Chapter 17

I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.

-Spock

Max

“You have to wake up. All the NICU nurses keep looking at me with my shirt off.” I said to her.

 

She didn’t answer. Didn’t twitch. She’d been off the medicine that kept her in a coma for over a week. Alpha huffed from the floor next to her bed, and I patted his head, silently agreeing with his sentiment.

 

“You should see our daughter. She fits in a Sonic cup. I took pictures. Your mom said it was child abuse, but our little girl smiled the entire time.”

 

I glanced at the clock and noted that it was almost time for me to leave. I had to go to work today, and I couldn’t stay long. After a short visit with Payton, I would spend thirty minutes with Harleigh, and then come back later tonight after I worked for a couple of hours.

 

Sam insisted that I didn’t have to work, but if I didn’t, I would go crazy. I needed something to occupy my mind. To get these horrible thoughts out of my head.

 

I hadn’t slept more than two hours straight in nearly two weeks. I was running on empty, but I wouldn’t stop until Payton woke. I felt that if I did, that something would happen to her. Something would take her from me, and I’d never get her back.

 

“Ember is teasing me about my clothes, but you got it for me so I want to wear it.” I said to the ceiling as I stroked her hand with mine.

 

“It looks good on you.”

 

“I know. I can make anything look good.”

 

“Let me see some pictures, shit head.”

 

My boots hit the floor, and I smiled so wide my face hurt. “Oh, Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!”

 

Payton laughed, and then groaned, grabbing her stomach.

 

“Oh, yeah. You had a C-section eight days ago. Our daughter is a little fighter. Here, look.” I said and held my phone in front of her face.

“Oh, my God. She’s tiny. How is she doing?” Payton rasped.

 

“Are you thirsty?” I asked worriedly.

 

“Yes,” she croaked. “Tell me about her. What’s her prognosis?”

 

I continued to flip through my pictures on my phone as I told her about our daughter.

 

“How’d you spell her name?” She asked.

 

“You’ll see when we go see her.” I declared, and then went to find a nurse.

***

Payton

“Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Do not pass go, do not collect two-hundred dollars.” Max said as he wheeled me down the hall.

 

“Who does she look like?” I asked.

 

He didn’t answer for a few moments, and I looked at him over my shoulder.

 

“To tell you the truth,” He said. “She looks all wrinkly and tiny and red. I can’t tell yet. She can’t even fit into clothes yet.”

 

I smiled. Preemies always reminded me of baby aliens. It was going to be surreal seeing my own child in the room I’d always associated with the sick babies. Normally, I went during my lunch breaks on the days that I worked.

 

“What way are they delivering her oxygen?” I asked him.

 

He shrugged. “Something that covers her nose. Not sure what.”

 

“Have my mom and dad seen her?”

 

“They only allow immediate family in. So no Grammy or Pappy time yet.” He answered as he led me to the washing station.

 

We washed our hands for three full minutes, dried thoroughly, and made our way inside the NICU. The NICU was set up similarly to the ICU, except everything was scaled down to permit the tiny little lives to fit into it instead of their adult counterparts.

 

We made our way to Harleigh’s room, and I almost cried out when I saw her covered in the gazillion wires and tubes. Her tiny little body was sitting under the blue bilirubin lights that helped with jaundice. Her foot had the monitor attached to it that measured her heart rate and oxygen stats.

“Hello, Pickle! Do you want to meet your old incubator?” Max asked our daughter.

 

I laughed, and Max pushed me closer to the incubator so I could get a closer look.

 

“Why is there a Barbie in there with her?” I asked curiously.

 

“Size comparison. She also told me she wanted it. It’s the Holiday Barbie.”

 

Oh, Lord. I can already see this child getting everything she ever wants or desires. Already she has him wrapped around her little finger.

 

“Payton!” Eleanor said excitedly from the doorway.

 

“Hey, Ellie! Did you see my girl?”

 

She hustled up beside me and started to undo the clamps that held up the side of the incubator.

 

“I sure did! She’s adorable. Your man and your girl also get quite a few looks when they do Kangaroo Time, too! Max, get the girl a chair, chop chop.”

 

Max helped transfer me to the recliner at Harleigh’s bedside. Once I was situated, Max removed my gown, and Ellie placed Harleigh on my chest. My eyes started leaking as soon as I felt her tiny little body against the skin of my chest. Max covered Harleigh and me back up with the gown, and then Ellie followed up with a blanket as well.

 

Max’s smile stretched from ear to ear.

 

“So, Payton, you never told me your husband could sing!” Ellie said as she adjusted the baby’s feeding tube.

 

My eyes snapped to Max’s face. He was staring at the ceiling, and a deceptively innocent smile graced his face.

 

“Max! You little shit!”

 

“I can’t sing! I swear!” He said.

 

Heat rose in his face, and his neck and cheeks started to resemble a nice rose color.

 

“Really?”

 

“He sings to her when she has her cranky spell in the evening. He’s here every day at half past seven, and he sings to her for over an hour. The rumble of his chest just lulls her right to sleep. We were thinking about recording it for her to listen to on repeat.” Ellie said proudly.

Max’s face was full on red now.

 

“Oh, Max. You’re such a sweet heart.” I said to him.

 

I raised my hand to his so I could bring him closer. The man was so sweet. I kissed his knuckles and tucked his hand into the crook of my neck so I could lean on it. My eyes tipped down to Harleigh’s hat. It had a skull and crossbones on it. My mom was most likely the culprit with this one.

 

“So, how’s she doing?” I asked Ellie.

 

Ellie explained the fine details to me. She told me that she was doing really well. If all continued on this current path, that she’d be out of here by the time she hit four and a half pounds.

 

“Only three pounds to go, Pickle.” Max said as he ran his index finger down her cheek.

 

“Would you like to pump while you’re here?” Ellie asked me.

 

I looked at her as if she was smoking something good, and she laughed.

 

“We’ve been milking you like a cow every two hours.” Max explained.

 

Understanding dawned, and I readily agreed. I wasn’t that much into breast feeding, but Harleigh needed every step up she could get, and if I had to strap on a boobie sucker every two hours to make sure she got the best leg up she could get, I would damn well do it.

***

“Hello, I’m your nurse for the day. My name is Jessica. If you need anything, let me know!” Nurse Jessica said giddily.

 

Max’s eyes, however, were not on Jessica’s bouncy boobs. They were on me as he helped me into bed. I glared at Jessica, and then thanked Max.

 

“Thank you, baby.” I whispered to him, as he gave me a hug and a kiss.

 

The door to my room shut quietly as Nurse Jessica took her leave.

 

Max was waiting for the girls to get here, and then he was going to do some work. His face looked haggard, though. What he needed to do was sleep. His eyes looked haunted and slightly sunken. His Hooter’s baseball cap was pulled down low over his eyes, hiding the hair that was an absolute mess. His face looked like he hadn’t shaved in a forever.

“You realize that No Shave November is over, correct? It’s December 29th, get with the program!” I teased.

 

He grinned his perfect Max grin at me, and gave me a soft peck on the lips, tilting his hat so he didn’t poke me in the forehead. His lips skimmed over the stitches that were still in my forehead, and I smiled.

 

“We match now!” I laughed.

 

He shook his head as he disagreed with me. “We’re getting rid of that as soon as we can. You will be seeing a plastic surgeon.”

 

The door to my new hospital room flew open and hit the wall with a crack. Max had a huge ass-fucking knife in his hand in the next second.

 

I looked at him cautiously as his sister came bouncing in and practically threw herself at me, ignoring Max and his huge ass knife. I glared at him, and he put it back behind him and it disappeared.

 

“Where’d you stow that thing? In your pants?” I asked warily.

 

“Under my jacket.” He answered.

 

“That’s not a knife, this is a knife!” Cheyenne said in a cheesy Australian accent and waved a pocketknife that was connected to her keys around.

 

“Y’all are such fucking weirdos,” Max said as he patted my leg. “Call me if you need me, baby. I love you lots.”

 

We all watched him walk out of the room. His faded Wrangler jeans fit his ass like a glove. His long sleeved, black Henley fit every muscle to perfection. I could just make a faint outline of a knife down the spine of his back, and it had me wondering why he had a knife instead of a gun. Then I thought about all the patients around and felt stupid. Of course, he would never endanger someone else’s life.

 

“He wears that beard well.” Cheyenne surmised.

 

“That he does. My brother can rock anything.”

 

“I’m so glad that you’re awake!” Ember cried.

 

“Max has been a downer Debbie since the accident. He was a huge mess.” Cheyenne explained in response to Ember’s crying.

 

“Okay, please tell me someone brought me some real food!” I begged.

Ember smiled and pulled a fucking foot long Subway sandwich out of her damn pants. I stared at her, speechless, for a second, and then burst out laughing. Tears were streaming down my face, and I held the pillow against my incision, trying to lessen the pain of laughing.

 

“Oh, my God. What the hell?” I asked, wiping tears from the corner of my eyes.

 

She smiled and showed me her stretchy sweat pants that had a pocket on the inside.

 

“I always wanted to try to conceal something in there. Figured this was the perfect time, seeing as Nazi Nurse out there said you couldn’t have food. So, I shoved it in my pants before really thinking about it.”

 

“She did. Nurse Jessica doesn’t really like you. Why is that?” Cheyenne asked curiously.

 

“She kept bouncing her boobies in front of Max’s face and he paid no attention to them.” I supplied.

 

They both made understanding noises, and we got down to the real business.

 

I closed my eyes, and asked what was really bothering me. “Tell me about the accident.”

 

I opened my eyes to their sympathetic gazes. Ember looked at Cheyenne, and then back at me.

 

“Well, honey, you coded.” Cheyenne whispered hesitantly.

 

My heart started to gallop, and Cheyenne glanced at the beeping monitor, and then back at me. “Yeah, it was horrible. They did your C-section thinking you weren’t going to survive. Your doctor was on call and delivered Harleigh. She went straight to the NICU, while they worked to stop your bleeding for another four hours. Max hasn’t left the hospital since. He’s been alternating between you and Harleigh.”

 

“Tell me what really happened with O’Hare.” I demanded.

 

“Well, from what I understand, Sam has a brother who is about three years younger than him. His father told him some interesting things, and now he’s looking back on his childhood and is wondering what the heck really happened. His mom is a closed vault, and refuses to tell him anything more on the subject.” Cheyenne said.

 

“After your accident, James shot O’Hare in the cheek. She developed a pretty nasty infection while she was in the county jail, and they took her to a room one door down from Sam’s brother. No one knows what happened after that. The video monitors went out for thirty minutes. She was found hanging by a telephone cord in the shower stall in her bathroom. So, this brother of Sam’s whacks O’Hare right there in her hospital room, yet no one can prove it.” Ember continued excitedly.

 

“Holy Shit.” I whispered.

 

“He’s fucking hot, too!” Ember stage whispered.

 

“You could say that again!” Cheyenne said as she pulled a cookie out of her purse and ate it in two big bites.

 

Ember contemplated her fingernails a second before saying, “I wonder if his cock is as big as Sam’s…”

 

Bennett cleared his voice from the doorway blushing furiously all the while looking incredibly uncomfortable.

 

“She’s done talking about Sam’s penis. You can come in.” I said to him, looking pointedly in Ember’s direction.

 

He was still avoiding my eyes and it finally dawned on me that my boobs were hooked up to the milk machine. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry! Why the hell didn’t you guys say something earlier?” I said as I glared at Cheyenne and Ember.

 

I shifted the sheets so that my nipples were no longer on display.

 

“Oh, honey,” Ember laughed. “There was this one time that Max walked in on me breast feeding Wolverine, who decided to pop off to look at Max, and breast milk started squirting everywhere. I swear I’ve never seen anyone run so fast in my life.”

 

“You’re kidding me!” I said flabbergasted. “How is that even possible?”

 

“Not a clue. Old Milk Cow over here can squirt someone from across the room.” Ember said dryly.

 

“Okay, Benny Bear! Come see me!” I squealed happily.

 

He smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. His gaze lingered on my forehead where the stitches were. “You scared the shit out of us.”

 

“Why aren’t you in school?” I asked by way of changing the subject.

 

He grimaced. “I had an appointment with the lawyer. I found out you were awake when Max called me during the meeting. Not to mention it’s nearly seven.”

 

“Well, shit. I need to get down to Harleigh shortly. How did that go with the lawyer?” I asked curiously.

He sat down with a huff. “Not good. She’s fighting for sole custody. Now she’s claiming that I r-raped her.”

 

“WHAT?” Three high-pitched voices screamed.

 

He nodded. Then his head hung low in a defeated position.

 

“The lawyer recommended that I turn myself in; he says that if I do that, then it might help my case. I called Luke; he’s going to meet me here.”

 

“That little bitch!” Ember fumed.

 

“My thoughts exactly.” Bennett agreed.

 

I made a phone call to the NICU to check on Harleigh, and asked if it would be all right if Harleigh had visitors. Eleanor readily agreed, and we all trumped down to the NICU.

 

I’d nearly gotten off the floor when a nurse came rushing up with a wheelchair. I muttered a “fuck” under my breath and allowed Bennett to push me the entire way. We washed thoroughly, then made our way through the NICU doors. Babies were crying, heart monitors were beeping, parents were speaking in low quiet voices, and I heard the most lovely song coming from somewhere in the back. It was beautiful. The voice hit those deep notes so beautifully it made me want to cry.

 

“Now, you can only have two in there at a time, so you all will have to go in one at a time. Or you can tell Max to come out and then two of you can go in.” Eleanor decreed.

 

“Wait,” I said confused. “I thought he came in at 7:30. It’s only seven!”

 

“Yeah, he looks kind of rough.” Eleanor said with concern evident in her voice.

 

I frowned, and turned to our guests. “Can y’all give us a minute?”

 

They nodded, and I headed to her room. Max had his back to me. He was sitting in a rocker with his shirt off, and he was singing ‘You Raise Me Up’ by Josh Groban to Harleigh. I smiled slightly, and then got out my iPhone and recorded a full minute and a half before he finally noticed I was there.

 

“You caught me.” He laughed quietly without turning around.

 

I snorted. “Oops.”

 

“I don’t really want to sing in front of an audience. If you post that on Facebook, I’ll get an ugly tattoo on my body that has your name under it.” He threatened.

 

“You’re giving the nurses a show,” I nodded towards his fan club. “Why can’t you give me one?”

 

He stood and gestured to the seat. “Why do you think I was sitting with my back to the door?”

 

I sat down in the seat, and Max helped me maneuver Harleigh to my chest. She made the cutest little squeaking sound. She was so freaking tiny that I didn’t know where to put my hands. I was worried that I would hurt her, so I sat as still as I possibly could.

 

He left to let Bennett come in, and then he traded out with Ember, and then Cheyenne in twenty-minute intervals. It wasn’t until Jack came in that I realized that everyone was here.

 

“She’s beautiful.” Jack rumbled.

 

“Thank you.” I smiled.

 

“I got her this at the store. I think it’s a baby doll hat or something, but I thought it might fit.” He said.

 

In his hand was the smallest little Harley hat that was ever made. I squealed excitedly and stood up slowly.

 

“Sit.” I commanded.

 

He looked ready to bolt, but I urged him to sit again and he did, although I had to admit it was reluctant. Getting close to him, we transferred Harleigh to his chest, and I rearranged cords, wires, and then covered her up with the super soft blanket James had brought in earlier. I worked the hat over her small head, then stepped back to admire the fit. It was pretty much perfect.

 

Jack’s eyes silently screamed at me not to leave him there, but I waved and left anyway. My boobs were about to burst if I didn’t do something about them. I took one last picture from the doorway, then made my way out to the sitting room to find my parents, and all my friends there filling up the room to capacity.

 

I sat down carefully onto the couch next to my dad, and snuggled into his chest. He gathered me to him, and I felt tears come to my eyes. This relationship right here is what I wanted for my daughter, and I knew she would get it. The past week had proved that.

 

“I love you, baby girl,” My dad whispered into my ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Where’s Jack?” Max asked.

 

I smiled devilishly. “He’s bonding with Harleigh!”

***

At day forty-seven, Harleigh had her first bottle. At day fifty-nine, she was taken off CPAP and moved to a nasal cannula that delivered oxygen through her nose. On day sixty-eight, all wires and tubes were removed from her, aside from the apnea monitor. On day seventy-seven, two weeks before her due date, we took her home.