Chapter Twenty-Five
Aaron
How could he want me to go? How could he want this to end?
“Aaron,” Finn said quietly. “I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it.”
“What other possible way could I take it, Finn? You want me to leave,” I choked out.
Finn shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to leave. But I know how much working in pediatrics means to you. And I know how hard you’ve worked for it. You need to take that job, baby, and w—”
I cut him off. “I’m not leaving you, Finnigan.” I scooted closer to him on the couch. “Didn’t we just go over this?”
He smiled softly at me, then let out a little chuckle. “I’m glad you feel that way. I don’t want to break up, but I still think you need to go to California.”
“I don’t… I don’t understand.”
He snorted out a laugh. “Are you sure you graduated med school? ‘Cause you’re the densest person I’ve ever met.” I opened my mouth to complain, but he waved me off. “If you go to—what’s the hospital called again? Oh, Oakford Children's Hospital—we’ll just have to try a long-distance thing for a while. We’ll only be a few hours apart, so we can drive back and forth and talk on the phone and everything. We’ll make it work.”
“You want to do a long-distance relationship?”
He shrugged. “It’s not ideal, but we can make it work.”
“But… you were the one that was completely against doing long distance.”
“Seriously, Romeo, that was twelve years ago. A lot has changed since then. We can Skype, text, call, not to mention that we both have cars now. And we’ll be within driving distance.”
I just stared at him, unblinking. He seriously wanted me to leave? “You seriously want me to leave?” My brain-to-mouth filter has apparently left.
He closed his eyes, then let go of me and faced forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “No… I don’t want you to go.” His voice was soft and broken.
“I don’t.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what you’re saying here.”
Finn looked at me and I saw his watery eyes. When he blinked, a tear ran down his cheek. “I don’t want you to leave. But I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want to be your big regret, Aar. I don’t want you to resent me.”
I slid closer to him and put my arm around him, pulling him against my side and kissing his temple. “The only regret I have is letting you go the first time. I’m not going to make that same mistake again, sweetheart. I don’t care about anything else. I only care about you.”
He fell into me and I felt more than heard a sob come out of him. He reached up and hooked an arm around my neck, so I scooped him up and set him in my lap sideways, hugging his body into my chest. Hearing him cry was ripping me apart, and without warning I felt my own eyes tear up.
He wrapped his other arm around my neck as well and held me tight. I heard him whisper, “I love you, Aaron. I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” I whispered back and tightened my hold.
Finn’s whispered voice was going a million miles a minute. “I don’t want you to go, but I don’t want you to miss out because of me. I know it’s what you want. I know you want to do more with your career. I want you to be happy, even if it makes me sad. You need to do this. I can’t be the one to hold you back. Not after everything we’ve gone through to get this far. You have to go. Otherwise you’ll hate me in a few years, maybe even a few months. If letting you go now means I get to keep you in the long run, then it’s worth it. I don’t want to be apart from you, but I also don’t want to hold you back. You have to do what you want with your life, Aaron. You’ve worked too hard for this and I won’t let you give it all up for me. I’d feel too guilty, you’d feel spiteful. So no, I don’t want you to go, but you still need to.”
I finally understood. He’d been putting on a brave face for me because he didn’t want to hold me back. But that wasn’t what mattered here. We were what mattered. He was what mattered. I brushed my hand over his hair, kissed his temple and whispered, “I could never, ever in a million years hate you, Finn. I love you more than anything. More than some stupid job. I love you. Not my career. I appreciate what you’re saying, but I don’t care. I want to be with you. You are my future. That’s all that matters.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time, but eventually he lifted off my chest and looked at me. “What if you can have both?”
I shrugged. “You are all that matters to me.”
His eyes were glossy, red, and puffy, but he smiled sweetly at me and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. “Take me to bed, Aaron.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I kissed his forehead, then scooped him into my arms and carried him into the bedroom.
When we made love that night, it was slow and gentle, yet more explosive than it’d ever been… and that was fucking saying something. Our love for each other was a tangible thing that night.