Deep breaths, Robin. Keep it together now. Inhaling, I leaned back against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. How was it that I got stuck at my best friend's house experiencing the most intense heat of my life? The guy who sold me the pill had told me to be careful, but fuck. I could barely think straight.

Well, there was one coherent thought in my head: I wanted Ben. I always did, in a way, but tonight, the urge was becoming impossible to resist. Trying to think of something else, I banged my head back against the wall. I shouldn't have come here. I should have gone home and dealt with this heat in the sanctity of my own four walls. Only I was so scared of spending another Christmas by myself that I didn't think. And now here I was.

I needed to distract myself somehow, so I tried to figure out what was going on at the door, who'd dropped by, but it was difficult to focus. Why had I ever thought going through another heat was a good idea? Fuck Calvin and my need to impress the asshole.

Voices came from the other room now. It sounded like there was a boy at the door, or two. What were they doing out on Christmas Eve? And why were they interrupting my time with Ben when I'd nearly convinced him to give me what I wanted?

I turned up the faucet and splashed some cold water in my face. Ben and I had broken up years ago, but it was a lie to say I didn't think of him when I was in bed with other guys sometimes. Okay, all the time. How could I not? He was hot, and kind, and he got me in a way nobody else did. When I was the new kid in school, he was the only one who stood up for me when I was bullied for wearing oversized hand-me-downs. He didn't even care about the uneven buzz-cut my foster parents had forced on me. He knew what it was like when life was difficult. We became each other's most important allies, but we hadn’t worked out as a couple. We were friends. Being friends was a good thing. I only had to keep telling myself that.

"Robin? You okay in there?"

Suddenly I remembered being TP'd in the school bathroom and him finding me there a moment later, demummifying me with a quiet rage simmering just below the surface. He'd been angry on my behalf. He'd cared. I think that was probably the moment I first developed a crush on him, on the second floor bathroom of Oceanport's only middle school, wrapped in toilet paper.

Romantic, I know.

"I'm fine," I made myself respond to Ben's question. "I'm just..."

"Just what?"

"Just really, really horny." I had to laugh because this was such a stupid situation to be in. When I'd experienced my first heat as a teenager, Ben had been there for me. Why couldn't I have him now? Where had I gone wrong that I found myself hiding in his bathroom now, trying to get my hormones under control?

Why had I fallen for the one alpha who didn't want to knock me up?

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.

I laughed harder. "You mean besides the obvious?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, besides that."

"Can't think of anything. I think I’m probably going to be fine, though." At least, my head was clearing a little bit. Maybe the drug didn't have long lasting effects? Come to think of it, it had been pretty cheap.

Somewhat confident that I could handle myself, I left the bathroom—only to be hit with a whiff of Ben's scent.

I thought I was going to be okay, until that smell entered my nose. I'd always loved Ben's scent and tonight he was all alpha. Musky and earthy with a hint of sandalwood and a large helping of pheromones that short-circuited my brain all over again. I'd forgotten that omegas weren't the only ones who could draw people to them with their scents. Ben wanted me, even if he wasn't saying it out loud. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him.

Some part of my brain decided that action was required, and before I could even fully think about what I was doing, I was throwing myself at my best friend. Ben made a surprised sound and then my lips were on his, shutting him up. He tensed. For a second or two, I was afraid he was going to push me away. And then he yielded. His hand went into my hair as he opened his mouth, meeting my tongue with his own. From his touch, desire flowed through me like an electrical current. God, I'd missed the taste of his mouth, of him. I felt like I’d been starving in the desert and finally got a drop of water.

"Robin," he murmured my name, breaking away after a moment.

"Yeah?" I gave chase, kissing the line of his jaw.

"You only wanted that one kiss?"

"Mh, no, I think I was lying," I admitted, seeking his lips again. I could never have stopped after one kiss. If that was all I could get, I would have taken it, but I was always going to try for more. I loved kissing. I especially loved kissing Ben. He had this way of wrapping his arms around me that made me feel like I was his and nothing bad could happen to me ever so long as he was around. Even more than the sex, it was this sense of belonging that I missed.

But I missed the sex too, not gonna lie.

Fortunately, Ben didn't seem inclined to argue with me. And when I pressed up against him, I knew why—he was just as hard as I was.

A small sigh escaped me. I loved feeling an alpha's arousal and knowing that it was for me. Closing my arms around his neck, I rubbed our groins together until he moaned. He'd always enjoyed frotting. It was how we'd gotten off together that very first time. But I was in heat now, and it was going to take a little more than that.

By the look in his eyes, he knew.

"Please, Ben," I whispered into his ear, teasing my fingers over the lines of his crotch. "Just this once. Just tonight. I need you right now."

His breath shuddered out of him as he broke. I might have felt bad for talking him into this if I hadn't seen the desire in his dark gaze. Also, I really did need him, so you could argue that I was only being honest.

"Just tonight," Ben said, and then he kissed me in earnest, the way he had when we were together and everything was right with the world. There was no hesitation in his movements as his arms snaked around my back, his hand straying to my butt like it was his right. I shivered, feeling feverish. Heat surged through me, driving my body temperature even higher as Ben claimed my mouth.

"Bedroom," I muttered as soon as I had the chance. As much as I wanted to take my time with Ben, I needed that hard package I felt in his pants inside of me as soon as possible. My body ached for it, for him. I couldn't remember ever needing anything so badly. The thought came to me that I hadn't recovered from our break-up as well as I'd thought, but it was lost to hormone-fueled haze the next minute.

Ben wasted no time taking me to his bedroom. Of course not, he knew what I was like in heat, and now that he'd decided he was going to be doing this, it seemed he wanted to do it the right way too. Once we got each other undressed (it took seconds, really), we tumbled on the sheets together like no time had passed at all since we'd been a couple.

Ben still knew exactly how to touch me—and I responded in kind, scraping my nails down his back so he would make that little growly sound I loved so much. It was easy to be with him; it was hot. If I'd been able to think clearly, I might have felt sad that this was only a one-time thing, but my thoughts didn't extent that far when Ben had his fingers between my cheeks, slowly spreading me open.

"More," was all I managed to say, because one or two fingers weren't going to satisfy me when I was feeling like this. He knew it too, the bastard. He grinned at me while rubbing my inner walls so slowly I might have killed him if his smile didn't make me feel all funny inside. No, I wouldn't kill him; I still needed him after all.

When he finally pulled on a condom and entered me, the stretch felt so good I nearly cried. We might have decided that we were better as friends, but we fit together like we were made for each other. There was no denying that. Ben just hit all the right spots in me. And when he leaned down to kiss me, I felt complete.

It was also a little bit frustrating. This was exactly the feeling I searched for in every relationship I had, and I could never find it. Ben gave it to me so easily, but I couldn't have him, not after tonight. Which meant I needed to make the most of it. With every fiber of my being, I tried to hang on as he moved, tried to make the experience last.

I couldn't draw out the inevitable forever, though. Ben's thrusts came hard and fast—and hit me just the right way. It was like he knew all my weaknesses and exploited them mercilessly. Seriously, it was impossible not to tumble over the edge when Ben was doing his damnedest to push me over.

A choked noise escaped me as I came and Ben followed soon after, shuddering above me. After a moment, he made to get up, but I pulled him back down. I didn't want to lose the heat of his body so soon, even as my hormone levels normalized following my climax. "Hold me," I whispered, hoping he wasn't going to deny me. I wasn't ready to let go of this moment yet.

Ben hesitated for only a second before sinking down in the sheets next to me. He didn't say anything as he drew me into his arms. I was glad for that. I didn't need him to remind me that we weren't getting back together or whatever.

I only wanted to feel loved for a little bit longer.