Anger and Passion Defeated

“You trust me right?” Cynder had to run to keep up with me as I stormed down the corridor away from Marybelle and her crew. I wasn’t sure if I was angry at Cynder or angry at the press, but I sure knew I was angry at someone. The whole interview had been a fiasco from the start. I’d gone into it believing that Drusilla was Cynder’s sister or ex-foster sister or stepsister, but the proof she was his wife kept coming, and the more I tried to deny it, the more ridiculous and naive I looked. Cynder had done nothing to help matters. He’s replied “no comment” to every question thrown at him, leaving me looking like a pathetic fool.

“I don’t know what I feel right now. Just leave me alone!”

“I’m telling you the truth!” he shouted as I ran along the corridor, desperate to be away from him, from everyone.

“I’ve never lied to you, Charm,” he said as I arrived at my bedroom door. He’d followed me the whole way.

“You didn’t tell me that you were a freedom fighter. You never mentioned Drusilla until Leo found out about her. You may not have lied to me, but you sure kept some important facts to yourself.”

“I’m sorry. Last year, I barely saw you. Every second I had with you was special, and I didn’t want to waste it by talking about my past, and since I’ve been here, it’s been nothing but meetings and interviews. We’ve not had a proper chance to talk alone. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about my past if you give me the chance. What is it you want to know?”

“I want to know if I should really trust you. You are right, we’ve never really talked, not ever. Our whole relationship has been built on dancing and danger, but we barely know each other.”

“I know enough to know that I love you, and that I have loved you from the moment you walked in on me doing the dishes last year.”

“I’m sorry, Cynder. I’m not sure that’s enough anymore.”

I walked through the door of my bedroom, slamming it in his face and threw myself down face first on the bed.

I hated feeling sorry for myself, but no matter what I did, something always seemed to go wrong. I did trust Cynder, I’d trusted him all along, but the sheer amount of evidence Marybelle had produced was overwhelming. Every time I’d tried brushing it off, she’d come up with something else, and while I’d flapped about, trying to think up things to say, Cynder had kept quiet about the whole thing.

I wanted to be by myself to process everything, but even that was not to be. Only minutes later there was a knock at my door. I ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away, especially if it was Cynder, but the door opened. I turned to find Luca standing at the end of my bed.

“What’s the matter? Cynder said you were upset. Something about the interview. He didn’t go into specifics, but he thought you might need someone to talk to.”

“I’m not upset! I’m angry!” I replied, but as I said it, I noticed the tears rolling down my face. Luca was by my side in a flash, holding me. I let the tears of frustration fall, and I let Luca comfort me. I needed him so badly right now.

His arms engulfed me, taking away the pain I was feeling. He made no sound, but gently rocked me and stroked my hair until my tears subsided.

“What am I doing?” I asked, buried deep within his arms.

“Hmm?”

I looked up at his face. It showed nothing but love and concern for me. I’d asked him what I was doing, but the truth was I knew what I had been doing. I’d been messing with my own emotions and those of Cynder and Luca, and although I’d not physically cheated on Luca, emotionally I had. I’d told Marybelle right from the start that I was going to marry Luca, and yet, I’d let Cynder kiss me as recently as a couple of hours ago. I’d said stop and brushed it off as something innocent, but it wasn’t innocent. Nothing about what I did with Cynder was innocent. It shouldn’t matter to me whether he was married or single, except in terms of how people would view it, but it did matter, and I hated that. I needed to purge Cynder from my system. We all knew he was only here for the media and the public and yet this whole time, I’d been hoping for more. It was time to put that hope behind me and look to the man who was sitting in front of me. The man I’d promised my life to.

I leaned forward and kissed him slowly. He seemed surprised at first, and I couldn’t blame him. I’d been pulling away from him for so long that he’d gotten used to it. As my lips parted his, he soon got over the shock and followed my lead, pulling closer to me, exploring me, his hands on my body, finding places I’d not let him touch before. To my surprise, I was enjoying it. Any fear or hesitation I’d felt in the past disappeared, leaving me with a wanton desire to discover him completely. I’d seen his body once before when I put him in his pajamas in Thalia, and then I’d been nervous, in a hurry to get it over with. Now there was an urgency, but at the same time, I was in no rush. The buttons on his shirt came open easily, letting me feel the warmth of his smooth chest as I ran my hand under the starched white material.

He groaned and kissed me harder, pushing me flat onto the bed. And then he was above me. His weight pinned me down, leaving me breathless. I’d waited so long for this, and he had too. Long enough.

His lips trailed down to my neck, giving me goosebumps and spreading heat throughout my body. Almost without thinking, I arched my hips up to meet his, and he groaned once again, urging me on. Pulling his shirt free from his trousers where he’d had it tucked in, I drew it down his arms and tossed it to the floor.

Our embrace became much more passionate as I marveled at the hardness of his muscular arms and the feel of his chest upon my own.

“Do you want this?” he whispered.

“Yes.” I breathed back. I did want it, I needed it.

He began to undo the buttons on the front of my dress but stopped.

“I do want it. I’m ready!” I said urgently.

“I know, it’s not that. Your buttons are stuck.”

I looked down. They’d been fine when Xavi had dressed me earlier.

The dress itself was pretty basic with pretty gold buttons that buttoned down the whole length of it. I had a go with the top one, but it wouldn’t open. The next two were the same.

“It’s fine.” I sat up, kissing Luca again. “I can pull the dress over my head.”

He took my hand in his.

“I want this as much as you do. Hell, I want it more than you do, but maybe there is a reason those buttons don’t open. You told me a while back that you wanted your first time to be special. It’s not special if you are only doing it because you are upset.”

“I’m not upset,” I replied too quickly.

“Angry then. I don’t want you to look back and remember it like this.” He stood from the bed and retrieved his shirt. I watched as he pulled it back on and began to button it up.

“Please don’t go!” I whispered, the tears threatening again. I was so ready for him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He lay back down on the bed and pulled me close. I rested my head on his bare chest where he’d not done his buttons up yet.

A thousand thoughts and emotions swirled around in my brain, but the tiredness I’d been fighting all day overcame me, and I fell asleep, safe in Luca’s arms.

Later when I awoke, Luca went down to dinner, leaving me to freshen up. I ran to the bathroom and glanced at myself in the mirror. The mascara that had been carefully applied by one of Xavi’s team was now smudged all around my eyes giving me the appearance of a panda. I washed my face clean of all my makeup and gave myself a long look in the mirror. At only nineteen years of age, I was a young queen, but the last year had taken its toll. The young, carefree girl I used to be was long gone. Instead, a weary woman stared back at me. I sighed. Looking down at my buttons, I tried the top one again. This time it opened easily as did the others. Fastening them back up I wondered why they hadn’t earlier. It was almost like someone had fastened them shut with magic.