I hadn’t heard from Matthew in two days. I wanted to continue my training but didn’t know if I was allowed to go there on my own. I even thought of calling Mallory but didn’t have her number, and asking for it at Hot Coffee would raise all sorts of questions. I couldn’t handle that.

In fact, I needed to visit Alexis and Candace, but it was taking me an excruciatingly long time to face them. Undoubtedly, Sean had relayed to them the news I’d returned, yet I hadn’t received a single call or text from them since getting home. There were plenty of old messages I’d never returned because I was supposed to be M.I.A., but all the communication had now gone quiet.

At least Becca was excited to have me home; I could barely sleep the first night because she was talking so much. It felt so good to hear her voice though. I scolded her for revealing herself to Matthew, though I wasn’t really upset with her—only with Matthew.

“Is he your new boyfriend?” Becca had asked innocently. “He was super nice to me. And he seems to like you—a lot.”

“I don’t know what he is,” I’d said. “It’s complicated.”

“You always say that.”

“Everything seems to be complicated nowadays.”

During the span of the conversation, I’d eaten at least four Oreo cream halves. I thought I would’ve been sick of them after last time—in the parking lot of Sisters of Mercy—but miraculously, they were as delicious and soothing as ever. I placed the bare halves back on the tray.

“I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I won’t. I’m here to stay now.” Then I told her all about our father, second family and all.

I walked to Hot Coffee in the early evening, hoping both Alexis and Candace would be there. But then again, I was also secretly hoping only one of them would be, so I wouldn’t be double-teamed. Maybe I was even secretly hoping there’d be an entirely different closing crew, so I could grab a white mocha and postpone our conversation even further.

As luck would have it, I saw Alexis through the glass as I walked up from the parking lot. She was talking to someone behind the bar; I was pretty sure it was Candace. I almost turned around right then.

The after-dinner crowd hadn’t hit yet, so the shop was mostly empty. Alexis started to greet me like a regular patron before she noticed who’d come in the door.

“Well, look who decided to stroll back into our lives,” she said with the bitterness of a plain black coffee.

As I hopped up on a bar stool, I noticed Eli leaning behind the post—so it was him Alexis had been talking to.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” I said in my best apology voice.

Her eyes only narrowed even more. “So, what do you have to say for yourself besides an insincere I’m sorry?”

“I’m really sorry?” I offered a guilty smile, but Alexis wasn’t biting.

“Where did you go? These girls have been worried sick about you,” Eli said, sounding more like a concerned parent than my own mother had.

“I thought I’d found my father,” I said. “I had to go and see for myself.”

“And that’s totally fine,” Alexis chimed in. “I totally get it. But you never said anything to us—not a peep. You disappeared and never even called back—texted back—sent us a freakin’ smoke signal—nothing! You bailed on your mom. You bailed on us. You bailed on the rest of your senior year.”

“I passed my GED,” I said sheepishly.

“See! That’s what I’m talking about!”

“Where’s Candace? I feel like she should be yelling at me right now,” I said, propping my head up on my elbow.

“She’s off tonight,” Eli said.

“She’d be so much more than yelling at you. She’d be totally kicking your ass right now.” Alexis apologetically glanced over at Eli.

“I’ll allow it,” he said.

I didn’t know if he meant the swear word or Candace actually kicking my ass, but guessed it didn’t matter.

“I know what I did sucks,” I said. “And I already told you I’m sorry. But I didn’t want anyone talking me out of it or anyone coming after me to drag me home before I finished what I set out to do.”

“We wouldn’t have—”

“I couldn’t take the chance. I just couldn’t take it.” I stared at her with tears welling up in my eyes because I knew how much I’d hurt her and Candace—and it killed me to know I’d probably do it again if the Society demanded it of me.

Now Alexis’s rage was waning, her own eyes now glistening too. She brought a fist to her mouth and cleared her throat.

“You scared the sh—crap out of me,” she said, wiping her eyes to keep any tears from falling.

“I know,” I said, reflexively, wiping my own eyes.

A thirties-something couple came into the shop and sauntered up to the register.

“I’ll take care of them,” Eli said, scratching his head and slipping past Alexis to welcome the happy couple.

Alexis came around the bar and enveloped me in an awkward hug since she didn’t wait for me to step down from the stool. “I’m just so relieved you weren’t murdered or something,” she cried into my arm.

“Me too; that would have sucked,” I said, trying to elicit a smile, but settling for a snort.

When Alexis finally let me go, she hopped up on the stool next to me. “Did you at least get to finally meet him?”

I shook my head. “Another dead end.”

That immediately shut down any follow-up questions about my time away. “Did you say you passed your GED?” Alexis drummed her fingers on the granite countertop.

I nodded, feeling guiltier about that than leaving.

“Wow… so you’re like… already gone,” she said, sounding morose.

“Yeah,” I said.

“How long were you expecting to be away?”

“I didn’t know.”

“What you’re saying is, you didn’t know if you were even going to come back.” Alexis slipped off the stool and made her way around the counter.

“I always would have come back,” I insisted.

More patrons were coming in now, so Alexis took over at the register to keep Eli from running back and forth from the bar. It seemed she didn’t even want to look at me. When she finished with the line, she went to help Eli catch up on drinks.

I was just about to leave when she came back to where I was sitting, a paper cup in hand, which she placed before me on the counter.

“Your white mocha,” she said, her expression still weighed down by sadness.

“Thanks,” I said, grabbing it and taking a sip. I savored the wonderful sweetness. She didn’t have to say to go, but that was certainly what the paper cup implied.