ELEVEN
Ana
“You did what?” Rae asks. Mia just sits and looks at me, her face filled with disappointment. We’re having lunch at our usual place.
“I asked Henry out to dinner,” I say, repeating what I had just told my friends even though I know they heard me clearly.
“How could you?” Rae asks. “You’re not interested in him, and you know he’s had a thing for you for ages”. Rae is right. Henry works with us in the accounts department, and he’s asked me out a few times in the past.
“I could be interested in him.” I feel a twinge of guilt as I say the words. I’m lying to myself and to my friends. “I’ve never given him a fair chance.”
Rae glances at Mia who hasn’t wiped the disappointed expression on her face.
“Ana, we know this is about Luke. Why don’t you –”
I don’t let her finish. “No. We’re over.” I spent the past few days miserable, hoping against hope that he’ll call and make everything right. He didn’t. “And I have no intention of spending the next year or two single.” I glance at Mia who’s glaring at me, annoyance has replaced the disappointment she’s been wearing. “No offence, Mia.” I take a deep breath. I need my friends to understand. I need their support. “He told me he was too busy to call. He reminded me that we were not exclusive.” It still hurts so much thinking about it, and it hurts much worse when I say it out loud. “If he chooses to take other women out, then I see no reason why I can’t go out with whoever I want. I wish him and Amber all the best.” Of course my last statement was said with a good dose of insincerity.
“For god’s sake, Ana,” Mia says, sounding fed up with me.
“Wait. Amber? The woman you saw him with was Amber?” Rae asks.
“Yeah,” I say, pushing down my jealousy and hurt. Looking directly at Rae, I ask, “Do you know her?”
“Yes, Ana. There’s nothing going on between him and Amber. She works in the same building with Luke and Cole, and they treat her like a younger sister. She actually has – maybe had – a huge crush on Cole, although it looks to me like she’s still trying to get over him. She’s come a long way from glaring at me to saying hello albeit with some obvious effort on her part.”
“Don’t mind, Ana. She didn’t even give him a chance to explain. I didn’t get the impression that there was anything more than friendship between them,” Mia says.
“Yes, I did. And he explained that we weren’t exclusive.” Rae opens her mouth to speak but before she can get a word out, I quickly add, “Look, I get that I may have misread the situation on Thursday and Amber may just be a friend but the fact is that Luke can go out with other women and I can’t sit back and watch that happen.”
“So tell him you want to be exclusive,” Mia says. “He’ll be happy.”
“No, he won’t,” I say.
“Ana, you didn’t see how concerned he was about you. You were too busy getting upset and running away to notice.”
“I wasn’t running away.” Okay, I was, but that’s not the point. “The point is he and I are over. I’ve decided to move on to someone who’ll appreciate me,” I say out loud.
“So you want to date other people?” Rae asks. I nod in response, essentially lying to my friends.
“Ana, we know that’s not true,” Mia says. “Why was it easy for you to call Henry and ask him out but you refused to call Luke for days?”
Because I didn’t care if Henry turned me down. Because I wanted Luke to come to me willingly and make us official. Because I was scared of giving Luke more of myself without some commitment from him. Because I’m in love with him and I didn’t know if he felt anything close to that. Well, now I know.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because Luke and I weren’t exclusive.”
“Really?” Mia asks, exasperated. She turns to Rae. “I’m done trying to reason with her.”
“Yeah, me too.”
***
It’s Friday night and I’m on my first – and last – date with Henry. How the hell did I get myself in this situation? Henry is a nice guy but if I have to sit here for one more minute and listen to him talk about cricket and his “beloved” parrot, I’m going to scream. God! I’d give anything to be in Luke’s arms right now. I miss him. I miss everything about him. I miss the way his green eyes light up when he laughs. I miss the way his fingers gently stroke my skin when we’re watching a movie together. I miss having him ask me about my day. I miss listening to him talk about his day. Fuck! I miss him. It’s been a week and he hasn’t called me. He just moved on. He’s probably out with a woman now, I think bitterly. I ignore the voice inside that’s calling me a hypocrite. So I guess he meant it when he said he was done. All the false bravado I was displaying in front of my friends has faded. I should have handled my last meeting with Luke better. I should have called him. I shouldn’t have let the things get this bad, then maybe I wouldn’t be feeling so damned miserable.
“Ana?”
“What?” I ask, looking at Henry’s concerned brown eyes. There are no flecks of gold in them. And they’re not green. His eyelashes are not long and black. They are the same shade of brown as his hair. While Henry is mildly attractive, Luke is breathtakingly handsome.
“I asked if you’d like to watch a cricket match with me this Sunday but you didn’t hear me, and then I called your name twice.”
“I’m sorry, Henry. I was distracted for a minute,” I say, forcing a smile.
“You’re not really into cricket, are you?”
No kidding. What gave me away, except the polite but bored expression I’m sure was on my face? “Honestly, no. I’m sorry.” I’m sorry for asking you out on a date and giving you the wrong impression, and consequently wasting both our time.
“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have been talking about it so much. I tend to get a bit carried away,” he says apologetically, and covers my hand on the table with his. “I’ll make it up to you.”
I’m thinking of how to politely extricate my hand from under his and tell him that he doesn’t need to make it up to me but before I can do either, he adds, “Do you know the guy sitting at the table behind you? He’s been staring at us . . . well, at you.”
I turn around and I stop breathing. I’m looking straight at Luke’s gorgeous green eyes. He is staring at me impassively, his gaze unwavering. Stunned, I blink once and then again. He’s really here. He’s having dinner with a male friend who is looking at me with some amusement and curiosity. I hastily turn back, avoiding eye contact with Henry, and hurriedly pull my hand out from under his. It’s not that I’m feeling guilty, I just don’t want Henry touching me. I have nothing to feel guilty about, right?
“Ana, do you know him?”
Still avoiding his gaze, I lift my wine glass to my lips and take a large swallow. My heart is beating so hard and loud. The wine does absolutely nothing to calm me down. Of all the restaurants in London, why did he have to come here? Thank goodness he’s not with a woman.
“Ana?”
“Yes,” I answer reluctantly.
“Are you okay? You look flushed.”
“I’m good.” No, I’m not. I’m not good at all. Everything in me is screaming that I go to Luke.
Fuck. He’s so handsome. I’ve missed him badly.
“Is he an ex-boyfriend?”
I shake my head.
“Why is he still staring at you? Do you want me to ask him to stop?”
“No,” I say quickly. I’m sounding a little panicked for some strange reason. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. “No,” I say again, calmer.
Henry is looking at me like he’s never seen me before, and I know he now knows why I suddenly asked him out after turning him down every single time he’s asked me in the last eighteen months.
He clears his throat. “Do you want to –?” he starts to ask then stops. It doesn’t take me long to find out why.
Luke is standing beside our table.
“Luke Charlton,” he says, offering Henry his hand.
Henry takes it. “Henry Manning. You’re a friend of Ana’s?”
“Friend?” he asks with a smirk. “I wouldn’t exactly call her a friend.” He turns to me with a smile that’s downright sinful, and even though I should be annoyed at him for implying to Henry that we’re intimate, I can’t help noticing again how incredibly sexy he looks. Damn, I’ve really missed him. “No, she’s definitely not that,” he murmurs. Then in a louder voice, he says “You forgot some of your things at my house. I think a tube of lipstick, a bottle of perfume, some clothes and –” He stops and glances at Henry, then continues. “I don’t think it’s appropriate to mention the other thing at the dinner table.” I stiffen in annoyance and glare at him but he looks unconcerned. “See you around, Ana.” He walks away without glancing at Henry.
What the fuck? I don’t have a single thing in his house and the annoying man knows it. Sure, I admit I’ve been tempted to leave a few things behind. I definitely should have told Luke off but I didn’t want to give Henry and any of our coworkers – if he decides to share – anything to talk about.
It should not come as a surprise that the rest of our dinner was uncomfortable. It’s like Henry couldn’t wait for it to be over while I sat fuming and wanting to strangle Luke slowly.
I’m going to kill him. Slowly. Painfully. But why the hell am I aroused?
As soon as dinner is over, Henry asks if he can drive me home but I tell him that I’ll take a taxi. I stop one and give him Luke’s address. He better be at home. Alone.
When I get to his house, I stride to the door and lean on his doorbell. Let’s see how he likes the persistent ringing. He opens his door immediately. It’s as if he was expecting me. He looks completely unfazed by my presence. And . . . he’s shirtless. I gulp. My gaze is drawn to his broad shoulders and perfectly defined chest and abs. I remind myself that I’m mad at him and tear my gaze away from his chest, focusing on his face and trying hard to ignore how handsome he is.
“What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” I ask him, injecting all the anger, frustration and unhappiness I’ve been feeling into my voice.
He opens his front door wider. “Please come in. You can scream as loud as you want inside,” he says, sounding perfectly calm. I’ll go inside but only because I want to yell at him, I tell myself.
I march into his house and turn to face him, not bothering to hold back my anger. “How dare you imply that there’s something going on between us?” I demand.
Ignoring my question and visibly unconcerned by my anger, he asks, “Were you on a date?”
“That’s none of your business,” I answer hotly. “You owe me an apology for ruining my evening.” He owes me more than an apology for making me fall in love with him and then breaking my heart. “Seriously, what gave you the impression that you’re welcome anywhere near me?”
“Yet you’re here in my house,” he points out.
“Not because I want to.” I’m lying again. I had to see him, to be close to him.
“You didn’t have to come here. You could have just called.”
“I wanted to yell at you to your face,” I say.
“Ana, why are you really here? What did you come for?” he asks, moving leisurely towards me.
I stand my ground, refusing to be let him see how much he affects me. “I came to tell you to stay out of my life.” Why the hell is he not wearing a shirt?
He stops in front of me and I refuse to look anywhere below his lips. Let’s make that anywhere below his nose. Looking at his lips is not a good idea. But his eyes . . . those green eyes . . . I can see flecks of gold in them.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he says quietly.
“What do you mean –?” I start to say heatedly but the words seize in my throat. His fingers stroke my hair. I almost stop breathing. I am extremely aware of him. Gathering every single ounce of strength I possess, I take a couple of steps back putting some much needed space between us. His hand drops to his side. Relieved, I breathe a little easier. But my relief is short-lived because Luke takes a step towards me eliminating all the distance I put between us. There’s no point pretending that his nearness isn’t affecting me. I take another couple of steps back and my back hits the wall.
“Who was he, Ana?”
“None of your damn business,” I say with false bravado, and then add for good measure, “I can see whoever I want, whenever I want. It has nothing to do with you.”
He regards me coolly and comes towards me. His fingers brush my cheek and then slowly trail down to my neck stopping at the base where he can obviously feel my pulse beating erratically.
“Think again, sweetheart.” He presses his body closer to mine. His hands sweep down my body and grip my wrists. With a deft move, he has my hands above my head. “You want to try another answer?”
Fuck! I am so turned on. My entire being is tingling with excitement . . . and anticipation. And he knows it. He can feel it radiating from me.
“Did he kiss you?” he asks, his tone demanding. His mouth is right by my ear.
I’m backed up against the wall with his body flush against mine and his hand holding my wrists above my head. I’m reveling in the feel of his body and his heady masculine scent. I’ve longed so hard for him. Desire courses through me.
We both know that with a tug, my wrists would be free. I could walk away from him if I wanted. But I don’t. Which tells him everything he needs to know – I want to be here.
“Who?” My heart is beating so fast. Of course I know who he’s referring to.
“The dickhead you had dinner with.”
“He’s not a dickhead,” I manage to say. Henry is a perfectly nice guy. He doesn’t deserve to be called a dickhead.
“Answer me, Ana. Did he fucking kiss you?”
What does he care? I don’t respond.
“Ana.” My name rings like a warning.
My only response is to close my eyes and breathe.
I feel the front of my dress being pulled down. My eyes fly open. My breasts are exposed to him, and my nipples are hard. I open my mouth to protest but the only thing that comes out is the sound of me panting. Luke is squeezing my nipple, and his tongue is wreaking havoc on my jawline. A moan slips through my mouth. My traitorous body betrays me again. Only where this man is concerned.
“You want to answer my question now?”
What question? I need his other hand on my other breast and his lips on mine.
“Ana, did you kiss him?”
Kiss who? Why would I kiss anyone else?
“Ana?”
“No,” I moan.
“How many other times have you gone out with him?”
“Never,” I say, my answer sounding again like a moan.
“Are you seeing anyone else?”
“No. Please, Luke.”
“Do you want me to fuck you?”
“Yes,” I beg.
“I’m going to make sure you never try this shit again,” he says. “By the time I’m done with you tonight, you’re never going to glance at another man.” His words send shivers down my spine. I’m already very wet and trembling with desperate need for him.
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him. Luke carries me up the stairs to his bed. He devours my lips like he’s been starved of them. His hands touch me everywhere. He spends the next few hours claiming my body, stamping his name on every part of me. The truth is Luke pumped every confession out of me. I told him everything he wanted to know. As his perfect dick was thrusting inside me, I admitted to him that I missed him so much and that there’ll never be any other man but him for me. I told him he’s the only man I want, the only man I’ll ever want.
A long time later, we’ve just finished taking a bath together and are lying on his bed spooning. I should have gone home but I don’t want to leave, and he doesn’t want me to.
“I didn’t like seeing you with him,” he says into the silence. That’s the last thing I expect him to say.
Although I still haven’t forgotten that he told me we weren’t exclusive, yet, I feel the need to explain. “It was just dinner.”
“Don’t see him again.”
“Luke –”
“Please.” That one word and the way he said it has me agreeing. The vulnerability I hear in his voice is unexpected, and I know I didn’t imagine it. I have no intention of going on another date with Henry anyway.
I turn around to face him. “Okay.”
Luke kisses me softly on my lips. “I haven’t been with anyone since we met,” he says.
“You haven’t?” I don’t bother to hide my happiness.
“No. I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“Luke,” I breathe, and press my lips to his.