Chapter 18
Candy
By the crushed look on his face, I had a feeling that he really had expected things to change. It was expression that I was trying to avoid and more than anything, I didn’t want to have this conversation. When I first thought about coming here, or rather when he forced me to come, I didn't think that it would be that hard to ask him for the signature that was the whole reason I was there. Now I was starting to see that I was wrong.
“I had a great time Colt, but nothing has really changed. We got married on a fluke and while I don't remember what all happened, I do know that it wasn't meant to be forever. It would be silly to think that it was.”
His face changed when I called him silly. I hadn’t meant it like that, but it was clear to see that he had taken it that way. I was getting frustrated and I didn't know what to say, or even how to say it.
“If you didn't want to get married for good, why did we get married at all then?
He was getting angry and I was at a loss for words. I didn't want him to be mad at me, and I certainly didn't want to have a bad taste left in my mouth after the great weekend we had together. No matter what happened, nobody could ever take that away from us. Two of the best nights of my life were with the man in front of me and the last thing I wanted was for Colt to be mad at me. But I didn't see how it could be any other way. We had two very different agendas and I was sure that this sort of thing, bad news, was better if it was just said quickly and gotten over with. Rip it off like a bandage, and not prolong it any longer than we had to.
“You know why we got married. we were both a little drunk and in a strange place. “
“I wasn't drunk, and either were you. I wasn’t in a strange place. I am now, but back then, I didn't even see you coming. When Ralph told me that you were on the line a few days ago, I wasn't prepared for you.”
“I wasn't either. I expected to come here, hate you and get you to sign the paper, so that I could leave as quickly as possible. I have already missed two flights out of here, and I'm trying to find a way to justify staying a little bit longer. I don't know if I can, because I’ve already extended it more than I should have. I forgot why I was here and now I have to go.”
“Why do you act like you don’t get a say in your own life? It’s your choice if you want to stay here with me or not. I don’t understand what you are talking about. We are both adults.”
“I don’t know how to explain it Colt. I’m just sorry.”
“If you want to be with me, then why are you leaving?”
“I have to. I don't really know how to explain it. My family really like Colt and they wouldn’t let me break up with him. Jax did some legal work for us and helped my cousins a lot. That is how we met and being married to you just happened. They won’t let this happen.”
It was not my reason two weeks ago when I was walking down the aisle to marry Jax, but I could see now that it had a lot to do with it. I had been pushed towards him when we first started dating and my family hadn’t let up since. They were far more upset about the wedding mix-up, then me or Jax had been. I knew that my mother and father wanted to get close with his family, so they would not see why I would be leaving him. They would never allow me and Colt to be together.
“I don’t get it, so you are with him because you have to be? I thought he was ‘the one’ for you?
“Please don't make it any harder than it has to be. It's just complicated. I do care about Jax, and for a long time I thought I loved him, maybe I still do, but things have changed. Ever since I came here, things have changed. Seeing you again and feeling the way I do, makes me wonder if it was ever real with me and Jax. This is the first time in over a year, that I've been able to back up a little bit and just breathe.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I don't know what I'm saying, but I know that I can't figure it all out right now. I have to get back to work and I have to go home eventually. I have a lot of people waiting for me and they are going to want that paperwork signed.”
He just didn't seem to get it and I didn't know how to explain it. I could tell when I asked for the signature though, that he wasn't too enthused too give it to me. He was still under the assumption that we were going to be together and everything was going to work out. I knew from the start that it wasn’t going to be the case, but now I questioned it I was going to find what I needed from Jax. It didn’t help that I was doing a thoroughly crappy job of trying to explain myself and the situation that I was currently in.
“So, you want to divorce?”
“That is why I came here. That is what I mean by not making it harder than it has to be. The marriage was a sham from a long time ago and it needs to be ended.”
“Then what about what we have now?”
“I don't know. I just need time and you making it impossible to think when I'm around you. If you don't want to sign the papers, then I will go the other way and my lawyer will do what needs to be done. I'm not going to argue with you about it. You know what I came here for. I did what you wanted me to do, so now I am just asking for you to keep your end of the bargain.”
“Then you have to tell me that you want to divorce.”
He was going to make me do it and I knew that I was going to resent him because of it. The last thing I wanted to do was have this conversation and argue with him. I was tired of being the bad guy, when it was he who wasn’t able to think straight at the current moment.
I took a deep breath and looked him square in the eyes. His green depths told me that he was not going to make it easy at all. It was rather clear that he was trying to make it harder on me, and he was.
“I want a divorce Colt. I care about you...”
He stopped me, and I stop talking. I was just going to make it worse if I continued and I didn't want to do that. I really did care about him and even though it wasn’t ending the way he wanted it to, it certainly wasn’t the way I had expected it to end either. I hadn't expected to feel this way, to question everything that I was doing now.
It was all because of one weekend, whether he knew it or not, it was all because of him.