Chapter 28 – Home

 

Opening my eyes, I realize I’ve never experienced this sensation before.  Surprised by my environment, I find myself on my stomach in bed, instead of my sofa where I’ve been sleeping the last month and a half.  And even though I feel something warm and heavy on the small of my back, I pull myself up to my elbows and turn to look around. 

It feels like an hour, but really only takes an instant, before the events of last night flood my murky brain.

And there he is.  And here I am.  Back in his bed because he wouldn’t allow anything else. 

And Rosa’s gone. 

I don’t know if it’s because she’s only been in my life for six months, but even at her age, I never gave any thought about the moment I would lose her.  Maybe it’s because I never knew her as a younger, more vibrant, energetic woman.  I’ve only known the kind-hearted, bossy, wise, in-your-face, slow-moving eighty-five year old friend I’ve come to love. 

Last night, Tony and Leigh came to tell me how when they went to pick up Rosa for the party, she didn’t answer her door.  They became worried and Leigh called her son.  He came straight away and when they looked in on her, she was in her recliner with a book in her lap and a bowl of dark chocolate M&M’s sitting next to her on the end table.  Leigh said if it weren’t for her color, you would’ve thought she was napping. 

Leigh’s a nurse and nurses have to deal with death as an occupational hazard, but she was distraught by the loss of our friend, not at all prepared for what they found.  Tony was worried about Leigh being shaken, she’s just four months pregnant with their twins.  They left right after they explained that Rosa’s family will contact us with funeral arrangements, hoping they will know something today. 

Cam turned me in his arms and with my face in his big chest, I cried for the loss of my friend.  He moved me to his bedroom where he settled us in the middle of his big bed and held me close while I cried some more.  When I finally ran out of tears, he wrapped me up and pulled his fingers through my hair, not saying a word.

He only left me when he heard his kids come home and told me to stay put.  He shut me in his room and I’m glad he did.  I didn’t want Jordy and Cara to know I was here.  There’s no reason to confuse them.

When he came back to me, he told me I was staying and I told him I was going.  He told me there was no way he was letting me leave.  I got up to go and he put his hands to both sides of my face and as serious as shit, explained that if I left he’d drag me back.

I decided I didn’t have the energy to be dragged anywhere.  Again.  So I stayed. 

I fell asleep in Cam’s arms, wearing nothing but my panties and my Yoda t-shirt. 

Even though it seemed to take forever for reality to set in after a night of crazy sex with Cam in a nursery, followed by arguing and learning about the death of a dear friend, I feel surprisingly rested from the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. Or more specifically, six weeks.  I know it’s because I’m in Cam’s bed with Cam, and that pisses me off.  I wish I could get a good night’s sleep on my own.

I turn to move out of the bed but am stopped, my Yoda t-shirt pulling me back.  When he gets me close enough, he rounds an arm around my tummy and pulls me to him.

“I need to go before the kids get up,” I say, feeling him at my back.

He nuzzles my hair with his face and asks in a deep sleepy voice, “Why?”

“They can’t see me here.  I don’t want to confuse them,” I answer.

“Why would you being here confuse them?” he asks as he pulls the hair away from my neck and puts his lips there.

“Stop,” I try and push away.

I feel him move before I’m rolled to my back where he comes over me, holding himself up on a forearm.  He frames one side of my face with his big hand and his blue eyes look down at me.  After dragging his eyes over me for many long moments, he rocks my world when he says, “You were upset last night learning about Rosa.  I hate that you lost your friend, but I hate worse you’re hurting from that loss.  I hate even worse that you’ve been hurting since I sent you away.  It took me too long to get my head straight and I can’t do anything about that now other than take care of you because you’re mine and that’s what I do.  You’re not going to hide from Jordy and Cara.  I told them last night you’re back.  They were upset to hear about Rosa, you took them over there enough and they liked her.  So, baby, you aren’t going anywhere besides a quick trip to your apartment, an errand I plan to take you on for you to get what you need.  But you’re here, you’re back, you’re home.  You are absolutely not leaving.”

I stare up at him frowning and breathe, “What?”

“You heard me.  You’re home,” he repeats, full of determination.

I exhale again, not knowing what to do or say.  The only thing I can think to say is, “You got your head together?”

“Yes,” he says.  “We went over that last night.”

“No,” I argue.  “We aren’t done talking.”

“We are.”

“No,” I say louder.  “We’re not.”

“Darlin’,” his voice comes firm.  “We are.  Now, we’ll get up.  We’ll all go to your apartment to get your stuff.  When we get back, you can do your getting ready thing and if you want, I’ll take you and the kids to visit Rosa’s family.  I don’t have any food in the house, I’m in the mood to eat out.  We’ll get dinner on the way home.”

With that, he leans down to kiss me, morning breath and all.  He climbs off and after grabbing a pair of shorts off the floor, he leaves the room.  I vaguely hear Cara jabbering away through the house as I stare at the ceiling.  

Damn him.  Sort of.

*****

“How long are we going to be here?” Jordy complains, dragging up the rear as we climb the stairs to my apartment. 

Of course the morning is going exactly the way Cam promised.  Even after six weeks apart, he still likes to get his way.  I had a cup of coffee, Cam took a quick shower and we were off.  But Jordy hasn’t said a word to me.  I honestly didn’t know an almost eight-year-old was able to make an adult feel so uncomfortable, but he’s doing a bang-up job of it.

I pull my keys out of my purse as we take the last step before turning the corner to my apartment.  But I’m stopped in my tracks when Cam grabs my arm and pulls me back.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Your door’s open,” he says in a low voice stepping in front of the kids and me.  “Move back.”

I look and see my door’s ajar.  I move farther away, pulling Jordy and Cara with me asking, “What are you doing?”

He pulls out his phone as he tries to peek in my window, “Get the kids back to the car.  I’m calling the police.”

“You’re not going in are you?” I exclaim.

With his phone to his ear, he narrows his eyes on me and says sarcastically, “Since I don’t have a gun on me and this isn’t a teen horror flick, no.  I’m not going in, Paige.”

“Oh,” I say relieved, ignoring his attempt to mock me. 

I turn the kids and we make our way back down to the parking lot with Cam following.  When we get there, we wait and wait and wait some more.  No one comes out of my apartment, so I hope that means no one’s inside.  Before I met Cam, I’ve never once needed the police for anything.  This is getting old.

As we sit in his car waiting, Jordy and Cara ask about a million questions.  Cam, being the good dad that he is, finds ways to answer without scaring them.  As I listen to the exchange, I’m forced to lean my elbow on my car door window ledge, holding my forehead with my eyes closed.  Listening to such a conversation shouldn’t be torture, but for me this morning, it is. 

Finally, two police cruisers pull into the lot.  I mean, really. Did they come all the way from Iowa?  I’m sure it’s just because I was forced to sit and listen to Cam being a great dad, but seriously.  Time seems to stand still while you’re waiting for the police.

I move to open my door when I feel a hand on my shoulder.  When I look over, Cam demands, “Stay with the kids.  I’ll talk to them.”

“But it’s my apartment,” I argue.

“Baby,” he starts, not sweet or softly.  In fact, he sounds angry when he says, “I know it’s your apartment.  It’s an apartment I don’t like you in, especially now.  Because you’re mine, I’m gonna take care of this.  Now do not move and stay with the kids.”

“Seriously, what’s with the ‘I’m yours’ again?  I’m not anybody’s,” I exclaim, frowning.

“We don’t have time for this and I’m losing patience with this conversation.  Stay in the car,” he scowls and moves out before I can say another word. 

The second he slams the car door, Cara announces in a chipper voice, as if we couldn’t see it for ourselves, “Daddy’s grumpy.”

I sigh as I watch Cam have a quick conversation about my apartment with the two police officers and breathe, “So am I, sweet girl.”

I hear Cara giggle.  Jordy, of course, rocks his silent treatment like a superstar. 

The police move in and Cam stands in the parking lot with his arms crossed while he waits, staring up at my door.  Minutes later, a police officer peeks out and motions for Cam.  Cam turns to us and points at me, then his car quickly, demanding I stay put in Cam Sign Language. I roll my eyes as he jogs up to my apartment.  No way would I stay put if the kids weren’t here.  It’s his lucky day.

The time passes, and many minutes later, my phone rings.  I frown when I see it’s Cam and demand when answering, “What’s happening?”

“Was your bed made?” he demands back.

I feel my brows furrow, “What’s going on?  Is my laptop gone?”

“Your laptop’s fine, but Darlin’, you told me you’ve been sleeping on the sofa.  Was your bed made or not?” he stresses.

I sigh, grateful my laptop is still there and in one piece, “Yes it was made, but why does that matter?  Is anything else missing?”

I hear Cam sigh and he strangely softens his voice when he says, “Okay, baby.  I’ll be down soon.”

“Cam – ” I call for him, but he hangs up on me.

“Is your computer still there?” Jordy speaks his first words to me in six weeks.

This surprises me.  I turn and he looks mad, but I know him well enough to see the worry in his eyes.  I give him a small smile and try to make him feel better, “Yes sweetheart, it’s still there.  But stuff is stuff, it can all be replaced.  This isn’t a big deal, okay?”

He crosses his arms and after giving me a small nod, he goes back to his silent treatment.  I guess I’ll take it.  It’s better than nothing.

Time passes and more waiting ensues.  Two more cars arrive and when their passengers get out, they look official and I realize they must be police officers in plain clothes driving unmarked cars.  I watch them move up to my apartment door carrying tool box looking things. 

Enough is enough.  I pull up Cam’s number and press go, I need to know what in the hell is going on. 

“Hang tight, I’ll be down soon,” he answers.

“What’s happening?” I demand.  “Were those more police officers?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly and I hear him shuffle the phone.  He goes on in his sweet voice, “Stay with the kids for me.  It’ll only be a little bit longer.”

“I want to know – ” I huff before he interrupts me.

“Baby, please.  A few more minutes.”

It’s not his words but his tone that makes me frown.  I can tell he’s trying to be calming and reassuring, but there’s something laced in his voice making me uneasy.  Plus, I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard him use the word “please”.

“Cam?” I call for him.

“Soon,” he repeats and disconnects.

I look at my phone but I don’t have a chance to lament because Cara starts shooting questions like rapid fire.  I do my best to answer and realize Cam’s an even better dad than I thought because it’s not easy answering kid questions without letting on that I’m plain freaked.  Even more minutes go by and my freak out reaches higher levels when I see my dad drive up.  What in the hell is he doing here? 

He sees us when he gets out of his car and comes straight to me, looking angry.  Before I get a chance to demand anything, he starts, “Cam called and explained you two worked things out.  I want to know more about that from you later, but for now, we’ll get this taken care of.  I don’t want you to worry.”

“This is ridiculous,” I say, downright unnerved.  “That is my apartment and my stuff and I don’t even know what’s going on.  What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to stay with the police, Cam’s taking you back to his house.  You don’t need to be here,” he explains firmly.

“I do too need to be here,” I argue.  “That’s my home and I want to know what’s going on.”

“Cam will fill you in,” he explains.  “He’ll be down in a second.”

“Dad!” I yell out the window, but he’s on his way up to my apartment with everyone else. 

I’m absolutely fuming when two minutes later, Jude drives up.  What the hell?  Now I’m pissed and worried, especially when he gives me a low wave with a tight face, not stopping to offer me a word.  He jogs up the stairs to join the party.  I see he has his badge and gun clipped to his waist.  He might appear off duty in jeans and a t-shirt, but he still looks FBI official, and that freaks me out even more. 

A minute after Jude disappears into my apartment, Cam strides out carrying two large suitcases with my computer case and camera bags thrown over his shoulders.  He looks unhappy to say the least, his face etched in stone.  He doesn’t look to me, but goes to the back to toss my bags in. 

When he finally climbs in, he looks over and the stone cracks, his features softening.  I don’t have a chance to demand anything because the kids kick in, bouncing around the back of the car asking more questions about the police officers.  I frown and he simply gives me a little shake of his head, telling me silently he doesn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids.  As he pulls out of the parking lot, answering more kid questions and doing it way better than I did, we pass my brother.

“Are you kidding me?” I yell and see my brother give a steering-wheel-man-wave to Cam, which Cam returns. 

Tony looks as happy as everyone else this morning and after we pass him, I feel Cam grab my hand, resting it in his on the console between us.  I try and pull away, giving him a glare at the same time.  He doesn’t allow it, giving my fingers a reassuring squeeze, although I have absolutely no idea what he’s reassuring me about since no one will tell me anything, damn it.  He looks over and gives me a small smile that doesn’t look at all happy, as he drives us to Athica Lane. 

I sit back in my seat and stare out the window as Cam takes me back to his house, not giving me any other choice.  I’ve never been angrier, and if I’m honest with myself, I’m flipping out at the same time. 

*****

“That’s a little…” I bite the side of my mouth and frown before continuing, “Goldilocks gone creeper.”

I’m back where I started my morning, in Cam’s bedroom with Cam.  When we got here, he told the kids he needed to talk to me and instructed them to go play.  Cara skipped off, Jordy sulked off.  I followed Cam to his bedroom as he carried all my bags.  I vaguely wondered what he packed for me. 

Cam glares, “This is not funny.”

“I agree,” I say.  “Someone broke into my home, slept in my bed and made a mess of what was in my refrigerator.  That’s not funny, that’s creepy.”

“First of all,” he frowns, “that’s not your home and second of all, he did more than sleep.”

“The hell it’s not my home.  It’s been my home for five years and how do you know it’s a ‘he’?” I ask.

“You might have been there for five years, but it sure as hell isn’t your home.  And I know it’s a ‘he’ because he left the evidence,” Cam growls.

I ignore the part about where my home is and feel my eyes go big, “Evidence?”

His face goes hard and he takes a breath before he adds, “Yeah, in a pair of your panties that he left in your bed.”

“What?” I exclaim.

He sighs and moves to me.  When he gets close, he pulls me to his big chest and lowers his voice, “Baby, he’d gone through some of your clothes.  Mainly your panties and nightgowns.  He clearly romped around in your bed and I knew this the minute I walked in because you’re a clean freak.  You always made my bed and you mentioned you were sleeping on the sofa, I knew you didn’t leave your bed like that.  Then the police started moving the covers around and found the sick fuck jacked off in your panties.  Detectives were there to collect evidence.  They’ll have DNA and if they get a lead, they can prove who it was.”

“That’s disgusting,” I whisper.

“That’s an understatement,” he agrees.

“Was there anything else?” I ask.

Cam sighs.

Oh shit, that’s not good.

“Tell me,” I fist his shirt in my hands.

“Aside from the mess he made in your kitchen, your picture frames were empty,” he says.  “Not all of them, I’m guessing only the ones you were in.  I’ve only been to your apartment a few times, but I’m guessing you had pictures of you with other people?” he asks.

“I guess,” I think, inventorying pictures in my head.  “I have a few framed of me with friends and family.”

“They’re gone.  Frames were left empty.  That’s the only reason we noticed, I knew you wouldn’t have empty frames sitting around.  Your dad and brother might notice more, but I don’t think anything else was missing.  I packed up enough clothes for you for a few days until I can get you back in there to get the rest, but I did get your computer and camera.  If you can think of anything else you can’t live without for the next day or two, we’ll call your dad,” he explains.

“This is crazy,” I think out loud.  “Who would do all that?”

I feel his arms tighten around me, “I talked to your dad.  After I brought you home last night from Lanny and Sophia’s, that guy made a scene at the party.  Your family had to ask him to leave and he refused.  Jude had to officially show him out and tell him not to come back.  I think it could be him.  Your dad agrees.”

I frown thinking there’s no way it could be, “Brian would never do that.”

“Baby, you don’t see him the way other people see him.”

“He wouldn’t do that to me,” I insist, shocked by his suggestion.  We’ve been friends for years.  Yes, he had a thing for me, but he’d never do anything to hurt me.

I feel him sigh, “We’ll see.  They didn’t say for sure, but I think he’s going to be getting a visit from the police.  Jude said he’d let me know, but until then, I don’t want you back at your apartment by yourself.”

“The police are going to question him?  He’s going to be so pissed and he just started talking to me again.  I’ve known him for years.  He’s not capable of anything like that,” I maintain.

“We’ll see.  With DNA, it’ll be easy for him to prove if he’s innocent.  It’ll be up to him,” he says.  I feel his hands come up and he frames my face, “Now, are you okay after last night?  Do you want me to take you to see Rosa’s family?”

I feel a lump build in my throat and say, “Let me call Leigh, see if she’s heard from them.  I don’t want to be a bother.”

He leans down to kiss me and says, “Take a shower, relax and let me know what you want to do.”

I nod and he starts to move toward the door when I call, “Cam?”

“Yeah?” he turns back to me.

We have to finish talking about us.  I can’t hang out at his house and wonder what’s going on with him.  I need to know what getting his head together means. 

“Why am I here?” I ask quietly.

He drops his hand from the door and comes back to me.  He puts one hand to my hair and one to my back, pulling me close again.  He leans down and kisses me slow, his goatee tickling my face the way I’ve come to love, but also miss dearly. 

When he finally breaks his kiss, he sighs and states softly, “You love me.”

My breath hitches.  I’m surprised by his statement, but say nothing.  Of course I love him.  I love him in a way I know I’ll love him forever, even if I can’t have him. 

“You love my kids,” he goes on.

I feel my chest pang with a sweet agony, because he’s right.  I do and I’ve missed them something fierce.

“And even if you love mine, you want your own,” he says.  “You should have that.  It’s taken longer than it should have, but I’ve decided no one’s going to give them to you but me.  It doesn’t matter how many, we’ll figure that out later.  But really, it’ll be whatever you want.  I’m just lucky I get to be the one to give them to you.  So baby, you love me, you love my kids and we love you.  It’s time to be a family.”

“You love me?” I say on an exhale.

“Yes, baby.  I love you and it’s time to bring you home where you’re meant to be.”

“But you were so adamant,” I say.

He sighs and looks down for a few beats before he says, “She fucked me up.  I didn’t think I could ever trust anyone again, let alone trust anyone enough to have more kids.  But over the last weeks without you, when I thought I could put you out of my head, all I could think about was what I was missing out on.  I know you’re not her.  You give me sweet like I’ve never had.  I can’t turn my back on that.  If I get dark-headed, Italian babies out of the deal, I figure nothing could be sweeter than that.”

I’m so sick of crying, but I blink back my tears and ask, “You’re not just saying that because you went into a jealous rage?”

“No,” he says. 

I know I can’t hide the uncertainty in my face.  He sighs and pulls me in for a squeeze before he goes on.

“Believe what you want.  I’ll prove it to you in time, but baby, you’re back.  There’s nothing to question there.  Jordy’ll come around.  Now, take a shower and let me know what you want to do the rest of the day,” he says before he leans down, kisses me on the head and turns to leave.

I guess I’m back, for now.  I look around his room with his dirty clothes on the floor, his unmade bed and through the door to his master bath, I see it’s a mess, too.  I’m back on the rollercoaster again.  I’m tired of the rollercoaster.  I think I’m ready to get off and find another, more even-keeled ride.