Chapter 16

 

Kelly

 

I don’t know why I thought I’d be fine watching Blake. I should have just called another Uber and left Becca instead of watching him. At least my parents didn’t come. Then there would have been more questions, though I was sure some reporter or blogger would be up my ass soon.

Of course, Blake had to come out and make a scene. And of course, I still kept staring at him. The guy wasn’t just amazing when it came to the bedroom or the van as it be, but when he was on the board, it was like magic.

I’d done my fair share of jumps and spins in the air, so I knew the feeling of the wind whipping through my face and nothing holding me up but the air around me. I couldn’t see Blake’s face beneath his mask, but I could feel it. I could feel the rush as if it was me up there, gliding through the air alongside him.

When he came down and unmasked, it was as if I unmasked myself. I couldn’t help staring at his smiling face. The face of someone who knew they were about to get on the podium. A rush I’d felt so many times and could never get enough of. But instead of basking in that glory, he searched the crowd to find me. Me. The girl who was just a bet. Or so I thought.

If that’s all I was, why was he still trying?

I couldn’t think about that. I had to work. My freeskate performance was tonight. This time I couldn’t mess up, I couldn’t be focused on a boy instead of getting in medal position. And that was what I was going to do.

 

***

 

Logan met me at the arena instead of coming to the room. Since neither he nor Becca were talking about what happened, that came with Logan avoiding our room or the general vicinity of my sister.

He was waiting for me by the locker rooms in his blue track suit and hair standing up all over the place like he just got out of bed or had been running his hands through it a million times. For a second I imagined instead of Logan waiting for me, it was Blake. That he would take me into his arms and not let me go until I spoke to him. That I would get wrapped up in his manly scent with a hint of cool mint and he’d kiss me. Telling me that it was all just a bad dream. That he approached me because he felt the electric connection I did the moment I saw him as well. But this wasn’t a fairytale, and things like that didn’t happen in reality.

Of course, none of my Blake dreams were real, and that was evident by the frown on Logan’s face when I approached him. “Geez, don’t look so happy to see me.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re the one with bedhead. Don’t tell me you were in bed with another hockey player, Becca will probably beat you. And I know you can lift me, but I’ve seen her workouts, and I think she could bench both of us together.”

Logan smirked, shaking his head. “No other girl. Just took a little nap while you were busy being on the big screen watching snowboarding. Didn’t happen to see a big bruise on him, did ya? I heard Becca socked him the other night.”

I raised an eyebrow. When would that have happened? He probably deserved it, and a small part of me smiled thinking about my little sister giving the guy a hit for me, as petty as it was. He deserved it a tiny bit for making me hurt. “Where did you hear that?”

“You’re not the only one who sleeps in a bed next to your sister. Well, I mean, we aren’t sleeping…”

“Gross!” I wrinkled my nose, raising my hand to cut him off before he could finish that sentence. Though part of me was happy that even though he was avoiding my room and they were avoiding talking about each other, they were still seeing each other. If there was hope for the two of them to stay together, maybe there was hope for my love life.

“Anyway… She told me that during our short program she found Blake hanging out in the stands and had a few words and maybe a few jabs,” Logan said, running his fingers through his already tousled hair which just messed it up even more.

“Why didn’t Becca tell me?” I asked out loud, even though it was more to myself. I don’t know if it would have made a difference if it were her or Logan who told me she hit him, but why didn’t she tell me? Did they have an entire exchange about me? What did he say to her?

“I guess she probably tried to. She’s better at just hitting things instead of actually talking about them. She’s more of a doer, no pun intended,” he muttered that last part.

“Gross!” I half-shrieked, trying to get the image of my half-naked partner and sister together out of my head, but that was going to be burned in my memory forever.

Before I could walk away toward my dressing room, Logan put his hands on my shoulders. “Look, Kel, I should have maybe pushed you harder instead of being so nonchalant after we did so bad in qualifying. I thought maybe if I went easy on you, you’d go easier on yourself. But you know what? Fuck all that. Instead of being upset or angry, let’s put it all out on the ice. Let’s skate our hearts out tonight. Let’s get out all of our frustrations, our joys, just everything. Let’s show it in this program. We may be out of the gold right now, but fuck it, if this is our last Games, let’s give it all we got. No mistakes. No distractions. Just you and me, doing what we’re the best at.”

I wanted to ask what he had to be upset about, besides my performance. I didn’t know if he and Becca were having problems, but I didn’t want to think about that. We were there for The Games. We’d been together and training for almost ten years. This was our last chance to get on the medal stand in the Olympic Games, and we were going to do it. Sisters or boyfriends or bets or whatever be damned

I nodded and smiled. “All right, Logan, let’s do this.”

 

***

 

After getting my hair and makeup done, Coach and Logan met me outside the dressing room, ready for our final performance.

This was the last time I’d don a blue dress with thousands of Swarovski crystals that glimmered in the lights of the arena. The last time Logan would wear his puffy shirt and vest, grinning from ear to ear as we glided across the ice together. This had been our life for so long. Our look. Our moves. It was all we ever wanted in life, and we’d made it to these games so many times. But now that it was our last time out there skating for competition, I felt tears prick my eyes. If I didn’t have the ice and I didn’t have Blake, what did I have?

Coach put his hands together, looking between us. “You know, they call these the Olympic games and games have players. Some players are good, and some are bad. There are games that are pure luck and games of skill. Figure skating isn’t like hockey with a definite back and forth of scoring points. It takes precision. One mess up and you can’t always come back from it.”

I put my head down, feeling like this conversation was pointed at my mess up in qualifying. I couldn’t let that happen again. I’d let down Coach, Logan, and the country.

“But, you two have proven that you’re some of the best players out there. You have heart. Something that other players like to keep frozen,” Coach said.

That one had me looking up and trying not to roll my eyes. I was pretty sure I was the notorious ice queen. Even though it was a horrible nickname, I knew it. I was great at skating and keeping my feelings in check, that is until recently. Blake Tremblay unfroze my heart, but then all it took was one thing to freeze it again quickly.

“I’ve been hard on both of you. As a coach that’s what I’ve always done is push you to go further. To be the best. But on this, your last night skating for competition in The Games, I want you not only to do your best, and to fight hard, but to skate with heart. I want the judges to feel this performance. Skate with heart, you two. Show them the real king and queen of the ice.”

Logan grinned, putting his arm around me and Coach did the same, enveloping me in a hug. I’d put everything I had into the ice, but my heart wasn’t put into anything. Never. That was the part that did stay frozen.

But not anymore.

If I was going to go out of the skating world, it wasn’t going to be as the ice queen, but the queen of the ice.

I took the hugs from Coach and Logan then headed out to the ice, catching the end of Canada’s performance. Alexis and Jacob landed their double axels then went into a final spin before their pose. The crowd, of course, erupted in applause, throwing stuffed animals and roses down on the ice. The two looked like an evil version of Ken and Barbie in their bright pink, sequined outfits. If they weren’t right in front of me, I might have made gagging faces at Logan. Pink wasn’t either of their colors, and I’m pretty sure Alexis might have pulled off the leisure suit Jacob was wearing better than him and same for wearing her leotard. I think he had the better body, to be honest. I wasn’t trying to be petty, but I couldn’t help the evil green jealousy that crawled inside of me. I just couldn’t let it out. I would only let it out on the ice. To show her that I was the queen.

Logan and I golf clapped, forcing smiles as the Canadian pair slid off the ice. I thought they would go right to their spots with their coach, but instead, Alexis leaned in, putting her arms around me.

A hug? What was this? Was she going to snap my bra or maybe go for a Tonya Harding move and break my knee cap? I saw her thunder thighs; they could easily take me out.

I gingerly hugged her back, and instead of pulling away, Alexis put her lips to my ear. “I should thank Blake for making that bet. See you on the podium…or not.”

She pulled away before I could respond and smiled, waving to the crowd then put on her blade guards and headed to the side with Jacob and her coach.

“What was that about?” Logan asked.

I put on my fake smile, waved in Alexis direction, and whispered to Logan, “It was the fuel this frozen heart needed to melt.”

Logan and I got to the center of the ice, and he put his arms around my waist, my back to his stomach. I could feel his heart beating wildly against the side of my cheek.

“Are you ready for this?” I whispered.

He smiled, lifting my chin up to meet his eyes, something that wasn’t part of our routine but made a genuine smile cross my face looking at his grin. “We got this,” he whispered.

The music started, and we glided together across the ice, every step in sync like we’d done it a million times before. Which we had. But this time was different. This was the last time. Our final competition performance. I wanted to close my eyes and just feel the ice. Feel every movement and ingrain it into my memory forever. But instead, I kept my eyes wide. Looking out into the crowd. I didn’t know if there was a dreadlocked man out there, staring back at me, but when Logan and I went into our first jump, I landed flawlessly, basking in the applause from the audience. This was what made me feel free. Feel alive. I’d always been so nervous for competition and kept bottled up. Just focused on my moves, but this time I smiled. I let the applause of the audience fill me and breathed it in. This skate was for us. For me.

I wanted to say that after landing every perfect jump and spin that we made it to gold medal position. But our scores put us just under, and I had to smile and squeeze Logan’s hand, standing on the podium with silver around our necks as we watched the Canadian flag lowered with their anthem playing.

Alexis and Jacob smiled as tears streamed down their face, watching their flag waving as the silent crowd watched us all. I wanted to say something smart when their anthem ended, but instead, I hugged the bronze medalist Chinese team in their matching silk kimonos, then turned to Alexis, keeping the smile on my face.

“Great skating you two,” I said, shaking Jacob’s hand then gingerly hugging Alexis.

“You two. One heck of a comeback,” Jacob said, grinning his gap-toothed grin that I was pretty sure was aimed more at Logan’s direction than mine. Boy was he barking up the wrong tree.

I smirked. “You know, sometimes it takes a little extra motivation to unthaw something.”

Alexis blinked and opened her mouth to say something but before she could, I waved and took Logan’s hand. “Come on, Lo. Let’s get out of here.”

Logan squeezed my hand. “You got it, Elsa.”

I laughed, and we skated off the ice to our waiting coach who hugged us both, his arms around our shoulders. “I want you to know that I’m still so proud of both of you. I wish this wasn’t our last games.”

“Maybe it won't be,” Logan sang.

Coach raised an eyebrow then him and Logan both looked at me.

I just shrugged as much as I could. “I guess anything could happen.”

I might not have been walking away from my final games with a gold, but I had something better. A new appreciation for life. If I didn’t skate forever, or go back for another Games, I knew there was more to my life. Maybe I wouldn’t end up in a relationship with a snowboarder, or maybe I’d meet someone in New York.

Either way, I’d been playing The Games for so long that I’d gotten lost in it. I’d lost my heart in it. Having coach talk about the spirit of The Games and leaving my heart on the ice suddenly made it all clearer. I just didn’t know what that would mean. My heart was unfrozen, yes, but it was still broken. And I wasn’t sure how to fix it.