When I woke the next day, my mind was fresh and clean and filled with Aiden. I vowed no more hot and cold, no more wavering emotions, and no more doubts. I loved Aiden and I didn't need distractions or the compliments of strange guys. I needed self-esteem and more respect for the person I was with.

I sent him a snap of my morning face, the real one, not the fake morning photo where I wore makeup and pretended to be sleeping. He got kinda pissed the first time I did it, wondering who took the photo of me sleeping in my bed at seven a.m.

I interpreted it as a bit of a compliment that my ‘sleeping’ photo had looked so real. He didn't see it that way.

Getting up, I found Jess buried in books and Linna up and dressed and ready to take on the world.

“Why are you awake and showered?” I asked, glimpsing the clock on the wall above her head. “It’s early.” I’d managed six hours of shitty sleep. She had to be going on five or less.

“I got up to send my streaks to the bitches back home, keeping them jealous, and snapped Seamus. I didn't want him to see me like for real so I had to shower and do my makeup and hair.”

“Yes, God forbid a guy sees you as you are and not beneath a layer of paint,” Jess grumbled, sounding extra cranky.

“Duh, you save that for when he really loves you. Love is blind, dude. He won’t notice how hideous you are with his love goggles on.”

“You mean like how he never noticed anything about you behind his beer goggles last night, and now you’re going to be blind to his faults because of the D goggles you’ll be sporting after you guys bang?”

“Oh my God.” Linna rolled her eyes at me. “You have to stop teaching her the lingo. She uses it way too fast for me in the morning. How can I defend myself against D goggles at eight in the morning?”

“She has a point.” I laughed as my phone vibrated with a text back from Aiden saying he was too busy to chat and would call tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

He was already too busy today, at breakfast?

It annoyed me that he was blowing me off for the whole day, but I’d woken with a touch of remorse and a renewed sense of love. My vows regarding not being selfish were only ten minutes old; I needed to maintain them until at least noon.

I grabbed some coffee and sat across from Jess, watching her study.

“Tell me you didn't do anything I have to lie about?” she muttered from behind a thick book as Linna vanished from the room.

“What?”

“Last night, in the courtyard.”

“How do you know already? I haven’t even seen you yet.” News traveled fast here.

“It doesn't matter. Tell me.” She was firm.

“Nothing happened.”

“How could you, Fin?” Jess lowered the book, searching my face.

“How could I what? I sat on a bench and talked about Aiden while listening to Linna giggle in the shadows with Seamus. I was practically you out there. Virginal and funny and detached.” I didn't tell her the whole story. No one needed to hear it.

“Swear?” Her eyes were wide.

“On my life.”

“Oh thank God.” She exhaled a huge sigh of relief. “When I heard Isaac talking to Aiden this morning, I was shitting. I was ready to cover for you, but I wasn't sure what I was covering for.”

“Wait?” My stomach dropped and my heart paused. “What?” The room spun. “Aiden?”

“Yeah, Isaac was talking, sort of quietly in the shadows, and I could tell he was speaking to Aiden. And, dude, he told him everything. I mean like, play by play. But it didn’t sound out of the ordinary, more like he was giving his morning report for like the whole day yesterday. Something about your ring, the guys at the party, the game, the drinking, Lucas hard-core stalking and hitting on you, and then catching you sitting outside talking to him. He did say you were just talking. But it was like two in the morning.” She wrinkled her nose. “It sounded bad. He told him Lucas said really romantic things.” She blushed. “Like he was trying to get you and Aiden to break up.”

“Oh shit.” I bit my lip, nervously. How could I have done such a terrible thing? Of course it looked bad. And honestly, it was. Had Aiden done something like it?—wait. My brain froze on the words “morning report.”

“Morning report?” I asked.

She lifted her eyebrow and nodded slowly, clearly thinking the same thing as me.

Isaac was spying on me for Aiden.

A light dinged on.

Of course he was.

I was such an idiot.

Girls like me didn’t need bodyguards.

I needed babysitters and spies for my rich boyfriend who could afford to keep me under his thumb while making me think I was being protected.

Holy shit.

He didn't trust me at all.

How could he do that to me?

My body started to vibrate, I wanted blood.

He was going to regret ever meeting me.

But having a fit would only alert Aiden to my knowing, and I wanted to ambush him the same way he had me. Not wanting to make Isaac and Tracy aware that I knew, I needed to be chill, which would be rough with my blood boiling as it was.

Pushing my emotions down to deal with when I was calmer was hard, almost impossible. Coming out of the red haze, I blinked, realizing I’d spaced out in a conversation she was still having.

“You need to be smarter, less fun and flirty, more studious and lame.” Jess talked about something I hadn’t heard the beginning of, but the gist was obvious.

“Lame doesn't come easy to me, Jess,” I uttered like I had been listening and covered my eyes. I tried to make sense of it all, but my brain ran around in circles shouting, I told you so! “What time was that?”

“About two hours ago, like seven. I was just getting up.”

“So eight in the morning his time. That explains the text. Friggin’ hell. Stupid Linna and stupid Seamus and stupid Isaac and stupid Aiden.” And most of all, stupid me.

I’d grown up with Sheila; how had I let some English boy trick me? I’d let my guard down around him. The answer was obvious: because I’d trusted him.

How was I this stupid?

Hating myself almost as much as I hated him, I lifted my coffee and drank it back too fast, trying to charge my system before talking to Aiden, which would have to happen. Even if he was angry and wanted to avoid me for the whole day, we were talking. I needed answers. But not like this. I needed a plan.

Did I go to him and confront him? Was it better in person so he saw the real disappointment in my eyes?

I showered and dressed, hating the growing knot in my stomach.

When I couldn’t handle the anxiety anymore, I called Hattie, needing her firm old-lady honesty. She wasn't one of those overreacting types. Clearly, I’d gotten that from my dad’s side.

But no matter what, before I spoke to Aiden, I needed her to validate my thoughts and feelings, but also to make sure I wasn't guilty of anything too severe that I deserved this. She was the only person I trusted with the whole story. Not because she wouldn’t tell anyone, she would. The entire Lakeside Retirement Community would know by dinnertime, but she would give me true advice. Sound advice. And unbiased. She loved Aiden and me the same, or him more. Linna would tell me to break things off, wanting us to be single in Scotland together, and Jess wouldn't take my side on the off chance Aiden and I stayed together.

“Hey, kid,” Hattie answered sounding cheerful for eight in the morning her time.

“Hi.” I bit my lip and contemplated where to start.

“Oh shit,” she said with a heavy sigh, “Whatever it is, spill the beans.”

“I need some advice. I met a guy last night.”

“You idiot—”

“Wait, wait. Don't go jumping to old-lady conclusions. Let me explain the whole story first, then pipe in with your mean comments.”

“Fine,” she grumbled.

“So I was at a Halloween party—”

“First, the most important part of the story,” she said dryly, “What slutty forest creature was it this year?”

“’Slutty’ is offensive, Hattie.” I sighed heavily. “Jess says we’re not allowed to say it anymore. She said we have to learn not to devalue or judge other women, that the patriarchy is doing that enough for us. So it’s sexy. I was a sexy bat.”

“You’re a sexy simpleton, get to the point.”

“Anyway, Linna met this guy, Seamus.”

“An Irish boy in Scotland?”

“Yes, now stop interrupting. Seamus’ DD was a guy named Lucas who hit on me, kinda. He was flirty.” I omitted my flirting. “When we got home, Linna said she and Seamus agreed to meet in the wee hours of the morning—”

“And Lucas out of the goodness of his heart, and knowing you would be there, brought him to see Linna?”

“Right. And then he said some really intense things. Like he couldn’t breathe imagining not seeing me again.”

“Damn, the guy has some scripted moves. You didn’t fall for that BS, right?” She laughed at me.

I really was an idiot.

“Of course not.” I wouldn’t ever confess to that. “But Isaac caught us talking—”

“And Isaac told Aiden everything?” She was good at this game.

“Yeah.” I was totally crushed and I hadn’t gotten to the bad part yet. “But this is where I need your advice. What Jess heard wasn’t what you always say, ‘a one-off.’ Isaac was giving his morning report. He’s my babysitter and Aiden’s spy. I’m like a prisoner here.” The words burned through me.

“Let’s not go too far. You attending Ivy League Scottish college, where everything is paid for, isn’t quite doing five behind the Iron Curtain.” She laughed at me again. “But I see your point. It’s not okay for him to pay two grown-ass men to follow you around all the time. That’s creepy. And the foundation of every relationship is based on trust and love and mutual respect.”

Even though she validated what I’d thought, it was clear where this was going, and it was about to get bad for me. She’d said “mutual respect” too harshly.

“And you—mutual respect means you don’t meet guys in alleys. Stop doing sexy stuff and no one will think you’re being sexy. Meeting anyone who’s not your boyfriend in the courtyard at two in the morning is dishonest and stupid. You knew that guy was hitting on you. You knew going down there he would continue to hit on you.”

Her words went from justifying my fury to kicking me right in my lady balls, but again, she was right. We were both wrong.

She held nothing back. “And I think you’re acting up because you’re angry. Why would you go into the garden of good and evil at two in the morning with a guy who likes you? I think you know the answer.”

“I do?”

“Time to start analyzing your actions, kid. Is being with Aiden what you want or what you think you want? Because those might be two different things.”

“I want to be with him,” I answered quickly.

“You said that too fast. And you need to cut him some slack when you attack his spying on you. No one wants to hear poor little Fin is sad and lonely because her boyfriend neglects her while he’s killing himself helping his family. His dad’s dying. His brother just died. He’s getting a throne he never wanted. His life isn’t perfect.”

She legit held nothing back.

“But what if we don't make it?” I accidentally blurted, overwhelmed by the feelings I was drowning in and Hattie’s version of tough love. It was mostly tough and short on love. “I mean, Aiden is so sure if we can get through this next couple of years, everything will be fine. But I’m scared we’re apart too much, growing apart maybe.”

“Well,” she said with a moan, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re right. You can’t rush through falling in love or making a relationship. And you have fallen in love and then separated, which is hard on anyone. Sitting around that dorm room, pining for him, can’t be good for you. Have you considered finding some old people there?”

“No but maybe I should,” I agreed, noticing just the idea of some old people and the normalcy they offered starting to calm me. I missed my old people. The stress and anxiety lessened. “Maybe I’ll see if the retirement community here needs volunteers.” I felt better already. I missed that feeling of doing something satisfying.

“There ya go. Now stop acting like a damned tart. Are we still allowed to say ‘tart’?”

“Isn’t that a dessert?” What was she talking about?

“Yup. One last thing before I hang up: if love is meant to be, it will be. That’s all there is. Years and distance can’t ruin something that is meant to be. Anyway, I gotta go. Say hello to Jess. Tell Linna I said no more reckless behavior from her either. She needs to worry about those grades. She doesn't have a handsome prince to fall back on, and if she ends up with some kid, she’ll have me to contend with.”

“I will. Give Peaches and everyone hugs for me.” I ended the call and considered her words about not having a handsome prince to fall back on.

What if I didn't have one, would I be lacking dedication as much as I was?

I doubted it and decided I needed to work like I also didn't have one of those handsome princes tucked away in a closet.

Just in case.