Chapter 7: The Boner Carriage to Holy Fuck Me Town

 

 

TWO DAYS later, I’d still refused to come out of my room. The door was locked, a chair shoved up underneath the handle, and I was pretty sure I was leaking enough magic to create a barricade I didn’t even think about making on my own. All in all, it was very effective in keeping out the riffraff, which was essentially everyone I knew. It also meant I didn’t have to hear about any destiny of dragons (not capitalized, thank you very much!). It wasn’t the most mature way of dealing with things, but it was the only thing I could think of where I could avoid everyone and just focus.

The problem with trying to focus was that it was Gary and Tiggy’s turn to try and get me to come out. They traded out in shifts that usually lasted a few hours. Each had their own specific tactic. Randall said he would give me another day before he teleported inside my room nude. Morgan told me that he hadn’t even said the word, so I should just let him in. Mom and Dad laughed at me, then apologized for laughing, then laughed some more, reminiscing about how I used to lock myself in my room whenever I got mad at them, and how reassuring it was that I acted the same at twenty-one as I did when I was six. The King told me that I could stay in there as long as I needed to, but then in the next breath said that he would decide how long that should be, and if we disagreed, I’d be pooping in a bucket in the dungeons for at least a month. Justin would bitch that he didn’t even care if I ever came out, that I could stay in there forever as far as he was concerned, which touched me deeply, as it felt like we were brothers from different mothers. Kevin tried to fly up to the windows in my room, but I shuttered them all while he scolded me that no sexy son of his would treat him like that.

Ryan had been conspicuously absent. As had Vadoma and her Wolf.

Gary and Tiggy, though?

I was going to murder them.

“—and then she said— You’re not going to believe this, kitten. You want to know what that bitch said to me?”

“What she say?” Tiggy asked.

“She said, Bitch, you ain’t gonna get my man. And then I said, Bitch, I ain’t even goin’ after your man, but if I was, I’m sure I could totally get him because, girl, you nasty. And then she said, I ain’t nasty, you’re nasty.”

“She a nasty girl,” Tiggy agreed.

“Right? But get this. While she was saying I was nasty, I noticed that her roots were showing, so I said, Girl, your hair looks like a tragedy up in here, and she said, Oh, I know, it’s so embarrassing. My stylist died from a combination of gangrene and getting caught in a stampede of manticores. So I said, Listen. Just. Listen. You go down to Ming Win and she’ll take care of you. She’ll do your hair and your nails, and you tell her that Gary sent you because then she’ll give me a five percent discount on my next visit because money doesn’t grow on trees, if you know what I mean. So she was all like, Really, that’s sounds awesome, thank you so much. And I said, Of course, that’s why I’m here, and if you ever call me nasty again, I will fucking cut you. And now we have tea once a month.”

“I like tea,” Tiggy said. “And pencils. And rocks and cats. And friendship stories.”

“Of course you do, dear heart,” Gary said. “You are precious, and I love you so. Now, on the forty-second time I got called a bitch, I deserved it, seeing as how I had been with her man. But did I know that he was married? Of course I did. But only because he needed unicorn jizz in order to free himself from the entrapment spell she’d put him under. And who was I to say no to that? He had hair on the back of his knuckles. You know how I feel about that.”

“You feel good about that,” Tiggy said.

“Exactly. So of course I called her a bitch back and—”

It’d been going on.

For two hours.

In very, very loud voices.

My everything was twitching.

“Bathe in your blood,” I hissed under my breath. “Just bathe, motherfuckers.”

I could outlast them.

I could.

I would.

Two minutes and sixteen seconds later, I threw open the door, ready to choke the life out of two of my closest friends.

Who immediately broke off when they saw me.

“Oh good,” Gary said. “It worked.”

“What worked?” I snapped at him, trying to resist the urge to reach out and squeeze.

“I knew there was only so much of my bitch stories you could take before you came out,” he said, tossing his mane prettily. “Those amateurs before me don’t know how to get under your skin as quickly as I do.”

“I came out here to murder you,” I admitted, because it was the right thing to do.

“Oh, tiny human,” Tiggy said, patting me on the head with a big hand. “You try. You just try.”

I knocked his hand away, but not before Gary was crowding me against the wall, his snout pressed against my face, eyes inches from my own.

“Sam,” he said, breathing rather heavily. He didn’t blink.

It was terrifying. “What?”

“How are you?”

“I’ve… been better?”

He nodded, which, given the fact that he was smashing his face against mine, caused me to nod too. “I understand,” he said. “Now repeat after me. I am Sam of Wilds.”

“I am Sam of Wilds.”

“Not some punk-ass bitch.”

“Not some punk-ass bitch.”

“Gary is awesome.”

“Gary is awesome—oh godsdammit.”

Gary preened as he took a step back. “Thank you. It’s about time I get the recognition I so obviously deserve. Tiggy, oh Tiggy, please take note of this date. The apprentice to the King’s Wizard has declared me awesome.”

Tiggy tapped the side of his head and winked at Gary. “Noted.”

“Good,” Gary said. “Now that that’s out of the way—” He turned and snarled at me, eyes blazing.

“Eep!” I said, because even though it was scary, it was still a scary unicorn, and I couldn’t help but fall in love just a little bit more.

“If you ever lock yourself in a room like a spoiled brat again, I will track down my horn, go on a quest to get said horn, defeat whatever creature has the horn, restore it to its rightful place atop my head, come back to the City of Lockes, march in a parade in my honor, and then come up to your room and gore you to death. Do you understand?”

“Your eyelashes are made of stars,” I whispered reverently.

“I know,” he hissed angrily. “It’s because I’m beautiful. Now are we clear?”

“I understand,” I said, because I did. Even without the overtly plotted threat of being gored, he was right. I couldn’t lock myself away. Not with the threat of a destiny hanging over me. I had to face it head-on.

Like a man.

“Oh goodie,” Gary said, dropping the rage façade like it was nothing. “Because you just have to see how Ryan is acting around Ruv. It’s positively adorable. But mostly embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for him. And for you.”

I sighed dreamily. Like a man. “He does posture whenever his masculinity is threatened.”

“Knight Delicious Face threatened all the time,” Tiggy said wisely.

“This is true,” Gary said. “Why, even before we left, Ryan was challenging Ruv to a shirtless pull-up contest in the gym.”

That… made my mouth a little dry. “And you didn’t stay to watch?”

“Now you see what I do for you,” Gary said. “I could have been watching sweaty muscled torsos, but instead I was up here saving your life.” His eyes glistened suddenly with tears. “Why would you do this to me?” he asked, lip trembling.

I knew then what was the right thing to do. “To the gym!” I cried.

 

 

I SHOULD have realized that we weren’t the only ones who would have found a Ryan versus Ruv shirtless pull-up contest to be the event of the season. The castle was eerily quiet as we made our way down the stairs toward the labs.

“Where the hell is everyone?” I asked, wondering what would have caused the guards to mostly abandon their posts and the maids to leave their cleaning supplies haphazardly strewn across the floor. Even the kitchen was empty, large mixing bowls left on countertops, the smell of something burning slightly coming from the oven.

“Oh, my young, naïve little boy,” Gary said. “I don’t know if it’s a good thing that you still have some innocence left. On one hand, it means you’re still starry-eyed. On the other, it means that I need to work that much harder in corrupting you.”

The closer we got to the gym, the louder it got, until it hit me where everyone was. And that… was both amazing and annoying. “Everyone is ogling my man?” I asked incredulously.

“To be fair,” Gary said, “Ryan is the owner of dat ass. And even if he is sometimes the star of the stage show Douchetacular Douchetacular, he at least looks like a masturbatory wet dream while doing so. I know I’ve masturbated to thoughts of him before. Why, just last week even, I had this extended fantasy involving Ryan, a jar of bubbles, and an original dance number choreographed by an elf midget. Can I say midget or is that racist? Little person? I don’t even know anymore. You say one thing and someone’s offended, you say something else and another person is offended. People should probably just calm the fuck down.”

I was too busy thinking about dat ass to defend my one true love against Gary’s weird barb, even if it was sort of true about Ryan being douchetacular. Granted, I was sure the same thing could be said about me, so I figured it was probably better that we were together so no one else had to be subjected to us.

We reached the entrance to the gym, a large stone room where the Knights of Verania worked out on a daily basis. I usually avoided this place, given that it stank of sweat and I had an aversion to doing anything that required me to stand in place for an hour and try to lift weights over my head. Ryan wanted to make working out together a thing we did, because it could bring us closer together, Sam, just stop complaining and do it. But after a disaster that somehow ended up with me strung up upside-down from the ceiling due to a combination of a jump rope, a twenty-five-pound free weight, and the laws of physics, he never made me go down there again. I found another way to bring us closer together by giving him a sloppy blow job whenever he got back from working out. He couldn’t find a reason to complain when I was choking on his dick, so. Win-win.

I was an expert at conflict resolution.

It didn’t mean, however, that I couldn’t appreciate the results of his strict regimen that found him here once, if not twice daily. Ryan Foxheart took the role of Knight Commander very seriously, even if the knights under him constantly gave him shit. He was good at what he did, and I was proud of him. And of his abs. And chest. And arms. And thighs.

Especially his thighs.

The crowd that had gathered spilled out of the entrance to the gym, people buzzing excitedly as they tried to peer over one another to get a glimpse of whatever was happening inside. I tried to push my way through, but the crowd was too thick, and no one seemed to give a damn that I wanted to ogle Ryan just like they were.

“This is some bullshit right here,” I said, giving every consideration to using my magic to knock everyone down. Morgan wouldn’t be very happy with me, but given that he was probably in the front, I could take whatever shit he threw at me. I heard a group of women talking about how they wanted to just hold Ryan down and ride him like a show pony, to which I almost blurted out Ryan preferred to be the one doing the riding. But regardless of what else could be said about me, sometimes I did have a filter.

“I don’t have time for this,” Gary said. “There are mens waiting for me to objectify them with my invasive and salacious gaze. Tiggy! Charging sack of potatoes!”

“Wait!” I said. “No charging sack of—”

“There are mens,” Tiggy rumbled before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He growled loudly as he pushed his way forward, people scattering out of his way so they didn’t get crushed. Gary pranced along in the wake, head high, tail swishing back and forth.

“Excuse us,” he said. “Priority package coming through to stare at the other priority packages.”

I glared at him as I hung over Tiggy’s shoulder, but he just winked at me like the asshole he was. “I will have my revenge,” I snarled at him.

“Squealed the sad, tiny little man,” he said. “Honestly, Sam. I thought you were actively trying to work on your threats. That was pathetic, and I am ashamed to say I know you.”

It only took seconds before we reached the front of the crowd, everyone pushing to dive out of the way from what appeared to be a rampaging half-giant. Tiggy looked rather proud of himself as he set me back down on the ground. He ruffled my hair and said, “You’re welcome,” and even though I could have easily found a way through without having to be carried, I still hugged him just a little so he knew he was appreciated.

And then Gary choked and said, “Hot motherfucking damn, that is some good shit right there.”

So I turned around.

And immediately realized I was wearing the wrong kind of pants to be on the boner carriage to Holy Fuck Me Town.

“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.

Because even though I knew what we’d be walking into, it still didn’t prepare me for the sight in front of us.

Ryan Foxheart and the Wolf of Bari Lavuta at the chin-up bars, yes. And they were certainly shirtless, oh yes. There were miles of skin on display as the muscles in their backs tensed and flexed. I had no idea how long they’d been at it, but their arms were bulging as they pulled themselves up again and again.

Ryan was the bigger of the two, bulky muscle and sheer strength. Ruv was wiry, less built, but matching Ryan pull-up for pull-up.

The Castle Guard stood around them cheering, egging them on, counting out some ridiculous number (three twelve! three thirteen! three fourteen!). Ryan’s teeth were gritted together, and I knew that expression. That expression said he was tired and sore but he didn’t give a shit, because he was going to kick Ruv’s ass.

Ruv, for his part, kept his face blank, as if he were unaffected by anything around him. It was rather disconcerting to see how effortless it seemed for him, even if he was covered in a sheen of sweat.

“I’ve been to orgies that started just like this,” Gary whispered in my ear.

“What! When have you been to orgies? How many? Where was I?”

Gary rolled his eyes. “Like, two times. No wait, like. Fourteen times. And I told you I was going to church so you wouldn’t get suspicious.”

“Wait, so that entire year when you told me that you needed religion like air, you were actually getting jizzed on by multiple parties?”

“Pretty much. I blasphemed all over the place. But I will say that my soul felt clean afterward.”

“I still can’t believe people think unicorns are pristine and virginish creatures,” I muttered. “All the ones I know are whores.”

“I thought you only knew me,” Gary said, sounding confused.

“Exactly.”

“Boom,” Tiggy said.

“Damn right, holla at your boy,” I said as he fist-bumped me.

“That made me quiver all over,” Gary admitted. He pressed a wet, sucking kiss against my ear. “Proud of you.”

The King was there, standing next to Morgan and Randall, all of them whispering and obviously conspiring together. As if they could all feel my gaze, they turned to look at me, stared for a moment, then went back to whispering heatedly.

Justin stood off to the side, looking slightly disgusted as he watched Ryan and Ruv. Since I was convinced that all he needed was love to bring out his inner sunshine, I immediately started plotting ways that he and Ruv could be alone, fall in love, bone, and live happily ever after. Two birds with one stone. The planning was still in its earliest stages (seeing as how I’d just starting thinking of it six seconds before), and I didn’t want to get ahead of myself (they would get married and have babies and—), so I put it on the back burner to let it simmer. I would find Justin true love if it was the last thing I did.

Mom and Dad were there too, and Mom was fanning herself for reasons I didn’t understand while my father looked grumpy standing next to her. “I think Mom is getting a little too warm with all these people in here,” I said to Gary.

“Yes,” Gary said. “That’s exactly the reason.”

“Where’s Kevin? This seems like it’d be right up his alley. Shouldn’t he be here making everyone feel extremely uncomfortable?”

“Chasing sheep,” Gary said. “You know how it is.”

“He just likes to hear them scream in terror even though he’ll never eat them. He’s very strange.”

Gary sighed. “He says it helps him sleep better at night. You know. After getting unicorned.”

I grimaced, completely done with that conversation. I still wasn’t quite sure how things… fit… between them, but it was a topic of conversation I wasn’t prepared to have.

I didn’t see Vadoma, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t there. It just meant she was probably slinking around in the shadows trying to make my life even more miserable than she already had. It didn’t seem possible that I’d only known her for a few days and had actually only been face to face with her for an hour, and she’d been able to cause this much of a fuckup.

However, the display in front of me wasn’t too bad to look at.

And it really was only for Ryan. Ruv might be a cornerstone. And maybe my magic recognized him as one. But it didn’t matter to me. After everything we’d been through, nothing was going to take Ryan away from me.

And so I ogled.

I ogled hard.

“I am going to wreck him so bad,” I promised to everyone within hearing distance.

A lot of people heard me, apparently, if the way they took a few steps away from me meant anything. I rolled my eyes at them. “I didn’t mean right now.”

“I have earplugs,” Tiggy said. “And toast.”

“You’d better,” Gary said. “If he’s walking straight tomorrow, then you have failed at homosexuality and I will mock you mercilessly. You are being called upon for a great task. This is why you were made. It is your destiny.”

I scowled at him. “That’s not funny.”

“Kind of funny,” Tiggy said. “A lot funny.”

“Fuck dragons,” Gary said. “You’ve got a destiny of dick ahead of you.”

And, really. As much as I wanted to punch him in the eye, I couldn’t argue with that. I turned back toward them and watched as Ryan pulled himself up again. His arms were shaking and I knew he had to be getting tired, but I also knew he would push himself until he collapsed if it meant beating Ruv. I didn’t know what thoughts were going through his head, what he felt he needed to prove. Like this stranger could ever mean anything to me the way he did. As if anyone could.

He must have felt a change in the room, a little twist of something. It was unnerving really, how quickly we could find each other in a crowd. Morgan said it was because of the bond between us, those little threads that held us together. I didn’t know that I was certain I understood how a cornerstone worked exactly, but Morgan assured me that we were as we should be, and even I couldn’t deny the way I’d felt more settled into my own skin. It’d only built over the last year until it was something tangible, something strong. Sure, we had our moments when I’m sure he wanted to strangle me and I wanted to hex him to the ends of the known world, but we always found our way back to each other. And I thought maybe we always would.

Even in the middle of a crowd.

Ryan glanced over in our direction, eyes finding me almost instantly.

I rolled my eyes at him, because I knew what he was trying to do.

He winked at me. And immediately redoubled his efforts to kick Ruv’s ass. It really shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was, the bastard. But now that he knew I was there, he wouldn’t lose. Either that or he’d keep going until he passed out. “Men,” I huffed.

“We are pretty stupid,” Gary agreed.

Probably. But fuck a destiny of dragons. I had a destiny of dick ahead of me. I didn’t need anything else. Especially from—

you think this but you have no idea what’s coming

I stopped. Took a staggering step.

“Sam?” Gary asked. “Are you—”

i’ve seen what lies in the future

The crowd around me was cheering even as they began to slow down, like they were moving underwater. It was like we were in a painting, the colors dripping and wet, bleeding together as it melted. I took a great gasping breath and—

i’ve seen the darkness that burns at the heart of the world

—tried to focus, but my blood was rushing in my ears, and there was green and gold and it was mine (not mine), and I took another step toward the King, because I had to protect the King, I had to keep him safe, it’s what I’d been taught, it was my duty to make sure—

it calls for you sam of wilds it calls for you because it needs you

—he was protected in case we were under attack. There was a sharp burst in my head, colors exploding like a kaleidoscope, and I’d never felt this before. Never felt this out of control, that my magic could spill forth at any moment and destroy everyone and everything in this castle, in this city, and it—

i have come because the gods have shown me the truth of all things

—couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. I didn’t want this. I didn’t need this. Things were fine the way they were, and she had come here, into my home to try and take this all away from me like it’s—

Vadoma Tshilaba whispered in my ear. She said, “The stars will fall from the sky and chaos will consume this world unless you accept what it is you are being called on to do.”

I opened my eyes.

I stood in the gym in the bowels of Castle Lockes.

Gary and Tiggy were to my right.

Morgan, Randall, and the King were off to my left. My parents were too. And Justin.

Ryan and Ruv were on the chin-up bars.

The crowd still stood around me.

But they were all frozen, stuck with smiles on their faces, shouting and jeering silently. The women were swooning. The men were laughing. But not a sound was made. Not a single movement occurred.

I croaked out, “You’ve got my attention.”

“Do I?” Vadoma asked from somewhere behind me.

I whirled around. All I could see were the faces of the crowd behind me, twisted and unmoving. There were shadows encroaching along the edges of the gym, crawling along the stone walls.

“Because your attention is not what I need,” she said, and it was like she was above me. I jerked my head up, but there was nothing there. “I need your cooperation.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, gathering the green and the gold, discarding the old words from my thoughts because I didn’t need them. I’d shown that before. Magic didn’t have to be recitation. It could be will alone. Vadoma thought she knew me.

But she had no idea what I was capable of.

“Because you wouldn’t listen any other way,” she said from somewhere in the crowd. They stood like flesh-covered statues, and I fought to keep from looking at those I loved. And then, like she could read my thoughts, “They are distractions, aren’t they?”

“No,” I said, taking a step into the crowd, ducking under an arm raised here, stepping over a leg raised there. “They can’t be. Not ever.”

“Oh, chava,” she said, sounding disappointed. “There is much for you to learn.”

“I’m not like you,” I told her, stepping around Pete, my old friend Pete, a small smile stuck on his lifeless face. I shuddered as his shoulder brushed mine. “I don’t just banish those I love because they don’t follow the path I lay out in front of them.”

“And yet here you are, hoping I would be banished for a path I’ve laid before you.”

“I don’t love you. I don’t know you.”

“I am your blood.”

My skin itched. “There is so much more to this world than blood.”

“Chava,” she said. “There will not be a world. The things I will show you. What is to come. You will be begging me to lead you. Because the only way to keep them safe is to leave them all behind. They will burn in the fire of a thousand suns unless you accept your destiny.”

There was a moment of tense silence, and then the world snapped back into place. The crowd erupted around me, cheering wildly. I spun in circles, trying to find Vadoma in the throngs of people. She was nowhere to be seen.

“Sam?” Gary called above the noise. “How the hell did you get all the way over there?”

The raucous jeering around me gave way to groans and sounds of confusion. I turned back toward the front to see Ryan had dropped from the bar, eyes wide as he pushed through the crowd toward me. “What happened?” he asked when he stood before me. He gripped my shoulders tightly, fingers digging in almost enough to hurt. “You’re… I felt it. Something.”

I smiled weakly at him. “Nothing,” I said. “It was nothing. Just thought I heard… it was nothing.”

He frowned like he didn’t quite believe me. “Sam, are you—”

“And what was happening in here?” I asked, deflecting as best I could. “You look like you’re showing our guest the assets of Verania.”

“Um,” he said, flustered enough that his grip on me loosened. “Would you believe me if I said I had no idea?”

I watched as a droplet of sweat trickled down his neck to the hair on his chest. “Not at all,” I said, though I might have squeaked it out just a little bit. I kept reminding myself that pretty much everyone in the castle was staring at us right now, including my parents, so it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to lick my boyfriend’s chest, no matter how much I wanted to. Even if it was right there. With nipples and everything.

“You sure about that?” he said, moving close enough that I could smell his skin. That swagger was back, that infuriating, sexy-as-hell swagger that made me want to punch him in the nuts as much as suck on them. Vadoma’s voice was echoing in the back of my mind, but this was Ryan. Not even her thinly veiled threats could wash the sight of him from me.

I glared at him, standing my ground as he tried to crowd me. “It looked to me like you trying to prove something you don’t even need to worry about.”

“Oh, I’m not worried.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “I’ve got it on good authority that you’re a sure thing.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Keep talking like that, Knight Commander, and you might find yourself with pull-ups as the only form of physical release you’ll get for a long, long time.”

He laughed at me openly. Gods, how I loved that sound so much. Because when I heard it, it wasn’t from a dashing and immaculate Knight Commander with a chip on his shoulder, but a green-eyed boy who I wanted everything with. “You sure about that?” he asked again, but it was soft and playful.

“Oh my gods,” Gary groaned from behind us. “Would you two just go fuck already? This is so godsdamned disturbing to watch. It’s like you’re face-fucking me with a dick made of sugar. Stop it. You stop it right now and go fornicate before the rest of us get sucked into your black hole of love.”

I pulled away from Ryan to find everyone in the gym staring at us with varying looks of lust and disgust on their faces. I was pretty sure the elderly man next to me had an erection that he kept trying to touch me with.

“I like you,” he whispered to me.

“Uhh,” I said. “That’s sweet. And also terrible. We’re gonna go somewhere else that’s not where you are.”

Ryan grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the exit. I heard his knights hooting and hollering after us. “Get some, Knight Commander!” one of them yelled. “You’ve got that shit!” He didn’t even turn around but raised a fist in victory to acknowledge he’d heard.

Of course he tripped over his feet when my mother said, quite loudly, “Young man, no one has gotten that shit, because that shit is my son. Let me tell you a little bit about respecting your partner—”

I squeezed his hand as I laughed. I could see the blush on the back of his neck.

I stopped laughing when I saw Vadoma out of the corner of my eye, standing near the back of the crowd.

Soon, she said, mouthing the word.

It felt like things were starting to spiral.

Ryan glanced back at me. I smiled at him as best I could.

He believed me, though.

That’s what was important.

 

 

IT STARTED in the empty hallway near the top of the stairs. I’d been trailing behind him the whole way, barely taking my eyes off his ass in front of me. He wore low-slung trousers, the tip-top crack of his ass visible with every step he took. The muscles in his back rippled, and he didn’t let me go.

I almost crashed into his back when he came to a stop. “What are we—mmgh—”

His mouth was on mine as he pressed me up against the wall. Keeping in mind that sexy is as sexy does, I just sort of sagged against him as his tongue swiped over mine. He rolled his hips against me, a quick, practiced move that never failed to make my knees a little weak. His hands were on my hips, his sweat-slick chest bumping mine. He broke the kiss and trailed his lips along my jaw. I turned my head to give him better access to my neck.

“You know,” I said, slightly strangled, “I’m totally on board with this plan, but maybe we could—” And then he did that one thing he did so well involving his teeth and my ear. I jerked my head back, smacking it against the wall. “Ow. Motherfucking ow.”

He chuckled against my face, reaching up to put a big hand between my head and the wall. “You’ve got to be more careful,” he chided gently.

“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t be so good at eating my ear.”

“Eating your ear. Gods, Sam, way to make that sound erotic.”

“I didn’t know we were going for erotic. I can do that if you like. I’ve been practicing. Oh, side of beef, put your mouth hole back on my hearing hole and eat it out. That’s the ticket.”

He leaned back, face twisted up in a grimace. “Mouth hole?”

I shrugged. “My erotic writings are intended for a specific audience.”

“A dead one?”

“Whoa,” I said. “Look who’s got jokes while I’ve got a boner. One of those things should stop. I’ll give you a hint. It’s not my boner.”

He reached between us and gripped me tight. I refused to let my eyes flutter shut, only because having him this close, sharing breaths, was a heady thing. “I’m going to take care of this,” he said, jerking me through my trousers once, then twice. “And you’re going to take care of me. And then we’re going to talk about how you’re deflecting again and how I won’t stand for it. Are we clear?”

Right then, I probably would have agreed to about anything. “Crystal,” I managed to say.

“Good,” he said before leaning in for a lingering kiss. “Now come on. You’ve got some work to do.”

“Why does even that sound hot?” I mumbled, letting him pull me along again.

“You’re twenty-one years old,” he said, glancing back at me. “Everything makes you hot.”

“Only your everything,” I said. “Which apparently I need to remind you of before you try and do even more pull-ups. Because you’re that ridiculous.”

“Did more than him,” he muttered under his breath. “And besides, I had to do something to get you out of our room that you locked me out of for two days.”

And shit. I felt bad about that. Because Ryan had essentially moved in with me a few months ago, abandoning his small single room down in the barracks. It’d been strange at first having someone in my space all the time, but then he’d pointed out he hadn’t actually spent a night in his own room in almost a month beforehand, and I got over whatever weirdness I had going on. “Yeah, about that. Um. I’m sorry? I didn’t…. Shit.” I stopped walking, pulling on his arm until he turned around and faced me. “That wasn’t fair of me,” I said when he looked at me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have— Did you do a shirtless pull-up contest just to get me out of the room?”

He grinned at me. “I’ve got brains and brawns. Felt like a good time to put them together. And since you’re a Foxy Lady, I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.”

I gaped at him. “That was… devious. In a completely sexual manner. I approve, Sir Foxheart. Well played.”

The grin softened on his face. “Next time,” he said, leaning forward and kissing me on the tip of my nose, “don’t cut me out, okay? It’s rough, Sam. I know it is. But you can’t just push me away. We’re a team. And it sucks when I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

I absolutely did not get choked up at that. “Yeah. A team.”

“For all I knew, you were trying to figure out ways to break up with me to run away with Ruv,” he said, laughing. But his eyes darted away for a split second, and even though he knew that was a ridiculous thing to say, it was still coming from a place that held a kernel of truth for him.

But I chose to follow his lead. “Like I could ever do that,” I said. “Dude, I’ve put so much work into you, you have no idea. The idea of starting over with someone else just sounds exhausting.”

He made a face at that. “Good to know.”

“Where did you sleep the last couple of days?”

“Down in the barracks with the boys. I told them it was for morale. They didn’t believe me and were convinced you’d kicked me out because I’d pissed you off somehow. It was an uncomfortable time for everyone.”

“Did they try and shave your eyebrows again?”

“They weren’t even subtle about it.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? They love me. If you ever leave me, they’ll make your life a living hell.”

He rolled his eyes even as he leaned forward to kiss me again. “All the incentive I’ll ever need.”

“Okay, so are we gonna sit here and continue talking about feelings and junk, or are we going to get to the boning? I have needs.”

He leveled me with a flat look. “Boning, Sam? Really?”

I leaned forward and kissed his cheeks and nose and chin. “Sorry, baby. Are you going to let me make sweet, sweet love to your mouth and butt holes with my throbbing member?”

He laughed as he shoved my face away. “That’s it. You are not allowed to dirty talk ever again. I have never been more turned off in my life.”

But his eyes were darkening, the green going from spring to a summer storm. He was still sweaty, little goose bumps on his shoulders. I didn’t move, just let my gaze crawl all over him, starting from his bare feet and moving slowly up. He swallowed with an audible click, flexing his hands at his sides.

“Here’s what I think we should do,” I said, taking a step toward him, closing the distance between us. My knees knocked against his. We were almost chest to chest. He was breathing a little heavier, gaze never leaving my face. “I think we should go back to our room.” I leaned forward and kissed him softly. “And I think you should remove the rest of your clothes.” I trailed my hands up his arms. His breath hitched in his chest. “And you can get yourself ready while I watch. And when you’ve gotten three fingers in you, I’ll come take care of the rest. That sound all right?”

He nodded once, sharp and quick.

“Good,” I said. “Go.”

He went, glancing back at me to make sure I was following.

I did, because it’s what he expected of me.

We learned this about us as we navigated our relationship. Out there in the real world, Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart was in charge. He carried the weight of his knights and the Crown on his shoulders. He did it well. People respected him. They feared him. They mocked him mercilessly for almost fucking up our relationship before it even started. He took all of it with a cocked eyebrow and regal stance. He was dashing and immaculate. He was of the people, by the people, for the people. Verania loved him. The women wanted to sleep with him. The men wanted to be him (and some wanted to sleep with him too). The children wanted to grow up to be him. He was everything anybody could ever want.

And that was all well and good. He didn’t let it go to his head (well, not too much, anyway—he was still a cocky bastard, after all). He’d worked hard to get where he was, gave up a lot to become a Knight Commander. And it’d almost doomed us, given the oaths he’d made.

But a funny thing happened after all that was said and done.

I learned that I, Sam of Wilds, was a sex god.

And that’s meant to be as humble as possible. You see, Ryan was in charge in most things of his life. As the Knight Commander for the Eighth Battalion, he oversaw a hundred knights as part of the Castle Guard. He ran their training sessions. He was their teacher, their instructor, their therapist, their punching bag, their bro, their dude, the man. He was calm, assertive.

He was also a big fucking bottom who liked it when I took charge in the bedroom.

“Holy shit,” I’d said after the fourth time we’d had sex (which turned out to be the day after he was an asshole and almost got married but waited until the last second to confess his undying love for me). “I’m a sex god.”

“Oh my gods,” he’d muttered. “That’s not—”

“I’m so good at this. You like it when I tell you what to do, and I’m so good at that.”

“It’s good, yeah, but we have to—”

“And I’m just a natural at being in charge. Right? Like, you’re all grr rawr swinging dick when you’re with the knights, but in here, you’re all, take me up against the wall, you savage brute.”

“That’s not what I said—”

“Not that I have a problem with that,” I’d assured him, just in case he was worried. “I’m finding that I rather enjoy being in charge. I was doing some research, and it’s come to my attention that I’m probably a power top.”

“Research? When the hell would you have had time to do research? We haven’t even left the room!”

“Obviously the sex we just had counted as research.”

“Obviously.”

I’d turned over on my side to face him, reaching over to trace a finger over his eyebrows. He’d hummed a little and leaned into the touch, and I thought, I can’t believe this is mine, I can’t believe I get to have this. “It’s okay, you know,” I’d said lightly.

“What is?”

“That we do this here. You and me?”

He’d flushed, refusing to look at me. “It’s not… I don’t… I just.” He’d bitten his bottom lip. “I just like it, is all,” he’d finally said quietly. “I don’t have to think. With you. I know it’ll be okay. That you’ll take care of me. I don’t have to worry about anything else.”

I’d grinned at him. “Ergo, sex god.”

He’d rolled his eyes, but he’d also been fighting a smile, and that was pretty much my undoing. The fifth time had been spectacular.

And we’d refined it over the last year, turning it into something more. Sure, I was still a sex god and said sex was hot. But there was a familiarity to it now. I knew him as well as he knew me. I knew what made him tick, the little things he liked. I knew what it meant when his eyes glazed over as he panted below me. And he knew what it meant when I started trembling, how close I was. I had something that he never gave to anyone else, something to call my own, and I protected it at all costs. It wasn’t something I even really talked about with Gary and Tiggy. For all the bluster, for all the shit I could talk, there were some things that needed to be protected.

I figured I’d given him enough time. I made my way to our room, the door cracked, candlelight flickering inside. I took a breath and pushed it open.

And promptly lost said breath like I’d been punched in the stomach.

Ryan Foxheart was on our bed on his back, trousers discarded and forgotten on the floor. His hand was shiny with oil as he jerked himself off, head rocking back. But it was his other hand that caught my attention. That hand was between his legs, moving slowly as he fingered himself, stretching himself open as he pressed his feet flat against the bed, pushing up to try and get a better angle. From where I stood, it looked like he was already two or three fingers deep. It normally took longer than that; I’d only been in the hall a few minutes or so. Ruv must have really gotten under his skin if he was this worked up.

I watched his toes curl into the comforter as he arched his back slightly, bowing up and off the bed. He groaned my name, long and drawn-out, and it was all I could do to keep from running over and pouncing on him. This was going to be fast and messy, and I wanted to let it build just a little bit more before I took him.

My magic was singing underneath my skin, rushing through my blood. The thousands of tiny little strands that connected us, the facets of the cornerstone we’d built so far, were thrumming. It was a heady thing. Not just the sight of him, even though that was enough to almost knock me off my feet. But the threads that built between us, the little offshoots of green and gold and blue that sparked off in the corner of my eyes, just out of reach. It made me feel more powerful than I’d ever felt before. Sex didn’t always need to be a component for cornerstones; Morgan was proof of that. But it was for Ryan and me, and I had no problem with that whatsoever.

“You ready?” I asked him in a low voice as I locked the door behind me. His hips jerked a little at the sound of the lock clicking.

He shook his head frantically. “Not yet,” he said hoarsely. “Can’t reach. Can’t get where I—”

“You’re getting close, though. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” He jacked himself another time or two. “Yeah, Sam. I’m close.”

“Can’t have that, can we? Put your hands above your head.”

He groaned in frustration but did as I asked, pulling his fingers out of his ass with an obscenely wet sound. He rested his hands against the headboard, biceps flexing, fingers shiny in the candlelight. His dick twitched against his stomach.

“That’s real good,” I said lightly. “Keep them there.”

He turned toward the sound of my voice, eyes wide. I waited until his focus was on me before I stalked toward him slowly, first pulling my jerkin off. I might have been a born sex god, but even sex gods could be insecure. It had taken a while for me to feel comfortable under his scrutiny. He was chiseled out of stone by the gods. I was a stick that had fallen out of a tree. But Ryan didn’t seem to mind, seemed to like it in fact. I didn’t know what that said about him, but I wasn’t going to complain.

I let the jerkin fall to the floor, and he made an abortive movement with his hands. He caught himself, though, and let out a long, slow breath, trying to maintain some semblance of control. It was a sight to behold, the Knight Commander of Castle Lockes all spread out and wanting in our bed. No one else got to see him like this. This was only for me.

I popped the button to my trousers, wondering how much longer I could string him along. I was already half hard and itching to close the distance between us. But sex gods couldn’t show they were affected. Sex gods played it cool and collected and sexy.

“You’re thinking about being a sex god again, aren’t you?” he asked, voice rough.

I snapped my head back toward him. His eyes were a little clearer than they’d been just a moment before, and he had that fond and exasperated look on his face that I knew so well. His cock was still hard, and his arms were still above his head. His legs were drawn up, feet down on the mattress. He was exposed but comfortable. He trusted me.

So of course I lied. “No, I wasn’t thinking about that at all. I was thinking about what I was going to do to you.”

“Really,” he said. “That’s what you’re going with.”

“Do you want to be ravaged or not?”

“When you put it like that, I might need a moment to think about it.”

“You’re impossible,” I said with a scowl.

“Sam,” Ryan said. “I am naked in our bed waiting for you to screw me. I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t be talking right now.”

“What about dirty talking?”

“I don’t want to know what you want me to do to your ear hole.”

I shoved my trousers and underpants to the ground. “Sex god,” I said.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Come on, sex god. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Bossy fucking bottom,” I grumbled as I kicked my feet out of my trousers.

“Sam,” he said, and he sounded a little desperate again. “Come over here and screw me.”

When Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart makes such a demand, one does not hesitate. And no, I didn’t trip and almost fall into the bed, no matter what anyone said. And if Ryan did say anything like that, he was a fucking liar and I would spank the shit out of him later.

He was laughing by the time I pulled myself on top of him, his arms still above his head. He spread his legs a little more, just enough to make room for me to lie on top of him. His eyes fluttered shut as I pressed my weight against him, cock to cock, chest to chest. I reached up and grabbed both of his wrists with one hand, holding him in place, and his breaths came in short little bursts. We were under no illusions that I could hold him in place; if he wanted to get up from under me, he would. But he didn’t, and that was key. He wanted to be held down, wanted to feel like someone else was in control. He’d told me this in fumbling fits and starts, blushing terribly as he looked down at his hands. “We don’t have to do it,” he’d mumbled. “I’m just happy I get to have you at all.”

And what the hell was I supposed to do in the face of that?

Everything I could, obviously.

And it just so happened our kinks lined up for the most part, no matter how vanilla they were. We weren’t Gary and Kevin (oh my gods how we weren’t Gary and Kevin), but we did okay.

And there was the fact that I would have given Ryan just about anything he could ask for. I could admit to still being a little starry-eyed when the thought crossed my mind that, out of everyone in the world, he wanted me the most, enough to break an oath he made in the name of his mother.

I kissed him, and he made this little noise in the back of his throat, soft and wounded, pressing his hands up against mine, testing how far I’d let him go. I tightened my grip as I controlled the kiss, grinding my hips down against his, letting the slick friction from the oil on his dick rub against my own. He gasped into my mouth, and I swallowed it down, my tongue against his.

I pulled away, watching as he lifted his head, trying to chase the kiss. He frowned when he couldn’t get very far, pupils dilated until there was only the faintest ring of green. “Come on, Sam, please,” he said. “Come on.”

“Not yet,” I said, pushing my hips forward again. “You can hold on for just a little bit longer, can’t you?”

He shook his head back and forth.

“I think you can,” I said, squeezing his wrists tighter, the way I knew he liked.

He tried to buck his hips up, but I pushed them back again, his dick sliding against my stomach as I rolled myself down again.

“I’m ready,” he panted. “I promise. I’m ready.”

I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. I kissed my way down his jaw to his neck. He turned his head to allow me better access. I sucked on the skin near his collarbone, just low enough that I knew any mark would be hidden by his uniform. That was a lesson learned the first time we started this thing between us. Not only was it unprofessional (which Morgan scolded me for while the King just laughed at me), but Ryan’s knights weren’t exactly a subtle bunch, and they gave him as much crap as they possibly could.

He was begging me for more, begging me to fuck him, to just fuck him godsdammit, and I knew he’d reached his breaking point. The lovely flush had crawled down his neck to his chest and stomach, skin overheating as he tried to wriggle against the friction.

“Just fucking get on with it,” he snarled at me, teeth bared. “Just fucking do it if you’re going to do it, gods.”

And oh. Oh. That’s how it was going to be. He was goading me, and he knew I knew, but I was too far gone to care. It gave me something back, lording over him like this, making him squirm until he was pleading for me to fuck him. I don’t know why, and I certainly hadn’t expected anything between us to bloom like this.

But it did, and he was provoking me.

There was green and gold, and my magic said, mineminemine. He let out a happy groan when I dropped my grip on his wrists and flipped him over. He went willingly, knowing what he’d been working me toward. I knocked his legs apart with my knees while he pulled himself up on all fours, resting his weight on his elbows, face pressed to the side against the pillow.

He jerked his head forward when I breached him with my fingers, two, then three, working them in and out of his hole. “I’m good,” he chanted. “I’m good, Sam, I’m good,” and I slapped his ass, just once, in warning and he stopped. He breathed into the pillow, letting me do what I wanted.

There was a fourth finger, but it only lasted a moment before he growled at me to get on with it. I pulled my hand out and lined myself up, pushing down on his back, causing his chest to hit the bed and his hips to cant up toward me. The muscles in his back twitched as I pushed my cock into him. He sighed and closed his eyes, pushing his hips back toward me slowly until I was pressed flush against him. I waited a beat, and then another one. And another. Then he nodded, just once, a barely there thing as he breathed through his nose. I brought my hips back out and in again, fucking into him as I held him down.

It didn’t take long for him to start those little sounds again, those little noises of grunts and please and more, I can take more. He gasped, eyes flying open, as I angled my hips differently.

“I bet he can hear you,” I said through gritted teeth. “Ruv. You think he can hear you? I bet he can. Groaning like that. Saying my name. Acting like my cornerstone.”

Ryan growled low in his throat, probably a little pissed that I would even say that name while we were fucking. He pushed himself up onto his hands and bowed his back, meeting me thrust for thrust. I slowed down my own movements, letting him fuck himself on my dick. I ran my hand up his back until I reached his hair, curling my fingers into it, getting a good solid grip. I pulled, arching his back even further and fucked into him again. The muscles in his arm bulged as he dug his fingers into the blankets.

I felt a little drunk, a side effect of the magic and the bond between us. It always hit hard in moments like this, making me feel detached and floating but like I was still tethered to him. His grunts were becoming louder, careening us both toward the end. I tugged on his hair sharply, and he pushed himself up until his back was flush against my chest. The angle was awkward, the mattress too soft to allow me to do anything but thrust shallowly.

But it was enough. As soon as my hand was around his dick, still sticky with oil, I only had to fuck into him two or three more times before he was coming over my hand, a strangled moan falling from his mouth. His ass squeezed around my cock, and I pushed up into him as deep as I could, sank my teeth into the meat of his shoulder, and shot off inside him.

All that green. All that gold.

How it sang.

 

 

I CLEANED him up as best I could, knowing he’d be sore and sticky still in the morning. He didn’t seem to care, a blissed-out look on his face as I stripped the comforter off the bed and threw it to the floor. The fireplace kept away the worst of the chill, but one learned to ignore the cold when living in a castle. The drafts were always there, even during the summer. When the snows came in winter around All Hallowed Day, the fires never went out.

I pulled the blankets up and over us, tucking into his side. His leg came up and over mine, arm around me pulling me close. I rested my head on his shoulder, face pressed against his neck. I was drawing circles on his chest, and I felt his heart beating underneath my touch. I loved that heart, almost more than anything else in the world. It was important to me.

I said, “You know you have nothing to worry about, right?”

“There are always things to worry about,” he said quietly.

“Maybe. But not this.”

“This?”

He hissed when I pinched his nipple. “Knock it off. You know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not worried,” he said, pulling me just a little bit tighter against him.

He was lying, and we both knew it. “Sure,” I said. “Because you normally have middle-of-the-day shirtless pull-up contests that draw large crowds and end up in hardcore gay sex.”

I didn’t even need to look up to know he had a smug smile on his face. “Didn’t seem like you had much to complain about there.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re stupid sometimes.”

“Probably,” he agreed. “But I beat him, didn’t I?”

“Did you?” I asked innocently. “From where I stood, you stopped right in the middle of it.”

“Only because you were— Speaking of that.”

Well, fuck. That was something I had been hoping to avoid. Maybe if I pretended I wasn’t there, he wouldn’t push it. “Gosh, I’m sore. Are you sore? I am a sex god, after all—”

“You’re deflecting. Again.”

Bastard. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He shook me a little, jostling me at his side. “Sam. I know something was wrong. We don’t keep things from each other. Ever.”

“Lies. I have secrets. I’m a wizard. I’m supposed to be secretive.”

“Sam, the one time you tried to keep a wizarding secret from me, you told me that you had a secret and couldn’t tell me, and then told me anyway two minutes later.”

“Secrets are hard. You don’t even know.”

“Sam.”

I sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to let this go. “Vadoma,” I admitted. “She’s getting in my head.”

He tensed. “What? What did she say? Was it about Ruv again? God, I hate that guy. You just have to ignore her, Sam, I mean she’s gotta be—”

“No, I mean she is literally getting in my head. Like, we were standing there, and then everyone was frozen except for me and her. I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t, if this was a mind game or if she actually froze everyone in that room.”

“Oh,” Ryan said.

“Yeah. Oh.”

“How can she do that? I thought her magic wasn’t supposed to be that great.”

Good question. “I have no idea. It felt… I don’t know. Fake, somehow. Like it wasn’t real.”

He pushed me off him gently, laying my head on my pillow so he could turn on his side and face me. Our foreheads were almost touching, and I could feel his breath on my face. He reached up and traced his thumb across my bottom lip. “You know I’d never let anything happen to you, right? You’re a sex god, after all.”

And I tried. I really did. I tried to hold in my laughter because I was scared. I was worried. But when faced with the earnestness of Ryan Foxheart trying to get a smile on my face, I was helpless. I burst out laughing and didn’t miss the way he looked pleased with himself.

“So dumb,” I said. “It’s true, but you’re dumb.”

“Probably,” he agreed. “But you wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Nah,” I said. “I wouldn’t.”

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” he said. “I promise. We’ll figure out what this is, this destiny or whatever. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I really hate that word.”

“I know. But if you think about it, who else is going to have one beside you? Isn’t that the sort of thing that happens to us? I’d say it’s something we should have expected.”

Us. Not happens to you. Us. Like there was no question that we were a team. “Why?” I asked, suddenly curious.

“Why what?”

“Why are you with me? After all this bullshit, after everything we’ve been through, why are you still here?”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you serious? Are you that stupid?”

“There’s the romance I needed. My gods, the heart boner I’ve got is throbbing like you don’t even know. Put your mouth hole on me and let me feel your insides.”

He flicked the tip of my nose. I squawked and batted his hand away because I hated when people did that.

“You know why.”

“I do?”

“Remember? Atop the tower?”

“The dragon’s keep.”

“Yeah. You and me.”

“All those stars.”

“I only saw you.”

“Sap,” I said, even though it made me feel warm. “Probably because you were breaking my heart.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Mine too. But do you remember what I said?”

But you have to believe me that it’s always been you. I promise. I promise. I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.

“I remember,” I said. As if I could ever forget. As if those words weren’t etched upon my very soul. “That was… smooth. In retrospect. At the time, I thought you were an asshole, but now? Way to go.”

He chuckled. “I am pretty good.”

“Mostly.”

He sobered when he said, “I meant it, Sam. Every word. It’s always been you for me. I loved you even before I knew what it meant. That’s why.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“Good. Also, I feel it should be said that I will still stab Ruv if he so much as looks at you funny. That’s not jealousy. It’s practicality. And I just don’t like his face.”

“Eh,” I said. “I’ll allow it.”

He leaned in and kissed me, slow and sweet as molasses. And I took everything he was giving me and gave back as much as I could. Because that’s what we did for each other. He might have been my cornerstone, but I wanted to be the same for him, even if he didn’t have the magic I did.

“It’s going to be all right, you know?” he said. “You’ll see. Everything is going to be just fine. I promise.”

And I believed him.