CHAPTER NINE
Kolan
My thoughts are consumed with Lia as I drive home later that night. Even Benny’s incessant talking does nothing to distract me. When I walked out of the hospital room to see that asshole hitting on her, I was ready to rip him apart. I have no right to feel that way, no claim to her, and I know it. No matter how much I wish otherwise, it will never happen. It can’t. She’s definitely not the type to handle my kind of fucked-up.
But that’s the only way I come—the only way I know.
I need to remember that, especially for her sake. It’s clear she’s endured too much pain, and the last thing I want to do is add to it. But it’s getting hard. I’ve never wanted someone the way I want her and not just her body but her. Every time I’m not with her, I’m thinking about her—worrying about her.
“Why are we at the beach?” Benny asks when I turn down the street that leads to the public beach.
“Because I live here.”
“You live on the beach?”
“Yeah,” I reply nonchalantly. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I guess to a kid it would be.
“Sahweet! Guess it’s a good thing I brought my swim trunks. I was hoping for a pool but the ocean will do just fine.”
“I’m sure it will,” I say blandly. “But for the record, I have a pool, too.”
“Yes!” He fist-pumps. “Ocean or pool? Decisions, decisions. It’s gonna be a hard couple of days with you.”
I grunt. “Don’t get too excited, kid. You have school then we have the gym, then you can decide from there whether it will be the pool or ocean.”
“I say we skip school. I feel a tummy ache comin’ on anyway.”
My eyes shift to his. “Nice try, but I don’t think so.”
He shrugs. “It was worth a shot.”
Shaking my head, I drive down the long stretch, passing by the few condos before we arrive at my place that’s situated all on its own, far enough away from everyone else.
“You have your own beach?” Benny asks in awe as I hit the garage door opener.
“I like my privacy.” It was a good chunk of change but worth every penny. It’s private property, which means it keeps the fucking reporters away. It’s also a great stretch for my morning runs.
After pulling into the garage, I cut the engine and look over to see Benny staring at me. “You got a butler who’s going to come get my suitcase, maybe even greet me with something to drink?”
Jesus, the kid’s a smart-ass.
“No. But even if I did, you’re old enough to carry your own damn suitcase.”
His chuckle fills the space as we both climb out of the vehicle. He follows me inside the house, dragging his Spiderman suitcase behind him.
“Holy shit!” he says, walking around with his mouth open as he takes in the place. “So where’s the bat cave?”
“Downstairs, where I lock away all the mouthy little kids.”
“Cool.” He flashes me a grin that probably gets him out of shit on a daily basis then continues exploring. He bypasses the living room and moves into the kitchen to look out the patio door. “Found the pool! How about a late night swim, Champ?”
“Tomorrow,” I say, hating to be a downer, especially after the night he’s had. “You want something to eat before bed?” I’m praying he says no since I’m not sure what I have that’s appropriate for a kid.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“All right, come on then. I’ll show you where you’re sleeping.” I lead him into the spare bedroom that’s cluttered with boxes.
Shit, I forgot about these.
“Not planning on staying long?” he asks.
“I just moved in a few months ago,” I explain, but know it’s a weak excuse. No one is ever here except my sister and she doesn’t need to stay the night so I haven’t made it a priority. I point to the bathroom at the other end of the room. “Go brush your teeth and wash up while I move them out of the way.”
He grabs his toothbrush from his suitcase and heads into the bathroom. “Holy crap! This bathroom is bigger than my whole apartment. Maybe I’ll just sleep in this here tub.”
Shaking my head at his commentary, I begin stacking the boxes in the corner of the room.
Benny walks out a few minutes later in nothing but his boxer briefs. “I sleep better without clothes on,” he explains before flexing his skinny little arms. “Don’t be jel of all this, Champ.”
I chuckle, unable to help myself. Okay, maybe the kid is funny sometimes. “Get your ass in bed.”
He hops up on the mattress, doing a few jumps before falling to his back. “Dang, even this bed is amazing. I figured you were rich but not Bruce Wayne rich.”
“I’m not that rich, and I’ve worked my ass off for all of it. You could have this one day too if you work hard enough.”
“Yeah right, not where I come from,” he grumbles, crawling under the covers.
“Don’t be so sure. I came from nothing. I didn’t even have a cool mom like you. If you want it bad enough, you can have it. Doesn’t matter where you start from.”
“Maybe,” he says, but there’s no conviction in his tone. “So, what’s the deal with Lia?”
“What about her?”
His mouth splits into a grin. “She’s hot.”
I grunt. “Yeah well, don’t get your hopes up. She’s not into mouthy little ten year olds.”
“Does that mean you guys aren’t dating?”
“No, we’re friends.” Just saying it puts me in a bad mood.
“But you like her?”
My eyes narrow with annoyance. “You always this nosey?”
“Pretty much. I’m a rare gem,” he says, flashing me his dimples.
Seriously, where does he come up with this shit?
“Yeah, I like her, okay?”
“I knew it! I’m surprised you didn’t kick that doctor’s ass tonight.”
“I didn’t need to use my fists. Remember, pick and choose your battles,” I remind him. “Now, lights out or you’re going to be dragging your ass tomorrow for school.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles, disappointed.
“Do you need anything before I go? Do you sleep with a light on or anything?”
He stiffens, offended by the question. “What do I look like to you? A sissy? No, I don’t need no damn light on.”
I chuckle. “Just checking, kid. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Shutting off the light, I begin to close the door when he calls out to me. “Hey, Kolan?”
I swing it back open, surprised he used my name. “Yeah?”
“Thanks…for everything. Especially for taking care of my mom,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.
“No problem.”
I leave the door open a crack before heading into my room. Stripping my clothes off, I climb in the shower, hoping the hot water will loosen the tightness in my muscles. Seeing how scared Benny was when he came running into the gym tonight reminded me so much of myself, even if my circumstances were different. His fear and helplessness is something I used to know well, especially when it came to worrying about my sister. Which is why I’ll make sure to do whatever I need to for him, because no ten-year-old should have to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.