WHEN JEFF SUMMONED ME to his study again this morning, I almost couldn’t look him in the eye. The memories of our kiss at the balcony were still fresh on my mind.

After I agreed to his offer last night, he let me go, told me to take an early rest and he would see me in the morning. I left him in the balcony with shaky legs, still reeling from the kiss we shared and my surrender.

It was my first real kiss. It shook me to the core, confused me, weakened my resolve.

I know now for sure that what I feel for him is not just a crush but real feelings that go beyond infatuation.

As my consciousness succumbed to sleep last night, I actually found myself willing to give him a child in order to establish a connection between us, even if it went against my moral fiber.

If I’ll be honest with myself, I’m not only desperate to get an extended visa, I’m also desperate for a chance to be with him. I have all his attention now. If only I’ll grab the opportunity.

I would never even dream of it, that Jeff could actually like me, but it’s Mama Zon’s fault. She put ideas into my head, and the more it has confused me and muddled my principles.

Kill two birds with one stone, my mind is telling me now.

Give up your child? my conscience objects.

Take a risk, Mama Zon’s voice echoes.

Here I am in his study again, still feeling ambivalent.

“Good morning, Mara. Did you sleep well?”

My cheeks are two burning plates from the memory of last night. I simply nod.

He smiles. “Good. We’ll now discuss the details of the contract.”

After kissing me passionately last night, he’s back to being business-like. I feel a pang of disappointment. But what did I expect, for him to fall madly in love with me after that kiss?

Why? Because you certainly love him more now than ever?

My chest clenches in pain at the truth.

“Sit down, Mara.”

I take a seat in one of the plush armchairs facing his huge intricately carved oak executive table.

He goes about it right away.

“I’ll make this contract simple, Mara. You’ll live with me until such time that you conceive. Once you have conceived, you can either choose to live with me until you give birth, or have your own apartment in the same building where I live so I can check on you regularly. I want to give you and the baby the best of care while you’re pregnant, so a nurse will be at your beck and call. I’ll have her rent her own place near our building. Once you’ve given birth, you’ll be given enough time to recuperate, and then we part ways. You will not attempt to see the baby from then on.”

I bite my lip at this point. This discussion is so mercenary. He’s talking about a baby, my baby, our baby as if it’s one of his possessions. But then again, it will be his possession. His child. His heir. A Vandercourt. Never a Cortez.

“Don’t worry, the baby will be given the best of care, Mara. I’ll make sure he or she will be loved and cared for to the best of my abilities.”

I wonder who exactly are the people who will love my child aside from him? I haven’t even seen him with his family.

“Visitation rights?” I ask, my voice shaky.

“I’m afraid that’s not a part of our deal.”

I feel like suffocating at the very thought. “You mean I can’t ever see my child? Ever?”

“It’s best that you don’t. It will be much harder for you to let go if you see the child. You’ll form an attachment for which you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. You’ll suffer. I don’t want you to suffer or the child.”

Is his heart made of stone? He’s talking about it devoid of empathy.

I want to hate him then. He’s so powerful, so able to help me without all these conditions. But it’s not his responsibility to help me. I just met him yesterday. He’s been employing me for months. I found a warm, safe shelter in his estate. I owe him big already. I have no right to demand that he give me extra privileges that he had not given the other staff. I feel ashamed of my thoughts. The man is actually offering me a solution to my problem, and it’s all up to me to meet his demands.

Mama Zon is right. This is a one in a million chance. I should grab it even if it’s breaking my heart. I have to take this opportunity to gather strength.

Once I’ve given birth, I’ll have a million dollars. I’ll have a stable job. I’ll have legal papers. I’ll work hard to make something out of myself, and then I’ll find a way to see my child every once in a while to make sure he’s safe and loved. I’m sure Jeff would be kind enough to let me. I have to hope for that.

The plan takes root in my heart, and I feel better. I can see clearer. And I feel stronger.

Yes, I can do this.

“Do you agree with everything, Mara?”

I close my eyes briefly, then I tell him. I don’t want to go into this arrangement without a Plan B. “I want a way out if it’s not working for me.”

His brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“If in the middle of it all I decide to quit, provided I’m not yet pregnant, then I want to be able to walk away without violating the contract. You don’t have to pay me should I decide to do so. If I walk out, I get nothing.”

He falls quiet and seems to mull on this. Then he nods, albeit reluctantly. “Fair enough. I’ll add the clause.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything else?”

I shake my head. “No more.”

“Then that would be it. I’ll have the contract drawn. You’ll sign it later today in the presence of a lawyer.”

“Today?”

“Yes. Now, go pack your things. Bring all your important papers. My lawyers will look into them and assess what can be done to secure you a working visa. We leave for New York in two hours.”

“New York?”

“We’ll meet my lawyer there, have you sign the contract. Then we visit a doctor.”

“Doctor?” I must sound like an idiot now.

He looks amused. “I just want to make sure you get pregnant within the next two months. I’ll have a doctor examine you so we’ll know your most fertile days.”

I just nod. He’s so casual about it while I’m flushing in embarrassment.

I’m a virgin. I’ve never even had a man kiss me the way he did last night. He was technically my first kiss, but it doesn’t matter. He’ll be taking my virginity for this job, but my virginity is not an issue in this contract, only my fertile womb.

“Do you have any further questions?”

Fast. He’s so fast. I can’t keep up.

“Mara? Is something wrong? I’m sorry if this may seem too abrupt for you. I just don’t want to waste time—“

“It’s fine,” I cut him before my courage deserts me.

Security. Life. Justice. A chance with all that.

I have to do this.

He smiles, looking very pleased. “Good.”

I’m scared. So scared.

Only yesterday, I met Jeff. He offered me a deal, and then we kissed at the balcony and now I’m packing my things. He’s taking me with him to New York today, or wherever he wants me to be. I’m going to live with him, have sex with him until I get pregnant.

Regardless of my feelings for him, it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I used to be an outspoken, independent woman in my country, and now I’m reduced to this. A broodmare.

But there’s also an undeniable thrill coiling in my belly as I think about what will happen between us anytime soon when he finally decides to start our “business transaction”.

He will be my lover. My very first lover.

My phone rings. Jeff has my number.

I take the call. “Hello?”

“Are you ready?” his baritone voice washes over me.

“Yes.”

“Then come out now. The chopper is waiting.”

When I come out of my room at the staff house, Mama Zon is waiting for me. She gave me some needed privacy while I packed.

“Mama…” I say, my tears welling up.

“You’ll be all right, Mara. You’re a fighter, si? You got this, mija.”

I nod and go into her embrace. I’d feel so scared being away from the only family I know here in America.

“I’ll be praying for you, mija. But I know Jeff will take care of you.”

Somehow, I’m not so sure. Jeff knows what he wants. A child. Nothing more. I’m building castles in the sand, but like Mama said, this is a risk I have to take in order to have a shot at surviving America. I need to secure my visa first, then I’ll deal with the rest.

“I’ll see you soon, Mama.”

She kisses me on my forehead.

“I know I will, mija.”