CHAPTER TWENTY
Kolan
Hours later, the rage simmering beneath my skin has only eased slightly. I’ve seen a lot of fucked-up shit in my life—have even lived it—but nothing compares to what I saw on that monitor hours ago. The only thing stopping me from finding that twisted fuck this very second is leaving Sophie.
She hasn’t said more than two words since we got to my house. The light that had finally found its way into her eyes is now gone. That alone makes me want to kill the bastard. It probably didn’t help when she saw me lose control and destroy her room like that. My red, swollen fists a constant reminder of the violence that exploded from me earlier.
I meant every word I said. If I find that asshole first, he’s as good as dead. I have a pretty damn good feeling that what happened to the gym and my truck was not Cortez after all but was this asshole.
My security system is good, but now I want the best. I want cameras around the perimeter of my house. Turn the tables on that piece of shit. I send a text to Cade, knowing the guys will hook me up with whatever they have running at their properties. After pocketing my cell, I hear the shower has stopped.
I head out of my room and find the hall bathroom door open, the smell of citrus wafting from the dark, empty space. Seeing my patio door half open, I walk out into the humid night air and find her sitting on one of the lounge chairs next to the pool. She’s curled up with her arms wrapped around her delicate body, the pool lights dancing across her sullen face as she stares straight ahead. She looks…lost.
Broken.
I drop down next to her, my hands going on either side of her hips. “You feel any better after having a shower?”
She shakes her head, keeping her gaze trained ahead.
“Say something, Soph. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”
Her eyes swing to mine, despair and agony reflecting back at me. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Of course you should be. You can’t stay there.”
“I should be running as fast and as far away as I can.”
I shake my head in frustration. “We talked about this, Soph. No more running.”
“No! You talked about it. You told me not to run. This isn’t your problem, Kolan. It’s not Cooper’s or Nick’s either. It’s mine.”
“The hell it is. It’s all of our problem, especially mine.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because I fucking made it my problem,” I snap. She looks away, pressing her lips together. “What are you going to do, Sophie? Huh? How long can you keep running before he finally catches up to you? Because he will, it’s only a matter of time. Running isn’t the answer. Staying and fighting is the only way you’re going to beat him.”
“You saw what he did,” she says, her voice strangled. “He can’t be beat.”
“He hasn’t fought me yet.”
Her eyes drift back to mine, desperation heavy in their depths. “I don’t want to belong to him,” she chokes out on a shattering sob. “I’ve never wanted to be his.”
Her broken cries hit me like a punch to the chest. Lifting her, I bring her over to straddle me. Her arms lock around my neck, face burying in my shoulder as she cries for the first time since seeing the video.
“You do not belong to him,” I grind out. “Do you hear me? You never have and you never will. I will not let him take you from me.” The last words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
She pulls back to look at me, her cheeks stained with her misery. “I’m so sorry I brought this to you.”
“I’m glad you did. Otherwise, I would have never met you.” Her eyes soften. “I would have never got to see you dance,” I continue, reaching up to push her damp hair out of her face. “Never know what it was like to touch you.” Leaning in, I trail my lips across her wet cheek, eliminating the tears before resting them at the corner of her mouth. “To taste you,” I murmur, brushing a kiss gently across her lips before forcing myself to back away. “Meeting you, Soph, was the best fucking thing to ever happen to me. I’m not sorry for any of it.”
Her hand encircles my wrist, forehead gently falling to mine. “Make me yours.”
My muscles coil tight, fingers digging into her hips as I fight to restrain the need pounding through my veins. I shake my head, regret thick in my throat. “I want to. So fucking bad, but…I can’t.”
That sadness in her eyes deepens, making me feel like an asshole. “Why? I can tell you want me. I can feel it.” Driving her point home, she grinds down on my raging hard cock.
I halt her sweet torture, my forehead dropping to her shoulder. If I look at her, I won’t be able to hold back.
She curls an arm around my neck, turning her face in. “Talk to me, Kolan. Please.”
I debate how to go about this then settle on the truth. Lifting my head, I find her eyes, bracing myself for the disappointment I’ll be sure to see. “I can’t give you what you want. I’m not capable of it. My lifestyle is the only one I know and it doesn’t mix with yours. Do you understand that?”
“Not really. I don’t see what that has to do with us. I want you to make love to me.”
“That’s just it. I can’t,” I tell her on a crushing breath, every word making me feel like the fucked-up asshole I am. “I have never made love to anyone before, Soph.” Her eyes widen in disbelief. “That’s not what I’m saying.” I shake my head, hating that I’m fucking this up. “I’m a dominant. It’s all I’ve ever known, and it’s what I need.”
I wait for judgment to enter her eyes. Usually, I don’t give a shit what people think of me, but with her I care. I care too fucking much. Strangely though, I see no judgment. Not even surprise.
“Why do you do it?” she asks.
“Because I need control. I won’t give it up to anyone.”
Not even her.
“Control I can handle, Kolan. Pain, I cannot. I’ve had too much in this lifetime.”
Her words hit me like a painful blow. “I’d never hurt you.”
“I know. I wouldn’t be here right now if I wasn’t sure of that.” Her fingers fan my jaw. “I want you, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. I’d never ask you to change. To me, you’re perfect just the way you are.”
I’m far from fucking perfect. Actually, I’m the complete opposite, but when her tentative lips press against mine, it destroys my resolve. My hand cups the back of her head, not allowing her the chance to escape as I seal my fate.
I can’t hold back any longer.
I need this girl as much as the air I breathe.
I just hope I can keep the beast caged long enough to give her what she deserves.