Kris couldn’t breathe.

There wasn’t enough air in the room. It was dark and he was reaching out, but he couldn’t move. It was like he was frozen.

He coughed, desperate for oxygen, trying to call for help. There were tears running down his face even though his eyes were closed.

No, no, he didn’t want to be here. He couldn’t stay. He had to get out. But he was all alone, there was no one around to help. He tried to call out again, to scream, but he couldn’t get the air into his lungs.

It wasn’t fair. This shouldn’t be happening. He had so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to see and feel. He wasn’t ready to leave it all behind. He was crying hard now, sobbing and still trying to scream. But his mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

“Remi,” he whimpered.

Remi would save him, wouldn’t he? Fuck, there was so much Kris wanted to say to Remi. He knew he couldn’t, but it seemed cruel that he should be forced to go before he could even try.

“Remi,” he cried again, fumbling with his hands, kicking his legs. He was still stuck, going under in the smoke and darkness. He tried one last time to take a breath, to fill his lungs and call out for help.

He wasn’t going without a fight.

“Kris!”

Kris screwed up his eyes and tried to find the voice. But he was too far under. He tried to yell, but he was coughing too much.

“Kris? Kris, wake up!”

Firm hands took hold of his shoulders and shook, hard. Kris gasped, finally filling his lungs as his eyes flew open.

He was soaking wet with perspiration. The bed sheets clung to his naked body as he thrashed, blinking against the morning light streaming around the curtains. The hands were still holding him tight.

Remi’s hands.

Kris choked back a sob, horrified. He pawed at his face, trying to wipe off some of the sweat and tears and rub the sleep away.

“Remi?” he asked. Reality was coming back to him now. He was in Remi’s spare room, on the fold-out couch. Remi had been at work last night. He must have just come back off shift. “Wha-?” Kris stammered, his voice a hoarse croak.

“I think you were having a nightmare,” Remi said. He was dressed in his firehouse polo shirt and sweatpants. He smiled, his face warm and full of concern. “You were screaming. Here.”

He let go with one hand to reach for a glass of water that hadn’t been on the nightstand when Kris had gone to sleep. Remi passed it over. He must have grabbed it before coming in to see why Kris was screaming bloody murder.

Kris accepted it sheepishly. “Um, thanks,” he said, taking a few gulps. The cool water felt good on his sore throat. He clutched the glass with one hand and tried to make sure the sheets covered his modesty with the other. Fuck. He was really naked under here. Remi did not need to know that. “Sorry,” he mumbled, feeling horribly exposed. “Yeah, it was a nightmare, I guess. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

Remi shook his head before finally, mercifully, letting him go and sitting back a little on the bed. He was still close, but not so much that Kris was worried about accidentally exposing himself anymore.

“You didn’t freak me out,” Remi assured him. “Are you all right?”

His brown eyes were fixed on Kris in concern. Even though he’d worked a twenty-four-hour shift, he still looked fairly bright and alert. Maybe he’d had the chance to sleep? Kris realized he was staring. He blinked and refocused on Remi’s face, trying to remember what he’d said.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. He swallowed, his throat still tight. So he took another gulp of water. “I just…the fire…”

He trailed off in embarrassment. He’d been so proud of how well he’d been doing. After all his assurances to the guys at brunch the day before, what had happened at the bar had still managed to creep up on him.

He didn’t want to let this thing have a hold on him anymore. Or at all. It was just something that had happened and he’d gotten out fine. Thanks to Remi. He didn’t need to be going over and over it again.

But he knew he had been when he’d been falling asleep.

Remi nodded and looked at his hands before glancing back at Kris. “Did, uh, Epstein call you? The guy from arson investigation?”

Kris nodded. “We talked a bit,” he said. “He said it was set on purpose. But I didn’t see anything strange, so…” He shrugged and looked away.

“Oh, hey, no worries,” said Remi. He patted Kris’s knee gingerly through the bedsheets. “I think Epstein was just covering all the bases. He didn’t expect you to solve the case or anything.”

He smiled at Kris, but that just made it worse. Kris could feel the lump swelling in his throat. “It’s, uh, not that,” he managed to say. He couldn’t look at Remi for more than a second, though. He kept darting his gaze back to Tay Tay, swimming around in her tank.

Out of the whole house, this was the room Kris had done the least work on with his makeover. Aside from sorting her aquarium, he’d basically just tidied it. It felt like if he did any more than that, it might seem to Remi like he was getting comfy here. Moving in. Kris would hate for him to think he was imposing any more than he already was.

Remi chewed his lip and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess talking about the fire probably brought it all back for you, huh?” he said to Kris. “No wonder you had a bad dream.”

Kris shrugged. His eyes were filling with tears. If he spoke, he knew they’d spill. Jesus Christ, he just wanted to disappear. But, of course, Remi was looking at him with even more worry and apprehension now.

“Shit, dude. I had no idea you were struggling so much.” He flapped his big hands. “We have counseling services. Everyone freaks out after a big blaze like that, it’s totally normal. I can get someone for you to talk to, if you want, I-”

“No,” Kris managed to utter, shaking his head. The tears spilled down his cheeks and he let them drip from his chin. He held himself tightly, lifting the sheets so they covered his chest somewhat. “It’s – it’s not the fire, not really. It’s…”

God, he didn’t want to confess this to Remi. It felt too raw. But something was screaming at Kris that he could trust Remi. That it would be okay. And besides, he didn’t think he could stop the words from spilling out any more than he had his tears.

“It was on purpose,” he managed to whisper. “Someone set fire to the bar intentionally. Because it’s a gay bar. And…and it just…it feels like Pulse all over again.”

The sob tore from his chest and he buried his head in his hands.

He didn’t know a single queer person who hadn’t felt personally attacked when Pulse in Orlando had been the victim of a terrorist attack. Gay bars were supposed to be the one place LGBT people felt truly safe. It was where you could hold hands and dress how you wanted and not be stared at like in the outside world. The horror of that sanctuary being violated was too much to bear.

Kris knew he’d been coping because he kept telling himself that the fire had been an accident. Some electrical fault or something. But to discover someone had tried to hurt the town’s safe space, to tear it down just like they had with Pulse, it made him feel raw and helpless in the worst possible way. He felt attacked a hundred times over. Knowing this was arson on the gay bar was somehow worse than the fact his own apartment had been above it.

The sobs wracked through his chest and he tried to curl up as small as he could. The weight on the end of the sofa-bed shifted. Thank god. If Remi was awkward enough to leave, Kris could be embarrassed about that later. It was mortifying that Remi had to see him like this. Kris knew it would hurt to hear the door close, to know he’d humiliated himself in front of the man he had been crushing on for years. But what did he expect? He wasn’t Remi’s problem. It was good if he-

Strong arms suddenly wrapped around him, pulling him against Remi’s firm chest and encouraging Kris to bury his face against Remi’s neck.

“Hey,” he said softly, rubbing Kris’s bare back. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

Kris found his fingers making fists with Remi’s polo as he clung onto him tightly. He cried out all his fears and horror, all while Remi rubbed his back and rested his cheek on top of Kris’s hair. He kept making soothing noises until Kris was able to catch his breath. Even then, it was a few more minutes before Kris felt able to look up at him.

“T-tissue?” he asked. He wanted to mop up before Remi saw him. He knew he looked a mess with no makeup and red, blotchy eyes. But honestly, he felt so much better for a good cry.

“Oh, uh, sure,” Remi said. He let Kris go and, from the sound of it, ran into the bathroom. Kris let out a little laugh and covered his face with both hands. God damn, the man was so sweet and dorky. It just wasn’t fair.

He hadn’t abandoned him. He’d hugged Kris, even though it must have been really uncomfortable for him to do so. Despite how wobbly Kris was still feeling, knowing that brought warmth to his heart.

Remi returned with a wad of toilet paper which Kris took gratefully. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose, then took a deep breath and looked back up at Remi. “Thank you,” he said.

Remi shook his head. “No problem,” he said. “Man, I knew it had to be tough that you lost the only gay bar in town. But I feel bad. I didn’t really think about it like that.” He bit his lip and ran his hand through his dark hair, mussing it up. “It must feel like whoever that asshole was, he was attacking your way of life. Not just a building.”

Kris blinked, his eyes feeling sore. But his chest inflated a little with pride. He was impressed. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, nodding. “That’s exactly what it feels like.”

Remi tutted. “Fucking piece of piss jerkwad,” he grumbled with a scowl. He grabbed Kris’s knee again and squeezed. There was a light in his dark eyes. “Well, fuck him, right? You’re still here and the bar will open up again, better than ever. No one can take that away from you.”

Kris was dumbstruck for a moment. But Remi’s words lit a different kind of fire in his chest. A flicker of defiance sprung to life. “Yeah,” he rasped. He cleared he throat and nodded. “Fuck whoever set that fire. We’re here and we’re queer and we’re not going anywhere.”

“Exactly,” Remi enthused. He grinned at Kris. For a crazy second, it was like he included himself in Kris’s ‘we.’ But he was just being supportive, right?

Before Kris could dwell on that too much, their conversation was interrupted by a flash of movement by the door. Kris couldn’t help but jump at the unexpected intrusion and he wasn’t the only one. It would have been amusing to see big, tough Remi startle at the sight of a small furry animal. But Kris wasn’t laughing as that same damn skinny cat leaped up onto the table where Kris had perched Tay Tay’s tank.

“Shit!” he hissed and almost lunged to shoo her away. But then he remembered he had no clothes on and didn’t want to show his ass to Remi. So he held his breath as the cat twitched her head, looking at Tay Tay.

“Hey, no!” Remi called. He leaned forward and waved at the black kitty. “Away from there!”

The cat completely ignored him, dancing around the outside of the tank. Kris was pretty confident she couldn’t get to Tay Tay unless she climbed up the glass and dropped into the water. But still, he watched on anxiously as she pawed at the aquarium.

Tay Tay couldn’t seem to care less. In fact, she swam provocatively past the cat, swishing her elegant fins as if to say ‘come and get me, you dumb kitty.’

Remi stood and scooped the gangly kitten up in his arms. She allowed him to hold her as he sat back down, but she twisted so she could still watch Tay Tay taunting her, flicking her golden tail as she nibbled on the stones at the bottom of the tank.

“Can you pick locks or something?” Remi asked the cat incredulously. He shook his head, then looked sheepishly up at Kris. “I’m so sorry,” he said.

Kris was quick to shake his head back. “No, it’s fine,” he said as his heart rate slowed down once more. “I know it’s not your fault. I might see if I can put a lid on that tank, though.”

“I can do that,” Remi said brightly. “How would a sheet of plastic with some holes drilled into it be? Something you could remove easy enough to feed her and stuff?”

Kris blinked, warmth blossoming in his chest. To be fair, after all he’d done for Remi’s house, a favor like that wasn’t much to expect in return. But Kris hadn’t wanted anything. For Remi to offer to do something so thoughtful was priceless.

“Thank you. That sounds great,” he said with a smile. “Not just for the tank, but…well, for getting how I feel about the arson attack and reassuring me about Epstein.” Obviously, the reality that the bar had been targeted for arson still hurt. But right then, with Remi beside him, Kris didn’t feel so persecuted.

“Hey, no problem, man,” Remi said, scratching the black cat behind her ears. “Don’t worry. Epstein is a great guy. He’ll work out what happened. And we saw your boss, PJ, on site yesterday. He seemed eager to reopen real soon. I bet you the bar will be back on its feet in no time.”

Kris managed a proper smile at that. He blew his nose again and ruffled his hair where it had gotten stuck to his head. “Phew! I bet I look like a horror movie,” he said, trying to muster up some of his usual sass.

Remi snorted. “Don’t worry,” he said, rolling his eyes and patting Kris’s leg. “You’re still pretty.”

Pretty?

“Weren’t they building an LGBT center this summer?” Remi said with a frown, moving the conversation on before Kris could dwell on the compliment too much.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Kris said. “I think they’re still working on it.”

“Will that have a bar?” Remi asked. “If that gets finished first, maybe y’all could hang there?”

Kris sighed. “Maybe,” he said. “Not that a lack of bar would bother me. I think it’ll have a café and rooms for meetings and stuff.” He chewed his lip. “People do like to party, though. They come to drink and forget their troubles or celebrate or dance. But…”

Remi raised his eyebrows. “What?”

Kris shrugged. “Well, I’ve thought for a while now that the bar could be a bit more than just a drinking hole.”

What the fuck? He hadn’t mentioned this to Chase or Hale or any of his other friends. Why was he telling Remi? But yet again, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“In what way?” Remi asked.

Kris shifted in the bed. He’d kind of forgotten he was naked under the covers, but it didn’t bother him so much now. “Well, I don’t know if you know, but outside of Houston, Hidden Creek is the biggest gay scene for the surrounding towns by quite a long shot. People would come from all over to go out at Bottom’s Up. I can’t help but feel we could offer more than just a night out. Or we could offer different kinds of nights out, as well as daytime stuff.”

Remi shifted his weight and raised his eyebrows. “You mean, like social activities?”

Kris nodded eagerly. “Between us and the LGBT center, I bet we’ll have a lot of room for all kinds of activities. Obviously, Bottom’s Up is a bar first and foremost. But during the day, you could have craft classes. We could have drag acts come and perform – not just at night. I’ve seen queens who do story time readings for kids.”

He thought about the kid Harrison he’d met a couple of times now and smiled.

“We could offer make up classes, too. Not, like, just drag makeup, but regular makeup tips for guys who are interested.” He giggled and swirled a hand around his face, unable to stop himself winking at Remi. “What, you think all this gorgeousness happens by magic?” he asked.

“Naturally,” Remi replied with a laugh. Kris found he didn’t care so much about his naked, tear-stained face when Remi was smiling and joking around with him like that.

He bit his lip. “And there’s makeup you can do for trans men to look more masculine,” he said, only slightly nervous. Remi was cool with him being gay and fem, but ‘trans’ was such a hot-button word these days. Kris would be heartbroken if Remi had an issue with someone like Harrison.

But Remi just raised his eyebrows. “Really?” he asked, seemingly genuinely interested. “You can do that?”

Kris nodded, relief making his chest feel like it expanded. “Obviously, it’s not easy for trans people, men or women, to go into any old store and ask for help, though,” he explained. “Even if it was just one or two people interested in that, it would be worth it. And, well, safety is an issue for us queers,” he continued. “So we could run a self-defense class once a month or every quarter. Bingo nights, alcohol-free evenings for over-eighteens. In bigger cities there are LGBT sports clubs. We could do fundraiser nights for soccer teams and maybe even sponsor the uniforms. There’s so much we could be doing for our community.”

He took a breath and realized he had gone on a complete rant.

But Remi was nodding. Kitty had rolled around in his arms and now he was absently stroking her belly. “You know,” he said. “I was wondering how the hell y’all meet without a bar.” He was? Why would he be thinking about that? Kris didn’t interrupt, though. “It’s kind of simple, when you think about it,” Remi said. “Just pick something you like doing, then make it LGBT. Then you can find other people with similar interests.”

Kris grinned. “There’s a rock climbing club over in Houston. And a lesbian knitting circle that just starting accepting all queer people. I just…I think that’s awesome. We’re kind of spread out, but groups like that make it so much easier for us to come together and find one another.”

Remi clapped Kris’s shoulder. “Dude, you’re on to a winner. Have you talked to your boss about it?”

And just like that, Kris’s bubble burst.

“Nah,” he said, pulling at the edge of the duvet. “PJ would never go for all that. He’s straight and he just sees the bar as this one thing. He wouldn’t get the community side to it.”

Remi frowned. “Have you asked him?” Kris shook his head. He was still so new at the bar, he hadn’t dared. “Well, okay.” Remi bounced on the sofa-bed, making the springs squeak. “When Alondra wanted to redo the shower facilities at the station – after years of just guys, you can imagine how gross it had gotten – she put a proposal together before going to the captain. That way, she had answers to a lot of his questions already. It helped him see her point and I’m sure that’s why he signed off on it.”

Something fluttered in Kris’s chest. He tried not to get too excited, but it was difficult. What Remi was saying actually kind of made sense. “So…you’re saying I should do some research and put a plan together to take to PJ?”

Remi nodded. “Now’s the perfect time, while you’re rebuilding. You can rebrand for the grand reopening! It’s worth a shot, right?”

Kris bit his lip and scrunched his nose up, but he couldn’t stop himself from grinning at Remi. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Remi whooped and punched the air, startling Kitty somewhat. “That’s the spirit. All right, do you mind if I grab a couple of hours’ sleep? Then we can do some work on it later. I’m not bad with a budget.”

It felt like Kris’s body rinsed hot and cold all at the same time. “You – you’d want to help me?”

“If you like?” Remi asked.

Remi lost a bit of his sparkle, so Kris quickly waved his hands at him.

“I’d love that!” Kris cried a bit too loudly. Fucking hell, could he make this crush any more obvious? He was lucky he wasn’t sporting a boner under the sheets. “Thank you.”

Remi stood and squeezed Kris’s shoulder, the bounce back in his step. “Don’t even mention it, man. This sounds awesome.” He moved to the doorway. Kitty noticed Tay Tay again and tried to wriggle free from Remi’s grasp, but Remi held on tight. “Hey, I’d understand if you want some more sleep after a shitty dream like that. But if you’re hungry, I swung by JJ’s on the way home. Help yourself to groceries if you want breakfast. I got that yogurt you like.”

For a moment, Kris just stared at him. There it was again, that warm crackle between them, charged like a wildfire about to spark. “Uh, thank you,” he managed to stutter before it became too weird. “That’s so nice of you. Thanks.”

Remi nodded. “No problem, man. My pleasure.”

Kris watched as he left, pulling the door to behind him.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” Kris murmured to himself.