I fucking hate planes.

Hate everything about them. The heights, the germs, the claustrophobia.

I’m a big guy. Smaller than I used to be, but still just larger than your average person in both height and bone structure. Stuffing me in a circular metal tube for five hours is akin to death for me. Not to mention we’re 39,000 feet off the surface of the earth and I’m stuck next to this jack hole who’s been wiping his runny nose on his sleeve for four hours.

But all of that is barely a blip on my radar today. All I can think about is seeing Kelsey in a few short hours. Just being in her presence, hearing her voice and smelling her scent. God I’ve missed her.

My mind is on one-track, powering through baggage claim and out onto the sidewalk at JFK. There are people everywhere. It’s like New York is covered in honey and humans flock like bees to claim it. I could never live like this, but for Kelsey, I’ll endure anything.

I wring my hands and jiggle my foot the entire way to the apartment. Miles has ensured me that he and Chloe will be out all day, and that Kelsey will be where she’s been the entire four weeks; in bed.

The busy city streets whiz by. People dressed in suits and ties, the occasional actress/model in six inch stilettos, and even a guy dressed as Mickey Mouse. This place is always moving, like it has a pulse and heartbeat of its own. I hate it. I want to rescue Kelsey like she's my flag to capture and smuggle her out of here. Get us either back to suburbia, or the country. Wide open spaces is where we belong. I want it so bad I can taste it.

My whole body is a bundle of nerves, exactly how I feel for the first pitch of every game. Will it land in my glove? Will I get hit today? Will we succeed?

Kelsey is for sure going to be pissed off. She's probably going to rip my head off. But I guess what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. That's what they say right? Unless she actually does kill me.

Miles gave me the door code, so I buzz myself in and head for the stairs. He's a millionaire who's on his way to the majors and he can't afford an apartment building with elevators? Rich kids.

As I'm about to knock, knowing Kelsey is right on the other side of this door, my stomach seizes up. My fists clench at my side and I have to take measured breaths until the anxiety passes. It’s a heavy thing when the girl you love is about to rake you over the coals.

And then I knock, wrapping my fist loudly against the door. I hear quiet shuffling from within, which isn't what I expect. The Kelsey I know would be shouting, asking who it was, before she even neared the peephole. Two shadows appear at the bottom of the door, and I know she's staring at me from behind the wood. She makes no noise though.

I wait a couple of seconds, see if she'll magically open the door without resistance. No luck.

"Kelsey, I know you're there. Please, let me in, Roo. I want to explain. I want to..."

"Go away." Her voice is raspier than usual, that sassy, sexy tone it usually carries is no longer there. I can tell just by her voice that she hasn't been sleeping or eating.

"Please, Roo. Please. You know Miles will just let me in when he gets home anyway."

She's silent, and then I hear the metal click of latches and locks being undone.

"That asshole called you, didn't he?" She shakes her head as she opens the door.

I don't even recognize the tiny woman in front of me. She looks frail and exhausted. Kelsey is all fire and boldness, she sets any room she walks into ablaze. And now it’s as if someone snuffed out her flame, doused her in that white fire extinguisher liquid and left her to crumple.

She's wrapped in a baggy sweater and even baggier sweatpants. All of that beautiful red hair looks greasy and flat, the wildness has been obliterated. I want to take her in my arms and shake her, stoke the fire back to life. Because despite her messy state, she still looks hauntingly beautiful.

This woman in front of me just looks defeated as she huffs onto the couch, wincing as she throws her body down. Never would my Kelsey have opened the door as quickly as she did. That fact that it didn't even take me hours of pleading has me suspicious.

I move around the chairs in the bright, sunny yellow living room. "Roo, I...I've thought about what I would say to you if you had agreed to talk to me for the last month now. Except now that you're in front of me, I can't...I don't know."

I wipe a hand over my face and try to collect my scrambled thoughts. Kelsey is looking anywhere but at me, currently picking at her cuticles. "I'm so goddamn sorry. I never, ever meant to hurt you like that. I was trying to protect you from something that I should have held your hand through. I should have walked with you through it, together, instead of trying to slay the dragon alone. It wasn't fair to you. But running wasn't fair to me. I love you, Kelsey. So fucking much. You have to know that."

She lifts her head slowly. Those brilliant, warm, whiskey-colored eyes are rimmed by dark circles and hold pools of tears in the bottom lid. She looks like a shell of her former self.

"You lied to me. The one thing you said you wouldn't do. You went behind my back, spoke about me without having permission." Her voice is rough and jagged, cracking on each syllable.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. But my only instinct ever is to go to bat for you. To defend you and protect you. I didn’t know for sure that Jackson was your dad, it was only a hunch. A hunch I wanted to explore myself before bringing you in on something that might hurt you. So excuse me if my judgement was a little off, but I did this for you. I would walk through fire for you. Throw my hand on a blade. All of those things in that goddamn Bruno Mars song you used to love, yeah I would do them all." I'm practically shouting at her, but I can't seem to cool down.

"Well, you're not going to want to stick around for much longer..." Kelsey grumbles and I can barely make out what she said. But I hear enough.

"That's what you think of me? You think just because we're fighting and you're angry that I'll give up? Walk out? You must not know me at all-"

"I'm pregnant, Clint."

It’s like all of the sound that has been filtering up from the street goes dead silent. My body flushes hot and cold as nausea, fear, hope, glee and every other emotion in the book slams my central nervous system at once. My head feels suddenly too heavy to hold up, and I have to drop onto the couch with my forehead buried in my hands. All of our other problems go out the window. They aren't even a tick of on the scale of issues anymore.

"How..." I don't even really say this to her, it’s just a thought that flits into my brain that I must verbalize.

"Really, Clint? You need a lesson on the birds and the bees? We didn’t use a condom a couple of times, I’m not on the pill because of the horrible side effects on the female body. I mean I knew you were a virgin but come on..." Her voice is a harsh crack of the whip, slicing my heart even further in two. She's taken my base level insecurity and used it to protect herself.

When I look up, she's scowling. I still can't process it. My mouth feels dry as the Sahara as I try to talk to her. "When did you find out?"

"Last week."

"Jesus." I exhale, knowing now why she's in this state. "Are you...do you want to...will you keep it?"

I hold my breath. I don't know what I want her to say. Obviously we aren't ready for this. I don't even know where we stand as a couple, not to mention I'm currently an unemployed ex-athlete living on his parent's couch. But on the other hand, I want this baby more than anything. This little possibility, a glimmer of unadulterated peace and happiness. Perfection. I know in my bones already that I'll fight her if she says she doesn't want it.

"I'm keeping the baby." Kelsey is all matter of fact about this. I see through it though. It’s a coping mechanism. If she doesn't say too much, she can't get emotional.

"Thank god." I smile, exhaling the breath now burning inside of my lungs.

"I said I'm keeping it. I don't expect anything from you."

Anger hits me like a line drive to the face. "That's my child too, Kelsey. Don't you dare think I'm going to leave, or be some deadbeat dad. You can't keep me away."

I know I must be close to tears because I can hear the break in my voice, can feel the lump threatening to close up my throat. So I play the only card I can. "Would you really do the same thing to our child that your mother did to you? Keep our child from his or her father?"

Kelsey inhales sharply before standing, walking across the room, and promptly slapping me in the face with all the force she can muster.

"You fucking asshole!" She spits.

My cheek stings like only a slap from the woman you love can make it. But at least she's gotten a bit of that fire back.

Jumping to my feet, I wrap my arms around her now that she's close. She slaps at me, growing more hysterical by the second. I just grip her in my hold like a vice, waiting until she calms down. Eventually, she tires out, slumping against my chest while I run my hands up and down her back.

"I'm never going to leave you. And I will try never to hurt you again. Wherever you run, I will come after you. And not in a creepy way, but because I love you. I've loved you since the moment you walked into my life and sent my world up in fiery red flames. So I'm going to keep fighting for us. Even when you're scared, or you feel like quitting. I'm always going to be here. You're stuck with me, Roo, so get used to it."

I feel her exhale against my chest. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"

"I told you, I love you. When you love someone, you never give up on them."

Her muffled cries soak the front of my shirt, breaking my heart and sowing it back together at the same time. She's allowed me to hold her and pick her back up, and that's all I can focus on right now.

"I'm sorry I gave up on you. On us." Her tears come harder now, her breaths coming in warm hiccups against my abs. She's going to wear herself down and that's just not what's best for her right now.

Scooping her up, I can tell she's lost weight that she can't afford to as I carry her towards what I assume is the spare bedroom. I lay us both down and circle my limbs around her.

"Sleep." I instruct her before planting a kiss on the crown of those scarlet locks.