Rage

I’VE BEEN SURROUNDED BY darkness for so long. In the distance I can hear noises and what sounds like someone talking to me, but I can’t make myself leave the darkness. The few times that I’ve come close, my body hurts so bad, I quickly retreat.

I’m not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me or not, but I swear I keep seeing my mom. Rationally, I know that she’s no longer with us, but my mind doesn’t seem to know that. Every time I see her, she gets closer and closer, I can hear her speaking clearer than the last time. Maybe this means that I’m getting ready to leave this world behind.

“Son, you can’t leave. You have to make yourself wake up and deal with the pain,” she tells me.

“I can’t.”

“You can, and you will. Kasey needs you. They all need you. Keegan and the babies on the way need you to be there for them. I’ll always be by your side, but they need you now. Go to them!”

With a painful jolt, I begin to wake up and open my eyes. The most beautiful sight greets me as I slightly turn my head to the side. Keegan is laying her head next to me and I can see the tears shimmering on her pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes, and the pain lingering in her frown. One of her dainty hands are holding mine so I try to move my fingers on that hand.

“Rage?” she asks, quickly lifting her head and looking at me.

My throat is so dry and scratchy that I don’t even try to talk yet. I look at the water sitting on the stand at the end of my bed and she follows my eyes. Before she can stand to get it for me, I see Grim step forward and pour me water. He walks around the side of the bed and holds the straw so that I don’t really have to move in order to take a small sip of water. I’ve seen enough to know that no matter how much I want to, I can’t gulp down the water. I have to take small sips. After a minute I feel like I can talk a little even though my throat is still killing me.

“Firefly, I love you,” I tell her.

“I love you too baby. I was so scared. Kasey is here, she’s waiting to see you.”

“Get our daughter,” I tell her so that I can talk to Grim for a second before doctors and everyone else invades my room. “You get them?”

“Waitin’ on you brother. He’s on ice until you come home and are good enough to dish out the pain. Let that rage build up so you can unleash it where it belongs.”

I give a slight nod to let him know I understand what he’s telling me. Within seconds, my girls enter the room followed by the doctor. He does his exam as Kasey sit’s in Keegan’s lap. She’s talking a mile a minute about how much she loves me and missed me. Things that we need to do when I come home. The movement she’s felt on Keegan’s stomach from the babies. I love this little girl to death and I’m so happy that she’s here right now. I need my girls around me.

I’ve been in the hospital for another week and a half since waking up. Today is the day that I finally get to go home and I’m more than ready to get the fuck out of here. Keegan has been here the entire time. The girls brought her clothes and stuff so that she could shower here. Skylar has been bringing food to us too. At first, the doctor didn’t like the idea, but Skylar was very persistent. So, I’ve been eating her cooking and had my girls here with me every day. The nights are when Keegan and I talk and laugh, we plan for the future, and everything else.

“You ready to go sunshine?” Joker asks, coming in my room.

“Fuck yeah,” I tell him, sitting up on the bed so that Keegan can finish putting my shirt on me.

She said she wanted to do this for me, and what man is going to tell their old lady they can’t do something as simple as help them get dressed? I’ll take my firefly’s hands on me in any way possible. I’m so lost in my own little world that I don’t notice her getting ready to put my boots on until I see Joker making his way over to us. He’s not going to let her get down and put my boots on me, he’ll do it himself.

“I can do this, ya know?” she asks, letting her sass shine through.

“I know you can firefly. But, I can do it too. Let me do this for my brother. Please?” he asks, trying to appeal to her softer side.

“I guess. I’ll go make sure everything is packed up.”

Once my girl is out of the room, I let Joker know that I’m ready to get my hands dirty. He tells me to wait on the doctor and see what he has to say before we make any plans for retribution to begin when we get to the clubhouse. I get where he’s coming from, but I’ve sat in this bed for a week with my mind coming up with multiple ways to torture this motherfucker. Not only for what he wanted to do to my girl, but for what happened to Riley and myself when he took us. Not to mention what my little peanut went through while I was missing and since I’ve been in the hospital. Kasey cries every night she has to leave us behind. That ends today though, now I need to get my hands dirty and take out the rage that has been building up since I met my firefly.

“I think I got everything baby,” Keegan tells me, coming back to the hospital bed I’m sitting on.

“Okay. Looks like we’re just waitin’ on the doc to show up.”

“I can go get him,” Joker says, heading for the door.

I’m sure he’s as ready to leave this place as I am. And he hasn’t been the one stuck in this bed. He has been here every day though; all my brothers have. Joker has stayed the longest though every single day. I don’t know why, but I’ll never be able to repay him for the support he’s shown Keegan and me.

Keegan

Rage has been home for a few days and he’s getting restless. The doctor wants him to take it easy and that’s not in his vocabulary. About the only good thing is that we’re in our home and not in the room at the clubhouse. So, when he gets moody and irritable, I just leave the bedroom and start working on another room in the house.

The guys have been coming over to see him and try to keep him in a good mood, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Most of the time, they end up arguing with him about whatever he has in his mind to do. At this point, I’ve given up on trying to guess what he’s trying to do. But, the doctor wants him to rest for at least a few days before he gets up and starts moving around. Today is day number three and he’s ready to go.

“Hey firefly,” Wood says, coming in. “How are things today with him?”

“Do you really need to ask? I’m cleaning the floor on my hands and knees, so I have an excuse to be away from him.”

“Well, maybe I’ll get him away from the house for a while today. That sound good?”

“Yes!” I practically scream. “Let me tell him to shower and get dressed.”

With how big I’ve gotten, there’s no way I can run down the hall to the bedroom. But, I do waddle as fast as my ass will go. I’m definitely moving much slower these days and I’m not liking it at all. I feel like a beached whale and I can’t wait for the next three months to go by, so we can meet our little ones.

“Rage, get up and in the shower. I’ll get your clothes while you’re washing up,” I tell him, entering the bedroom to see him mindlessly flipping through the stations on the tv.

“What are you talkin’ about?” he asks, not bothering to look at me.

“Wood is taking you out. Get ready to go. Now!”

Rage takes a few minutes to look at me and the realization that he’s been an ass with how moody he’s been sets in. I can tell the exact moment he understands why I want him out of the house so bad. He gets out of bed and instead of making his way over to the bathroom, he walks over to me.

“I’m sorry baby. I know I’ve been an ass the last few days. I’m used to bein’ up and movin’ around whenever I want to. This shit is killin’ me. But, I know I need reign it in.”

“I love you, Rage. But if you ever get laid up again, you’re staying in the clubhouse. You’re a jackass when you can’t do anything.”

Rage chuckles as he walks into the bathroom. I get his clothes for him so we can get him out of the house sooner rather than later. Kasey comes in and I tell her that daddy is leaving for a little bit, so we’re going to bake and start making dinner. She gets excited and runs in to wash her hands.

Once Rage is out of the shower, I walk with him to the door and give him a kiss. Kasey gives Rage a hug and kiss before he turns and walk out the door. Wood gives us a grin and wink over his shoulder as he leads my man towards the clubhouse. Finally, some peace without the tension of a moody asshole in the house.

As soon as we got the brownies and cookies out of the oven, I asked Kasey if she wanted to go see Riley for a little bit. I haven’t been able to get to the clubhouse to see her, but the other girls have told me she hasn’t really moved from her bed. They check on her and make sure that her bandages and stuff are clean and changed on a regular basis. I’m going to have to be the one to talk to her and get her up and moving. It’s going to take me to get her to go see someone so that she can start healing and we can get back to where we were before all this shit happened.

Bailey and Skylar take Kasey as soon as we walk through the door. Kasey will get her chance to see Riley, but I need some time alone with her first. I need to give her some tough love so that she at least gets up out of the bed. Melody also hands me a card that has the name for a counselor on it. She tells me quietly that several of them have used her and she’s amazing. If that’s the case, I know the first thing we’re doing.

“Riley, I’m coming in whether you like it or not,” I say, opening the door.

The blinds are shut tight and it’s so dark in her room. This is not going to do at all. So, I open all the curtains and see her cover her face with a pillow. Not happening on my watch. Riley has done similar things to me when I needed it and I have no problem reminding her of those times.

“Let’s go!” I tell her. “It’s time to get out of this bed and start healing. I’m going to help you and be by your side the way you’ve been by side more times than I can count.”

“Keegan, you don’t need to do this to make yourself feel better,” she mutters under the pillow.

“I’m not doing this to make myself feel better. I’m doing this to make you feel better,” I tell her, wrenching the pillow from her hands and tossing it on the floor. “Now, get your ass in the shower and we’re going to my house, so you can eat and hang out with Kasey and I.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t give a fuck! Don’t make my fat, pregnant ass try to pick your skinny ass up.”

Riley looks up at me to see how serious I am. Once she sees the determination on my face, she knows she has no choice in the matter. I grab her clothes and lead the way to the bathroom she has in her room. I’m not giving her any excuse, so I even turn on the water and get it to the temperature I know she likes. As soon as she steps foot in the bathroom, I stand in front of the closed door, so she can’t get out and wait for her to get in. Then I move to sit on the toilet and keep her company while she washes up and lets the hot water run over her body. I bet it’s soothing her muscles with the way she’s just standing there letting the water cascade over her.

“You don’t have to sit in here with me,” she says.

“I know I don’t. But you need to hear some things and there’s no time like the present,” I begin. “First and foremost, I’m sorry that I ever doubted you. You’ve never given me any reason to believe that you were truly going to work with my dad and the motherfucker that wanted to kidnap me. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“Now, I’m sorry that you got kidnapped and abused the way you did because of me.”

“It wasn’t because of you,” she interrupts me. “It’s because I didn’t follow his orders and I’ve been looking into something. Keegan, I had a baby after you took off. The baby is no part of Sam, but he found out and managed to take my little girl out of the hospital before I knew what was happening. She’s about to turn one and I have no clue what she even looks like. I want her back so bad and he’s threatened me, so I haven’t looked real close until I got here. I was going to talk to Gage about helping me find her.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, astonishment lacing my voice.

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“The next thing we need to talk about is getting you in to talk to someone. I saw a little bit of what they did to you Riley and I’m so sorry.”

“I already planned on finding someone. Please don’t pity me. I don’t want that from you. You’re my sister and I just need you to have my back and work our way back to getting where we were.”

“I don’t pity you. I think that you’re one of the strongest people I know, and I just want to help you get even stronger.”

“I’m ready to get out. So, dinner at your house tonight?” she asks me, climbing into the towel I’m holding for her.

“Yeah. You don’t really have a choice in the matter.”

“Rage won’t care?”

“I don’t really care if he likes it or not. He’s been a moody asshole the last few days.”

Riley laughs at my description of Rage. I’ve missed talking like this with her, acting like there’s nothing wrong in our private little world. Today, we start getting back to that. So, we head over to my house with Kasey, blare the music, dance around the kitchen while making dinner. I’m not doing all that much dancing, but we’re all having so much fun it doesn’t really matter.

This is how Rage finds us as he walks through the door with Wood and Gage a few hours later. He watches us for a few minutes before making his way over to me. There’s a smile on his face and I can once again she the love shining from his eyes. Our life is finally getting back on track and I couldn’t be happier.