ADAM

 

My mouth tasted like I’d ingested chalk and forgot to spit it out.

Surrounded by the hum of machines and dim lights. There wasn’t much pain but I felt lethargic. I didn’t realize it then, but I’d slept through two whole days. Even now, I was sedated.

I tried to move, and to get up but the cast over my chest, limited my movement. The lack of pain must have been because of the drugs.

“You’re up?” I heard Rho’s voice and then I noticed he had been in the room all along. He walked up to me and pressed a button to call the nurse. “How do you feel?”

Rho was in a different suit, but it looked similar to the one he had on that night. I would find out later that Rho loved those suits, he was proud of them. Even if they made him look predictable and older.

“Like I’ve been under a bus.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Rho, I can’t be here…”

“I didn’t tell them about the attempt,” he explained. “I just told them a party got out of hand.”

“They bought it?”

“People get high and overdose at parties all the time. It’s not a rarity.”

“What about the injuries?”

“Told them it was a bar fight.”

“They bought it?”

He shrugged.

A tall, brunette in blue scrubs entered the room and walked right up to me. Her name tag said Beth. She hooked her stethoscope around her neck and clicked her pen to write in my patient file. “How’re you feeling, Adam? Are you having trouble breathing now?”

“I think he’s fine now,” Rho intervened.

“You gave us a bit of a scare,” the nurse said. “You weren’t able to on your own, so we had to put you on a ventilator for twenty-four hours.”

“But he’s fine now, right?” Rho said, and that was so out of character for him. I realized he was still worried for me, this was his weird way of expressing it.

The nurse eyed Rho skeptically. “Are you his immediate family, sir?”

“I’m the only family he has,” Rho responded. “The only family who gives a shit! Now, do I have to prove that to you?”  

Beth turned to me this time. “Do you want this man here?”

The silence that ensued must have been tough for Rho. But somehow, he maintained his composure. I knew that I had made my choice back at the bridge, so I nodded. “Look, if he’s your boyfriend,” Beth began. “You can tell me. I’m not some thoughtless conservative,” she seemed proud of the fact. “I’m also not an idiot. Anyone can see what you two have, from a mile away.”

It was weird right, that she bought us being a couple? Rho looked just as surprised as me. Was there something subconscious going on between us that strangers could notice but we couldn’t? I glanced at Rho, hoping he could made that decision for me but he looked a bit clueless. I had a feeling his response would have been nothing short of rude, so I decided to just say it. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Beth smiled. “You have a bit of an age difference, but who am I to judge. If you’re happy, I suppose we’re good. But you need your rest, mister. Tell your boyfriend to go home and get some sleep. He’s been up for the past two consecutive nights. He can’t be any good to you, if he’s unwell.”  

The room fell silent when Beth left with my patient file, and I turned to Rho. “I don’t think being hostile to the staff is a good tactical move.”

“Noted.”

More silence.

“Did you really stay up two nights for me?”

“Well, they said you couldn’t breathe on your own.”

“I guess fifty tablets are just as bad as a hundred and fifty.”

Rho glared at me. “You took a hundred and fifty tablets? Are you insane?”

His voice was loud again, and I was afraid the hospital staff wouldn’t take too kindly to it. “Rho, you need to be quieter…”

But Rho was stuck on the number and wouldn’t let it go. “A hundred and fifty pills! How do you even get your hands on a hundred and fifty pills?”

“It’s not important,” I blurted out. “It’s over and I need it to stay that way.”

Rho was back to being annoyed and unpleasant. “Listen to me you fuck,” he said. “If you ever try to pull that stunt again, I’m going to make your life a living hell.”

“I’m the only family he has.”

Just like Rho to express concern through anger. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t. Then, I remembered Beth’s advice. “Rho, go home and rest. You don’t have to be here.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Rho, the nurse said…”

“Fuck what the nurse said,” he bawled. “She doesn’t have a clue who she’s dealing with. Rho isn’t your usual brand of boyfriend. I’m used to staying up for days.”

I don’t think that was true. But regardless, Rho refused to leave the premises. It was strange. I felt both happy to have him around, and little frightened it was all going to be a dream. Could I seriously have lucked out with this man? I didn’t know what Rho was thinking, but he looked tired. I wished he would get some rest. But a doctor came in with the nurse this time and stayed back for a long time, asking me odd questions. It was obvious they suspected Rho of being the instigator of violence toward me, Rho didn’t exactly make it easier with his angry outbursts and his general lack of patience, but when I maintained that if it wasn’t for him, I would have been dead and explained to them that they were way off about Rho, they got less nosy.

They would continue to bug us though, for a long time after that because regardless of whether Rho was the culprit, it was still a life-threatening overdose and they wanted to keep me under observation for a few days. I hated the idea of an evaluation, but I would have to get used to defending both Rho and myself to these people. I hoped Rho wouldn’t make it difficult by being his cynical self the entire time. Every time I thought about the way he dealt with staff and other people, I would feel laughter coming on. And I knew that boyfriend thing was a ruse, but I couldn’t help but wonder what if… what if he really was my boyfriend? What if our mutual attraction became hard to resist?

I hated being in the hospital but there was no other option. Rho finally got some sleep when he was passed out on that same uncomfortable chair right next to my bed. When Beth came in the room, she was grinning. She gave me some more medicine and took my temperature. Her checkups were becoming routine. But sometimes they still frustrated me. I wanted out of that place.

I looked at Rho and it filled me with peace. I didn’t understand it, but that’s how I felt when he was around. Life made sense again. He was the kind of man who would break someone’s bones if they looked at him the wrong way. His darkness was real, and so was his concern for me. If he asked me for anything, I would give it, no questions asked. He’d saved my life.

I had someone who was capable of saving me, it was a new experience. Even as a kid, foster care and counselors hadn’t done much in the way of protecting me. I was the last person anyone wanted to be concerned about. That was before that ridiculous charge became part of my rap sheet.  When that happened they all looked at me with disdain. Either I was a monster who should remain locked up, or I was a project and they wanted to fix me. My life had never made sense, I’d never felt important enough to be having an existential crisis.

I wasn’t an artist, I wasn’t a poet, I was nothing.

I thought I would always be nothing.

That I would always have to run, trying to escape life and its consequences.

I didn’t have to run anymore.