Chapter Thirteen

Bitsy

I was trying to focus on my chores around the farm the next day, but I couldn’t get Roman out of my head. His sudden appearance had completely thrown me off and I felt like I couldn’t focus. It was like all of my fantasies about him over the last year might have somehow drawn Roman to me like the sirens on the island. Except all they did was kill the men. None of them were like – Surprise! You’re a father.

I knew that no matter how gorgeous he was, no matter how much I had realized that he was even sexier and more desirable than I had remembered, and no matter how strong the chemistry was between us, he wasn’t what was good for me. I couldn’t just think about myself anymore. I had to think about Lorelei, and my baby deserved more in a father than a man like Roman. I would rather us be alone and raise her by myself as a single mother than to be distracted from her by a man who would never fit in with his family or their home, and would probably end up hurting them anyway.

I was walking through one of the front pumpkin patches when I heard the rumble of a car coming toward me. I looked to the drive and saw an unfamiliar black car that I knew immediately must be Roman. Turning away from him, I started back toward the house.

“Bitsy.”

I glanced over and saw that he was driving slowly along beside me, his window down so he could lean out and call out to me.

“I’m busy,” I called back.

“Bitsy, please talk to me.”

“I have work to do.”

I put my back to the drive and headed deeper into the pumpkin patch. The sound of a door closing behind me made me quicken my steps and I heard him running up behind me.

“Bitsy.”

I turned around, staring at Roman as he chased me. The sound of my name on his lips was strange. I enjoyed it, but I couldn’t let myself. I couldn’t be Bitsy to him. He wasn’t a part of this world and he never would be.

“Look, Roman, I’m flattered that you came out here to find me. Really, I am, but I’m sure it’s clear now why it would be best for you to just go back.”

“No, that’s not clear. You had my child. That, more than anything, means that I should be here.”

“I don’t need anything from you. I don’t need your help taking care of the baby. She’s mine, and that’s enough.”

“It doesn’t matter if you think you need anything from me. I want to be a part of Lorelei’s life. I didn’t even know that she existed until now.”

“I did that on purpose,” I told him. It came out more sternly than I intended, but I felt like I couldn’t hold back. I had to be direct with him. “It was my choice to have her. She is my responsibility.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?”

“I didn’t even know your name. You didn’t know mine, either. I was a quick fuck to you, nothing more. Your little Halloween treat. A one-night stand. Two nights if we both showed up at the party the next year. How was I supposed to find you, even if I wanted to? Was I supposed to go to Nia’s party with a new baby on my hip and just be like ‘guess what’?”

“It would have been better than running away.”

“I didn’t run away,” I said firmly. “Getting pregnant wasn’t something that I expected. It wasn’t something that I planned for. But when I got back here to my grandfather, I realized that raising her here was the right thing to do. I don’t know why you came here, or what you expect, but I think it would be best if you just left. Go home and pretend that you never came and never found out about the baby. Just pretend that you never met me.”

****

Roman

I felt myself trembling with a blend of emotions that I couldn’t decipher. I was upset that this was the way that Bitsy – really? Was that what people actually called her? – thought about my role as Lorelei’s father. I realized that we didn’t know each other and that I had already missed all of the baby’s life up until now, but that doesn’t change that I didn’t want to be like my own father.

“You can’t just push me away,” I told her. “I refuse to be like my father and let my child grow up with the same questions and pain that I went through every day. It would be so much worse for Lorelei if I just turned around and walked away right now.”

“What do you mean?” Bitsy asked.

“At least I know who my father is and occasionally saw him. If I leave now, this baby would grow up never knowing who I am and would never see me. That would mean that she would never really know who she is. I might have grown up with a father who was rarely around and who made me feel like I was a burden who had ruined his life, but Lorelei would wonder why she was so unimportant that her father never even bothered to see her.”

I hadn’t meant to pour myself out like that, but I couldn’t bear the thought of my child never knowing who she was and thinking that I didn’t care about her.

“I am all that my baby needs,” Bitsy said. “She will know who she is because she will know me and she will know my grandfather. I would make sure that she never wondered about her father.”

“That’s not something that you can do. No matter how well you raise her or how much you love her, Lorelei will notice one day that she doesn’t have a father in her life and will want to know where she came from. It’s only natural. And what will you say to her then? That you told her father that she didn’t need him? That you turned him away because you felt like it? It isn’t fair to Lorelei for you to force me out of her life, and it isn’t fair to me.” Bitsy sagged slightly, looking as though the emotion of everything was dragging down on her, and I took a step toward her, softening my voice. “I understand that this isn’t easy for you. Me suddenly showing up here wasn’t something that you expected and I’m sorry if I startled or upset you, but I’m glad that I did, because I found out about the baby. I want the chance to get to know her, and I want the chance to get to know you. It’s not the way that I thought that we’d be getting to know each other, but that is going to have to be enough. I’m willing to stay here just to be Lorelei’s father and to figure out the life that we’re going to have moving forward.”

Bitsy no longer looked as small and fragile as she had before. She suddenly looked fierce, her eyes fiery as she stared at me. Finally, I saw her give an almost imperceptible nod.

“Fine,” she said.

I let out a breath and smiled.

“Good,” I said.

Some of the anger drained out of her as Bitsy seemed to relent to my continued presence.

“Come over for dinner tonight,” she said. “You can spend some time with the baby and we can try to get to know each other a little.”

I nodded.

“Sounds great.”

She nodded and headed further into the pumpkin patch. I didn’t follow her. Instead, I went back to the car and headed to the motel. There were arrangements that I needed to make if I was planning on spending more time in the Hollow. My life was generally devoted to work and I put a tremendous amount of energy and focus into being a part of every detail of my business, so it felt strange and foreign to think that I was putting that all aside for an indeterminate amount of time. Before when I would take time away from work, it was planned and I designed the breaks to allow me to still be a part of my empire every day. Now I was suddenly stepping back and having to trust that it could go on without me. But I was willing to do it in order to focus on Lorelei and Bitsy.

Even before coming to the Hollow I knew that I wanted to pursue my mystery woman. I knew that there was something more there than just the intense attraction that we already had for each other. But now that I had seen her again and had discovered that she had my child, I knew for certain that no matter how outrageous it seemed, no matter how far out of my comfort zone it was pushing me, I needed to explore these feelings more and try to convince Bitsy that we should be doing this together.