Shuffling through the front door of my house, I heaved a sigh before depositing my bags on the kitchen table. My attention span was so narrow, a mouse couldn’t crawl through it, and I rubbed my face roughly with my palms on my way to the refrigerator.

I didn’t notice my dad watching me through narrowed eyes from the archway to the living room, and I popped open the refrigerator door in the still silence.

“Lilly…” Jumping three feet in the air, I let out a shriek as my father’s hard voice wrapped around me. My hand went to my heart, and I whirled around to slam my hip into the refrigerator door. Gasping at the shot of pain that raked my pelvis, I held my throbbing side with my free hand before really noticing the look on my dad’s face.

He looked disappointed.

Staring stupidly, my heart began to pound in its cage as a million thoughts surged through my mind. My father had never looked at me that way, and one bold declaration rose above the rest to flash brightly in my mind’s eye.

He knew.

“Where were you last night?” The hard edge to his voice caused goosebumps to rise all over my body, and I opened and closed my mouth soundlessly. Without even letting me think of a response, he spoke up again, and anger flickered in his eyes. “I went to Kayla’s house, and you weren’t there. So- where were you?”

“I- I… Dad- I can explain-“ Those words weren’t what my dad wanted to hear; I wasn’t sure there were any words at all that would make this alright in his eyes. Scoffing loudly, he crossed his arms over his chest like he did every time he got pissed off. My lower lip wobbled, head throbbing, eyes stinging in the prelude to tears, but his tone blasted beyond the blood roaring in my ears.

“I understand wanting to go to college, Lilly- I do. But a boyfriend? I’m not the God-fearing man I was when I agreed to marry your mother, but how could you ever think this would fly, huh?” Shock rippled through me like a cold wave of electricity, and I tore my gaze off my dad to stare at my shoes. “I suspected for a while now, and I hoped beyond hope that I was just getting old.”

He doesn’t know about the sex… The thought hit me hard, and I sniffled as that tiny dot of hope spread through my chest. Pursing my lips together, I took a deep breath through my nose and gathered my ragged mind. He’s just mad I’m seeing someone.

“Does Mom know?” With the question out there, I noticed how strange it was that my father was here, but my mom wasn’t. Usually it was the exact opposite, and I peeked out from under my lashes to furrow my brows. Slowly my dad shook his head, but my sigh of relief was cut short by his voice.

“No, and you have two choices if you want to keep it that way, Lilly. Either pack your stuff and get out or stop what you’re doing before it’s too late.” Going wide eyed at the ultimatum, my breath hitched to echo around the kitchen. My father was serious, and my tears spilled out down my eyelashes as tremors racked my spine. For a long moment my heart beat so fast, I couldn’t even feel it, and my mind went a white so intense I couldn’t see or hear anything.

Break up with Richard or leave my home and probably never see my parents again.

“It- it’s already… too late…” Uttering the admission before I could stop myself, I shook my head wildly before focusing on my dad. Narrowing my eyes on his tense, still form, I took a shuddering breath that filled my body with anger and betrayal. “Tell her. I don’t care anymore. Dad- you can’t honestly expect me to believe that you believe that marrying Mom was even remotely a good idea. You’re stuck, miserable, and you can’t get out- and you… you want to put that on me? No- I won’t let someone else dictate my life. If I want to date someone, I will. I’m happy with Rich- do you even remember what being happy in a relationship feels like? Were you ever happy with Mom, or did you just pretend because other people told you to?”

Just by the expression he wore, I knew right then and there that I was right; my father was never happy with my mom. Choking out a harsh laugh, I raked my hands through my hair before wiping my face roughly with my palms. In that split second, my father still hadn’t moved a single muscle, and it was my turn to scoff at him.

“… Be packed and gone within the next half hour, Lilly.” Cold, sharp like a knife, my father’s demand pierced my brain and sprung an ache behind my eyeballs. Throwing him a nasty glare, I stalked over to the table to grab my bags with white-knuckle tightness before stomping up the stairs. His gaze followed me even around the corner, and I gripped my bedroom door handle with shaking fingers.

My room didn’t have much, and I dropped my bags haphazardly to throw open my closet door. Snatching my backpack off the floor, I rushed back to my bed to put my laptop into the padded pouch roughly. If it wasn’t spring, my breath would be smoke as it flew from my nostrils, and I braced my fists against my bed to heave for air.

Scrambled and noisy, my mind worked at a pace it shouldn’t be able to achieve as I tried to think of my next step. My stomach roiled and heaved, sending bile up my throat, but I just swallowed it back down.

I could go to Kayla’s, but I wasn’t scheduled to move in for another two months.

I could get a motel room somewhere, but my skin crawled in disgust at the very idea.

… I could go to Richard’s.

Pursing my lips together at that, I closed my eyes and took steadying breaths. Richard would take me in- gladly, I suspected. The undeniable urge to be near him constantly would be sated. I wouldn’t have to worry about my parents or going back and forth between his and Kayla’s house to fool them.

Dropping heavily to my knees, I reached down deep under my bed to grab the tote I’d filled with important paperwork. The clear, plastic bin was tall, with latches, and fairly light considering it was only half full. Setting it on my bed, I snatched my bags off the floor and stared at the culmination of my life thus far.

I had a laptop and college- that was it. Everything I’d bought in New York was still at Kayla’s house, so what I had before me was what I had. It was pretty pathetic, honestly, and I zipped up my backpack with a jerk to toss it over my shoulder. Grabbing the bin handle tightly, I glanced around my room through narrowed eyes before stalking towards the door.

My father wasn’t in the kitchen when I stomped down the stairs, and a sick kind of vengeance twisted my gut. Heading for the cabinet above the stove that held the chocolate and other junk food, I set all of my stuff on the floor by my feet to open my backpack again.

Peanut butter cups, bite-sized milk chocolate bars, chocolate wafers- if it had even a spec of chocolate in it, I tossed it into my backpack.

There were no tears when I finally left my home of eight years, and I didn’t look back as I secured my tote to the back of my bike. Cycling down the sidewalk unsteadily, my legs burned from tightening and releasing with each push of the pedals, and my bags gyrated against my palms on the handlebars. Traveling in the opposite direction of Kayla’s house, I grunted with each pump of my legs until I was going fast enough for the wind to slice through my hair.

An eternity passed before I saw Richard’s house, and my heart nearly did backflips before jumping into my throat. A sleek, silver car I knew wasn’t his sat in the driveway, and I came to a skidding stop. Propping myself on my heel, I nibbled furiously on my bottom lip as indecision warred in my chest. His words from earlier flashed in my mind’s eye, and after a long few seconds, I kicked off to pass his little, inconspicuous, single story home.

My plan was simple- keep going around the block until Richard’s sister left. It might’ve been childish, but I didn’t want to go to Kayla’s house yet. A stab of betrayal pierced my chest when I thought about her; she didn’t even warn me that my father had been by looking for me. I walked in the kitchen to be completely blindsided, and I didn’t even have to suffer through it.

Coming to a stop once I’d rounded the corner, I pulled my phone out of one of my bags to stare, wide eyed, at the screen. I had 17 missed calls, and twice as many texts- all from Kayla. With a twitchy thumb, I navigated to my texts as the blood drained from my face. Every single message was concerning my dad, and I clenched my jaw tightly before letting my phone fall back into the bag hanging off my handlebar.

Biking led me to a small corner store at the back end of Richard’s block, and I parked my bike and secured my belongings with a lock before shuffling inside. With time to kill, I slowly, carefully examined each piece of junk food displayed, and all the while, the man behind the counter watched me curiously.

Picking out mostly chocolatey items I didn’t have in my pack, I wandered down the isle towards the back of the store. The candy and chips were replaced with toilet paper and dish soap, and I just kept going- because why not. Rounding the isle cap, I snatched a bag of chocolate coated popcorn that didn’t really look appetizing at all.

Still, I wasn’t being picky when my home life was crashing and burning around me.

“You okay, girly?” Glancing up to find the store clerk peering at me from behind his counter, I frowned deeply before he just kept talking. “You know, my wife pounded a dozen bags of that popcorn when she found out she was pregnant. She swears it’s good even though it doesn’t look it.”

My eyes widened at that, and I tightened my grip on my snacks and tore my gaze away. Staring at a can of soup sitting on the shelf closest to my face, I inhaled sharply, and blood argued with the screaming going on in my head in my ears. Under all of the noise, panic rose up like bubbling tar, and I gazed through blurred vision as I tried to remember the last time I’d gotten my period.

Which had been before I’d even gotten my acceptance letter from that website to sell my virginity.