Coffee in hand, Honey sat opposite Elliott again, waiting for him to begin. The kitchen was so quiet that she could hear the clock ticking and the birds singing outside. But she was waiting for Elliott to speak first, because he was the one with the news.

“Honey…” He licked his lips then sighed. “We were so close for so long weren’t we?”

She nodded. “Best friends.”

“Looking back, it all seems such a long time ago but I remember it as if it were yesterday.”

Honey and Elliott had grown up as next-door neighbours in Basingstoke. They’d been friends through primary school, fallen out in the first year of high school, then become good friends again at sixteen when they’d both gone to college to study art. Elliott had been her slightly geeky, lanky friend. She hadn’t known she had any romantic feelings for him until they’d gone to a house party, the summer after their first year at college, and ended up kissing. The transition from being friends to being a couple had been almost seamless, and as they’d already known each other so well, it had been a relationship free of the usual awkwardness of first dates or finding out something that put them off each other. Honey had also recently lost her father – just after her sixteenth birthday – and Elliott had helped her to come to terms with her grief. She’d been shocked, lost and broken and Elliott had been her much-needed rock, while her mother had turned to yoga to deal with her own loss.

Then, when Honey and Elliott had come towards the end of their time at college and been considering university courses, everything as they’d known it had changed again.

“The good and the bad?”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch before, Honey, but I just felt that you were better off without me.”

“I thought the same about you. I wanted to speak to you so many times but it didn’t seem right and I thought that seeing as how you were off enjoying university, you wouldn’t want me spoiling your fun.”

“My fun? Honey, I thought about you every day and wondered how you were coping. I wished you would go to university yourself and do something with your talent.”

“I have done things.” She lifted her chin.

“I hope so.”

“I paint and I have a kiln in my workshop at the bottom of the garden. I sell some of my work on.” She didn’t elaborate, not wanting to seem as if she had something to prove to him.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“What about you?”

“I design T-shirts for a few different firms.”

“Like that one?” She gestured at what he was wearing.

“Yeah and some with slogans or sketches. Quite dystopian stuff some of it.”

“But that was your style, wasn’t it?”

“I also do some prints. I have a website.”

“I’ll have to check it out.”

“I’d like that.”

They drank their coffee and Honey ran her fingers over the side of her olive-green mug. It was one she’d made when she’d first come to Heatherlea; simple yet solid and that was what she’d craved from life at that time. Wasn’t it what she still craved?

Elliott drained his mug then put it down on a coaster.

“I’ve been seeing someone for a while. She’s not an artist. In fact, she works at the local chip shop.”

“The one down the street from your mum’s house?”

“That’s right.”

Honey’s mother had sold their house years ago and as she’d travelled around with her yoga – to retreats and clients – Honey had travelled with her, essentially running away from her pain. She’d finally settled in a rented flat in Reading when she turned twenty-one. She’d got a job in a supermarket and drifted through her days, occasionally visiting her mother, and her aunt in Heatherlea, but never really feeling connected to anyone. Then her aunt had died and left her everything and life had changed. She’d finally had something solid; a home, friends and a sense of purpose.

“Anyone I know?”

He shook his head. “She’s lovely. Her name is Yvette and she’s been good for me.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“The thing is… we’re getting married in the summer. After the baby comes.”

Honey’s mouth went dry. Elliott was going to be a husband and a father. She’d known it would probably happen one day but hadn’t expected to know about it.

“That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“But why did you need to see me?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but after everything we went through and because we were so close, I wanted you to hear it from me and not from anyone else.”

She nodded.

“Do you still think about…” He tilted his head.

“Sometimes. It’s not as raw as it was but I do think about what we lost.”

“We might still be together if it hadn’t happened.”

“Perhaps.”

He smiled but his eyes were sad. “It would have all been very different.”

“Very different indeed.”

“It wasn’t your fault you know.”

“I can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t been so negative about things at the start then maybe…” She folded her arms over her chest.

He shook his head. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“I was eighteen, young and healthy. If I’d just…”

Even as she spoke the words, Honey knew that sometimes, there was no explanation for what had happened.

“Honey, you can’t keep blaming yourself. Yes, it wasn’t planned, and yes, it was a dreadful loss, especially after we’d decided we would make a go of things, but it’s so common and so many couples go through it.”

“It doesn’t make it any less painful.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Elliott. I wish things had been different.”

He reached over the table and took her hand. “Me too.”

A tear trickled down Honey’s cheek and she wiped it away.

“I also need to apologise for how I behaved afterwards. You were grieving too and I pushed you away.”

“But I never blamed you, Honey. I did want to hold you and for us to comfort each other, but your grief was unfathomable and when you broke away from me, I knew you needed some space.”

“I should have been there for you instead of shutting down then running away.”

He sighed. “We all react differently in different circumstances. Grief is unpredictable.”

“I was so full of self blame that I didn’t have time for anyone else.”

“We were young and neither of us knew how to deal with what happened.”

“Does anyone know how to deal with that?”

He shook his head. “How’s your mother?”

Honey shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Off teaching yoga to some celebrity somewhere hot. She texts now and then and emails, but she’s busy and we’ve never really been close.”

Elliott nodded. “I know and it’s a shame. I had hoped that you’d become closer when you went travelling with her.”

“That didn’t happen. She threw herself into the life and I spent a lot of time in hotel rooms and walking on beaches alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It certainly wasn’t your fault. Besides, I’ve made some really close friends here and things are much better now.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Are we… are we good then?”

“Of course, and I appreciate you coming here to tell me your news. You’ll be a wonderful father.”

“I’ll try. Are you… seeing someone?”

“Kind of, but it’s complicated.”

“Like in a Facebook way?”

“Ha! Yes, I suppose so.”

“Do you think you’ll ever want to try again?” He held up his hands. “That’s none of my business. Forget I asked.”

“I have no idea. Right now, the thought terrifies me and I know it could go wrong again… if it ever happens. Afterwards, with the infection… they said there was a chance of scarring.”

“You’re still young.”

“And I’m not ready for all that right now, but I also have to accept that it might not happen.”

“I’m so sorry, Honey.”

She squeezed his hand.

“What will be, will be.”

“Always so philosophical.”

“Not always and deep down I’m a terrible worrier but keep that between you and me.”

“I’ll take it to my grave.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“Still got hollow legs then?”

Elliott laughed. “I do have a big appetite, yes, and seem to be able to get away with eating a lot.”

“Then let’s have some brunch, shall we? That’s the thing with hangovers, they make me hungry.”

Honey went to the fridge and got out some peppers and mushrooms then broke some eggs into a bowl. She made them a hearty vegetable omelette and more coffee. Speaking to Elliott had made her feel better, although it had left her drained and she hoped she’d have a chance to take a nap that afternoon.

Clearing the air could be therapeutic; Allie and Camilla were right about that. She couldn’t change the past, no one could, but she could learn from it and try to embrace the present and look towards the future.

And as for that future, who knew? For now, she would have brunch with Elliott then consider how to explain everything to Dane. She owed him that much and hoped that he would understand.