Standing stiff in the middle of the kitchen, I stared at my feet from under furrowed brows as both my parents watched me. My brain worked to the point of smoking, frantically trying to come up with an excuse to our newest argument. On the table between us was an acceptance letter to the St. Bannadier University Medical Program, and when I blinked, I could see the sharp edges where it’d been ripped open.

“You’re lying to us.” The hard set of my father’s voice slithered into my ears to spread a brittle cold through me. A shiver lodged between my shoulder blades, and I beat back the sting in my eyes as bitterness clogged my throat.

How did they always manage to make things about themselves? Shouldn’t parents be proud of their kids for getting any sort of scholarships, let alone a near full ride? It costs an exorbitant amount of money to go to medical school, which meant debt forever.

Yet, this was somehow about my lying.

“Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself?” My mother’s voice was deep- like what a toxic tar sludge would sound like if it was a noise. When I didn’t respond, she scoffed loudly, and my chest ached from the furious beating of my heart. “You don’t even have an excuse. First thing in the morning, I’m marching you down to that school and making you drop. I’m taking your phone, your laptop, and you’ll be lucky if you see the outside of your room for the next month, young lady.”

For the first time since entering the kitchen, I looked up, and only then could I see it. My head whipped up too fast, causing a kink in my neck, but the slight twinge was worth it when my mom couldn’t shield her expression fast enough.

She was power hungry- she didn’t see me as a person, just a thing to control. Narrowing my eyes into fine points, I clenched my hands into fists as adrenaline heated my face. She was so powerless in her own life that no one else was allowed to breach the ceiling she’d created.

“No.” Hot and heavy, my single word wrapped me in a suit of invisible armor to defend me against the disbelief and anger that tried to stab at me from across the table. Lifting my chin defiantly, I held my mother’s gaze as her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “I’m not dropping out. I’m going to be a doctor, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. You can throw me out- you can excommunicate me… I don’t care. If you can’t find it in your miserably unhappy selves to support what I want, then I don’t want you in my life. It’s not my fault you’re a depressed control freak, Mom, so stop trying to take it out on me.”

The silence rang in my ears, chasing away my short anecdote as I watched my mom try to come to terms with my standing up for myself. I didn’t even spare my father a glance; he didn’t deserve it. Flaring my nostrils to hover up desperately needed air, my face grew tight, and my eyelid twitched under the mounting layers of tension that threatened to drag down my shoulders.

“I beg your pardon? You’re a child! An insolent, stupid child! What do you know about the world that you think you can make decisions like that? I am your mother, and you’ll do as I say, or being thrown out of the house will be the least of your worries! I’ll- I’ll get the school to kick you out! I’ll get where ever you’re staying to kick you out!” Shock ripped through me at the venom in my mom’s words, but anger was quick to follow and swallow it up. My fists trembled from the tension running through my body, and I let out an involuntary bark of laughter at her threats.

“Do you honestly think anyone cares about what you want where I am going, Mom?” Instantly hurt rippled across my mom’s face, but I didn’t feel a single ounce of guilt as I spat my rebuttal at her. “I’m an adult- 21 years old. If I want to go to college on scholarships, I’ll go. What- what, you think- you think you can harass the school into kicking me out? What are you going to do? Gather your little church bigotry gang and protest outside the administrations building? Or- you’re going to harass Kayla’s mom? She’ll punch you in the face before you even get up her driveway!”

The more I thought about it, the more hilarious the whole situation became, and I finally looked at my dad as confidence overwhelmed me. His expression was stoic, stone, and he watched me with blank eyes that gave nothing away. Turning my attention back to my mom, I took two, huge, steps forward and snatched my letter off the table. Never dropping her fiery gaze, I held the fat envelop to my chest, and the crinkling of the cellophane pierced my eardrums like needles.

“If you want to kick me out, start preparing eviction papers. Unlike you, I care about the people whose lives I’m imposing on, and I’m going to honor my word to Mrs. Porter about when I’m moving in.” I could tell my mom didn’t know what an eviction was, and I huffed hotly as I whirled around and went back to my bedroom. She really thought she could just kick me out; I shook my head wildly at the notion. Slamming my door behind me, I stalked over to my bed to uncrumple the letter in my hands and slowly open it in the silence.

I’d applied for scholarships months ago, and a strained smile cracked my stiff lips when I saw the familiar logo at the top of the first page.

“Dear Ms. Mansfield, we’re pleased to inform you that your scholarship for- yada yada-… please keep this letter for your ‘proofs of’ files. You’re not required to respond- yada yada-… your current expected course expenses are approximately $867,229.44 over a five-year period, of which your Herst Scholarship covers approximately $109.444.86…” My eyes widened at that, and I set down the letter to scramble for my laptop. “Uh- okay… so that- that brings me down… to… uh- $93,300.12… wow…”

Snatching my phone from the nightstand, I fumbled to find Kayla’s contact, and my hand shook when I brought the speaker to my ear. Rolling my lips between my teeth, I wiggled my toes in anticipation as the line rang a few times before she picked up.

“Kayla!” Shouting into the receiver before my friend could even greet me, I grinned like a mad woman as cotton clung to the roof of my mouth. “I got the Herst Scholarship! I’m down to 100 grand!”

“What! That’s great!” Kayla screamed back at me, and I fell back onto my bed with a near hysteric giggle. “You don’t even need anyone to pay a lot for you- not that you’re not priceless, Lilly, of course… but- anyway, this is awesome! Let me go tell my mom…”

Cold pierced my chest when Kayla and her mother’s excited yelling filtered through the speaker, and I rolled on my side to huddle around my cell phone. I couldn’t deny how much it hurt that someone else’s mom was more excited about my scholarships than my own mom. Reaching to rub my eyes with my fist, I took a shaky breath before Kayla spoke to me through the line.

“So, have you checked the auction yet, Lilly? It ends tomorrow, you know. You haven’t taken a peek?” No one but Kayla knew about the auction, and I heaved a big sigh as my mind turned to that topic.

“No. I haven’t really even thought of it, to be honest. I’m just going to wait for the e-mail, and then I’ll check it. There’s no use getting anxious over nothing- I’d probably go crazy watching people bid and wondering who they are and stuff.” Pushing myself up to sit, I ran my fingers through my hair absently as heat rushed to chase away the cold of my family problems. “I don’t even need anyone to bid much, like you said. The starting bid is enough to cover the last of my loans. So, I was thinking we can get together tomorrow after and ch-“

A soft knock cut me off, and I stiffened to clamp my mouth shut. My bedroom door opened without any confirmation from me, and surprise rocketed through me when my dad slipped through. Hanging up on Kayla without a word, I set my phone on my lap as he shut the barrier behind him to saunter over to my bed.

My dad was a fit man from decades of hard labor, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up when he sat down less than a foot away from me. Staring into space, his faded, brown eyes were distant, and wrinkles set deep around his mouth.

“… I know you think I don’t want you to go to college, Lilly. It’s the exact opposite, actually.” If it wasn’t connected to my head, my jaw would’ve been in my lap, and my eyes widened until my dad was just a defined blur. He wouldn’t look at me, and he clasped his hands in his lap to take a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want you to be like me, slaving away at a job you hate but can’t get out of. Your mother might not get that you won’t be her perfect version of a girl, but you’ll always be my baby. Whatever you want, I’ll always support you- even if you don’t realize it.”

“Uh- I… is that why… why you always asked if I dropped out? Why you asked when I deferred?” Only offering a heavy nod, my dad glanced at me, but his gaze seemed to go through me. My heart squeezed, and I clenched my jaw as a stinging started to build around my eyes.

“You need to understand, Lilly- I’m not smart. I knew I would never go anywhere early on in life. I lived in a place, a time, when my job was simple- have a family and support that family. But you’re not like that, and you shouldn’t have to be. It’s like you said- a miserably unhappy life. When I was your age, no one really went to college. I guess… my point is… you shouldn’t have to lie or sneak around because you’re doing something to better yourself. You have more courage in you than I ever did, and I just wanted to let you know that.” He seemed to run out of things to say, and my dad and I sat in a heavy silence before he just stood up and walked out. Watching him go, I couldn’t breathe past the lump in my throat. My mind was buried deep in a fog of disbelief and confusion, and it didn’t clear once the click of the lock echoed around my room.