Ten years ago
Brent
“I DON’T KNOW.” If Viv said those words one more time, I was going to implode. She didn’t know a lot of things lately. She didn’t know why she needed to leave – she just did. She didn’t know why I couldn’t come with her – I just couldn’t. She didn’t understand the need to go so far away – she simply had to go.
Without me.
Leaving me and my dreams of making a life together obsolete.
“Viv, tell me what I did. I’ll make up for it. I’ll apologize. Just tell me what I did to make you love me one day and the next day you’re up and leaving me to go to Texas. Or have you been planning this all along? You’ve known you were going to leave me, so you kept me on a leash? Is that it? Which one is it?”
I wasn’t pissed as much as I was hurt. The girl with the eyes that could move mountains was mine, and I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do without her in my life.
“I applied to some schools last semester. I was going to tell you but…”
“But what? You wouldn’t have a convenience boyfriend for prom and graduation? No one to spend the summer with? After all we’ve been through, Viv, am I some kind of fling to you.”
“You’re not a fling to me and you know it, Brent. I love you. I always have.
“Don’t you dare say ‘I always will’ because if you do, I’m going to lose it. Anyway, when you love someone, you don’t leave them to chase your dreams. You chase your dreams with the person you love.”
“I just can’t, Brent. I have to do this on my own. It’s nothing I can share with you or anyone. I have to do it for me.”
I could see it in her eyes. She was sincere. Tears were streaming down her face. I wished there was something I could do to make her stay. Either that or let me go with her.
“Let me come with you.”
“No, Brent. I have to do this alone.”
“We can make it work long distance. I swear I’ll be faithful to you.
More tears fell. “If there was anyone in the history of faithful boyfriends to take the trophy, it would be you, Brent Rush. It’s not that. I know you would. I can’t explain it. And I’m tired of trying. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I thought the right thing to do was to tell you to your face. You deserved the truth.”
“The truth sucks.” We both chuckled – a little – but there was no humor. “Let me take you to the airport at least.”
She thought it over. “Okay. As long as there is no more begging me to stay.”
“No more begging you to stay. But...can you stay a little longer with me tonight?”
“Of course. I wanted to spend time with you tonight.”
We cuddled up on my couch like she wasn’t leaving tomorrow and my stomach and mind weren’t churning in a thousand different directions.
This girl in my arms was everything to me. Each night, I go to bed thinking about seeing her the next day and would wake in the morning with a smile knowing she was mine.
Tomorrow that smile would be gone.
“Brent?”
“Yeah, Viv?”
“Hold me tighter. I feel like I’m falling apart.”
“Anything for you.”
THE NEXT MORNING we were both solemn. I placed her suitcases into the trunk of my car. We held hands on the drive to the airport. I kissed her palm at every stoplight.
“Here.” I handed her a lunch-size brown paper bag at one of the red lights.
“What’s this?”
“Peanut butter and grape jelly. What else? Besides, this will be the last time I get to spoil you.”
“I’m sorry, Brent. Not for what I’m doing but what it’s doing to you – for what it’s doing to me.”
It seemed like if this was something she was so willing to do, it wouldn’t be this hard.
She used a whole box of Kleenex.
I watched her eat her sandwich in silence.
We arrived at the airport, and I walked with her toward the security gate. As we got closer, we stopped and I reached out and touched the side of her face, taking it all in. In those few moments, I memorized the way she talked to me. I made my mind remember the way her hands fit into mine.
“Brent, I’d better go.”
“There’s one more thing.”
I softly grabbed her face. Her beautiful face I have loved for so long and kissed her full lips. She tasted like peanut butter. I didn’t care about the people around us. Right now, it was just her and me in the world and no one else existed.
She stepped back with watery eyes and gave me a small smile. “Someday I’ll explain it.”