JUST BREATHE
Everyone keeps a darker place, you’re not alone.
~ Birdy
Hunter
WHAT IS WRONG with the freaking weather? This is the chilliest April I’ve experienced in my entire life. I wouldn’t give a shit if we weren’t on day four of our New York touristic adventure. Yesterday, we went to the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, and the American Museum of Natural History. Unlike the first day, we didn’t ride the forsaken hop-on bus. Instead, we walked and rode the subway on our way to take the ferry. Whose idea was it to tour New York? I was in the most enclosed space in the city with lots of people around us. People coming in and out at every stop. I stiffened and relaxed as many times as they breathed.
I was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. It happened within seconds, it felt like a long, painful sequence that lasted hours, and I was its hostage. A kid, it was a kid who grinned and lifted his hand and pretended to have a weapon. One guy with a thick mustache and beady eyes was about to step forward, opening his jacket ready to pull the trigger. I ducked, covering my head.
“Stay with me, Hunt,” Willow’s gentle voice said, her hands holding my face, lowering so my eyes could find hers. “Breathe, in and out, we are almost outside. The next station is coming up, you’re safe.”
And fuck those words felt like a stab. I promised to protect her, and here she is taking care of my handicapped psyche. My mind went to the morning when I watched the towers burn, knowing my parents were there, and there was nothing I could do to save them. The loneliness, the first punch of panic gutting me. I was a coward who pretended to slay dragons and save women. No such thing, I’d rather be inside the tower hiding.
“Hunter,” she repeated. Her eyes trying to remain calm but mirroring the fucking fright I was experiencing.
She gave me an empathic smile. Her eyes spoke softly, as if they were saying, I know what you’re going through. It’s okay, I’m with you. Having her there with me calmed me enough to stand up and pretend I could inhale oxygen. I almost forgot everyone around me. She understood me. My first instinct had been to take her mouth and devour her alive, releasing the pent-up energy inside me.
As the metal doors slide open, she takes my hand while yelling, “Run with me.”
Exhaling hard, I push us to hurry over the threshold of my bedroom.
“I’m sorry,” I say the moment the door closes, worried about the backlash from the scene I made in the subway.
“Tell me how to make this better, Hunt.” Her voice is sultry, yet sweet. Her soft hands caress my face. Desire lights up in those enigmatic, green eyes. Her behavior surprises me. No, it stuns me. I was ready for her to drop my ass for being a weak son of a bitch. Instead, she’s asking me how she can help. She’s stealing yet another piece of my heart.
“I didn’t mean to ruin your day,” I repeat, finding an excuse for my behavior.
There’s nothing I can say that will make me sound normal. The baggage I carry on my back is revealing itself. She’s going to notice that I have to count every step I take. In case where I stand crumbles, and I have to give someone my exact location from the door to where I might be situated. The gun under my bed, the first response kit inside my closet, and the list of places to go in case we’re under attack, are anything but normal. Every day, I expect another life changing catastrophe. Just as I pray that I make it to live for another day.
I’m not a religious person, but I believe in God. I believe that entity that plays with our lives and takes pleasure in moving us like peons on a chess board for his or her amusement. Because if God was all-loving like Mom taught us, he or she wouldn’t have let my parents die. At least, not the way they did.
“You didn’t ruin anything, Hunter.” She kisses me on the lips. “Perfection is nonexistent. So what if the subway isn’t for you? We will take one of your luxurious cars the next time.”
“Tourists don’t have those,” I remind her of the game we’ve been playing.
“What do tourists do then instead?”
“It depends.” I move her hair to the side, kissing her neck. “They are on their honeymoon, remember?”
Staring at her button-down sweater, I smirk, claiming her lips. As we kiss, the weight of the subway incident melts away. My hands carefully and slowly unsnap each one of the pearl buttons holding the fabric on her chest together.
Stopping to check on her, I stare at the long dress she wears. It hides her curves, but shows her hardened nipples pushing against the cloth.
I observe her, trying to figure out my next move. Is this some kind of game to make me forget? Fuck, I hope not. This should be the prelude to us finally having hard, sweaty sex.
Taking a breath and her hand, I whisper my next question, “Have they made love?”
She tsks, snatching her hand away and showing me four fingers. “Four days, and he hasn’t made a move.”
“She’s a virgin,” I suggest.
Her head tosses back and the most beautiful sound fills the room. Her laugh is like the sound of the birds singing as the sun rises from the east. The idea of leaving New York and moving closer to a lake where we can live peacefully hits the back of my head. What if I take her to California?
“Impossible! She’s almost twenty-seven,” Willow discloses more about the mystery bride. “She made a few mistakes in the past. But this time, she wanted it to be perfect. At least perfect for her—for both of them. It was an impromptu proposal.”
“Was it?”
“Unlike her, he’s impulsive.” She nods, excited, those playful eyes brighten as she speaks, “‘We have a lifetime to get to know each other,’ you said as you dropped to one knee holding a candy ring. It was blue raspberry, my favorite.”
Looking at the back of her left hand, she wrinkles her mouth. “Five days ago, we were at the City Clerk’s office saying, ‘I do.’ You flew us to New York City—my dream city to celebrate—before we told our families.”
“What were you wearing?”
“A white, cross-strap, mini-dress with lace,” she describes, looking down at her dress. “It was simple. Once we’re ready to tell everyone, we will have a big wedding.”
“Why not now?”
“We aren’t ready to tell everyone about us. It doesn’t matter, we’re happy.”
“Are we ready for the next step?” I continue the fantasy tracing circles around her bare shoulders making her shiver.
Placing her hands on top of my chest, she propels herself forward, stretching her neck, and her mouth finds mine. A fire within us ignites the moment our lips touch. This time, she doesn’t hold back. Her lips, her tongue, and her hands are as demanding as mine. I unzip her dress, as she undoes the zipper of my jeans. I pull off my shirt, breaking our connection. For a moment, I stare at her beautiful body. Unlike the last time, I appreciate every inch of her flawless, silky skin. Until I spot them. Thin, rosy lines tracing her upper thighs and her stomach.
What happened to her?
She pulls off the lace fabric covering her tits, letting those full globes burst freely. Fuck, I could suck on them all night. We are kissing again. I’m walking us closer to the bed, stumbling on top of it.
“Is this really happening?” I dare to ask while reaching for the condoms inside the nightstand drawer.
“Do you want it to happen?” she repeats, narrowing her gaze. “Maybe the groom is the real virgin.”
We both laugh, breaking the tension I created with my question. Her hand lifts, and she traces the ripples of my muscles. Pleasure floods my brain, and my body as her fingers continue drawing circles on my bare skin.
My mouth dips in to take her pink nipple, sucking on each of those succulent breasts. I kiss my way up her neck until I slam my mouth down on hers. She kisses me back thrusting her tongue deep, tangling with mine. Her hands travel down, closing over my dick. She’s stroking me as we continue kissing.
“No, wait.” My voice is a plea. I need her to stop before I come in her hand like a teenager having a wet dream.
Roaming my fingers up her thighs, brushing a kiss along the inside coming closer to her hot center, kissing it. She moans, and I flick my tongue against her clit, sucking it.
“You’re beautiful,” I say when I slide two fingers inside her. I taste her sweetness.
I could do this forever, be at the mercy of her pleasure. I live for her gasping moans. My fucking body is charged with desire, lust, and flying high with her taste. She’s so close, I can feel her legs quivering. Her precious pearl pulsating against my tongue as I flick it hard against her. Lifting my gaze, I meet her shiny eyes. Her hips rock back and forth against my mouth, searching for release.
“Let it go, Willow.”
Her lips part as she screams my name, letting her head fall onto the pillow. I can’t fight it anymore. I need to be inside her.
“I need you,” I say.
She watches me intently. My heart thunders inside my chest as I ask, “Are you okay with it?”
She nods. I rise up above her to be level with her eyes, parting her legs. Lowering myself as I brush her lips with mine. Pushing myself inside her slowly, I see a plethora of emotions running through her eyes. The last one feels like love. The one that has grown inside me every second since I met her.
This is what I’ve dreamed about, what I’ve always wanted—her.
I remain still, thinking of the words. Whispering them inside my head, Love makes us one. All of you in me, all of me in you. Everything you are is now fused with who I am.