I was at least grateful to have been able to catch a flight back to Chicago without much hassle. In fact, catching the flight had been the easy part. The hard part was knowing I had to face Francis soon to turn in a review that I had barely even written, and having to tell Valerie that my wonderful time at the ranch had ended in disaster.

When I touched down in Chicago, the first thing I did was pull my cell phone. While things had been going well with Caleb and Nash, it had been easy to get used to not being connected to the world of social media. But now that I was back in my hometown, it felt like returning to the 21^st century, complete with the technology that was necessary and expected for everyday life.

Walking through the airport, my fingers automatically danced across the cellphone screen until my Facebook page came into view. As if to mock me, the very first story coming across my newsfeed was an announcement that my last ex and his wife had just had a baby. The infant stared up at me from the screen, too sickeningly adorable for words. Right beneath it was another photo, this one feature the proud father himself. And then there was yet another featuring the whole happy little family on bold display. The baby had big innocent eyes, chubby cheeks, and slick, silky hair.

I sighed, thinking that I hadn’t even bothered to take any pictures while on the ranch and didn’t even have any pictures of Caleb or Nash. I bitterly thought about how childish that made me feel.

It was evening by the time I reached my apartment, once again, pulling bags and luggage along behind me. I closed and locked the door, and looked around. A hollow feeling sinking into my chest. I realized that this was the first time I had returned from a location without a souvenir. Returning home without a souvenir almost felt like returning home and realizing I had somehow made the whole journey naked.

The feeling was suitable for my mood though. I felt emotionally naked. I’d lost count of how many times complete strangers had asked me if I was all right as I walked through the airport. Apparently, I hadn’t been the slightest bit successful in masking the disappointment I felt. I couldn’t even say my emotions were on my sleeve.

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment, realizing just how unconventional this last trip had been overall. And while I’d thought leaving early to get away from Caleb and Nash would make me feel better, I only felt worse.

I dragged the suitcase into my bedroom. The very sight of my bed made me want to do nothing but hop in and go to sleep and pretend the last several days had never happened. But I couldn’t afford such a luxury. I had to write that damned review.

I sat on the edge of my bed, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

Time to put on your big girl pants, I thought.

I got up and took a long shower, as if the water would succeed in washing away the memory of Caleb’s and Nash’s touched and the way our bodies had felt together, in such perfect and passionate unison. Unfortunately, the predominant thought that stayed with me the whole time was the morning waking up in the truck together. Suddenly, now I wished I didn’t know their favorite colors or pizza toppings.

When I got out of the shower, I tied my hair back into a bun, put on my pajamas, and headed to the kitchen. Finding rotten apples, lumpy milk, and dried-out chicken rather unappetizing, I shut the refrigerator and turned toward the cabinets to retrieve a coffee mug instead, and then proceeded to fix a strong cup of black tea. After rummaging through the cabinets, I found a box of unopened graham crackers. Taking them to my small dining room table, I retrieved my laptop, turned it on, and opened it to the document featuring the short and pathetic few words I had managed to write up while at the ranch.

Doing a quick read over it, it was instantly obvious that what I had written was nowhere near sufficient. I would have to start all over from scratch in order to produce something worthy of the kind of work Francis was accustomed to receiving from me.

It was going to be a long night.