Day 30: Be honest
Esmé woke to the shrill sound of Toby screaming outside her bedroom door.
‘Go and find your daddy,’ called Esmé from beneath her duvet. A new day registered, as her hangover was confirmed by the thunderous drum in her head. Stig’s name instantly filled her heart and mind. He’d died. He’d lost his brave battle. They’d drunk whisky in his honour. She’d drunk far too much. Finally, they’d called it a night at four o’clock in the morning.
The child’s screaming continued, with an additional hiccupping sound that developed within the cry.
Clad in her pyjamas, Esmé climbed from the warmth of her bed and opened the door. Toby was standing on the landing, tear-stained and ugly mouthed, one slipper on, the other in his hand, waving it in a tantrum.
‘Hey, hey, hey. What’s all this crying for? Come here, let’s put your slipper back on then you’ll be happy.’
Esmé knelt before him, took the offending slipper from his hand and raised his left foot. Toby placed his tiny hand on her shoulder to steady himself.
His skin was like velvet, soft, plump and…
Esmé’s eyes nearly fell from her head on seeing his tiny foot. The high arch, the deep curve to the ball of his foot and the rounded rise of the big toe.
His slipper fell from her hand. Esmé sat back on the carpet, her legs outstretched, staring at a tiny bare foot and five wiggly pink toes.
Something was wrong, very wrong. Unless there was a really good explanation for the shape of this child’s foot someone had a lot of explaining to do.
Esmé looked up into the hiccupping face of Toby, a fresh set of eyes scanning his features as a voice began to recall a series of events.
‘Slipper on,’ muttered Toby, pointing to his slipper lying idly on the carpet.
‘Of course,’ Esmé gently replaced his slipper and led him downstairs to find his daddy.
Esmé marched into the lounge, holding Toby’s hand to find Dam lying on the couch watching cartoons.
‘Oh no, daddy’s not here, Toby,’ she said in an overly bright and breezy manner, given her hangover.
Dam looked up, pulled a quizzical expression, then returned to his cartoons.
Esmé led Toby into the morning room, where Asa was scraping the inside of a marmite jar with a knife for his hot toast.
‘No daddy here, either,’ crooned Esmé, in an ultra-sweet voice, tugging Toby through to the kitchen area.
‘Who are you looking for?’ asked Asa.
‘Now there’s a question.’
Asa stopped, his knife suspended in mid-air. Esmé gave a wry smile.
‘Something you’d like to tell me?’
Asa looked at the child, looked back at Esmé and slowly shook his head.
‘Nope.’
‘I didn’t think so… thought I wouldn’t find out, did we?’
‘Esmé?’
‘Don’t Esmé me, Asa… I’m not stupid.’
‘Seriously… you might not want…’
She held up a hand to silence him.
‘You might want to eat your toast before it gets cold.’
‘Fair warning, I’m out of this.’
Esmé turned to leave the morning room as Russ and Kane burst through the doorway, behind them stood Dam looking concerned.
‘Oh, here we are, daddy’s come to find you, Toby,’ cooed Esmé, in a sickly-sweet voice, as she didn’t want to upset Toby.
‘I was just on my way, I heard him crying…’ said Russ.
‘Not you, Russ. I mean daddy… Kane!’
The atmosphere was electric.
Kane looked from Esmé to each of the males and then back at his younger sister.
‘What?’
‘Don’t try that with me, I know.’ She viewed his staring face. ‘You all know what I’m talking about.’
‘Esmé… don’t talk crazy,’ joked Kane. ‘Little piggy’s have big ears.’
‘And feet!’
Esmé bent down and gently removed Toby’s slipper, as if it were a game.
‘Who has feet exactly like that, Kane?’
‘Loads of people…’ Kane stopped as all eyes watched the drama unfurl.
‘Do you want me to ask them all to remove a sock just to show that no, not everyone has such a distinctive foot shape as that?’ asked Esmé, her voice ice cold.
‘Esmé… can I just explain?’ interrupted Russ.
‘No, you can’t. This has nothing to do with you, you’re not the father – you’ve only pretended to be the father or act like the father when I’m around as a cover-up job but now… I know too. Just like they do,’ she pointed at Asa and Dam. ‘And no doubt Jonah is in on it as well, just stupid little me left in the dark because guess what, I’m your sister, his aunt and our parents don’t even know they have a grandson.’
‘Esmé, let me explain,’ begged Kane, snatching Toby up into his arms, the child nuzzling his head into his father’s neck. His friends stood in silence.
‘I’ll give you plenty of time to do that before I nip round and explain to our parents, so please continue, I like to get my facts right.’
‘Excuse me, but I’m off,’ apologised Dam, who grabbed his car keys. ‘I can spend the day at my parents’ house.’
‘Dam, can I jog along too?’ asked Russ.
‘Not really, Russ, he’s probably going to Carys’s instead,’ said Esmé, nonchalantly.
‘What?’ said Dam, his eyes wide.
‘What?’ chorused Russ and Kane.
‘Kane’s not the only one with secrets around here… hey Russ? Is there something you’d like to share about Rita?’
‘Esmé!’
Asa began to belly laugh.
All eyes turned to view him, leaning against the counter top munching his toast.
‘Don’t mind me, I’ll be over here enjoying my breakfast… I’ve heard all this before.’
‘Dam, can you take Toby into the lounge to watch cartoons?’ asked Kane, passing the boy over. ‘I’ll be through in a minute.’
Russ hastily followed suit. The remaining trio stayed silent until the kitchen door was closed.
‘I’m not going to be part of your sordid little secret! I… we should be putting this right as quickly as we can but oh no, big shot Kaney-boy over there is too frightened to face up to his own responsibilities while his mates take the flack and cover for him. Like the weasel that he is…’
‘If you breathe a word of this to our parents I will… I will seriously think about…’
‘I don’t give a flying frig what you want to do… you’ve done enough damage and I am going to put this right for me, my parents and your son!’ shouted Esmé. ‘And I simply don’t understand why Rita was complicit!’
‘You won’t have a clue about anything until you’ve got a child of your own.’
‘Kane, that is such a sorry ass excuse to throw at anyone without a child and even if I did have a child, I wouldn’t deny him his family or his history, just to save face around the Sunday lunch table.’
‘You’re talking out of your ass.’
‘You are the most selfish, arrogant bastard that I have ever met and if you continue I will have no choice but to drive across the city and deliver the news to our parents right now… you have no right to stop me!’
‘Ah, happy families, is it?’ interrupted Asa. ‘I always wondered what that looked like being the only child of a single mother whose father didn’t give a frig whether I had shoes on my feet or food in my belly or not… but thanks to the Peel family – I’m brought right up to date with what I missed.’
‘Asa, save me from the demon that is called a younger sister, sort her out please?’
‘Please continue… this is a whole new scenario for me,’ said Asa, who flopped onto the small sofa and lay back, still chomping his breakfast.
‘It’s nothing to do with her so she should butt out!’ droned Kane, pointing at Esmé, his arm pumping with each word.
Asa nodded.
‘Screw you, this affects the entire family and our futures. How the hell do you date, marry and raise other children knowing you’ve kept this one a secret from our parents… it’s impossible.’
‘You’re impossible… I said this would happen. I knew this would happen if they allowed you to move in. Asa, didn’t I say that?’
‘Yeah, but she had the deposit, which you didn’t have and couldn’t get, so we didn’t have much choice.’
Both siblings turned and stared at Asa.
‘Cheers,’ grumbled Kane.
‘Thanks a bunch,’ spat Esmé.
‘My pleasure.’
‘Bingo, Asa, you pissed us both off with one comment – neat trick!’ laughed Kane.
‘Aren’t you supposed to apologise when your family rift spills over into your housemates’ world of peace and quiet?’ jibed Asa, neatly folding his hands behind his head and settling down to watch the entertainment.
‘Could I get you any popcorn?’ hissed Kane.
‘Maybe at half time.’
‘Nice deflection, Kane,’ shouted Esmé, her hands lifting to her hips. ‘Relying on humour to avoid the real situation!’
Kane turned, his face raging with anger.
‘You’ve wrecked it, that’s what you’ve done. For three years, there’s been no problem… but you moved in and bang the whole thing is blown wide open in a month.’
‘It was always going to come out, whether it was now, then or when he’s eighteen… your son can’t be kept a secret for ever.’
Kane inched closer to his sister, his height advantage clearly in his favour.
‘I promise you’ll regret every word you utter.’
Esmé stepped backwards away from her brother’s warm breath on her face.
‘And I think you’ll regret every minute that you’ve wasted not introducing him to our family… his family.’
Kane stormed from the kitchen, Esmé hot on his heels.
‘And another thing, you lied to Rita when you said they wouldn’t accept her… they’ll welcome her with open arms… you wait and see.’
‘Don’t you dare!’ spat Kane, his stare fixed and serious, his chin thrust forward. ‘If you do… I swear… I’ll… I’ll…’
‘What?’ hissed Esmé, her hostile stance in close proximity to her brother’s body. ‘Tell Mum and Dad?’
‘Esmé.’
‘Kane.’
‘I’m warning you.’
‘Well, I’m warning you, too.’
Kane shook his head and lowered his gaze, he inhaled deeply and consciously. His chest and shoulders appeared to expand to twice their normal size before he slowly exhaled. Esmé had never seen Kane this angry before.
‘Seriously, if you tell them… I will make sure you live to regret it.’
‘Don’t threaten me.’
Kane nodded slowly, his eyes fixed menacingly on his sister.
‘Seriously Esmé, you’ll no longer be a sister of mine.’
Esmé gasped. The pain of his words cut deep and straight.
‘Are you saying…?’
‘That you won’t ever see him or me again if you breathe a word to either of them.’
‘You bastard!’
‘I’m not joking.’
‘I didn’t think that even you could stoop any lower but that is a whole new level, Kane.’
‘Don’t test me, Esmé.’
‘Test you? Believe me when I say you’re the last person I’ll test on this topic. You deny your son the chance of a proper family, you deny his mother the correct support to help her successfully raise him as a single parent and you, Mr know-it-all Kane thinks that he’s the one being tested. Get a grip man… how the hell do you figure that out?’
‘I’m warning you, it’ll be, bye, bye Auntie Esmé…’
Esmé’s anger billowed from her boots, every cell in her body wanted to smack this arrogant, selfish bastard into the middle of next week.
Is this what brawling men felt like just before they threw the first punch?
‘You’re deluded!’
‘May be, but that’s my choice.’
Esmé span around to face the other way, she couldn’t bear to see his gurning features any more. Never had she hated someone so much as she hated her own brother at that precise moment.
‘He has rights.’
‘I have rights, too.’
‘What?’ Esmé spun round, unable to control her temper as a torrent of venom flared inside. ‘You get a girl pregnant, secretly stand by her telling her a whole pack of lies about our family not existing, win her over with some sob story. And then tell more and more lies to anyone that’ll listen to you… including your mates… who I’m sure have tried to talk some sense into you many times. But oh no, Kane knows best.’
The kitchen door swung open.
‘Esmé, enough’s enough – you’ve tried to talk sense into him,’ muttered Asa, filling the doorway.
Esmé turned to Asa and lifted her hands in a helpless shrug.
‘I know, I’ve tried too, but he’ll do as he wishes,’ said Asa calmly. ‘You and the rest of us have to abide by his choices… none of us agree with him. Well, I never have anyway.’
‘But how can he insist that…’ Esmé turned to Kane, her eyes pleading. Kane stared angrily. ‘If this is you, the real you… I don’t want you as a brother but at least this way Toby and our parents will get to know one another despite your threats towards me. I’ll cope without you!’
‘Esmé, come here, please,’ asked Asa, beckoning her back into the kitchen.
Esmé walked towards Asa’s outstretched hand but then stopped and turned.
‘In fact, I swear on my life that by this time tomorrow our parents will know they have a grandchild. They’ll have seen pictures of him and if that means I no longer exist as far as you’re concerned than fine, have it your way. But I am not going to keep that little boy a secret.’
Within a heartbeat Esmé was through the open doorway, Asa moved his foot, allowing it to close swiftly before wrapping his arms tightly around Esmé’s sobbing shoulders.
Kane stood in the hallway, not knowing which way to turn.
Within seconds they heard Toby say goodbye to Dam and Russ, then the slam of the front door notified the entire house that Kane had chosen to leave.