Cami

Camille’s mother didn’t even wait for her to get inside before she started yelling. Her eyes were tearstained and she waved a bottle of pills around as she shouted. “How could you do this, Camille? How could you sit there and lie to us?”

“Mom—”

“No, it’s my turn to talk, Camille, and you’re going to listen. I want to know what your plan was. I found your medications. They’ve been untouched for months.”

“You went through my room?”

“Well, I had to when the oncologist called to see if you planned to reschedule, again. Did you think you were just going to lie to us and pretend you were going to your appointments forever?”

“Not forever . . .” Camille whispered. “Just until I turn eighteen.”

The color drained from her mother’s face. “Then what?”

Camille couldn’t meet her mother’s eyes, but it didn’t stop her from catching Camille’s unspoken meaning. Not forever, Mom. Just until I’m old enough to make my own choice.

“No . . . Camille, no. We have been over this. You are not going to just give up. I know it’s hard but—”

“You don’t know anything!” Camille yelled.

Tears exploded from her eyes. She rarely cried in front of her parents, but her emotions were too close to the surface tonight. She was done lying and hiding. She knew this would have to come out at some point and she didn’t see any reason it shouldn’t be now.

Camille moved toward her parents, pleading with them to understand. “I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t live like this. The drugs and the treatments aren’t helping anymore. They just make me feel sick and weak.”

“But they give you more time,” her mother argued.

“For what, Mom? I’m not going to get better. We all know that. And I’m okay with it.”

“Well, I’m not!” her mother screamed. “We’ve worked too hard to get you here. You have to keep fighting, Cami.”

“I have been fighting! But I’m done now. This is my choice, Mom. It’s my life. And I don’t want to spend the time I have left going to appointments and taking drugs that make me feel half dead. And I’m so sorry I lied, but I knew you’d be like this. And I just can’t do it anymore.”

“Camille!”

“No, Mom. I’m done!” The words came out with such finality they echoed through the room. Camille was shaking and she hated the look of devastation on her parents’ faces. She pushed past them and ran upstairs to her room.

She heard her mother try to follow, but her father must’ve stopped her.

Camille collapsed on her bed, letting Poo climb into her lap. She sobbed into his silky fur. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure who she was saying sorry to—herself, her parents, Nate, Ronnie, Poo . . . there was a long list.

Poo licked her tears like he always did, which only made her cry harder. “They had to know this was coming, right?” she asked Poo.

Camille was almost eighteen. She’d far outlived her life expectancy after diagnosis. But it hadn’t been much of a life for the past few years. She was grateful for everything the doctors and her parents had done, but enough was enough. Camille didn’t want six more months of a half life when she could have three of a real life. It was simple math. Why couldn’t her parents understand that?

But no one could. Only those who’d been through a debilitating disease knew how it continued to eat away at you on the inside, stealing bits of you away each day. And Camille had fought long and hard. She’d staved off the darkness and exhaustion that made her want to give up more times then she could count. But everyone had a breaking point, and Camille was at hers.

She had a plan and she was going to stick to it. Routine was what had gotten her this far. She just had to keep going a little bit longer. She needed to tick two more boxes off her wall. Beach and Graduation. Then she could finally rest and let go of it all. She even planned how she would do it. She’d been taking medicine since childhood. By now she knew what combinations proved lethal. She didn’t want her death to be tragic or obscene. She just wanted to say goodbye to everyone she loved and drift off to sleep one last time.

She knew it sounded selfish, but deep down she didn’t think it was. She was a burden on her parents. There were so many things they’d given up to provide her with the stable life she needed. Her father quit working to be her full-time caregiver when she was first diagnosed. And her mother worked constantly to be able to afford Camille’s endless medical bills. It was time they got a chance to live again. And when Camille was gone, they could.

Her parents were strong. They would heal from this. And so would Nate. If he could survive losing his brother, she would only be a bump in the long, wonderful road of his life. She was just a girl that he kissed a few times. She didn’t really matter to him.

But even as she thought it, Camille knew it wasn’t true. Nate made her heart hurt in a way not even cancer could. He made her ache with love. And every second she spent with him would never be enough. She missed him even when they were together.

Her parents’ voices drifted upstairs. They were still arguing.

“It’s her choice, Josie. You know how much pain she’s in. She’s fought long and hard. If this is what she wants . . .”

“She’s my daughter, Ray!”

“I know, baby. I know. She’s my daughter, too. But we have to think about what she wants.”

“She can’t ask us to do this,” her mother sobbed.

Camille couldn’t stand to listen to her parents crying. She grabbed a hoodie, kissed Poo and climbed out her window.

Despite all Camille’s talk about Romeo spikes, her house wasn’t much of a fortress. It had been outfitted with fire escapes long before she moved in. Anyone wanting to break in only needed minimal upper body strength, because of course her parents kept the ladders in perfect working order—God forbid a fire kill Cami before the cancer did.

Her parents truly thought of every precaution. Even Camille’s car was virtually a tank. She slipped into the driver seat and started the near soundless engine of her Range Rover with a push of the button. She hit the remote for the gate and counted the seconds to freedom while it slowly rolled open.

The benefits of having such a large house was that it was easy to sneak out of. Especially when the cars were kept in the old detached carriage house that had been converted into a garage. All Camille had to do was take the fire escape to the street and walk in through the courtyard entrance.

While she waited for the gate to open, she kept the headlights off. She held her breath until she was a block from her house. She didn’t really know where she was going, only that she needed to get away. She couldn’t stay in her house a moment longer. It was sucking the life out of her—at least what she had left of it anyway.

By the time Camille knew where she was going, she was already there. She parked in Nate’s driveway, still wiping tears from her eyes. She shouldn’t go in. It was late and she was a mess. All she’d accomplish was upsetting Nate and ruining the memory of their perfect night by telling him the truth.

“That’s what I deserve,” she muttered to herself.

But then Nate would never kiss her again. He’d never look at her like she was beautiful and desirable. Again she was in tears. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t ruin the only good thing that ever happened to her. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable. Nate would eventually find out she had cancer. But with the rest of her world crumbling around her, Camille only wanted to hold onto Nate tighter.

A knock on the driver’s side window startled her. When Camille looked up, Nate was staring at her, a look of genuine fear in his eyes.

“Cami?”

The worry in his voice made her cry harder.

Nate tried the door handle, but the car was locked. “Cami, can you let me in?”

That was a loaded question. She shook her head. Her vision blurred so badly from the tears she was having trouble seeing Nate. It made it easier to not let him in. Because she knew if she saw his face, that would be it, she’d let him into her heart fully and he would tear it to pieces.

“Please, Cami. I need to know you’re alright.”

His voice was ripping her apart. She was already mourning her loss of his affection, which she knew was stupid, because Nate wasn’t hers. Even if he wanted to be and she let him in, they couldn’t have a future together. She could never belong to someone the way she wanted to belong to Nate. Camille belonged to cancer. And her destiny was written a long time ago.

“Cami. It’s killin’ me to see you like this. Please. Let me in. Tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear her. “I’m so sorry.”

Nate

Nate pounded on the window when he heard the car ignition turn on. There was a desperation in Camille’s gray-blue eyes that unsettled him. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he couldn’t let her leave like this. Not after the way he’d lost his brother. He wouldn’t lose another person he loved to a car wreck, and Camille definitely shouldn’t be driving in the state she was in.

“Cami, please let me in. I want to come with you, okay?”

She just kept mouthing I’m sorry as she backed out of the driveway, so Nate did the only thing he could think of. He leapt onto the hood. It must’ve startled Camille, because she slammed on the brakes and he slid into the windshield.

Camille was out of the car in a flash, screaming his name. “Nate! Nate! Omigod! Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

“Well that’s one way to get you out of the car,” he groaned climbing off the hood.

Camille was shaking, touching him all over as if checking for bruises. Tears streamed down her face and she was whispering I’m sorrys like it was some sort of prayer. There was definitely something wrong, and suddenly Nate couldn’t get his arms around her fast enough.

“Hey, hey, I’m okay. Camille, look at me.” He placed his large hands on either side of her face and forced her eyes to meet his. “I’m okay.”

Her pretty features crumbled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You didn’t. I’m okay. I promise you, beautiful. I’m okay.”

Nate held her for a while, and when her shaking stopped he pulled back to look at her. “What happened?”

“Can we . . . can we go somewhere?” she whispered.

“Sure. Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere. I just-I wanna keep moving.” She hiccupped between sobs. “I can’t-I can’t stay here,”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Surprising him, Camille walked to the passenger side and got in. Nate froze. He hadn’t driven since Ty’s accident. But as he looked at Camille, he knew she needed him more than he needed to hold onto his fear. He took a deep breath and opened the driver’s side door.