The click of a nightlight woke me up in the middle of the night. I saw Xavier sit down on the bed beside me.
“Is it time yet?”
“No,” he shook his head. “Two more days, Anna, and Ben will be out of town.”
Xavier had had someone sneak into and watch Pace for over a month now, and he’d been receiving encrypted messages from Tucson ever since. I didn’t understand any of it, but apparently the Cortez family was going out of town for some sort of a reunion in Mexico. We were set to leave in two days, once they were gone.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Mary needs you. Cameron’s been rushed to the hospital.”
I sat up straight in my bed, the news shaking through me. For a brief moment, I had that awful feeling I’d sometimes experienced, as if someone were ripping my baby out of my arms. Xavier gently touched me on the shoulder, and the torment passed.
“Get dressed. I’ve got Hope’s diaper bag ready.”
I’d never gotten ready that quickly in my life. Pushing the stroller through the hospital hallway took forever. I parked it with my sleeping baby in a darker area against the wall where Cameron was staying and tiptoed to Mary. She couldn’t even get up from her seat, and so I pulled up a chair to hers.
“What happened?”
“Cameron’s sick. He’s very sick, Anna. I don’t know what we’re going to do.” She cried quietly into my neck. Dressed in a hospital gown, Cameron was sleeping in a bed at her side. “They did blood work and scans already. They gave him some medicine to reduce the fever, but the doctor said…”
“Mary, it will be all right, I promise,” Jack told his wife. From the corner of my eye, I saw Xavier shudder.
“Jack, what’s happening with Cameron?” Xavier asked.
“He has chronic kidney failure. It’s apparently something he’s had since birth, but it was never caught.”
“Fuck!”
I’d never heard Xavier swear like that, and while the word would have normally offended me, this time all I felt was respect for a man who cared about his friends more than he did about himself.
“What does that mean?” Xavier asked.
“We’re waiting for the doctor. He should be here any minute now.”
But instead of waiting, Xavier grabbed a chart that hung over Cameron’s bed and began flipping through the pages.
“Shit,” he mumbled, then scrolled through some more. Jack joined him at his side and lowered a new set of glasses. I hadn’t seen him wear glasses before.
“What is it?” Jack asked.
“How about we wait for the doctor?” Xavier asked. “I… I may be wrong. I want to be wrong. I don’t want to make a mistake.”
“All right.”
The next ten minutes stretched as we sat in that dimly lit room in silence, waiting for the doctor. And when he came in, repeating the words I’m sorry and kidney transplant, I felt my knees weaken. Mary held my hand and I held hers.
“He’s strong,” Xavier affirmed. “We can get him through this. I’ll get tested for transplant compatibility.”
“I don’t want to be rude, Xavier, but you may be too old.” Mary blew her nose into the tissue. “He’s only a baby.”
“Kidneys are small, Mary. And actually, a donation from an adult has a better chance of working out than one from a child.”
“Really? In that case, add me to that list,” I said. My godson needed as many chances at a good kidney as possible. I didn’t think anything of my offer until a week later as the four of us sat in the doctor’s office. Cameron had already been placed on an organ donor waiting list, though I knew Mary and Jack had hoped that one of them would be a match. As I sat beside Xavier at the side of the wall, I saw Jack take Mary’s hand in reassurance.
“Thank you for coming in,” the doctor said. “We have a match. Two matches, in fact.”
Mary and Jack looked at each other, smiling. I let go of the anxiousness I’d been feeling in my chest since this morning. Next week we were leaving for Pace, and the closer the time came, the more nervous I became, especially now that Cameron was ill.
“Mary and Anna. You’re both perfect matches.”
“That’s wonderful news!” Mary almost jumped out of her chair, and then asked, “When can we do the surgery?”
The doctor waited until the excitement settled, and continued. “While Mary’s a match, and ideally a parent would be best, Mary’s not a good candidate for surgery at this time.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because Mary, you’re pregnant.”
After a unanimous gasp, silence filled the room. The doctor mentioned something about her being quite far along, Jack asked a few questions, then Mary, and as they discussed both the baby she carried and Cameron’s health, I tuned them out. The thought of what would happen next came to me without a warning, and I knew what I had to do. I also realized what my choice meant. I didn’t even notice when the room silenced again, and everyone focused on me.
“Before you all decide what you want to do, I must tell you that a surgery on an eight-month-old child is very dangerous,” the doctor said.
“But if we don’t do it?”
“He will eventually need to go on dialysis.”
There were a few more questions, along with suggestions of the best medical course to take for the baby, but in my heart, I already knew what was best.
“I’ll do it,” I said, drawing their attention back to me. “I’m a match. Of course I’ll do it.”
“Anna, I know you’ve been waiting to go back for a long time. I can’t ask you to put your life on hold for us.”
“You don’t have to ask, Mary.”
If I refused to accept this, I’d never forgive myself. How could I even look John in the eyes, knowing that my friends’ son had a health crisis and I could have actually done something to help him, yet I’d chosen to come to Pace?
“John would want me to help you. He would understand. How long would this take? How long’s recovery?”
Xavier tightened his grip on my hand. “They’ll need to run a few more tests, but if the doctors clear you to donate, we can probably get a surgery scheduled within a month. Then it’s another month and a half or two of recovery, Anna. We’d have to delay our travels until before Christmas.”
That would mark the time I’d been away from Pace at about sixteen months. It sounded much longer than I realized. But how could I put any value to time when my godson was in need of a miracle to survive?
There was no other option. Any other choice would have been a sin. Little did I know, Fate had already sealed my future, and no matter what choice I made, my life would forever be changed.
*
The next four weeks passed by more quickly than all of the previous year. We went from one doctor appointment to another. I was prodded and poked with countless needles on my arms, I was tested for all sorts of diseases and illnesses before the doctors agreed that I was in good health for the transplant, and I was.
Deep inside I knew I would be. On some level I believed that God had led Jack to find me so that I could help his little boy. There was nothing that could stop me from giving this kidney to Cameron, and just as hard as I believed my fate was to go through with the surgery, I also believed that Cameron would be okay.
The surgery was successful. While Mary and Jack stayed with Cameron at the hospital, I went home within two days. My kidney was functioning in his body, and nothing in my life had ever felt more right.
Jack and Mary not only hired a private nurse for me but also a full-time nanny to help me with Hope while I recovered. Xavier bought me books to keep me busy and stayed in his home office for the most part, preparing for our trip. In less than a week, we would make a trip back to Pace, where I could finally tell John about Hope. I practiced my words to him over and over again.
“Do you think he’ll leave Pace and come with us?”
“I don’t think he’ll do anything to jeopardize your safety.”
“So you have doubts?” I asked.
“Anna, we both know who we’re dealing with. Cortez doesn’t give up. If John leaves Pace, we have to ensure that Ben has no reason to follow him. Ben needs to be neutralized.”
“That won’t be easy.”
John would not only have to leave his family, but most likely he’d need to ensure their safety before he left as well. Would he leave his family for me?
“I can’t think of an easier decision. If you told me that you had my baby, I’d follow you to the end of this world.”
“Xavier…”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s all right. I just feel…”
… confused, I finished in my mind.
I felt extremely confused. Yes, we had a wonderful friendship that I was grateful for, but Xavier meant so much more than a friend. On one hand, my heart was jumping up and down at the possibility of having a new start with John and Hope. In one short week, we could be together. On the other hand, I knew that having John back in my life meant cutting some of my ties with Xavier. Not that there was anything between us. There wasn’t. I just cared for him deeply.
What if there is something more?
There couldn’t be.
The night before we left, Jack shook Xavier’s hand. “If there’s anything you need, my friend, just call. You have all of the company’s resources available to you. Frank Wagner said he’d help as well. So did Cross.”
I wasn’t sure who those men were, but they sounded important.
“The fewer people know about this, the better. I’m not taking any chances with Anna. It won’t be easy. Cortez is in town. We’ll need to stay undercover. If we’re lucky, he’ll take a trip.”
“You set some bait?”
Xavier nodded, and I felt pins and needles along my arms. The faster our time to leave approached, the more apprehensive I felt.
“You two be careful. My son needs his godparents back in one piece."
Xavier embraced his best friend, “Don’t worry. I won't let anything happen to her."
Jack turned his attention back to me. He let go of Xavier and took me in his arms. “Anna, please remember that the family you have in Pace is not the only one you can count on. I will never be able to repay you for what you’ve done for us. I will owe you for the rest of my life.” He leaned in closer to me and whispered, “If you asked for it, I would give you my heart. I would give you anything, so don’t ever be afraid to ask.”
“Thank you. If anything happens to me, please take care of Hope.”
“Don't talk like that, Anna. Your journey didn’t end here, and I have a feeling that it won’t end in Pace either. We’ll see each other again soon.”
Of course we would. Our trip wouldn’t take longer than a week. I had to get back to my baby. She was counting on me, and it was time that I brought her father home.