CHAPTER SIXTEEN

WILLOW

As I approach the large, red, brick building, I see that the brass plaque on the glossy black door reads, Gracewell House. I press the brass bell. This must be the place. The girl on the phone explained this particular care home prides itself on its luxury and discretion so there wouldn’t be a sign out front advertising its purpose. Looking around, I see how right she was. It looks like a rather large private estate, complete with sprawling gardens and a black, iron gate that has a guard.

I wave to Piers’ driver who sits in the car waiting, even though I told him it may be a while. He nods politely in response. Since being here, Piers has insisted on having a driver transport Drew and me which, if I’m being honest, is probably not a bad thing. I learned to drive here, but I’m so out of practice. He also said it’s for safety, given his status and that of James, it’s an extra precaution. For when he can’t be with us.

The door opens, and I’m greeted by a lovely young lady, wearing a white nurse’s dress with a pale green cardigan. “Welcome to Gracewell.” She invites me in, closing the door behind us. “Are you here to visit someone?”

“Yes, actually.” I clear my throat. “James Black.” I’m not sure why I’m here. It just felt like the right thing to do.

“Okay, we just need to stop at the desk and have you show your identification.” She smiles at me and gestures for me to follow her. She moves very elegantly, not making a sound. This place is like a museum.

“Here we are.” We stop at a desk, and I pull out my wallet and hand my ID to the older lady behind the desk. “Guest for Mr. Black.”

“Thank you.” She hands my ID back. “You only have to do that the first time. From now on when buzzed in, you may go directly to your relative.” She has a soft voice, but her face is slightly stern. I nod in understanding. “Gretchen, you may take her back now.”

“Mr. Black is right this way. He’s in the North wing,” she tells me quietly as I follow after her. “It’s extremely private with only a handful of residents currently occupying it.” She stops walking and turns to me. “I tell you this because it’s terribly important you don’t knock on any of the other doors or bother any other patients.”

After I nod, we resume walking. After walking past a large formal dining hall and passing what appears to be a music room, we take a left and walk down a corridor. “Take another left, and Mr. Black will be down on the end, suite thirty-eight. You should know he doesn’t get many visitors, also that he’s not very responsive. He has good days and bad days, but for the most part, he is catatonic.”

“Okay. Can you tell me, if I may ask, how did he end up here? He’s my uncle, and I know he was brought here after my aunt passed. But by whom, I’m not sure. A doctor perhaps?”

“Well, since you’re family, I can tell you that his doctors recommended some type of care home since they aren’t exactly sure what caused his illness or when he might come out of it. A hospital wasn’t entirely necessary, but being at home with a home nurse wasn’t enough monitoring. This is a state of the art place to receive the care he needs while maintaining his privacy during this difficult time. It’s the best facility of its type and has a long waiting list, but Mr. Nichols is friends with one of our board members and they accommodated him.”

“Mr. Nichols? Piers?” I am completely floored by what she is telling me. Piers did this? He set James up here?

“Yes, he’s the one responsible for getting Mr. Black in. It was quite helpful that Mr. Black’s head doctor is on the board as well. But he’s very adamant about his care and also acts as a point of contact.” She smiles. “If you’ll excuse me, I really should get back to the front desk.”

“Sure. Thank you,” I reply and head off in the direction she told me to go. I’m so lost in thought as I wander down the hall. Even though he always hated James, he’s been looking after him. It speaks volumes about the kind of man he really is. Honorable.

Not looking where I’m going, I turn the corner and slam right into someone, nearly losing my balance. “Excuse me. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Large hands quickly reach out, stabilizing me. “There we go.” When he releases me and steps back, I realize it’s the guy from the pub.

“CJ?” I question. He freezes and looks at me.

“I’m sorry; do we know each other?” He looks confused and obviously doesn’t remember me.

“We bumped into each other a bit ago, at a pub. I recognized you, but honestly, I remembered your name because my son thought you were a pirate. He thought CJ stood for Captain Jack,” I admit, probably creeping him out.

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry about that. And as far as my name...nope, nothing nearly that cool. Although I do work in the shipping industry, no pirate.” He chuckles. At least he seems humored by my confession and not offended.

“Well, crazy seeing you here. I’ll let you get back to—” I’m unsure, so he picks up where I leave off.

“Oh, yeah. My, uh, grandmother. I’m visiting my grandmother. But I’m just headed out if you’d like to grab that drink?” He smiles at me, and it’s a gorgeous smile. He’s got that dark hair going for him, a bit of scruff even. But his eyes are blue, and I’m pretty partial to green eyes.

“Sorry, I can’t. I’m actually just getting here,” I politely decline. “Thanks though, it’s very kind of you.”

He nods before turning to walk away, then he shifts to talk to me while stepping backwards. “I guess your someone showed up?” He smiles once more.

“He did.” Turning back around, I continue down the hall, thinking to myself he most definitely did. It’s my turn to smile.

When I reach the door that says suite thirty-eight, my smile fades. I stand waiting. For what, I’m not sure. I lift my hand to knock, then drop it back down, grabbing the brass knob instead. Twisting it, it gently opens, and I step into what looks like a fancy hotel suite.

Plush beige carpet covers the floor that leads to a seating area, complete with a small sofa and table and chairs. Natural light floods the space. As I walk further into the room, I notice a small kitchenette to my left with wood floors and stainless appliances, and two doors are to my right. Since both are open, I can tell which one is a bedroom. It’s dark except for the gentle glow of sunlight through the bamboo blinds.

Finding I’m shaking, I step forward and into the room that holds a sleeping James. Sleeping may be a kinder, more gracious word for what is going on. No one really knows for sure.

Setting my stuff down, I walk closer to the bed and see his eyes are closed. Turning my back to him, I walk to the window, pulling the shades open.

“I’m not really sure what to say,” I tell him, turning around, looking at him as if I expect him to reply. “I’m not even sure why I came.”

“This is harder than I thought it would be.”

I turn back to the window and just open my heart and say all the things I could never bring myself to say if he was awake.

“I’ve been so mad at you. And I know it’s wrong to say now while you’re lying in this bed and unable to talk back. But I’ve been waiting a long time, five years in fact. So here it goes. I loved you. I trusted you. And that gave you the power to hurt me so much more.” My voice shakes as tears fill my eyes.

“You lied to me. You cost me five years with the man I loved. Love.” I never stopped loving him. The tears start to fall, and I turn to look at my Uncle James, sleeping, or maybe he’s awake and his eyes are just closed. “You cost my son his father for the first five years of his life!”

“You cost me the last five years of Wendy’s life. Even though we remained closer than ever, I didn’t get to see her every day like I would have. I missed so much. We all did. You pulled our family apart for selfish reasons. Because of jealousy. To punish a son for his father’s sins!” My voice gets louder as I walk towards the bed that feels out of place in the spa-like space.

“How could you? How could you lie to me and tell me those things, knowing they weren’t true? And forcing my hand at leaving London? Making my son, my life’s greatest joy, a secret that had to be kept hidden away! Not to mention breaking my heart right open. What kind of person does that?” My heart feels lighter as it pours out, and I attempt to let go of the things I’ve been holding on to for far too long. Things that have been holding onto me.

I sit on the edge of his bed and let the tears fall. “Even as a selfish, bitter man, you always loved one person more than yourself. Wendy. So how could you do that to her? How could you tear her world apart the way you did? And look how that worked out for you! She’s gone and you’re here.” A sob escapes my throat as the venomous words taste like vinegar in my mouth. I’m not proud of what I’m saying, but it has to be said. The time for holding it all in has passed, and polite or not, the words tumble from my shaking lips. “I wish you would wake up and answer for what you have done. You’re sleeping peacefully, and I’m here. She’s gone, and you just checked out on us. After all this time, I’m finally back, and I want answers, do you hear me? Damn you, James! Answer me!” I choke out the words, and tears fall on his pristine steel sheets, big fat drops splattering the sleek cotton like a dark stain.

Shoulders slumping until my neck hurts, I sit, no concept of time, feeling drained from my...outburst? Confessional? Confrontation? I guess in a way it was all of those things.

A nurse knocks softly before entering, “Sorry. It’s time for his vitals.”

“Okay.” I stand, wiping my eyes, and search for a glass to get a sip of water, finding the fridge stocked with mini bottles.

“Can I get you anything?” she asks before leaving. “Tea, perhaps?”

“No thanks.” When she first came in, I was concerned maybe she was here because I raised my voice. Thankfully, that didn’t seem to be the cause.

I’ve done enough talking; it’s time for listening. I decide now is as good a time as any to read the first letter. Sitting down, I pull up a chair and grab my bag, taking out the first letter from the box that the attorney gave me.

Holding it in my hands, I run my fingers over the heavy linen paper, feeling the wax on the back. Wendy’s signature seal. My name in her elegant script, scrawled across the front.

Taking a deep breath, I pull open the seal and remove the letter.

Dearest Willow,

So it would seem if you’re reading this, then you’re back in London. You’re home. Finally home. I wish I was there to hold you, to tell you it’s all going to be all right. Because it will, my dear, it will. I’m sure the ghosts of the past are heavy on your heels, but I need you to know a few things so that you can begin to heal. And to heal you must let go. To let go, you’re going to have to forgive. You don’t have to forget, but at least try to forgive. It’s what gave me the most peace in the end. Don’t doubt how powerful forgiveness is, to both those who give and receive it.

By now, you will have seen Piers. I’m sure that was difficult. I kept your secret, just as I promised I would. It never left my lips. It was only after I passed that Mr. Barrington gave Piers the info about the cottage house in the states. I knew he would find you and, in turn, find Drew. His son. His family that he so desperately wanted. It was heartbreaking to see you both, knowing that you grieved for one another but neither unable to see past your hurt and anger. You both put up walls and moved on, becoming someone else. Fractions of the people you were or could become together. But as parents sometimes have to do, I let you make your own way.

You had Drew to hold on to. That boy will never know that rock he was for you when he was little more than a pebble himself. Never forget that feeling! Never forget when you were scared and thought yourself alone, when all seemed dark and hopeless, that you brought life into this world. You gave it light. That light, born of the love that you and Piers shared for one another.

Love like that comes along but once in a lifetime. And a light that special, it shines across oceans, beyond borders and into the darkest corners of our hearts, where we think we’ve locked away all secrets, desires and memories. It shines and beckons us. It illuminates and reminds us.

Let this time here with Piers remind you of what could still be. Don’t dwell on what could have been, for that time has passed. So, give him a chance, give him forgiveness, even if he does not ask. Give yourselves a chance, for Drew, for me? Please.

Another person who will need another chance is your uncle. I know James is largely to blame for your hasty departure, something he regretted. And now, I’m going to ask for your forgiveness. Because while I never told Piers about Drew, I did tell James a couple of years ago. I was angry at him. He kept pushing to know why I was traveling so much. He thought maybe there was someone else. In a moment of rage, I told him about your son, told him what he cost us all. It broke something in him, Willow. A man I never imagined could be broken was crushed over the loss of a chance to see your child grow.

I told him he could never try to see you, not until you came back. On your terms. I threatened to leave if he tried to go around me. He conceded, and seeing this side of him made me realize that he wasn’t all bad. He has love to give, but it came out very controlled and all wrong. Try to look past it. I did and was able to share a friendship and tenderness with him in the end that had been missing since we were newlyweds.

Now that you’re back, you know that Everlend is yours. You and Piers. James knows, and he will be keeping his flat in the city. He won’t fight you on this. I needed it to be left to someone who would have a burden for it, who wouldn’t let it be a burden. I know the stipulations are quite specific. That also might take some forgiveness, but just know, there is a reason. Sometimes, something bigger than ourselves is going on, so try to see not the tree but the forest.

One last person who may need a little of your forgiveness is Scarlett. I never told you that night, but Piers was helping Scarlett. She was in a bad way, Willow. It wasn’t my story to tell, and it still isn’t. I’m hoping that you and he will talk it out, if you haven’t already. But just know Piers carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, even as a young boy. Before you came, he, Teddy and Scarlett were a family unit. The lost boys, they called themselves. Scarlett included herself in that unit as a boy. She could be tougher. Less vulnerable, or so she thought.

Saying she had a rotten life before coming to Everlend is an understatement. Unlike you and Piers, she wasn’t orphaned, and she wasn’t given up like Teddy. She was taken away from her mother. I don’t want to break her trust. Even beyond the grave, I keep my word. But I’m telling you, she comes from a darkness you’ve never encountered. It’s not the kind that merely casts a cloud or a shadow over you but the kind that consumes you from within. So, you have to understand, she clung to those boys because they were all she had. When you showed up, with your silky hair and frilly dresses, she was jealous. She noticed that Piers noticed you, and it threatened all she had left. Just promise me that you will try to see past the person she pretends to be, down deep to the girl still looking for acceptance.

I know it’s a lot to ask, and it’s only the first letter. But know this, above all else, I love you and that you’re right where you are meant to be.

Love,

Aunty Wen

XoXo

Folding the letter up, I blink back tears as I put it in my bag and stand to go. “I’ll be back,” I tell James even though he doesn’t seem to be able to hear me. I need to think about the letter, the will...all of it. It’s a lot for one afternoon, so maybe forgiveness will have to wait until another day.

“Wendy?” I hear a raspy voice whisper, it stops me in my tracks. James?

Whirling around, I see he is still sleeping peacefully. Now I’m hearing things.

Walking back to the car, I take deep, even breaths and let Wendy’s words sink in. My mind understands, but my heart may take a little more time. I’m blown away by what I read, and I’m reminded how much I still need her strength and goodness in my life.

Speechless would be an understatement. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel for Wendy. She mentions Piers carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he did undoubtedly. But I never realized the weight of what bearing all of our secrets cost her. I wish she could be here, right this very moment because it is I who should be asking her for forgiveness.

§

PIERS

Driving back to Everlend to pick up Drew has me feeling on cloud nine. I’ve got a surprise for Willow that I need his help with. A couple actually, and I told him we could take in a few sights and possibly get Pete the pirate cat some toys. Smiling to myself, I think how much my dad would have loved that the cat has his name, a variation of it anyway. And it’s a much better name for a cat than Piers.

We’ve met with the attorneys, and Willow knows about the stipulations, a huge relief for me to not have that hanging out there. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but in the back of my mind, I was a little concerned it would be a lot to take in, and it would drive her away. The thought of losing her again makes me shudder.

Willow seemed to handle it pretty well, all things considered. I’m so proud of how strong she is. She doesn’t realize it, but she is so much like Wendy. It makes perfect sense that Wendy wanted her to run the estate in her absence. She’s smart, level headed and compassionate. But she also has that kindness about her, the kind that’s not just manners but that you’re born with. A gentleness in her soul. I feel like just being with her makes me a better person. Like, somehow by association, her goodness takes away some of my bad, the wrongs I’ve done. It pushes me to be better for her, for them. Deserving.

Ringing interrupts my thoughts, “Piers here.” I answer, using the car’s hands-free feature.

“Piers? Are you finally taking my calls?” Scarlett’s sarcastic voice fills the car, and I realize that I didn’t look to see who it was; my mind was elsewhere. Willow.

“Did the reworked documents come in on that deal yet?” I skip the greeting and try to keep it professional. Things are still a bit tense between us.

“Yeah, they are on your desk. So, are you coming into the office this week?” she asks, digging for info. It’s hard pushing her away, but things are going really well with Willow. I’m not prepared to mess that up.

“Yes, I’ll be in the rest of the week. We had the Barrington meeting today, and I’m headed to pick up Drew now,” I tell her out of habit, unable to backtrack. Shit.

“How’d it go?” Her voice seems genuine to someone who doesn’t know her like I do. She has an angle. It’s the slight octave raise on the last word that’s her tell.

“Really well.” I attempt to be vague.

“So well that she paid no attention to the stipulations?” She loves to push me, forcing my hand.

“There were no issues,” I reply flatly.

“So you didn’t tell her? Do you really think that’s smart Piers?” She mocks me.

“Scarlett, this doesn’t really concern you.” I sigh, angry at myself for even answering the phone.

“Why are you avoiding me anyway? You never said.” She sounds quiet, almost afraid of what I’ll say. I wanted to wait and have this discussion in person, to look her in the eye, make her look me in the eye and tell me what she did. That she made Willow think I had forgotten her, pushing her away and making me lose out on Drew as a baby.

With the gala just around the corner, I need to figure out how to handle it in a way that’s fair for all involved. I don’t need a major blow up with my right hand person in the middle of this huge deal on top of the gala. Willow is hurt. I’m angry and confused.

I decide it’s best to wait. I need to know. I believe Willow, but I need to see Scarlett’s face for myself. It’s the only way. She is way too good at poker, so for now, I’ll keep her at arm’s length and get through the next week. And just hope to myself this doesn’t all blow up in my face.

“I don’t have time for this now, Scarlett, okay? We will talk later. Email those other reports and send the final guest list for the gala so I can review it one last time. I promised Drew we would take the cat to get supplies.”

“You have a cat? Wow! Piers Nichols, family man extraordinaire!” She laughs.

“Watch it Scarlett. Sarcasm is not becoming on you,” I warn her. “And yes, Drew has a cat. Since he’s my son, in turn it would seem I now have a cat.”

I still hear her stifling a laugh on the other end, so I attempt to end the conversation. “Is that all you need then?” My impatience comes across as obvious, I hope.

“Almost, about the gala...you still have your mask at the office; don’t forget to grab it.” The mask, the gala. I told her I was taking Willow. Didn’t I?

“Scarlett, I told you that I was planning to take Willow to the gala. I asked her, and she said yes. I thought we talked about this?” I try to pinpoint the exact conversation.

“No, actually you didn’t. You have barely spoken to me in the last two weeks.” Two weeks. The night I asked her, was the same night Scarlett called. And I haven’t really talked to her. Shit.

I don’t know what to say, feeling torn. Obviously, I’m going to take Willow, but angry or not, I wouldn’t intentionally drop Scarlett at the last minute, especially for an event she’s worked so hard on.
“Look, Piers, it’s fine. I get it; I really do. She’s the mother of your child. You’re making her feel welcome.” She sighs dramatically. “I’ll ask Teddy. I’m sure he wasn’t planning on bringing a date anyway. Win-win. Seriously, don’t worry. You’re doing it to be nice because you have to, so she doesn’t bolt again.”

“I’m not taking her to be nice. What the hell is your problem?” I growl out, angry with her because a minute ago I was feeling guilty for not backing out; and then she throws out a comment like that, and I’m reminded how selfish she can be.

“Of course not. Whatever, Piers. Just grab your mask.”

“Forget the mask. I think we’ve all done enough hiding, wouldn’t you agree?” I snap.

“Don’t be dramatic. It’s the theme; you’re the host. You have to wear a mask,” She reminds me. I hate that she’s right.

“I’ll call Harrods and have another sent over for Willow,” she offers. “See...that’s me, playing nice. But I need to know what her dress looks like.”

“I’ll find out and get back to you. I’m here to get Drew, so I really need to go,” I tell her as I pull through the gates.

“I take it you told him then? He knows you’re his dad?” Her voice is softer now.

I really don’t want to get into all of this with her now. I’m so proud to be Drew’s dad I want to tell anyone who will listen. It feels wrong sharing this with her, but she’s my friend. One of my oldest and most trusted friends. But if she did what Willow said, could I ever really trust her?

“I guess that’s a yes. You didn’t think you could call me?” she whispers.

“Scarlett, I—” I have no idea what to say. Everything has changed, and I’m not sure what I’m doing, who I am. Who I need to be.

“What’s going on with you, Piers?” She sounds sad, and I hate that. But what about Willow? If Willow is my future, does that make Scarlett my past?

“I don’t know.” I release a long even breath. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

I barely catch her muffled goodbye before ending the call.

The questions and worry all fade away when I step out of my car and hear the crunch of gravel as Drew runs to greet me. Nothing else matters in that moment, as my green-eyed boy jumps into my arms. “Dad! You’re home!” Home.