SEARCHING FOR PERFECT
I’d rather have authentic than perfect.
~ Harrison Everhart
Hunter
“WOULD YOU LIKE to share with the rest of us?” Fitz grumbles looking around the table.
I roll my eyes, setting my phone down, and composing myself. Lifting my gaze, I find my three brothers staring back at me.
“What happened to laid back meetings?” I protest, not wanting to discuss why I chuckled. Neither one of them would understand. Willow sent me a picture of a cloud, and the caption read, “Guess what I see.”
Glancing at her incoming text, I laugh again. It’s an eye roll emoji. She didn’t like my response, “those nipples remind me of your pretty tits.”
Yesterday, as we strolled around Central Park, she concluded that I’m a pervert. Every cloud has a hidden nipple. I showed it to her. She insisted I was wrong. Willow and Hazel used to find animals while cloud watching. Technically, I’m tarnishing her childhood memories with tits. It is now her mission to take pictures and trace the animals for me. Today, she’s sent three dogs, two bunnies, and a dick. I swear it’s a dick wrapped between two voluptuous breasts with pearly tips I wanted to suck, not the Washington Monument.
“I’m only here for a couple of days,” Harrison reminds me, nodding at our brothers.
Like a cheap party trick, the simple movement makes Fitz and Scott disappear from the conference room. He has that kind of power over us. It’s that badass special operations agent status, or whatever the title he uses for the private security company he works for, combined with the resemblance to our father.
Sitting up straight, I place both hands on top of the table, linking them as I speak. “This isn’t a company emergency, is it?”
The corner of his mouth pulls up, his eyes brighten. “Kid, you and I go way back. Why haven’t I heard about this new girl?” He pulls out his phone. “In fact, I got a message from Assie, talking about the joyous news.”
“Henrietta, her name is Henrietta. I called her H.” Checking his phone, I see a long dreading text.
ASSIE: Harrison, can you help me? Your brother and I haven’t broken up yet, and he’s already dating a new woman. He isn’t answering my phone calls. I went to his office, and the front desk said I am not allowed back inside.
Henrietta and I have broken up. It was a few months ago—or was it weeks? Fuck if I remember or care. It feels like ages since I’ve had to deal with her. The last time she contacted me was the night when Willow and I met. The next morning, I left her a voicemail terminating our relationship once and for all. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to understand the concept of over.
“Why does she have your social phone number?” Harrison has four different cell phone numbers. One is for family, his boss, and coworkers. The second is only for work. The third is for business, and the fourth is for socializing. That’s code for the phone his fuck bunnies use.
“Fuck if I know, I’ve wondered the same,” he responds. “Not to worry though, I had a friend hack into her phone and delete all her contacts.”
Taking his phone back, he chuckles. “You’re welcome.”
That answers the question of why she stopped calling a couple of days ago.
“Impressive. I didn’t know I was more important than world domination.” Resting my elbow on top of the table, I lay my chin on top of my hand. “You interrupted your mission to check on me?”
He shakes his head, tapping the table with both hands. “Fitz declared this an emergency. I had to believe him.”
I tell him about Willow, the woman I met during a serendipitous encounter the night Jensen was off and I worked late. His eyes never waver as I continue to explain everything about her relationship with Hazel. How she convinced me to give Willow a chance, to change the way I date. The tale continues with the few encounters we’ve experienced. Including her mercurial personality. Studying his face, I can’t read if he’s worried, approving of Willow, or plain bored with what I have been saying for the past hour. He hasn’t interrupted once.
“You went into Mom’s room?” The first question he asks is the hardest.
Swallowing hard, I nod once. My eyes land on the glass of water in front of me. Please don’t talk about it. Please forget I mentioned it.
“That’s a big step, kid.” His tone switches to something more mature, like an old guy who has taken over the body of my oldest brother. He’s almost ten years older than I am. He’s wiser than a thirty-seven-year-old dude and a pain in the ass when he tries to be a paternal figure.
“Ileana, when did you know you loved her?” That’s the name of the cheating bitch Harrison used to date.
His torso leans backward, as if I’ve punched him in the face. “Why are we talking about her?”
I crack my knuckles, sitting back. “Trying to figure out my feelings for Willow is hard for me. Since you were about to tie the knot with her, I’m wondering . . .”
“How did I know?”
He looks up to the ceiling, then diverts his gaze to the floor to ceiling window facing the Brooklyn Bridge, before he finally stands up to walk toward it.
“We met during orientation day at NYU.” While he is looking outside, he holds his hands behind his back. My heart stops as Harrison takes that same posture Dad used to have when he was telling Mom about his day. “I saw a pretty, funny girl. We talked during lunch and kissed by the end of the day. After that, we fell into a dating pattern. Our parents liked her, and she was there for me when they died. I thought she was perfect. Her letters while I was away never missed a beat. She wrote the perfect words. Before each deployment, she said the right things. And, physically she looked like Mom.”
“Mom?” I clear my throat. “I don’t recall her looking like Mom. Though, I can’t remember your ex that well. It was years ago.”
“Dark-blonde hair, skinny, tall, and flawless,” he explains without changing his tone. It’s like he’s briefing me about his latest mission. “In my eyes, she was just . . . perfect.”
I freeze as he turns around and narrows his gaze. “This Willow girl, how would you describe her?”
“Flawed?” I don’t hesitate to think. “There’s something dark inside her. She tries to hide it and pushes away those who can see it.”
He rubs his stubble. “Hazel and Grant Beesley are close to our family. Why would you want to jeopardize our relationship with them?”
“Fitz,” I grunt like a wounded animal. “You’re listening to him.”
He shakes his head. “I’m worried about you. From what I hear, you’re confronting your demons. The last time you did that a friend of mine had to bail you out of jail.”
Bail me out of jail was the tip of the iceberg. I faced my fear of flying. Unfortunately, I decided to go by myself without telling anyone. As the captain said we are thirty-thousand feet above ground, I had a full-blown panic attack. Attacking a marshal, insulting the flight attendants, and causing havoc by threatening to open the emergency door, is taken seriously by the US Department of Defense and many other federal departments.
“You can’t fly commercial. My boss called a few favors to take you off of the No-Fly list,” Harrison reminds me.
I should add that TSA had my mug shot for several months. Since then, I fly private jets and only in the company of at least one of my brothers or Jensen. Not because I still fear flying, but because it’s how my brother’s boss wants it. In a way, I owe the man my freedom.
“You have to meet her,” I defend myself. “This isn’t an attempt to show I’m strong. Explaining Willow is complicated. She’s perfect in a way I can’t explain. The connection is real and inexplicable.”
Knowing him, my next statement is going to cause at least a growl or a black eye. “You plan on going through life saving others. Missing what our parents had. I want that. Their perfect, loving relationship.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “You think they were perfect?” Closing his eyes briefly, he chuckles. “Mom and Dad had many fights. You just don’t recall them.” Rubbing his temples, he nods. “But I do. From things like Mom’s habit of spending hours in her studio working to serious shit.”
“What kind?” I’m confused.
“I heard them say the word divorce several times,” he continues, running a hand through his hair. “Their communication would be short, quipped, and scary.”
“No, you’re wrong.”
Turning around, he looks at the horizon one more time. “Dad would apologize for being an idiot. They’d travel upstate to the cabin and come back like a newlywed couple.”
I do remember those times when they’d disappear for a weekend, coming back holding hands and laughing.
“Dad always said Mom brought the best out of him. He loved her flaws more than he loved her positive qualities. Even when they drove him crazy.” I’m enthralled by this new page in the story of our parents’ history. I missed out on more adult conversations because I wasn’t old enough when they died. “After the anger of losing our parents, and the bitch cheating on me, subsided, I understood what he tried to tell me the day I said I wanted to marry her. He liked Ileana. However, he didn’t see her as the woman I should be with. He didn’t say it in so many words though, but he said, ‘don’t do anything stupid. You should wait until your heart speaks to you.’”
Every word connects as the light bulb illuminates the top of my head. “You think I’m planning on marrying her tomorrow?”
He tilts his head to the left, lifting his shoulder slightly. “I just want to make sure you’re not searching for that perfect woman who will fulfill the family you plan to have.”
Walking to the door, he turns around and says, “It’s her flaws that will tell you if she’s the woman you’re meant to be with.”
From all the lectures and memories he’s shared with me, this is the craziest of them all. The conversation about my parents’ relationship is confusing. It’s as if he wants me to learn a lesson. He’s like Mr. Miyagi or Professor Dumbledore. I don’t care if any of my brothers approve of Willow. The thing between us is already confusing as fuck. Who needs to deal with the three of them? Not me.
HUNTER: Want to go for dinner tonight?
WILLOW: As long as we don’t eat meat.
HUNTER: Are you vegetarian?
That’s odd, I remember sharing a supreme meat pizza when we went out on a date.
WILLOW: No, I’m on a diet. No grains, no meat, pork, or cheese.
HUNTER: Why?
WILLOW: I HAVE AN AUDITION ON FRIDAY.
HUNTER: Congratulations?
WILLOW: Never say that, you’re jinxing it. I hope you didn’t ruin my chance.
HUNTER: Sorry.
I could bring up the obvious. My text can’t jinx her audition. Following my own dating advice though, I agree with her and go to my office. Tonight, I’m leaving at six. Tonight, I have a date with Willow. If either one of my brothers doesn’t like it, well, too bad.