CHAPTER NINE
Nothing cleared Nick’s mind like pounding around the reservoir trail until his joints felt as if they’d fall apart. Night runs were especially satisfying. Occasionally a branch would whip across his face and that felt even better. Like a wake-up slap. You idiot. It’s always been Jack for Peyton and it always will be. Give it up already.
Just when it had seemed that maybe Peyton was starting to look at him differently—she’d held his hand at the reunion, and there were glances; secret “interested” glances, unless he’d lost his mind. Of all times, Jack had to reappear and mess up all his progress. Because not only would Peyton now be thinking about Jack, with all his charm and charisma, but she’d be questioning everything about their friendship.
What was she going to think about the fact that he was—just say it, Nick—in love with her? That he’d been in love with her for years, even though he’d tried to deny it?
And what would happen now? Would they be able to stay friends? Did he want to? What would she want? It might make her feel awkward, knowing how he felt. She’d probably let him down kindly then urge him to move on. And he’d have to smile and act like that was fine.
It was time to let this crush go. Jack’s return was a sign. It was a good thing. First thing in the morning, he’d cancel that climbing trip to the Fingers they’d planned. He’d pack everything they shared into a box—Scrabble game, her favorite lemonade mix, the extra dose of allergy medicine she kept at his house, the Sriracha he kept just for her because he hated the stuff. Time to make a clean break.
Then he’d start seriously thinking about asking out Janine, the Biology teacher. After all the times she’d shared her hazelnut coffee with him, it was a safe bet that she’d be interested. They could have a happy life together, two teachers raising a couple of kids. Perfect.
Also, he’d stop bringing his players to Peyton’s clinic. If he was really going to make a clean break, it had to be complete. If any more injuries occurred, he’d take them to the next closest urgent care. They were young and strong, they could handle ten more minutes in a car. But he couldn’t handle any more Peyton time than absolutely necessary.
Decision made, he came to a stop on the path and bent over, hands braced on his knees. Panting for breath, he hauled in the air, sweetly scented with sage brush and cottonwood. His heart was jumping and thundering, as if clamoring to be heard.
He knew what it wanted to say. You love Peyton. You belong with Peyton. He had no idea why he’d been born with such a stubborn, single-minded organ in his chest. But a heart was just that—an organ. It would damn well have to do what it was told.
Walking into Everton High was a little strange after the events of Saturday night.
For one thing, everyone was buzzing about the fact that Jack Cooper had set foot on campus—and even entered the teachers’ lounge.
“Does anyone know where my cupcake apron is?” demanded the Home Ec teacher.
“And who took my Go-Gurt?” added Janine.
When he explained that Jack was to blame, everyone forgot their indignation and gushed over the amazing fact that a movie star had plundered the teachers’ lounge.
Typical. Jack always got off scot-free.
Then again, rumor had it that he’d made a substantial donation to the high school Drama department to compensate them for the scenery flat. Which was technically Nick’s fault, since he’d knocked Jack into it. But Jack had deserved it, so he didn’t intend to argue.
As always, baseball practice was the highlight of Nick’s day. “How’s that wrist, Dale?” he asked the lanky senior, who sat moodily on the bench, arm in a sling. “What’d the X-ray say?”
He shrugged. “That doctor was right, it’s not broken. Just sprained. But sprains take forever to heal, so basically it sucks.”
“Sorry, dude.” Nick touched his shoulder. “Injuries happen to everyone sooner or later, even the greats. You know what I do need, though? You’re good with computers, right? Coding and so forth?”
“Sure. I can code. What do you need?”
“I want to do some data analysis before our game against the Scorpions.”
Dale brightened at the mention of their biggest rival. “I’m on it. What are you thinking?”
Nick explained his idea, while keeping an eye on the fielding drills the players were running. He kept breaking away to offer pointers or yell encouragement. After one of those breaks, he came back to see Dale squinting at the bleachers.
“Hey, isn’t that the doctor? Did she come to check on me?”
Nick swung around, craning his neck to see who Dale was referring to. Yup, it was Peyton. She sat on the bleachers, feet propped on the seat back in front of her. The sun turned her hair into a fuzzy halo of gold, and her white-framed sunglasses gave her an owlish look.
His heart turned over in his chest. And he knew there was no possible way that Janine could ever replace Peyton. She was it for him. Always had been, always would be.
“Be right back,” he told Dale. “Don’t do anything dumb, like try to field grounders with your sling.”
Dale brightened. “Bet I could do it.”
“If you try, you’re dead.”
“Aw man. At least let me do a couple of wind sprints.”
“Half speed. No more.”
Nick jogged across the field toward the bleachers where Peyton sat. What the hell was he going to say to her? He had literally no idea. Hide the truth? Confess the truth? Offer to stay friends? Tell her he had to make a clean break, as he’d decided last night—which seemed like a lifetime ago?
He climbed up the bleachers, intensely aware of her gaze on him. When he came within two steps of her, she took off her sunglasses.
Their eyes met. And he knew that he didn’t have to say anything, because his face showed it all.
After taking off her sunglasses, Peyton had the weird thought that she’d never really seen Nick clearly before. He’d been so many things to her over the years—competitor, friend, jogging partner, comforter in time of need. Finding out that he’d liked her all that time was a total shocker. For the past half hour, she’d sat in the bleachers and watched him with the players. And realized that she’d never really paid the proper amount of attention to Nick.
He was so kind to his young players. He really listened to them. She could tell from the way they talked to him that they adored him. Nick was the “cool” teacher and coach who everyone loved. He didn’t pretend to be their friend or act like he was “one of them.” He was his own self, utterly confident and comfortable in his skin. And that made the people around him relax, especially these teenagers.
Now he was right in front of her, and the expression on his face just about ripped her heart out.
The moment hummed with tension.
She cleared her throat. “You never said anything.”
“No.”
“Because of Jack?”
He sat on the staircase that continued to the top of the bleachers. She remembered watching Nick and Jack and the others run up and down those stairs for exercise. It must have worked, because Nick’s workout pants clung to the hard outline of his thighs. “Partly. Timing, too. I was thinking about it, before Jack made his move senior year. But I wasn’t sure you even liked me at all back then. We were always competing. I guess I was afraid you’d laugh in my face.”
“I wouldn’t have.” But what would she have done? Probably nearly dropped dead from shock, same as when Jack had asked her out. “But I guess I would have been surprised. I wasn’t the most confident girl in the world back then.”
“Could have fooled me, Ms. Valedictorian.”
“Academics, yes.” She attempted a smile. “Anything else, no. Especially dating. I was clueless when it came to boys.”
“I guess being with Jack fixed that?”
“In a way, I guess. I no longer felt so backwards compared to the rest of our class. I mean, if Jack liked me, I couldn’t be a total loser, right? But then came The Big Dump, and you were with me that day. You helped me get through it. Why didn’t you say anything then?”
“I was just the guy who happened to walk in on you crying. Would you have heard a word I said if I suddenly told you how I felt?”
The passion in his voice made her palms tingle. “How…how did you feel?”
He met her gaze with those quiet, dark, steady eyes of his. She lost her bearings for a moment as the bleachers, the baseball field down below, the stadium wall, everything seemed to fade away.
“I’ve loved you since I was fourteen,” he said simply. “From the first time you sat in front of me and shared your M&Ms with me. No one else bothered with me because I was the new kid. You still had that gap between your teeth and your hair would never stay in its braid.”
Self-consciously, she ran her tongue across her teeth. That gap had been such a sore spot for years.
“I loved the gap,” he said softly. “I loved your braid, and I loved how you used to fling your hand in the air to answer a question in class. I loved how fierce you were about getting good grades. You made me want to do well, too. I probably wouldn’t have cared if not for you. My parents sure didn’t. All I wanted was to impress you.”
“But I thought…I thought you didn’t like me. You always wanted to beat me at everything.”
“I didn’t care who came out on top. I just wanted you to notice me. And I wasn’t crazy and funny like Jack. I was an introvert. It was hard for me to talk to you because I had such a huge crush. So I figured competing with you would at least put me on your radar screen.” He gave a wry smile. “You have to admit it worked.”
“Well, yes. Obviously. I think I have journal entries entirely devoted to my plans of triumph over you. I wonder…” She bit her lip, unsure.
“What?”
“Well, maybe all that competing was basically…foreplay?”
His jaw dropped open. A slow flush rose on his cheekbones. With those hollowed-out cheeks and strong eyebrows, he really was almost romantically handsome, like someone from a Bronte novel. “That would be…nice,” he said in a strangled tone. “Are you saying…”
“I always thought you were attractive, but I didn’t think you liked me. You were always scowling whenever I looked at you.”
“Because I was always embarrassed that you caught me staring. Are you saying that you would have gone out with me back then? Before Jack?”
“Yes. Of course I would have. But it would have been awkward, because you were shy and I was shy. I had no idea what to say to boys. I would have talked about finals and band camp and SATs.”
He laughed, the lightest sound she’d heard from him since Jack had shown up. “I wouldn’t have minded. You could have talked about slime mold and I would have been happy.”
“Slime mold is actually quite fascinating,” she pointed out. “It’s an amoeba and has no brain. Or feet.”
“Okay then. Why don’t we—make a date? We can talk about slime mold. I swear I’ll be fascinated.”
He waited for her answer, his heart in his eyes. Years’ worth of emotion laid bare.
And she—hesitated.
This was Nick. Her friend. If it didn’t work out, she might lose him. She couldn’t bear that.
After an excruciating moment of paralyzed silence, his face shut down. He turned to go. And she couldn’t bear that, either.
“Wait. Nick. Don’t go—” But he was already loping down the stairs toward the baseball diamond.
She looked past him, to the field, where something caught her eye.
Dale, wrist in a sling, was staggering down the base line, vomiting as he went.
And just like that, all the bits of research and observation crystallized. Jesus, that was it. Dale had to get to a hospital right away.