EIGHTEEN

Don't Say You're Sorry

“Jesus, Jenn, get the fuck out.”

“You’re corrupting her, I have to kill you.”

“Jaaaack”

“Baby, I know the link to these women, why he’s killing brunettes.”

“How do you know?”

”Because it’s you.”

”No, no, no.”

“Nooo, no, no.” I shot up, looked around and found myself in Jack’s bedroom. The lights were back on, and the door to the room was closed. A feeling of dread ran through my exhausted body. Jack thought the killer knew me; that he’s killing women because of me, but why? I’d been here four months. Who had I angered so much they would kill women to punish me? And why not kill only me if he hated me so much?

Needing to move, adrenaline coursing through my body causing my heart rate to increase, I recognized the signs of an anxiety attack. Right after Doug died and my life was uncertain, I would get them at night. With Bailey off at school and Mom, Dad, and my brother, Ted, all living so far away, I just felt alone, unsure and, weirdly, forgotten. I need to run, burn this off.

In bare feet and not caring, I ran to the bedroom door, threw it open and hightailed it down the hall. When I hit the living room, Jack was there in a discussion with Barry, Grady, and Phil. Without a word to any of them, I headed straight to the kitchen door, threw it open, and took off. Cold air hit my face, the shock of it clearing my head. I was surprised the temperature had dropped so much, but I didn’t really feel it, so I kept right on running. I heard shouting behind me, surprised it was Barry. I couldn’t stop; I had to get this adrenaline burnt off or an anxiety attack the likes I’d never had would cripple me. Jack lived on a dead-end street, and I’d headed towards the end; when I reached it, I turned around and headed back the way I came. As I got closer to Jack’s house, I could see him standing at the end of his driveway, arms crossed over his chest, just watching me. I looked at him and shook my head. I needed to keep running to get this out, and I needed him not to stop me. Like he understood, he gave me a chin lift and left me to it.

Twenty minutes and two bruised and bleeding feet later, I came to a stop about a hundred feet from Jack’s house. Still standing, watching me, the lights from an old-time gas street lamp glowing down on me as his guide, he walked toward me, stopped in front of me, and looked down.

“You get it out?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Without another word, he bent at the waist and picked me up, carrying me back to his house. We entered through the front door, and three sets of eyes were on me. All held a look of concern, but a secondary look of, “is she gonna freak out again?” I was too tired to care. Jack placed me on his couch and bent down to look at my feet.

“You need to soak these. I’ll run a bath,” was all he said before he moved down the hall. I turned back to the guys and smiled weakly, then fell against the couch and closed my eyes. I heard a cough and turned my head to see Barry ready to ask me something. I raised my hand to stop him.

“I’m fine. I needed a moment to sort through what’s happened.”

“About that…We need to ask you some questions, and since Jack was the victim, he can’t be involved in the investigation.”

“Fine, ask away. I won’t break.” At least I didn’t think I would, but I’d already passed clean out, and my new independent womanhood had taken a hit to her ego.

“Did you notice anything about the guy that would help in identifying him? His height, hair color, build, a tattoo, anything, even a smell that might be distinct?”

Closing my eyes, the fight clear in my head, I saw the knife, the height of the men struggling, and started listing everything I remembered to Barry while keeping my eyes closed, deep inside the memory.

“He was shorter than Jack, maybe six foot two. He had a knit cap on his head, the kind with the eyes and mouth cut out like bank robbers wear. The knife had lots of those sharp ridges on them like Rambo carried, and if I had to guess his size, I would say a lot leaner than Jack. I didn’t get close enough to smell him, except when he touched me as he ran past, but all I smelt was fresh air, as if he’d been standing outside a long time.”

“Jenn.” My eyes flew open when I heard Jack call my name; he was crouched down in front of me again, watching me.

“He touched you when he ran past?”

“His hand, his fingers, they ran down my arm when he passed me.” Jack turned to Barry and the boys, and something silent passed between them.

“Jack, are you sure…a hundred percent sure this is about me?” I already knew the answer; it made sense once you looked at it rationally. Women who looked like me died, I met Jack, and now women he dated were dying. He’d said, “You’re corrupting her”, to Jack. This man, whoever he was, seemed to think I needed to be protected from Jack, but why was he killing?

“Jenn, it’s like puzzles pieces: separately, they make no sense, but together they form a picture, and that picture is you.”

I looked away from his face and nodded my understanding. Without looking at any of them, I thought about the loss of life because some lunatic had an obsession with me. Me—simple Jennifer from simple Kansas—who only wanted a simple life in the beautiful mountains and some adventure, was the obsession of a killer. For those women who were dead, I wished I’d never come here. For the women who could die because of me, I knew in my gut I’d have to leave. If I slipped away when no one was watching, I could get out without the killer knowing and save the life of whoever was next. I thought about all of my options, and this was the only one that made sense. Leave and save lives, or stay and endanger everyone? No choice, really. My mind made up, I just needed to get away from Jack.

***

After my bath, Jack gave me clothes to wear: a huge, soft t-shirt that smelled like him, and sweat pants I rolled at the waist to keep up. Luckily, while soaking in the tub, I’d had time to come up with an excuse to get to my car and get out of town. I was going to ask Barry to drive me to my car under the premise I needed it for work. Hopefully, Jack would agree to let me get my car since he insisted I had to stay with him until the killer was caught, and he couldn’t very well expect me to be stuck here without transportation.

Jack needed stitches on his shoulder, and Phil was going to drive him to the hospital. I figured that would give me enough time to get home, pack a bag, and hit the road. To where? I’d make that decision once I was on the road, but first I had to get to my car.

I was sitting on his couch, thinking about what I needed to do—where I should go, if I should call Bailey, and a million other things—when his voice broke my concentration.

“Babe, worrying about something you have no control over will accomplish nothing... Except frown lines you women are always complaining about.” Looking at Jack and seeing his blue eyes twinkle at me, I tried for a smile I wasn’t feeling and then nodded my head. Thinking now would be a good time to bring up the subject of my car, I took a deep breath and went for it.

“Jack, while you’re getting stitched up, I need to get my car. Can Barry drive me to it?” Jack watched me for a moment then looked over at Barry, studied him, and said, “Stand up.” Barry did as Jack asked, looking confused, as Jack walked up to him and looked down. He looked Barry over, and then spoke over his shoulder to me.

“Barry isn’t tall enough to be the killer,” Jack explained, and I jerked my head back, shocked he’d even considered Barry. Barry got angry, of course, then crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

“What the—you thought I was the killer?”

“No, but whoever this guy is has an obsession with Jenn, and you’ve been obvious about your feelings for her, so I had to be sure.”

Barry’s face turned red, and he looked away. I got embarrassed for him and felt the heat creep up my face. Jack was right, of course, but Jack being Jack didn’t even try to soften his remarks, and that had to sting no matter who you were.

Barry turned back to look at me and then with a grin said, “Man would have to be blind not to notice you.” I bit my lips to keep from laughing and crying at the same time. My life was a nightmare.

God, how had it come to this? Barry was a great guy, but he wasn’t Jack. No man was, obviously, but it didn’t matter that Jack was wonderful and that I was falling hard for him, because, after tonight, I didn’t know if I would see him again.

“Are you done flirting with my woman? If so, take her to her car and make sure she gets back here in one piece.” Barry nodded, wiped the smile from his face, and turned to me.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, but give me a second.”

“I’ll just wait by the door. Take your time.”

Nodding, I turned to Jack and tried to keep my heart rate from racing. Jack didn’t know it, but this could be the last time he saw me, and the thought I might never come back to this man was cutting me deep. Jack started talking first, so I bit my lips and listened, determined I wouldn’t cry.

“I’ll see you when I get back. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours.” Afraid I might cry if I spoke, I nodded I understood, got up on my toes and kissed him gently on his mouth. Jack didn’t close his eyes, and neither did I. I wanted to take that with me and hold it close for when I was lonely or scared: his face, warm and loving looking down on me as I said goodbye.

“Goodbye, Jack,” I whispered, and then turned to leave. Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me back. Both hands to my face, he crashed his mouth on mine, kissing me like he knew he’d never see me again. When he pulled back, he put his head to mine and whispered, “I’ll see you when I get back.”

All I could reply was “I’ll see you soon,”, because that was something I hoped would come to pass. The killer caught, women out of danger, and me returning to this life I’d started for myself. So I grabbed my purse and clothes and then headed to the door. When I reached Barry, I turned back to get one last look at Jack, one last memory to take with me in case I never returned. I smiled at him, and he grinned back before giving me a chin lift. I took a deep, calming breath, turned, and walked out the door and out of Jack’s life.

***

Two hours later…

The lights of a highway patrol vehicle and its siren grabbed my attention as I was driving down the highway. I looked in my rear-view mirror and wondered if I’d been speeding. Pulling over, I put my jeep into park and waited for the officer. A nice-looking man about forty got out, walked up to my window, and tapped on it. I rolled it down a little, looked up at the man, and waited for him to speak.

“Are you Jennifer Stewart?”

My eyebrow reached my forehead at this stranger knowing my name, and I stupidly nodded the affirmative.

“Ma’am, I have instructions from the Gunnison County Sheriff’s department to tell you, and I quote, “Get your sweet ass back to town or I’ll tan your hide.”

I cried out a laugh at the audacity of that man. I guess Jack found my note.

“You can tell the sheriff that I’m not coming back until the killer is caught. If I’m gone, he won’t have a reason to kill.”

“Ma’am, Sheriff Gunnison told me to tell you that if you were stubborn enough to disagree with this request, I was to handcuff you and bring you in forcefully for trespassing.”

That got a gasp from me, and I narrowed my eyes.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Ma’am, if my woman was going off half-cocked, running in an attempt to protect others from a killer, I’d do the same thing.”

“I’m not going off half-cocked! I thought this through while in the bathtub.”

Mr. Highway Patrolman shook his head and then looked to the heavens for patience.

“Ma’am, honest to God, you need to turn your vehicle around and head back to Gunnison. For all you know the killer is following you and you won’t be safe from him alone on the road or anywhere else, for that matter.” I sighed, exasperated, and thought to myself: Why do all men think they can boss you around?

“I appreciate your advice, officer, but I’ve watched my rear-view mirror, and no one has been following me.” He shook his head again, obviously thinking I was a crazy woman with a death wish, and then moved as lights came up behind us. I looked in my rear-view and watched as Jack got out of his truck and walked towards my Jeep. Shit. The patrolman moved to him, spoke for a minute, and shook his head again. While I was contemplating whether or not I could outrun both of them in my jeep, Jack slapped the patrolman on the back, and the officer looked back at me again with little more than the male equivalent of “Women, heaven help us.” Well, hang around. You think I’m stubborn? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Jack watched him leave, then looked back at my Jeep, assessing the situation, or counting to a hundred was probably more like it. He looked back at his truck, then back at my Jeep.

Decision made, he walked up to my door, leaned down but instead of barking out an order he simply said, “Scoot over, babe, I’m driving.”

I looked back at his truck and saw no one in the cab, so I asked, “What about your truck?”

“I’ll get it in the morning. Now scoot over, I’m driving you back so you can’t take off again.” His tone was starting to change to frustrated, and I knew I wouldn’t win this battle, so I unlocked the door and scooted into the passenger seat, feeling defeated that I hadn’t escaped. Jack got in, buckled up, and started my Jeep, but before pulling back on the road, he turned to me and without any preamble laid down the law. The word “brace” flew through my mind when I looked at his face.

“You try and run again, I’ll tan your hide. You think about doing anything that puts you in danger from here on out, I’ll lock you up. You even think about investigating this killer another minute, I will put a bodyguard on you 24/7. You will do as I say, or I will arrest you. Do you understand me?” My hackles went up, but I kept my mouth shut… and then I didn’t.

“You’re insufferable,” I hissed.

“Yeah? Good, means I’m doing my job.”

“And what job is that, Sheriff?” He looked at me for a brief second and then let me have it for the second time.

“Keeping the most irritating, stubborn, and so damn sweet she makes my dick hard just thinking about her woman—a woman I’ve fallen for, I might add—safe. And if she thinks I'll just let her walk away from me, she’s crazier than I thought… Safe. From. A. Lunatic,” he growled and then, “That is my job, Jenn, so deal with it; and don’t you ever get in your fucking car and leave again. Do you understand me now?”

Um, wow, this man of few words could really lay a string of them on you when he was motivated. Nodding my head in short quick moves—because really, after that, would you argue?—I opened my mouth to say I was sorry, but he interrupted me.

“Don’t fucking say you’re sorry,” I closed my mouth, then opened it again, and he narrowed his eyes, so I froze.

“Swear to Christ, every fucking time you apologize…Every other woman I know would stand their ground just to fucking stand their ground, but you always fucking apologize.” Confused, I started to defend myself, but he shook his head, raised a hand, and continued.

“And when you do, I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you till you say it again.”

I bit my lip to keep from saying anything else because I wasn't pushing him any further. Would you? We’re on the side of the highway for God sakes; I don't want my butt on display.

Jack watched me for signs I might lose my battle with keeping my mouth shut, and then finished his tirade while shaking his head, “Jesus, I fell for a woman who can admit when she’s wrong . . . swear to Christ I didn’t know they existed.”

I rolled my eyes at him, but he merely glared back at me, so instead of verbalizing my thoughts, I kept them to myself. On behalf of women everywhere, I will silently say, WHATEVER!!!