* * *

When I first joined up no one thought I would make it as a SEAL. There’s a myth going around that the ‘brothers’ can’t cut it, can’t make the grade. I’m a straight up mongrel.

Mom was black and dad was Italian. I had the best of both of them in me and though I was as light as my brothers there was no hiding the fact that I had some Grade A black blood in me. Not that I ever tried.

Anyway, that myth died a hard fast death when I showed up. Never tell me I can’t do something, or that I’m not good enough. That’s just the catalyst I need to fuck your preconceived notions in the ass.

I aced that shit and left my naysayers in the dust. When I was chosen for this particular team though, motherfuckers were looking for my grandfather.

They couldn’t believe a little black boy from the streets of Detroit had made it and done it in such a big way. So of course to them, I had to have had help.

When they realized that I’d done that shit on my own merit and strength of character, it didn’t sit too well with some. Fuck…them.

I didn’t hold that shit against them, I never did with anyone who acted like that. Who has the time? I myself hadn’t expected to shine among the thousands of other young men and women, some of whom were seriously vying for the position when I’d just been pissing around.

But it was their disbelief and the way some of them just dismissed me like I didn’t count, that in the end pushed me to be better, not just good, but fucking A awesome.

By the end I actually learned to enjoy it and have a little pride in myself. I’d finally come home, but fuck if I wanted any squatters in my abode.

The CO was probably the first adult I’d ever encountered since the death of my parents that I thought was worth a damn. No matter what shit I threw at him, he never let the fuck up, never once didn’t have my back, and believe me I tried.

I tested his ass at every turn, was an insubordinate fuck on more than one occasion, but he refused to give up on me even then. He’d discipline my ass for sure, but he was always there the next day riding my ass to do better.

His ‘boys’ had to be the best in the history of the SEALs and no piss-ant little snot nosed brat was going to mess with his program.

I never had shit easy in my life, not since the day both my parents died together in a car crash. My life ended that day. The happy teenager who’d known love and support was suddenly set adrift in the world on his own.

I’d never been close to any of my relatives since both sides had a grievance with my parents’ relationship. It’s sad to say in this day and age that that shit was purely racial and made no sense to the two people who loved each other like their next breath.

They were the ones who taught me to see beyond color into the heart of a person. My dad was always fond of saying, out of hearing of mom of course, ‘Son, there’re fucked up people from all walks of life. I’ve seen enough shit to know that-that race shit don’t matter. Like the man said in Needful Things, ‘Let God sort ‘em out.’

He was an upstanding man who was full of heart and loved his wife and son unconditionally. Losing him, losing both of them, was a blow that I hadn’t really ever recovered from.

The uncle I was forced to live with for the four years before joining up hadn’t helped matters any. I think the fucker only took me in for the sole purpose of tormenting me for whatever slight he believed my parents guilty of.

After dealing with his special brand of care after their passing and I was left at his mercy, I’d grown a new hard shell. That shit was titanium and nothing was ever getting through it again.

I’d locked my heart off from ever feeling anything resembling love again. It took me years to realize that that was just anger and pain from my loss. After these fucks had sledge hammered my walls and wormed their way into my good graces it was a wrap.

I laughed along with them and their silly arguments now, knowing that it was just their way of letting off steam and taking a load off from the hell we’ve been dealing with just lately.

This too was something new I was learning to get used to. It was a side to them that I’d never seen before, this softness when it came to their women. None of us had ever had a woman for longer than a one-night stand as far as I can remember.

We’d had a creed, which we held to until we retired. Then Con fell and fell hard and the shit set off an avalanche. I’ve been in some shit with my brothers but this shit takes the cake and I’m not talking about the fucks trafficking shit off the pier in our backyard.

No, I’m talking about the rate at which these motherfuckers are falling. Ty with his pussy whipped ass swore it would never be him, now Quinn and I are the only ones left standing.

The thought made my gut tighten but I wasn’t sure if that was from fright or want. I never let myself think about shit like that, but every once in a while it sneaks up on me and I wonder.

Then I come back to my senses and accept that no, as much as we’re alike these men and I, we differ in one way. We’ve shared pretty much everything else for the past ten plus years, but this is the one place I can’t follow my brothers. The one journey I cannot take.

I can never open myself to that kind of emotion again. I’ll face anything else, but to have something that means that much to me existing in this fucked up world, no fucking way. I’ve seen too much. But damn they make it look so good. Maybe…

No fucking way! I dashed those thoughts as quickly as they appeared and went back to sharing in their fun even if it was from the outside looking in again.

After lunch we needed to get shit done but of course my brothers piddled around, not wanting to leave their women who had them wrapped neatly around their little fingers.

I guess they knew their women and understood that if left unattended for too long they’d get up to mischief so I couldn’t begrudge them an extra hour or so. Though I wish Quinn was here to take some of the heat off my ass.

While the guys were bullshitting I noticed a hushed mum coming from the other side as we sat around Lo’s living room. I took a quick peek and sure enough they had me in their sights. My sisters be looking at me like they got plans for this shit, hell fucking no.

I’m bobbing and weaving like a son of a bitch in this fuck. I kept my head turned but kept them in my peripheral playing like I can’t feel them staring holes in my damn skull.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the topic of conversation is in that circle. That would be the same thing it’s been for the last week or so since Cord that fuck lost his damn mind.

If Lo and Con wouldn’t ride my ass I’d go into hiding. But ever since we figured out that the Desert Fox was involved in this shit those two have been worse than old women on the fucking rag. No one was allowed to go off by themselves.

“What Dani?” I couldn’t take that shit anymore. I looked up at her just as Nessa plopped the baby down on my lap. Yeah, like that’s gonna work. The little one was just as bad. She took my face between her hands and stared into my eyes before she started lecturing my ass to death. That’s her only speed, tears or lectures; she’s her father’s kid for sure.

“Nothing, we were just wondering you know…” Dani answered as she shrugged her shoulders, and I played the role.

“Wondering what?” My idiot brothers were just sipping their coffees not saying anything about their nosy ass women meddling in my shit. There was no sense in looking to them for help because I know whose side they’re on.

“Isn’t there anyone in town that you like?”

“No.” I find that it’s best to keep this shit short and to the point because these women are sneaky. I slip up and say the wrong thing they’ll have a line of women for me to choose from by nightfall.

She pouted like it was a grave injustice that I wasn’t in an all fired hurry to get hitched. I was about to turn them onto Quinn’s ass when Gaby changed the subject to wedding preparations.

From the pained look on Lo’s face I knew that was my out. I grinned and passed the baby back when the others got up to leave with the excuse that we had shit to do, which wasn’t a lie.

We beat feet to the door blocking out the whining and complaining that came at us hard. You’d think these grown men hadn’t stared death in the face a time or two before, the way these women have them running to get out of the line of fire.

“Some fuck’s wrong with Quinn.” Ty dropped that little nugget as soon as we cleared the door. His words had all heads turning in his direction. Lo of course was the first one to address his statement.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s doing that shit he does when we’re in the field. You know, like he’s hearing and seeing shit no one else can.” That gave the rest of us pause as we looked around at each other.

Damn. What now? I knew something was off but didn’t think it was anything that serious. I’d even started to put it off as just him overthinking the move we were about to make.

He does that shit sometimes until the rest of us want to pull our hair out by the roots. But if it was his special gift there was nothing good at the end of that fuckery.

“Dev.”

“On it.” I picked up the pace and jogged ahead at Lo’s unspoken command. I should’ve done better. If Ty was spooked enough to mention this shit then it must be bad.

We all try to stay on top of each other and though I’d felt the change in my brother the last day or so, with so much going on, unless someone was bleeding or dying there was no time to dwell. Plus, I figured when he was ready he’d let me in on whatever was eating away at him.

The call in the early morning had given me pause but even then I never guessed in a thousand years that it was this serious.

Quinn tries to play down his ability to get glimpses into the future, but I for one am extremely grateful for that shit. It saved our asses more than once.

The only thing is that shit only seems to show up when there’s some sort of danger, never a harbinger of good.