CHAPTER SEVEN
Kristina
The roast somehow made it through the electricity going out and as we sit down to eat, I see Ian’s eyes open wide at the sight of the meal I’ve prepared. Looking at me, he asks, “Is it possible you’re the perfect woman? Gorgeous, talented, sexy, and a great cook?”
I sit down across from him at the kitchen table and smile at his comment. “I thought the same thing that first night you made me your world famous risotto.”
“That sounded pretty sexist, didn’t it? I didn’t mean it like that. I think anyone with all those qualities, man or woman, is pretty damn impressive.”
Waving away his worry that he offended me, I say, “Not to worry. Eat up. We never know how long the electricity is going to stay on since it’s still blowing around out there, and I’d hate for this meal to go to waste.”
“I have an idea. Hang on,” he says as he jumps out of his chair to head for a closet in the hallway. He returns a few seconds later with two white taper candles and two silver candlesticks. Placing them between us in the middle of the table, he walks to the fireplace and brings over one long matchstick. As he lights the two candles, he says sweetly, “This wonderful meal calls for candlelight, so even if the electricity goes out, we’ll still have a romantic dinner for two.”
When he shows this side of him—the cute and thoughtful side—I can’t help falling in love with him all over again. I know his demons will never really disappear, always hiding deep inside and looking for that perfect opportunity to come out and wreak havoc on him again, but I love him. The good, the bad, and the worst of him. I love all of it.
“I love it, Ian. It’s perfect.”
By the time we finish our dinner, he’s convinced I am the perfect woman, and even though I know I’m nowhere close to being that, I’m happy to let him think that. He sits across from me with a completely satisfied look in his eyes, and I like that I could make that happen.
“Would you like to hear what I’m going to write for the second Silk book?” he asks as I clear the plates from the table.
“You know what the story is now?”
“I think so. Would you like to hear about it?”
I quickly run some hot water over the dirty dishes and return to my seat to hear all about his new book. “Yes! I’m dying to know what happens to Kate and Sean. You didn’t give them a happily ever after in the first book, so will they get one in this book?”
Ian nods as a sexy grin spreads across his lips. “Yes. They’ll get their happily ever after in this one. Not that I’m going to make it easy for them. They’re going to have to get through a lot of obstacles before they find their happiness.”
“Sort of like us?”
“Exactly like us. It is our story, after all.”
A feeling of dread comes over me for a moment. “Does that mean you’re going to have her go back to her addiction?”
The smile he wore just a few seconds earlier fades and he knits his brows. “Yeah. Kate’s going to have to get through her heroin addiction to find real happiness with Sean.”
I instantly begin to worry that writing about that will be too much for Ian. Will he want to go back to it himself because he’s living it again through his character? Will he give in to the temptation?
He reaches across the table and clutches my hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. You’ll be right there with me, and every day I’ll read you what I wrote. I think it will be good for me.”
“How?”
“This part of me is never going away, Kristina. I need to be able to live with the reality of who I can be and what it will do to my life if I let myself go back to that. Don’t worry. I know what I can lose if I do.”
“You mean me?”
“I know you stayed last time, but I’m not a fool. I know how bad that was for you, and there’s no reason for me to believe you’ll stay if it happens again, no matter how much you love me. I won’t risk that again. I promise.”
“I’m just worried it will bring back all those feelings and be too much for you.”
Ian takes a deep breath and slowly exhales as concern settles into his expression. “I know. And it might bring back a lot of things I wish I could forget, but my desire for that poison isn’t something I can just pretend never existed. It did, and it will for the rest of my life. That’s how addiction is.”
I hate hearing him say he’ll always want that awful drug. Of all the things about his addiction, that’s the worst. Knowing no matter how much he fights it and how long he stays clean, somewhere inside him is a part that will always want it.
He comes around the table and kneeling next to me, looks up at me with those dark eyes that always seem so full of passion. “I promise, Kristina. No more of that. I’ll do whatever I have to do to fight those demons. I choose you—I choose us—over that shit. I don’t want to lose you and all the wonderful things being with you makes me feel.”
Cradling his face, I can’t help but believe him. He’s the man I love. I just pray to God he’s telling the truth.
“I want more than anything for you to never touch that stuff again, Ian. You’re such a wonderful man. You’re a good person, and I think you believe what you say. I want you to be happy, and I’ve never seen you so miserable as when you were high. That man wasn’t the Ian I know. That man was so lost, and I didn’t know how to get to him.”
He covers my hands with his and nods his understanding. “I know. I don’t want that for us. I want us to be happy, and I know heroin has no place in any happiness we’ll ever have. I just want you to know I haven’t done anything this time. We ran into a problem and I came here, but I didn’t go back to it.”
I quietly admit what had been in the back of my mind since hearing he left the city. “I was afraid you might have. More than the snowstorm and even the chance that you might turn me away, I feared I’d find you high and lost to me again.”
“I didn’t do it. I swear. I’m not going to tell you I didn’t try to get blasted drunk to forget how hurt I was, but nothing else. I promise. Never again.”
Leaning down, I kiss him and say, “I’m so sorry for what happened. I never meant to hurt you. I love you.”
His smile tells me he’s truly forgiven me. “I know I’m as much to blame. You deserved more than a junkie.”
“Promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Promise me we can forget all this and be happy again. I want us to be happy like we used to be before everything got all messed up.”
“I promise. This is a new chance for us. We’re starting over and have the ability to be as happy as we want.”
“Good. You know what I want now?”
He understands the tone in my voice and slowly runs his hands up over my thighs. “I think I know, but why don’t you tell me what you want?”
A tiny moan escapes my throat as his thumbs graze the very tops of my legs. “I want my gorgeous author boyfriend to make love to me over there on that couch in front of the fire.”
“Your wish is my command, my muse.” Ian stands and holds his hand out for me to take it. I weave my fingers through his, and he asks, “Anything in particular you’d like?”
As he guides me to the couch, I think about his question and there isn’t anything in particular I want. Other than him completely lost in me and me completely lost in him.
He turns to face me and kisses me deeply, nearly taking my breath away and making my knees go weak. “I’m going to worship every beautiful inch of your body. When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to think of anything but how much I love you. Now lie back and let me get down to work.”
I do as he commands and lie back on the couch. Crawling up my body, he gently pulls my sweater over my head, leaving me naked in front of him.
Beginning at my ankles, he slowly kisses up one leg and then the other until his mouth is ever so close to my excited pussy. I let my legs fall open to the sides, eager for him to press his mouth to my clit and give me what I want, but he has other plans.
He looks up at me as he nips at the tender skin of my left thigh and then says, “I know I told you this before, but your cunt is the prettiest pink I’ve ever seen in my life. Just seeing it makes me want to bury my face in you.”
“I wish you would.”
“Not yet. I want your body primed for me, so sit back and let yourself enjoy what I’m about to do.”
I watch as he drags his tongue up toward my core, stopping just as his mouth reaches the crease of my leg. Over and over, he teases me like this, every so often letting his lips graze my pussy lightly and making me want him so fucking badly. No matter how much I whimper and beg, he still persists in teasing me, but I know the waiting will be worth it.
When he finally presses his mouth to me, it’s like heaven. His tongue flat, he drags it up over my tender skin, moaning against my body until he reaches my clit. I watch in rapt attention as he hovers over that point of perfect pleasure and gazes up at me with a look of the devil in his eyes.
“Ready or should I wait a little more?”
I bury my hands in his hair and pull his head toward my body, dying to feel his mouth on me. He doesn’t resist at all, as hungry for me as I am for him, and the first touch of his tongue on my clit sends a jolt of pleasure racing through my body like electricity coursing through me.
My fingertips tingle as he sucks my clit between his lips, and just as I’m sure I can’t take another second of this sweet torture, he gently bites down and it’s like fireworks exploding behind my eyes as my orgasm takes me over. I ride his mouth as waves of pleasure wash over me, and as the exquisite tremors begin to subside, he flicks his tongue and slides two fingers inside me, curling them perfectly against that sweet spot he knows will make me come again.
And then I come for the second time, this time even harder than the first, my hands holding his head so I don’t miss a moment of the pleasure his mouth provides. Time ceases to exist in those moments when I feel like I’m floating above myself, and when he finally sits back away from me, I can’t imagine how I’m going to continue feeling like this.
I open my eyes to see him smacking his lips like he’s just enjoyed a favorite treat. He grins like a naughty schoolboy, and I can’t help but smile.
“You look like the cat who just ate the canary,” I tease.
“I love the taste of you on my tongue.” He brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks me off them. “I want you to know that just in case I someday have some kind of difficulty getting it up that I’ll be more than happy to spend all my time making you come that way.”
Reaching out for him, I take him by the hand to pull him down on top of me. “I do love that, but I think I’d miss the feeling of you inside me. We’ll just have to get you the little blue pill.”
His hard cock nudges up against me, and Ian groans in my ear, “Thankfully, that’s not a problem I have now. Now my cock gets hard every time you’re anywhere nearby.”
I spread my legs wide to take him inside me, and he lifts his hips off the couch. I want to feel him fill me like only he can, but in my ear I hear him say, “I want you on my lap like the first time we were together.”
Sitting up, he pulls me on top of him and in a second my thighs are straddling him as his cock waits for me so sit down on him. Slowly, I lower myself down and feel him enter me, filling me until there’s no space between us and we’re together in the most intimate way.
I kiss him and taste myself on his lips and tongue as he begins to thrust his cock in and out of me. His hands hold my hips firmly, and in my ear he moans, “I love it when you ride me like this. Let me watch you come apart for me, Kristina.”
Raising myself up, I slide down his cock again as he sucks a nipple hard into his mouth. He knows what I like and what gets me off, and he gives it to me like no one else ever has. I ride him, my hips rocking back and forth, while he bites down on my excited nipple, sending waves of delight rushing through my body.
I watch him move from one breast to the other, each one receiving his attention and ratcheting up my desire with every gentle nip of my skin. The mouth that just brought me such pleasure now gives me the pain I crave to get off.
Inside, my orgasm begins to unwind slowly like coiled snake until I’m bucking wildly on his lap needing the release I know he can give me. Leaning back, he watches me inch toward that moment of sweet abandon, all the while guiding my movement with his hands on my hips. I’m so close. Just a few more passes of his cock over that spot inside me and I’ll come apart.
Ian lets go of my left hip and moves his hand between us. Sliding his finger over my swollen and needy clit, his touch finally sends me over the edge and my orgasm explodes inside me. I throw my head back as every nerve in my body comes alive and focuses on that spot where his fingertip still rests.
For a long moment, I forget everything but him inside me. I forget all the good and the bad we’ve been through. I forget the drugs and Cilla’s betrayal. I forget everything that tore us apart and all I can think of is how incredible my body feels on his.
“I love watching you when you come. You’re so erotic and sensual, just like a woman should be.”
I open my eyes and look down at me staring up at me with wonder in his eyes, like what I am to him is something amazing. Leaning down, I kiss him and say, “Only with you. I’ve never been like this with anyone else. I think it’s you who makes me feel that way.”
“What way?”
“Sensual. Like I’m sexy and it’s something that feels natural.”
“Good because it is something natural. I see it every time we’re together, and I love it. I love that you never pretend to be something other than what you are.”
I look down at where his body and mine are still joined and frown. “You didn’t come.”
“I had to work at it, if that makes you feel better about my not coming. I almost couldn’t hold back at one point.”
“Why did you then?” I say, pouting because I love when I can make him come that way.
“Because as much as I enjoy coming from being inside you, I love coming from your mouth even more. You know that.”
“I think you have an unhealthy obsession with my going down on you, Ian.”
“I think you love it as much as I do.”
What I love is that when I suck his cock he’s happy. I still wonder from time to time if I’m really any good at it or if he’s just inclined to come easier that way, but it doesn’t matter. No man has ever taken my body to the heights he has, so if my going down on him gives him pleasure, who am I to say it shouldn’t be that way?
I lift myself off him and look down to see his cock glistening with my juices. Lowering myself to the floor, I wrap my fingers around him and look up to see him watching me as if he can’t wait for me to put my mouth on his skin. For so long I thought this part of sex demeaning to women, an act that made us subservient and less than the man, but now I see with the right person, it’s just another way to bring the man you adore pleasure.
And as I watch him come, I know this is something even he doesn’t realize means something to me. That my touch, my mouth, can excite him and I can take all he has makes me feel like that sensual being I’ve always wanted to be.