ANDERS

I kept making the same mistake. I found myself falling in love with women who were unavailable. My brothers say I have a sickness.

It was a pattern, and I even knew why I did it. If I fell for a girl I could never have, then I wouldn’t have anything to lose. And she wouldn’t ever be able to leave me.

Some people might think it’s a peculiar view on life, but you would be a little peculiar too if every woman you had ever loved suddenly died. Ever since Mom passed, I have had a phobia about getting attached to a woman. It didn’t stop me from loving them.

I didn’t have a problem with women until I met Gwen.

Gwen was in another class from any woman I’d met before. She was out of reach, of course, but for different reasons than the others. It wasn’t because she was human. First of all, she was married. Second of all, she was my best friend outside the family.

We were heading back to our home planet with the first group of Earth women who had agreed to help us repopulate. All our women had died from a virus, and we had recently found out that every Auxem man was a ticking time bomb too. The virus was going to affect us in a few months and would make us all infertile. If our race was going to survive, we needed to make babies quickly.

This wouldn’t be a problem for other races, but the situation was a little more complicated for the Auxem than simply knocking up some partners. We bonded for life with a single woman. If we had sex with someone outside the bond, it could drive both partners insane or, in the worst-case scenario, kill them. We called the illness Bond Rejection Syndrome and, aside from adolescence, it was the thing we dreaded most.

If everything went well with the human females, Earth would send more. It all depended on the report from my sister-in-law Jayne.

I was the middle child of five brothers, and I fit all the stereotypes. I stayed up too late gaming and drinking. But wrecking the starship had been a new low for me. It was the triggering incident that made me take a good look at my life.

There were always a few smaller ships scouting ahead of the big transport heading to our home planet, Auxem. I had argued with my father for weeks that we needed starfighters to use for scouting missions. We were in a region of the galaxy known for being heavy on raiders and light on security. It was a big section of empty space with only a few planets. No one wanted to pay to police it, and a criminal element had seized it for themselves.

My father had eventually agreed to purchase six fighters on a trial basis. I attended the launch party for the ships and had a little too much to drink. I was intoxicated enough to think that taking a new fighter on a test flight was a good idea but sober enough to bypass all the security protocols.

Fortunately, I didn’t kill anyone, and I was still alive. Unfortunately, sometimes I wished I were dead. Dad just about lost his mind when I wrecked the fighter. My brothers were disappointed in me — especially Arnon and Ayrie. That hurt more than anything else.

And I was banned for life from flying the sexy new starships.

* * *

Gwen fell into step beside me as I made my way across the busy, crowded shuttle bay. The sounds of chatter and clinking tools filled the air. The noise of starships running was underneath it all — a deep, low hum I could feel pulsing through my body.

“Good morning, Anders.”

And in spite of the funk I was in about my life, I couldn’t help feeling relieved when I entered the docking bay. I let out my breath slowly and felt some of my stress flow out with it. I belonged here.

I had almost gotten my pilot’s license revoked because of the fighter incident. Fortunately, no one found out about it except my family and Gwen. My father had told me that if I screwed up one more time, he’d make sure I never flew anything ever again.

The thought made my palms sweat. Even without the threat, I knew I needed to get my life under control before I killed myself, or worse, killed someone else.

“Good morning yourself.” I glanced at Gwen and felt my pulse race at the sight of her beautiful profile.

We were both wearing flight suits consisting of navy pants with pockets on the thighs and a tight, matching navy shirt. We each also wore a navy jacket with more pockets and the Auxem crest over the breast.

On Gwen, the shirt showed off luscious curves in a way that made me imagine what she looked like underneath it. And I went through this torture every single day.

Why did designers think that pilots needed a lot of pockets? I never used half of mine. Although Gwen always seemed to have everything she needed in a pocket somewhere. Maybe I just didn’t know how to use the uniform.

I snuck a glance at her with my peripheral vision. My heart skipped a beat when I saw how cute she looked. Her bright red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and stood out against the dark color of the clothing. Her blue eyes showed compassion when she looked at me.

I ignored how my heart pounded from her proximity. I had a lot of experience ignoring my reactions to Gwen. We had been friends since she and her husband, Jake, had been hired as extra crew members back on Earth. Jake was a drinking buddy of mine now. Gwen and I had clicked from the moment we met.

Gwen wasn’t part of the trial; she had signed on as a pilot. Her husband was a general mechanic helping to maintain our ship. They were always happy together. When they started working with us, they were newlyweds and couldn’t get enough of each other.

Gwen talked about him all the time when we became partners. At least she didn’t talk about them constantly fucking. I suddenly realized that she hadn’t mentioned him recently, and I wondered why. They were probably settling into their marriage and getting used to each other. The old married couple was probably only mating once a day.

The idea of Gwen fucking gave me a semi, so I stopped that line of thinking immediately, turning my thoughts back to starships.

One person could pilot anything smaller than a class three ship, but class three and up required two pilots. Pilots were assigned regular partners so they could become familiar with each other’s behavior in combat situations.

Gwen and I were always together.

“How are you doing?” she asked as we began our external check of the ship.

These vessels were sleek, black spacecraft made from a Markan alloy that was practically indestructible (unless a drunk pilot made a mistake). Every line on the ship had been engineered solely for speed and maneuverability. They were the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

“About as well as can be expected.” I tried to give the appearance of cheerfulness, but I felt like shit every day.

She didn’t say anything for a minute. “Anders—” She stopped herself from talking.

I waited to make sure she wasn’t going to finish her thought, then I crawled beneath the ship to check the undercarriage.

Machines and computers could do automatic systems verification, but living pilots always went through their checklists to double-check everything. Biological creatures could catch things the computer missed. I would never be comfortable trusting a machine with my life.

“You’re not the only one with problems,” Gwen muttered. There was something new in her tone. When I crawled back out, I went around the ship and saw her inspecting the nose of the vessel. Up close, I noticed things about her I had never seen before. There were black circles under her eyes, and her gaze was a little listless. And she wasn’t looking directly at me.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“We’re discussing you, not me.” Gwen tried to sound normal, but I detected a tremble in her voice. “Your life isn’t ruined. Your father can afford a thousand of those ships. It’s not the end of the universe.”

Something was wrong with her, but I let it drop. It would come out when the time was right. She usually told me everything. Gwen wasn’t the type to keep secrets or hold back.

“It’s not the money. I’ve lost credibility with my father. But even that isn’t what bothers me. It’s the way Arnon and Ayrie look at me. I value their opinions the most, and I don’t like disappointing them.”

“They’re too judgmental, always seeing the speck of sand in your eye and not noticing the boulder in their own.”

“A brand-new class four fighter is more than a grain of sand, but I appreciate the support.”

“You know what I mean. They’re too hard on you.”

I could detect the warning signs of Gwen being on the verge of an indignant, angry rant. I needed to defuse her. “Why don’t you tell them how you feel? I could use someone else defending me.”

She turned bright red. “If I ever have the chance, maybe I will.”

I didn’t believe her for a minute. My family intimidated her.

“We can give you the opportunity. I’ve invited you to come for dinner a hundred times, but you never accept.”

“You know I couldn’t have dinner with your family.” She opened the door and climbed into the left seat of the scouting ship.

I stood in the doorway, holding the door open so she couldn’t shut it on me. “Why not, Gwen? We’re not so different from you.”

She folded her arms and glared at me.

“We’re descended from The Great Race, just like you. We go to the bathroom, get sick, and die. I don’t get why you put them on a pedestal. You certainly don’t treat me like royalty.”

She smiled and patted my cheek, making my pulse pound against my will.

“Anders, you’re a pilot who happens to be my partner and best friend.”

I didn’t know if I should be pleased that she considered me her best friend or upset that she didn’t put me on a pedestal with the rest of my family.

“I might end up thinking of you as a prince, and then things would be different between us. I don’t want to be nervous around you. I value your friendship too much to lose you because in another life you’re royalty.”

I gazed at her, feeling perplexed. There was a sadness in the back of her eyes that I had never seen before. I wanted to fix it.

“Come on. It’s time to do something else.” I pulled on her hand until she practically fell out of the ship. I slammed the door shut.

“Where are we going? We’re due to launch in sixty minutes. That’s just enough time to check the ship. We don’t have a moment to spare for nonsense.”

“It’s not silly, I promise.” It was more like ludicrous.

She shook her head, following me reluctantly into a smaller docking bay filled with fighters.

“Isn’t this a restricted area?” Gwen dug in her heels and pulled her hand away when she realized where we were.

“We’re just going to take a look. We don’t need to fly anything. My father might disown me for that. We have time. We’re the fastest pilots in the squad.”

“Sure, when we’re flying. Not when we’re looking. I can’t risk losing my job.” There was a note of terror in her voice. “You don’t understand what it’s like for me. You’ve always had everything handed to you on a silver platter. Few people have enough money to do whatever they want. If I don’t have a job, I won’t be able to eat, and I won’t have anywhere to sleep. Do you know what I mean?”

Not really. I understood her on a theoretical level, but I had no idea what Gwen was talking about. I wasn’t about to let her know the depths of my ignorance, though.

“Look, you won’t lose your job. You’re not on the banned list. Technically you’re allowed to be in here.” She gave me a dark look. “Have it your way. Don’t get in. I’ll go sit in the cockpit, pretend I’m flying, and imagine what life might be like if I hadn’t blown my chance to fly one of these babies.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” She raised her voice and looked angry for the first time that morning. “Enough with the pity party. You screwed up. We all do. You have to get over it.”

I froze in the act of opening the door and turned around. Gwen’s cheeks were flushed, and her deep breathing was visibly moving her chest.

“You don’t seem to make mistakes,” I muttered.

She lifted her eyebrows. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“Let me see. You’re the perfect pilot, have a perfect marriage, and go to the perfect job every day.”

She snorted. “None of that is true.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Do you live my life, or do I?” She still looked upset, but apparently for a different reason. “How’s this for perfect? My husband left me for another woman three weeks before our first anniversary. I’m not married anymore.”