Chapter 15
“Are you alright, Miss? These last days you have looked so sad,” Ruth said as she brushed her mistress’ beautifully thick and shiny chestnut hair. “Is it him? Is it Lord Harrington?”
“It is, Ruth. You know, I begin to wish that I had trusted my initial instincts and stayed away from that man.”
“But why? Surely you cannot mean that. He lives so far away, and he has such responsibilities. Is it not natural that he would have to break an engagement or two along the way? After all, from what you tell me, his father sounds very demanding.”
“I know, my dear Ruth. I know I ought to see it that way, but my heart is troubled.”
“But do you really feel there is a reason to mistrust him?” Ruth said gently.
“I do not think there is, but I have the most dreadful feeling that things are not right. After all, this is the second letter of its kind I have received, and it almost mirrors the first. If you remember, the first time he was unable to make it, James wrote me a letter to tell me the same thing; that his father had arranged some engagements at which he would be expected to be present but had neglected to tell him of it until it was too late. I dismissed my concerns the first time, but this time I cannot.”
“But perhaps his father really is so capricious, Miss. And if he is, then it would be perfectly understandable that Lord Harrington would be forced to write essentially the same letter twice.”
“Oh Ruth, thank heavens for you. My mind has been racing and making up stories for me to torment myself with. I wish I had spoken to you about it sooner.” Charlotte turned on the dressing table stool and reached for her maid’s hand. “What would I do without you?”
“I wish you had spoken to me about it sooner too, for then you might not have suffered these last days.” Ruth gave a very warm and appealing chuckle.
It was true; Ruth had made Charlotte feel better. She had not cured her mind of worry altogether, much less her heart of missing her handsome, green-eyed sparring partner.
“I think it is my own vulnerability which is making me worry, Ruth.”
“How so?”
“I know now that I feel so very strongly for him, you see. Ruth, it has been creeping up and creeping up, but that night at Lord Morley’s ball when he, when he …”
“He kissed you?” Ruth said in a whisper, her eyes lighting up with the excitement of it all.
“Yes, when he kissed me, I just knew. In fact, I knew just before. When I walked out onto the terrace in the moonlight and waited for him, I knew that I wanted him to kiss me. But it all seems so very sudden, does it not? Although our acquaintanceship has gone on for some months, our meetings have been sporadic and few. That is what makes me feel so very vulnerable, the fact that I have such strong feelings, such undeniable emotion, for a man I still wonder if I truly know. And if I continue to get to know him, how much deeper will I fall? How much more vulnerable will I become?”
“Is that not how it is supposed to be, Miss? When we truly fall in love, are we not supposed to be vulnerable? Men and women alike? Is it not the whole point of it, the trust you have in another to protect you in your vulnerability and not make it into some advantage?”
“It is the last part which scares me, Ruth.”
“You still mistrust him. You still believe what you believed in the beginning about his status as a Duke-in-waiting? About his privilege?”
“As I come to know him, I believe that less and less. But in his absence, I am afraid that the thought comes back to me. What if I was simply a challenge to be conquered? I know I have a sharpness to my wit that not all men appreciate, and perhaps this is his way of triumphing.”
“You mean that because you were not a simple target, he has seen it as a mission of sorts to turn your affections towards him?”
“Exactly that. And would the culmination of that triumph not be a kiss in the moonlight?”
“You cannot think his actions so cynical, surely. I have seen how he looks at you, and I cannot think him anything other than sincere in his motives. And think of all the effort he goes to in getting here time after time. It is not an easy journey from the west to the east, and yet he makes it as often as he can.”
“But he has means and time in which to do that, does he not? He is a very determined young man, Ruth, and I do not yet know if that determination extends to winning. If it does, then I am afraid that I have been conquered.”
“You have not been conquered, you have simply been kissed,” Ruth said with a laugh. “And I truly think that you have allowed the fact that you are missing him to play upon your concerns and make them bigger than they are. I am certain that he feels for you what you feel for him, absolutely certain. He is true; I am sure of it. I look at him, and he strikes me as a man who is falling in love. And I wish I had some way of explaining it, a list of points that I could give to you to ease your mind, but I cannot.”
“Ruth, you are the most sensible person I know, so perhaps I ought to listen. Perhaps I just ought to wait and look forward to his next letter, the one telling me that he will be returning soon.”
“And I am sure that you will receive that letter very soon, just you wait and see.”
“Thank you, Ruth.” Charlotte rose to her feet and threw her arms around her maid’s neck, holding her tightly.
“This will all work out, I am sure of it,” Ruth murmured and returned her mistress’ embrace.