Chapter 14 - Connor

Lesley hadn’t joined me at our usual spot. I’d waited for her for an hour, smoking cigarette after cigarette, in the hopes that she would come. Instead, I’d spent that hour thinking about our relationship and everything I had done to not deserve her. I had kept my business history with her father a secret until now, and I didn’t like having this secret hanging over us. But I knew that if Lesley found out what I had done – that I had caused her family’s financial ruin – that this relationship would be over. I wouldn’t ever deserve her forgiveness.

Crushing the last cigarette under my dusty boots, I took in a deep breath and walked back towards the house. All the lights seemed to be out, which meant that Alfie had already gone to sleep. Why hadn’t Lesley joined me like she said she would? I thought about how quiet she had been over dinner, too. I hoped that she was feeling well and I missed talking to her.

When I entered the house, it was deathly quiet and dark. I carefully went up the stairs to the door of Lesley’s bedroom and I knocked. I heard nothing. I turned the knob, only to realize that she had locked herself in.

“Lesley? Are you feeling all right?” I whispered hoarsely, but she didn’t respond to that either. I assumed she had already fallen asleep and returned to my bedroom in the dark.

This hadn’t happened before. Since that first night we slept together, not a day had gone by in the past weeks that we hadn’t spent some time together after dinner after Alfie had gone to bed. It made me uneasy. I changed and settled into bed, and wondering why she hadn’t said anything to me if she wasn’t feeling well.

The guilt of the secret I was keeping from her had seeped into my soul as well, and as I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling; I decided that I had to tell her. I didn’t want our relationship to be as fake and superficial as every other relationship I’d had before. I wanted to get it out of the way and explain the truth to her. But first, I needed to go into town and make a special purchase. Something I had been thinking about for the past few days.

If I was going to tell her the truth, I couldn’t go into that battle empty handed.

I lay awake that night, falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning from exhaustion. Even in my dreams, I saw Lesley . . . leading me across the fields, her summery floral dress floating around her as she ran, her beautiful laughter ringing in my ears. I said her name in my sleep because I loved her. I didn’t want to lose her.

***

I woke up late the next day, only getting a few hours of sleep. I showered and changed and rushed downstairs, hoping to catch Alfie before he left for his first day back in school.

When I hurried into the kitchen, I found him sitting at the table, scooping hot porridge into his mouth. A banana and an apple were lying half-eaten beside him – a habit of eating fruit which Lesley had managed to finally get him into, thankfully.

Chris was making himself some toast, and Lesley was absent.

“Hey, kid,” I went over to Alfie to ruffle his head while he ate. When I looked into his face, I noticed that he seemed a little confused.

“Where’s Lesley?” I asked him and he stared at me with his eyes widened.

“I don’t know,” he replied and I looked at his breakfast and then back at him again.

“What are you talking about? Who made you breakfast?” I asked and Alfie put down his spoon, suddenly not interested in his food anymore.

“She made it for me and now she’s gone,” he said and I turned to Chris for an explanation.

“What is he talking about?” I thundered at him. He popped his toasts on to a plate and walked over to the table and sat down.

“He’s right, boss. Lesley made him his breakfast and then got into a cab,” he told me and I shook my head in confusion. It was like these two were talking in riddles or something.

“Got into a cab? What cab?”

“She’d ordered a cab. She had her bags packed. She said she wanted to wish Alfie good luck for the day and make him breakfast, but that she had to go,” Chris said and casually crunched his toast as though there was nothing wrong. Everything was wrong. The ground seemed to be shaking under my feet.

“Where did she have to go? Did you ask her?” I was hollering at Chris. He put down his food, sudden fear in his eyes. He was aware of what I had done to Alex, and now he seemed to think that I was just some crazy guy with a short temper. I looked over at Alfie and he looked frightened too.

I realized that I was breathing hard and my nostrils were flared with rage. I didn’t even know who I was mad at.

“I didn’t ask, boss. I figured you knew that she was leaving,” Chris finally replied.

“Daddy, where has Lesley gone? How will I go to school?” Alfie’s voice cut through my thoughts and I whipped around to him.

“Chris will take you,” I snapped and then ran out of the house.

I knew that Lesley was long gone by now, and wherever she wanted to go, her cab had already taken her there. I cursed under my breath. Why did I have to sleep in today? I should have known the previous night that there was something seriously wrong. Now she was gone and I had no idea if she was coming back. I felt like a part of me had gone missing.