite for the entire Games.” Becca shrugged.

“Well, now this is super awkward,” Alexis said, taking a long sip from her cup.

“I didn’t expect it not to be,” I muttered.

“So, what is going on with you and Blake anyway, if you don’t mind my asking? I’d seen you two all cozy together on social media, and since Liam and Erik are his roommates, I thought maybe something happened?” Alexis asked, raising her eyebrows.

I wasn’t about to dish out all of my troubles to someone I considered competition, so I just shrugged. “You know how The Games are. All hormones and hookups. He’s been fun to hang out with during The Games. Since he went to me perform in qualifications and short program, I figured I should watch him on slalom as well.”

Alexis nodded, pursing her lips together in a tight smile. “I see.”

I sucked in a breath as the first guy took his place on the ramp. But instead of watching him jump and flip and whatever else he did, I looked past him, hoping for a glimpse of a red coat and dreadlocks. Because the truth was, I may have said it was nothing and tried to get over the guy, but he was way more than nothing. He was the one person to have me focusing on something other than the ice in years. Even if it ended up being nothing, in the end, Blake Tremblay made me feel alive, and that was worth something. I just didn’t know what, yet.