"You sure you don't want to come in and party with us?" Lorene asked for the second time that night. She'd come over to bring me some food from the Christmas party going on inside the shelter where we both worked. The goose was delicious, or so I was told.

"It's fine," I told her. "And you don't have to keep showing up here." I lived in the house right next to the shelter. Convenient for the morning commute, inconvenient when colleagues thought they could drop in whenever to make sure that I wasn't feeling excluded.

Seeing as I was the only alpha working at the shelter, I had to admit it was a legit, if unwarranted, concern.

Second Chances was a non-profit organization that worked with omegas in need. Those who'd escaped abusive relationships, survived assault or any number of the horrible things that omegas still had to endure in our society. Many of them didn't feel super comfortable around alphas. I got that.

Most of the omegas in the shelter knew me and knew that I was all right, but I knew when it was time for me to leave the scene. Tonight's party was a chance to relax and have some fun for a lot of people who hadn't had any fun in a long time. I wasn't going to spoil that by making the room smell like alpha.

"If you say so." Lorene didn't look super convinced, but she left. I was sure she was going to be back before the night was over. Poor Lorene worried about everyone—probably why she worked at the shelter.

For now, though, I was left in peace. It would have been a lie to say that I didn't want to party with my colleagues, but this wasn't so bad. Better than many of the Christmases I'd had growing up, anyway. I'd stopped going home for the holidays about three years ago, and though I felt some guilt about it, it was the best decision I'd ever made, even if that meant I had to spend Christmas by myself.

There was a reason I chose to work at an omega shelter, and the memories I had of my dad beating up my other dad were a big part of that. It was always at its worst over the holidays.

Taking the food with me, I settled on the couch in the living room in front of the TV. Yeah, Christmas in front of the TV at my own place wasn't so bad. Technically the shelter owned the house, but they let me live here for free, which made up for the sucky pay. The belief that I was doing a good thing also made up for it, of course. I could never convince my omega dad to leave my alpha dad, but here, I could actually help people. After spending my childhood feeling trapped and useless, that was incredible all by itself.

So what if I didn't get to attend the parties?

Shaking the thought off, I reached for the remote and turned the TV on. Channel after channel, holiday movies flickered across the screen. Of course.

I turned the TV off again. I didn't need to have it on while I was eating anyway. The goose really was good. Lorene hadn't been lying. I was about halfway done with it when my doorbell rang again. What now? She couldn't be back already?

I got up and opened the door. "Did you forget someth—" I stopped mid-sentence when I saw that my visitor wasn't Lorene—or anyone from the shelter. Nope, before me stood my best friend. "Robin? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come inside? It's cold," he said, and then he pushed into the house without even waiting for a response. "You don't have anyone over, do you? I'm not disturbing you?" he asked even as he was hanging up his coat like he lived here. Funny, considering I hadn't seen much of him since he'd started dating asshole number five a few months back. Yes, I counted Robin's boyfriends, and yes, they were all assholes. They didn’t come close to the assholes the omegas in our shelter had been faced with of course, but they were assholes nonetheless. Robin had yet to date someone who actually deserved him.

Once he'd hung up his coat, Robin made himself at home in my living room, grabbing a blanket and cuddling up with it on the couch. "Were you just eating?" he asked when he spotted the rest of my meal on the coffee table.

"I was. Are you hungry?" There were so many other questions I wanted to ask, but I had a hunch I already knew why Robin was here when he should be with asshole number five instead.

"Not really."

Of course not. Robin rarely ate, like he thought he might just find love if he embodied some arbitrary beauty standard. It was painful to watch sometimes. Robin put so much care into the way he looked I wondered if the guys who dated him ever even saw beyond that. Probably not—which was a shame, really, because there was so much there to see. Robin was pretty, yes. Probably the prettiest omega I knew. His green eyes drew you in and refused to let go and his smile could make any alpha's heart stop. He'd probably practiced it in front of the mirror. He'd come a long way from the kid who got bullied in middle school. And yet, I wished he wouldn't always date guys who treated him like a trophy to show off. He was a prize, yes, but he kept getting with guys who didn't see his actual worth.

I sat beside him on the couch. "Weren't you supposed to do something with Kevin tonight?"

"Calvin."

"Whatever." Was I a bad friend for not remembering his boyfriend's name? Maybe, but I'd only met the guy once for five minutes. Long enough to know he wasn't any better than the usual fare.

"I'm done with Calvin," Robin said tersely.

"Yeah?"

"You don't seem surprised."

I shrugged. "He was a douchebag. I knew you were going to break up with him sooner or later."

"He dumped me." Emotion seeped into Robin's voice, though I could tell he was trying to hold it back. "By text. At Christmas. How fucked is that?"

"I'm sorry. That's awful." It really was, especially considering the memories Robin associated with Christmas. Like many former foster kids, he'd toughened up over the years—it was the only way to survive the system—but being discarded on Christmas Eve? That had to cut deep. Knowingly or not, asshole number five had sunk his claws into the scars on Robin's heart and torn them wide open. I could tell by the pain in Robin's eyes, by the way he turned away from me now so that I wouldn't see it.

But he hadn't come here to suffer by himself, had he? No, he could have done that at home. He was here because he needed to know that someone still cared about him. He wanted to know if I still loved him—as if I could stop. I'd have to cut my heart out to ever make that happen.

I put my arm around his too-thin shoulders as he hid his face in the fuzzy blanket he'd wrapped himself in. "It's okay," I said.

A choked noise escaped him. "It's not." He raised his head again. "It's really fucking not."

"You'll find someone better."

"You say that every time." He sighed. "I'm sick of crying about this to you."

"You don't cry." At least, normally he didn't. "But if you want to, that's fine."

"I'm not gonna." He bit his lower lip hard to stop it from wobbling. The sight nearly broke my heart. "He's not worth it."

"No, he's not. But you are." I wished he could see that. Maybe he'd stop dating assholes then. I'd never be happy to see him with another alpha, but the only thing that mattered was that he was.

"Ben?" Robin looked up at me through shining eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Why can't you be ‘someone better’?"

I swallowed. "We've had our run, remember?" I certainly did. We'd been young and desperate for attention, both of us starving for affection. Not the best basis for a relationship, even if we cared about each other. It hadn't taken us long to figure out that we didn't want the same things in life. Deep down, Robin was a hopeless romantic, and I was the least romantic person on the planet. I never wanted children, and Robin wanted all of them.

Robin looked aside, maybe remembering the same ugly fight I did. We'd said some horrible things to each other and not spoken for nearly a year after. I'd nearly lost him and I wasn't going to risk that happening again. I couldn't go through another break-up with him either. It hurt too much.

Not that seeing him cycle through all these assholes didn't hurt on some level.

"What if I don't care about babies anymore?" Robin tried.

"You know that's not true." I kissed his hair before I could stop myself. Was he really willing to give up his dream for another shot with me? No, he was just heartbroken. "You shouldn't say things like that. It's not fair."

Robin shook his head and his hair tickled my nose. He smelled different tonight. No, not different, just more intense, or was that my imagination? Inhaling, I drew his scent into my nose and nearly shuddered. He always smelled so sweet. Like candy cane and fudge and cupcakes. No other omega could even come close to the temptation he presented. Usually, when I saw him these days, he smelled like whatever alpha he was dating at the time, which helped me keep my hormones in check. Had he scrubbed himself before coming here tonight? "I'm not being unfair," he said. "Just realistic. I'm tired of waiting for a fairytale prince who doesn't exist when there's you. You might not give me babies, but..."

"But what? You'd settle for me anyway?" The words came out more bitter than I meant them to. I hated that I couldn't be everything he needed, but even just the thought of becoming a parent made my blood run cold. I couldn't do it. Not now, not ever. I wasn't going to change my mind on this.

"I'm not... that's not what I meant. I'm sorry. That was horrible. I meant that I might want you more than I want babies."

"You might, huh?" I shook my head. He'd been talking about the family he was one day going to have for almost as long as I'd known him. I couldn't be the guy who made him give that up. "You're only saying that because you just got dumped, and because it's Christmas."

Robin sighed. "I've lost you too, haven't I?"

"Nonsense. You haven't lost me. I only think we're better off as friends."

"Maybe you're right. Can I just... " He inched closer to me. I didn't stop him. "Can I get one kiss? Just one? For Christmas?"

God, did I ever want to give him that kiss. I shouldn't, though. I shouldn't even think about it. Giving Robin a single kiss was as impossible as eating a single potato chip. "That’s hardly a traditional Christmas present."

"No, it might not be traditional, but—" He stopped himself and his eyes went wide.

"What’s wrong? You look like you swallowed a fly."

"That's not... Shit." Robin inhaled, and the breath he exhaled was shaky. "I knew something was off, oh I am so stupid."

"What's going on?"

Robin's eyes darted back and forth between me and the door, as if he couldn't decide whether he should stay or dash out. "No, I can't go out like this," he muttered to himself. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't plan this, you have to believe me."

"Didn't plan what?" I asked, and then it hit me. His scent. It had become way stronger than it usually was. He smelled like a whole chocolate factory. Like everything good in the world. I felt thrown back to my teenage days. This was what Robin had smelled like when his very first heat hit him. Hit us both, really.

We’d been hanging around the park at night, since neither of us had anywhere else to be, and then we’d ended up making out behind one of the wooden play houses on the playground. I didn’t care that we were still in public, I couldn’t keep my hands off Robin—and he encouraged me every step of the way, even though I didn't know what I was doing and I was literally fumbling in the dark. A curse escaped me as the memory rose to the forefront of my mind. What was going on? Adults weren't supposed to go into heat like teenagers. And yet, when I inhaled, Robin's scent seemed to wrap itself around my brain and kill all rational thought.

I felt drugged.

Had Robin taken drugs?

"Robin... What did you do?"

"It's a black-market product," he confirmed my suspicions, his eyebrows knitting together as if he had just as much trouble holding on to clear thought as I did. "It was... I know someone who... This was going to be my Christmas present to Calvin. You have to take it a couple hours in advance, and I... shit. I forgot." He rubbed his face with the heel of his hand. "I didn't... this wasn't.... how I planned it." His hand shook as he lowered it. "Damn, this stuff is hardcore." He tried a laugh, but it didn't sound super convincing. "Shit like this only happens to me, I swear."

I grabbed his hand as if to steady him. "Will you be okay?"

"Sure." He gave me an awkward smile and I kind of wanted to kiss him—and not just because of the pheromones in the air, though they didn't help the situation. His gaze strayed to our hands. "Maybe, uh... don't touch me if you don't want me to jump you. I feel kind of jumpy if you know what I mean."

Oh yes, I did know what he meant. I was feeling it myself, but I couldn't make myself let go of his hand either. His skin was all warm and soft. "We really shouldn't," I said, even as I stroked my thumb across the back of his hand and he bit his lower lip in response, invariably drawing my eyes to his lips.

God, I loved those lips.

"Just one kiss?" Robin asked. "To take the edge off? Then I'll leave."

"You shouldn't walk the streets smelling like that." Sure, this was a small town, but bad things happened to omegas everywhere. I'd only been working at the shelter for a year or two, but I'd seen enough to know what horrors the quietest of streets could hide. I couldn't let anything happen to Robin.

"I've got to do something," Robin insisted, glancing in the direction of the bathroom before his eyes fixed on my lips like he couldn't decide what the better option was—jumping me or locking himself in another room. Why, oh why did he have to take drugs tonight? "It wouldn't mean anything," he said.

Not to you, maybe.

I shook my head. "That's not a good idea." If I kissed him now, I would lose it. Already, my self-control was hanging on by a thread. Around Robin, I felt like a recovering alcoholic and his lips were that one glass of wine I wouldn't stop at. And just like any addict faced with his vice, I found it almost impossible to back away when Robin offered all I'd secretly been craving for years.

But how would I let him go again in the morning?

He leaned in close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. My eyes were drawn to his mouth. "You're not thinking straight," I said. The statement applied to both of us, really.

"I don't care." Robin touched his forehead to mine. A shiver went through me as I drew his scent into my nose again. "C'mon," he murmured. "I want you to—"

I never got to know what it was he wanted me to do, because that moment, the doorbell rang, yanking me out of my stupor. Robin cursed. I jumped off the couch. "Probably just someone from the shelter again," I said. "You might want to—'

"Yeah, I know." He dashed into the bathroom as I smoothed down my shirt and adjusted my pants. If I opened the door only halfway, maybe no one could see my hard-on.