THE MORE YOU LIVE
The world is a big family, and we need to help each other.
~ Jet Li
Hunter
TODAY, LIKE THE past days, has been exhausting but gratifying. Every day, I wake with the sun, get dressed, have some coffee and head to the construction site. From the moment we arrive, until the sun goes down, we dedicate our time to fixing houses. One by one, we are trying to add windows and doors and add a coat of paint. Mom taught us to help the less fortunate. These weeks I’ve understood why she volunteered so much. Donating money to a charity helps, dedicating our time to improve the lives of others is life altering. During my travels, I saw poverty. Instinctively, I handed over a few dollar bills or food. But now I want to help make a difference.
My brothers and I decided to do this more often, at least once a year. We’ll find places closer to home, too. Hazel brought to our attention that there’s poverty inside our country. People who need the same kind of help we are willing to give outside. Whatever we decide, it’s going to include the Beesley girls.
The creaky noise of the door opening startles me. It’s Willow wearing a pair of denim shorts and a loose tank top. She’s holding her toiletries, a small towel and a bucket of water. Not having indoor plumbing sucks. “Hey, I didn’t know you were here.” She closes her eyes shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to see that.”
I hurry cleaning myself with a towel. Soon I’m going to have to take Harrison’s offer to go to the next town to take a real shower. I put on my jeans. “We need a lock.” I point out the obvious.
This isn’t the first time someone has walked into the bathroom while someone else was using it. We laugh, I bet at the memory of Hazel running around the house demanding that she see Harrison’s dick since he got to see her boobs. An eye for an eye.
“How are you?” I ask since we only get to have some time alone at night. Only if we happen to be in the kitchen washing dishes. Most of the time we are surrounded by everyone.
Willow looks at me, one hand holding her stuff, the other in her pocket. Her stooped posture says it; they didn’t come today either. Her parents disappeared after the first day we saw them. The idea of staying just another day was starting to crack her heart. I saunter toward her, embracing her in my arms. For the past few days, I’ve seen the disappointment in her face, dark like tonight’s sky. They should’ve been here all along with their daughters. The sole purpose of our trip was for Willow and Hazel to talk to their parents, to be with them. The fuckers disappeared on them. Every morning they wake up hoping they’ll show; every night they go to bed hoping tomorrow will be the day.
I’m fucking angry at those fuckers. Their daughters came all the way to see them, and they don’t care. Hazel and Willow aren’t children, but for fuck’s sake, they have feelings.
“Tell me how to make this better.” I sway our bodies, cradling her as I soothe her.
“A part of me takes this personally. They don’t want to see me.” She puffs some air, twice. “The logical side is trying to find what triggered her anger. I believe she ran away to avoid showing us her nasty side. At least I find that as a good excuse. I want to forgive their poor behavior.”
“All possible scenarios,” I say sparsely. Who am I to judge? There’s no fucking way to know what is going on inside their minds. I only know that if my children were visiting me, I wouldn’t miss any second of their stay. “None of them are your fault.”
“The thoughts about my nonexistent children are like an electric hammer inside my head.” She wraps her hands around me. “If she can’t handle her children? Will that be me? Should I plan on not having a family? Why am I thinking about them when I can’t fathom having a family?”
“Your fears are valid, Willow.”
“They are?”
“Of course, you don’t like surprises as much as you hate planning. The future terrifies you, and maybe I’m wrong, but you’re trying to find a point of reference. A role model to learn from.”
“She’s no role model.” Her tone isn’t angry. It’s a fact.
“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. The determination to find a way to overcome your disorder. Facing what frightens you. You’re the bravest woman I know.”
Her head rests on my chest, and the fullness of the moment means everything to me. I enjoy this minute without fearing that it might be the last. Only knowing that, for now, we are enough for one another. We stay silent. I can practically hear her busy mind analyzing her feelings. She showed me the journals where she writes each emotion she felt during that day. The feelings and the best tool to prevent the turmoil. Every night she asks herself if it’s her presence, her existence, or is something else that made the disappear without a word?
“Laila is intangible and inexplicable.” Willow hides her face in the crook of my arm. “I want to know, to learn at least something about her. Then, we can leave. But our time is about to run out. We all have jobs and responsibilities waiting for us at home.”
“We will stay for as long as you need to stay.”
Grant Beesley, Jr. and Laila Richardson are a puzzle. Harrison knows they are close to the sea, staying with another couple. Everything about them is confusing. They have two daughters, but they aren’t married. According to Hazel, Laila doesn’t believe in marriage. Willow has some recollection of their father working, while Hazel had no idea that Grant has a degree in Political Science and a Master’s Degree in Business. Grant received a trust fund at the age of thirty. He used that money to support his family. The couple travels around the world with different missionary groups. According to the director of the current project, they donate their time as often as possible. He’s never met a couple so committed to one another and saving the poor. They’ve also promised when they have money, they will hand it over to the project.
Their daughters worry about their parents’ financial situation since they are giving away their personal money. They wanted to know everything. Do Grant and Laila have enough to support themselves for more than twenty years? How can the girls take their parent’s home? Harrison asked a friend to look into the financial information. A week ago, we found out that the trust that Grant senior set up was for life. The allotted stipend set was a fortune years ago. In a few years, it won’t be enough to live off of it.
Hazel is already planning for her parents future. My brothers and I offered to help when she knows what she wants to do. Willow said that as much as she’d love to do that, she’s just now getting out of debt. Once she has a solid career and enough money, she’ll be helping, too. Of course, before we assume any role or determine the next step to help, we have to talk to Grant and Laila.
“No matter how many breaths I take, the frustrations keep building. I feel like I’m going to explode.” Willow wipes away her tears. “Sorry, I’m always a mess.”
Kissing her eyes, I ask myself what am I doing with her? She needs this time to be with her parents and to get to know herself. I already had that time. Leaving, though, isn’t an option.
“Breathe, be about what’s going on with you. Run as many miles as you need. Lean on me when you feel like you can’t continue. I don’t want the perfect, happy version of you, Willow. I want every version. All. Of. You.” I trace her lips lightly with the tip of my finger. They part, and I have such an urge to devour her.
Her gaze slides to the side and she takes a step back. I get the message, stay behind the line and only admire her.
Is that the message she wants to convey?
Or what she thinks is logical?
The air crackles with the electricity produced by just being close to her. I haven’t lived long, but I have traveled far and learned a lot in the past months. I know that the attraction between us isn’t something we can replicate. This emotion that started the night we met, it is us. It is her and me. I keep falling in love with her, repeatedly.
She smiles at the little kids that come to visit while she is working. She takes another piece of my heart when I see her playing with them and showing affection to the people of this town and asking if we can lend her money so she can help more. I fall more and more when she isn’t afraid to show her scars.
But I’ll give her the space she needs, believing when she’s ready, that her heart will know where to find me. That her mind will be clear enough to search for me. My biggest hope is that she’ll give us a chance.
“You’re beautiful, gorgeous, Willow Beesley,” I say, lifting the tension around us. I serve her with a wink and a grin. “You look exhausted. Maybe I should take you to the next town for the night. There’s a hotel with real beds and showers.”
“You insist on going to that hotel, Mr. Everhart.” She smirks, lifting her palm and patting me twice on the cheek. “I know your intentions. Keep dreaming.”
“Baby.” I capture her hand kissing her open palm twice. “Of course, I’ll keep dreaming. You’re the star in all my dreams.”
“Dinner is ready,” Hazel calls us.
Willow jets off leaving me behind.