NINE
Ana
My heart is thudding as I leave Luke’s office. I make my way down the hallway on unsteady legs. I can still feel him all around me, inside me, possessing me. My lips are still swollen from his kisses. I press a hand to my stomach willing the flips of excitement to stop.
When Rae told me she wanted to get lunch for Cole and drop it off at his office, I was ecstatic. There was no way I wasn’t going to go with her. I wasn’t going to pass up a chance to see Luke. And I was glad I was wearing one of my favorite dresses today. All I had to do before we left the office was freshen my makeup and get rid of the ponytail, leaving my hair to fall loosely around my shoulders.
When he walked into Cole’s office and stared at me with those intense and gorgeous green eyes of his, I wanted nothing more than to go to him and wrap my arms around him, but Rae and Cole’s presence stopped me. I know Luke was happy to see me and the way he was looking at me when I was leaving his office was like he didn’t want me to leave. And he looked affected. I know he didn’t just want to say he was glad I stopped by. I don’t know why he didn’t say what was really on his mind. But I’m pretty confident that we’re going to move to the next level of our relationship very soon. I have no doubt that he has strong feelings for me. As for me, my feelings for him are deep, very deep. I’m in love with him, and I want nothing more than to get closer to him. I know he’s never had a girlfriend and this is all new to him so I’m willing to be patient.
“You look happy.”
Startled, I turn to my right and find Rae sitting in a comfortable and spacious sitting area. I try to wipe the smile from my face but I don’t manage it.
“What are you doing sitting here?” I ask.
“Cole has a meeting. I decided to wait and see you do the walk of shame.”
I laugh a little. “I’m not ashamed. I’m happy.”
“I can see that,” she says. “Come on. Let’s go back to the office.”
***
The rest of the day passes and I don’t hear from Luke. The next day, I’m itching to hear his voice but I repeatedly stop myself from calling or texting him. By the third day, I’m more than a little frustrated and distracted. Why the hell hasn’t he called me? Rae says everyone at Enton has been very busy, but I’m not buying it. How can he be too busy to send a text? Just one little text. Surely, it can’t be that hard. And because I’ve waited this long to hear from him, and there’s been nothing but silence from his end, I’m reluctant to make the first move. I won’t handle any rejection well. I hate the way I’ve been constantly keeping one eye on my phone no matter what I’m doing. My asshole boss, Colin, asked me this morning if he was disturbing me since it seemed like I had more important things to do than the job I’m being handsomely paid to do. The word asshole was created solely for him. The man truly embodies the word. It doesn’t matter that I consistently put in long hours and I’ve grown our revenue from advertisers significantly every year for the past five years I’ve been working at Raynier. Also, the asshole has no compunction about taking the credit for my work. Okay . . . I admit I shouldn’t have been staring at my phone willing it to ring while he was speaking to me.
Dammit! This is Luke’s fault. He’s succeeded in turning me into the type of woman who yearns so much for a man that my entire focus is on him. Luke has had me longing for him from the first day I saw him. I found his previous attempts to avoid me puzzling and frustrating, but now that we’ve spent a lot of time together and he’s had me in every way, I’m doubly frustrated with the way he makes me feel like he has feelings for me and then acting like I don’t exist. The truth is that I want him but not on his terms anymore. I want the emotional and physical connection. I want to be the most important person – not just woman – in his life. I want him to love me. I want it all. I don’t want to settle for less.
Sighing, I know I need to get back to work. The page layouts for the New Year issue need to be signed off and I need to take a look at some of the mockups my team created.
Hours later, I decide I’m done for the day. There’s still no word from Luke. There’s no point going home to my empty apartment. I need something to take my mind off him. I call Mia and ask her if she’d like to get a drink with me, and maybe some dinner. She says yes, and then I call Rae. After speaking with her, I’m more annoyed with Luke than ever. Rae already has plans with Cole. Fine! Since Luke has decided to pull away from me, I’m not going to waste another second thinking about him. He can do whatever the fuck he wants, I think to myself as I unseeingly dump some items into my bag and grab my phone from my desk. Mia is already at the lobby when I get there.
She takes one look at my face, and asks, “What’s with you?”
“Nothing.”
“He still hasn’t called.” It’s not a question.
“Who the fuck cares?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.
“Obviously, someone does,” she responds, amused. “Ana, you should call him. You don’t have to wait for him to call first,” she adds as we enter the elevator. Thankfully, we’re the only ones in it. “Has it occurred to you that he may not know that you’re upset he hasn’t called? Don’t forget that he’s never been in a relationship so this is all new to him. And anyway, he’s done a lot of firsts with you.”
Some of my anger fades. Mia is right. I didn’t consider that he isn’t used to this. I know we’re not officially a couple but I’m hoping we’ll get there eventually. I felt like we were on the right track before the past few days. My mind flashes to the times we spent together – watching TV at his place and mine, having meals together, watching Tottenham at the stadium, spending nights and weekends together, and making love. With Luke, it isn’t just sex. It’s never been just sex. Every time we’ve been intimate, I’ve given him a part of myself. I’ve never been that way with any other man. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling too vulnerable to make the first move this time.
“I made the very first move,” I mutter. We’re walking to the bar a few blocks away.
“Yes, but he’s made every first move since then. He’s the one that’s taken your relationship this far,” she points out.
“I don’t know . . .” I say, my words trailing off.
“Ana, when did you start doubting yourself? This isn’t you. Stop second-guessing yourself and call him. We both know he’ll be happy to hear from you.”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll call him.”
“Good.”
“Not tonight. I’ll call him tomorrow.” I have to think about what I’ll say to him and I intend to practice sounding casual.
“Whatever makes you happy,” she says. What would make me happy is if he turns up right now and takes me in his arms, kisses me passionately and apologizes for not being in touch since Monday. I smile imagining him doing that.
“You’re smiling. Thank goodness. I was on the verge of calling Luke to tell him to call you. I was tired of seeing you sulk,” she teases.
I give her a sharp look. “You wouldn’t,” I say confidently.
“Don’t be so sure. I was getting desperate. I didn’t like seeing you mope, like your favorite kitten had run away from home.”
“I don’t even know if I like cats,” I say.
She smiles. “Imagine that.”
She’s clearly mocking me so I don’t bother saying anything else. I pull open the doors to the bar and walk inside.