I didn’t even think about it, I just threw myself at him, wrapping my arms tight around his waist and holding on as I thought about how selfish I’d been shutting him out. His eyes were red as if he hadn’t slept. He wasn’t wearing a suit and he wasn’t clean shaven like he always was. I knew that the stress and tiredness had been a result of me and all I wanted was to have him hold me in his arms.

“Mason,” I repeated his name, my voice hushed as I started to get emotional.

My eyes squeezed closed, and my throat grew tight and itchy. Tentatively, he circled his arms around me, and just like that, I broke down.

“Whoa! Laura, what is it? What’s wrong? What’s going on? Tell me...”

Immediately, Mason was firing questions at me, sounding worried. He rubbed circles into my back with one hand, carded the fingers of his other hand through my hair, doing it ever so gently.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you,” I said through my sobs as I buried my face into his chest. “So sorry!”

Seeing him in the flesh after so long, there was no point in denying it to myself. I hadn’t wanted to see him because I knew seeing me in pain would bring him pain too, and I hadn’t wanted that. The idea of breaking things off with him, even though it would have been better for him in the long run, had only left me feeling cold. I would have done it for his sake, but I would have hated it.

“No, it’s okay. I understand,” Mason murmured, burying his face in my hair. “I was worried, Laura. I figured you needed time, and I gave it to you. I’m a pretty impatient guy and insensitive at times. Things weren’t working on my terms and I wanted to be in control of it. I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

He paused, and I could tell he’d done something, but I couldn’t figure out what, until he revealed he’d been coming here every night since he found out that I was too sick to go to work.

His explanation had me wailing louder, and even with my face pressed against his chest, it wasn’t so muffled that the sound didn’t carry down the hall.

Mason cursed. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to. I meant… shit. Why am I so fucking insensitive?”

I didn’t think I could stop myself, so I didn’t even try to.

Mason put his hands on the tops of my arms to push me back. I went willingly because I deserved it if he wasn’t going to forgive me for leaving him out of the loop for so long. But he was only doing it so there was enough space between us for him to lean down and pick me up bridal style, then walk me into the apartment. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck as I buried my face into his chest once more.

He carried me in his arms as he locked the door, then walked us further into the room. There was the sound of another door opening and closing, and he sat us both down on the bed with me in his lap. It had me feeling a little embarrassed, so I tried to get off, but he wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me there.

After a good long cry, I started to calm down a little. The tears didn’t stop but at least I was no longer sobbing. Mason moved under me, and when I opened my eyes to know what he was trying to do, I saw him holding a handkerchief up for me. That just made me even more choked up, and I wiped my tears and blew my nose into it.

“Laura…” he started, but he didn’t sound like his usual self. He sounded like he was hesitating.

Just like that, I spilled everything.

“I told you I had breast cancer,” I blurted out. “Years ago, when I was in college. I didn’t even know at first, I just felt something on my chest that was off, but I didn’t think too much about it. A while later, I started feeling off, and when I fainted in class one too many times, I decided to go to a doctor for a checkup.”

Mason stayed quiet, and very still, letting me get it all off of my chest.

“When they diagnosed me with cancer, I was so scared, Mason. I barely had any money, I was putting myself through college with a part-time job and my parents’ inheritance, which I only got after I’d turned eighteen. They started telling me about all these tests I would have to take, talking about surgery and chemotherapy. I didn’t have any family, and I didn’t tell my friends about any of it.”

I stopped to blow my nose again and wipe up some more tears. Mason’s broad hand was rubbing up and down my spine, as I quieted down to sniffling.

Mason whispered, “I know. Call me paranoid, but when I met you I did some reading up so I knew some of what you went through.”

“I went through all of it, and somehow managed to pay for it. Then I got better and I moved here. I’ve been going to the doctor regularly, and recently, they caught something.”

His body went still against me as he sucked in a sharp breath, his hand stopping its movement, and I squirmed in his lap until he continued.

“What…”

He hesitated to ask, but I guessed already what he wanted to know now, and I sighed.

“I went through some testing. I’m waiting on the results. I have to go to my doctor’s office in like half an hour. I don’t know how it’s going to go, but Mason, I’m scared.”

With that admission, he sighed and wrapped both arms around me, holding me close.

“It’s okay to be scared,” he said, his voice quiet and soothing. Then he chided, “You could have just come to me instead of hiding yourself away.”

“I didn’t hide. I stayed with a friend, my best friend. I just didn’t want to be a burden to you,” I explained but it sounded so weak as if I was excusing my behavior.

“I didn’t know what to think. When you thought… it doesn’t matter. You’re okay now.”

I bit my lip, feeling guilt wash over me.

“I know, I was selfish, but at the time it felt like the best decision,” I confessed trying to think about what it would have felt like if it was the other way around. I would have hated him if he’d shut me out that way. But then I hadn’t wanted to contact him. Not then, all I could think about was if I was going to die or not. I had to explain to him. Make him understand.

“I’ve been through all this before and it’s not pretty.”

I moved away from him so he’d understand what I was trying to say for both our sakes.

“You couldn’t handle it. At times, I don’t even know how to handle it. I see them in the clinics, in the hospitals. Partners with their husbands, wives, girlfriends. And it is not just the cancer they’re trying to deal with, but with their partner. They come to see them and hold back their tears as they watch their partner in agony. They hold their hand and all they want to do is take their pain away, but they can’t. We’ve been together a little while, but not that long and I couldn’t deal with the responsibility of watching you see me go through this.” I said it and I felt proud about admitting what was really going through my mind at the time.

“I know a little bit about cancer, and I know it can be long and painful. If my own money isn’t enough, then I’ll borrow more from my family, but I’m getting you the best care, and I will never, not once, leave you alone, okay?”

This was the Mason I was used to, high-handed and in control, even when he meant well. Only this time, it didn’t annoy me as much as it usually did. Maybe I was coming around to the fact he might not change entirely, and I was somewhat okay with it.

“You know, I resented you once,” I said. He arched his eyebrow, and I giggled. “Mostly way in the beginning, but every time you showed off it came back. You have it all, everything I needed back when I was ill, but couldn’t afford, right at your fingertips. And while it would certainly be useful to have a boyfriend with the cash to get me through this, I have my savings, and I’m pretty good at looking after myself. I’m not with you for your money, Mason.”

“I know—”

I put a finger to his lips to cut him off.

“Just let me finish. You having so much and me having so little was one of the reasons I didn’t think you and I would be a good match, and if something ever happened between us, it couldn’t possibly end happily. Your money is nice, Mason, but right now, all I need is a friend…”

I kept talking and talking until I wasn’t even sure what I was saying. I knew I was rambling because my nerves were all frazzled, but I couldn’t help it, and I spit everything out. I explained it all, my feelings, my worries, my terrors. My thought process in our relationship, my illness, our possible future, if we even had one. I didn’t stop until it felt like I was going to pass out from not taking in enough air. And then I did run out of the air, stopping mid-sentence to take in big gulps of it, only I didn’t know where I cut off, so I didn’t bother to continue.

So instead, I looked up at him with huge, scared eyes, silently begging him for one thing. Sure, his money would be convenient, but if there was anything that would bring me peace of mind, it would be his presence.

Like he saw my silent question, his expression softened, and he ducked his head to press his lips against mine in a kiss, his arms tightening even more around me.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I promise to always be there for you. For now, why don’t you get ready and I’ll take you to the doctor?”