Chapter 16 - Connor

I hadn’t seen Lesley’s mom in at least eight years – since I moved out of my family home and they stopped being my neighbors. But she had recognized me immediately and greeted me warmly. When I asked to see Lesley, she was a little surprised, but she showed me into their kitchen anyway. I was a little relieved to find that Michael wasn’t around. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to face Lesley’s father after everything that had happened between us.

Lesley was sitting at the kitchen table, and I realized that their apartment was even smaller than I had imagined it to be. Bankruptcy had reduced them to near-poverty and it was all my fault.

Lesley’s green eyes glowed with fury when she saw me, but she said nothing. She just looked apologetically at her mom.

“Can I make you two some coffee? We might have some cookies in the cupboard,” Mrs. Evans said, but Lesley interrupted her.

“No, mom. he isn’t staying very long. Please, just give us a few minutes,” she said in an assertive tone. I didn’t have to look at Mrs. Evans to know that she was confused by the scene unfolding in front of her.

As she left the kitchen, I stared at Lesley. Her physical presence had the same effect on me as it always did. I felt my muscles stiffen as I drank in the curves of her delicate shoulders. Her hands were clasped together on the kitchen table, her long brunette hair fell over her shoulders, and even though she had no makeup on, she still looked like the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes on.

“Lesley, you left without an explanation,” I said, keeping my hands thrust deep in the pockets of my pants.

“How is Alfie doing? How is school?” she asked instead of responding to my statement. We were staring into each other's eyes. Mine were dim while hers seemed to be on fire.

“He misses you,” I replied and she blinked a few times, as though trying to gulp down the things she actually wanted to say.

“I’m sure you’ll find another suitable nanny for him soon,” she said and I took a few steps towards the kitchen table. Lesley seemed to flinch and I stopped in my tracks.

“We don’t want a different nanny. We don’t need a nanny. We need you, Lesley,” I said, holding her gaze. Lesley’s plump, luscious lips were set firmly in a line, and I couldn’t control my cock from throbbing in my pants, warning me. She said nothing, only kept her chin up and glared at me.

“I know you saw the file . . . I found it in the cabinet, moved,” I finally said after too many moments of uncomfortable silence had passed between us.

“Alfie threw it on the floor when he was looking for his homework,” Lesley said and I moved closer to her.

“I know. I’m not blaming you for finding it. I just wanted you to know that I know why you left in such a hurry. And I don’t hold that against you,” I tried explaining, but Lesley had turned her face away from me.

“Okay, now I know. So you can go,” she said and I clenched my jaws. She clearly didn’t want to talk to me. She clearly didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I pushed forward because I wanted to fight for her.

“Lesley, I’m sorry that this ever happened,” I said and she jerked her face around to look at me. She had narrowed her eyes at me. I didn’t even know that she was capable of this kind of anger.

“You led me to believe that you were giving me this job because you wanted to help me out – because you needed help with Alfie. The truth was that you just felt guilty!” she thundered and stood up from the chair abruptly. I followed her movements with my eyes, searching for the words to explain. I thought I’d come prepared with a speech, but now I couldn’t remember what it was.

“It may have been that in the beginning, Lesley . . . I felt terrible for what had happened and what I’d done, but soon it turned into something else,” I said and she shook her head.

“Yeah, it turned into a pity party. You thought that you could keep me distracted for long enough to forgive you if the truth ever came out. You thought that you could buy my forgiveness,” she cried and I rushed towards her. Lesley stepped back and I forced myself to keep my hands to myself even though I was itching to reach for her and pull her into my arms. I wanted to banish every bad feeling that she was feeling, especially because I knew that I was the cause for it.

“I wasn’t pretending, if that is what you’re saying. Everything that happened between us was true and real,” I said and ran a hand through my hair. Lesley’s eyes were still on fire. Nothing I said was making that rage die down. She still hated me.

“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth?” she asked. I had no other choice but to clamp my mouth shut. No woman had meant this much to me before, and I didn’t know how to fix this.

“I wanted to . . . Lesley, please believe me when I say that I was going to. I was just afraid of losing you,” I said and she jerked her face away from me again. Her nostrils were flared, her shoulders heaving from the tension and her anger.

“You were afraid that I would see you for who you really are,” she hissed. When she turned her face and our eyes met again, I finally saw myself through her eyes. She was seeing me as a selfish, arrogant, wealthy jerk . . . As the man who everyone knew me as. I shook my head and took in a deep breath.

“I used to be that guy. I was young and careless and believed that I could play with people’s lives without any consequences. I never forgave myself for what I did to your father and your family. It was why I moved out of our home, why I agreed to marry Natalia. I thought that if I settled down with a family, had a kid . . . that I could make up for my sins. And the Universe repaid me for what I’d done. I was stuck with a wife who wanted nothing more than my money. Who didn’t even care about our child. When she finally left, I thought that I had paid my dues. I moved to Texas with Alfie to stay away from the world I knew. I didn’t want to ever come back here because I couldn’t face my old self. But I’m glad that I did. It led me to you,” Lesley watched me as I spoke, but there was no change in her like I’d hoped there would be. She was right in not forgiving me. These were just words, empty promises and proclamations. My actions spoke for me, and now she knew me for the guy who I used to be. There was no coming back from that.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have come back here. You should have stayed away in Texas like you planned to. As for me . . . I wish I had never met you again,” she said. I thought I caught her lips trembling. I had to clench my hands. The more I looked at her, the deeper all my regrets became. The life I had been leading before I met Lesley was a lie.

“I’m in love with you, Lesley . . . I don’t regret the last three weeks. I wish that I’d told you sooner so that you knew the truth, but I wouldn’t change what we had for anything in the world,” I said. Lesley crossed her arms over her breasts. It was like she was closing the door, indicating that this conversation was over and there was no way that I could convince her of anything else.

“Well, it's easy for you to say that because you have nothing to lose. What have you lost? My family – my parents have lost everything. I’ve lost my chance of going to college, of having a career in law, which had been my passion. It’s despicable that you think a few weeks of living with you can change that,” she hissed. Now her anger was vicious, mingling with her cracked voice. If she had ever loved me, I knew that Lesley didn’t love me anymore.

I nodded my head and hung my head down in shame and regret.

“Yes, you’re right. I’ve taken everything from you, which is why I want to give it all back,” I said. When I looked at her, I saw that her brows were crossed and her eyes were narrowed at me. She didn’t know what I was saying, and I was only too happy to explain.