I tap my fingers on the dashboard of my Jeep Wrangler, looking at the time. It’s 9:55 am, and I’m sitting at a remote nook of Redemption Beach, waiting for Emma. Today is our first real surf lesson, or at least our first one on the beach.

We’re supposed to meet at ten. Then again, she might be defiant and show up late, knowing that I can’t say anything.

I grit my teeth. Why am I doing this, again?

I look out at the beach in question, which is deserted. With a rocky sand bar located not too far from the shore, this section of beach is often empty. People are afraid that they’ll get caught in rip tides and get dragged along those rocks. Fair enough.

But it’s totally fine for my purposes, being that we’ll hardly get in the water today. I glance at the clock on the dash again, growing tense.

I fidget with my wetsuit, which I’m only wearing on the bottom half of my body. On the top half I’m wearing a t-shirt. It wouldn’t normally bother me to be half-naked, but somehow Emma’s planned presence makes me extra aware of my clothing choices.

I stare at my clock for another minute, then decide to move. Fuck it, I shouldn’t wait around for Emma. I can at least set up without her.

As I climb out of my Jeep though, Emma whips her enormous Mercedes SUV into the spot next to mine. She’s out of the car in a flash, her raven’s wing hair tied up, and her shorts revealing a hell of a lot more than they cover.

I take a moment to drink the sight of her in her bikini top and shorts. Her hips and shoulders are super slim, but she has amazing fucking tits and long legs… and an ass that won’t fucking quit.

Fuck. Just… fuck.

Emma bounds up to me with a grin. “I’m here on time.”

“That you are,” I say, doing my best not to look anywhere but her face. That’s a sure fire way to get hard, which would be so fucking awkward right now. “Ready to go out to the beach?”

“Yeah. I need to put my wetsuit on somewhere…” she says. She points out a tan tote bag she’s carrying on her shoulder.

“You won’t really need it today,” I say. I force myself to look out at the ocean instead of looking at her.

“Okay. I brought the suntan lotion.” She squints at the ocean too.

“Yeah.” I grab the two surf boards out of the back of my Jeep. I start to plod out into the sand, not looking forward to her applying sunblock with me standing right there.

I swing the boards up over my head, carrying them by balancing them on my head. The sand underfoot gradually grows more wet and dense as we get closer to the water. Emma trails along behind me, looking around at who knows what. There’s not a soul to be seen here on this cloudy day, not even any seals or gulls around as far as the eye can see.

The land vanishes on both sides, falling away to form a small peninsula. There’s just the two of us here, alone together. I swallow, realizing that this might not have been the best idea. But it’s too late now for that.

When we are a stone’s throw from the water, I carefully put the surf boards down onto the sand with a muffled thunk.

I glance over at Emma. “This seems like a good place to settle for the moment.”

She scrunches her face up as she puts down her tote bag. “You’re the boss.”

“First things first. Sunblock?” I ask. “I already have a base layer on, but I could do with another coat on my face.”

She nods, producing a tube of expensive-looking lotion from her bag. “Here.”

She tosses it to me, and I squirt a little into my hand before tossing it back. I lotion my face as best I can, trying to ignore her as she lotions her legs, her torso, and her chest. She takes special care with her face, but she still leaves a big smudge under her right eye.

But I remember how close we came to kissing when I removed a drop of wine from her mouth at the restaurant a few days ago. There’s no way I’m taking that chance again, so I just keep my mouth shut.

“Ready?” I prompt.

“Almost. Would you mind doing my back?” she says, turning away and dangling the tube of lotion over her shoulder. It’s kind of an assumption on her part that I’ll say yes… but then again, what straight, red blooded man would say no to that?

I grit my teeth. “Alright.”

Taking the lotion, I smooth it across her shoulders. I suck in a breath; her skin is sun kissed, incredibly soft, and warm under my hands. I spread it out over her back, admiring the arrangement of tiny freckles I find there. I’d honestly forgotten that she was so much smaller than me, but touching her like this, being so close, I can’t help but remember.

“Make sure you get it down low,” she says, turning her head to see me. “I don’t want a weird lower back sunburn.”

I don’t say anything, just obey her command. Her lower back is so perfect, with two perfect divots at the base of her spine. Her ass starts just below where my hands are now, so trim that you could bounce a quarter off of it. I lotion her lower back, my hands spreading the lotion out until I am almost gripping her hips.

I won’t lie, it’s not the first time that I’ve thought about holding her just like this… and it probably won’t be the last. I realize that I am growing hard in my wetsuit, which is a no-go. Releasing her suddenly, I thrust the tube of sunblock at her.

“Done. Take it,” I say.

She turns around and takes it, a little smile on her face. I wonder if she waited until she was here to put on the suntan lotion on purpose, just to fuck with my head. After all, she hasn’t exactly been discreet about wanting me to notice her.

And notice her I do. All the damn time, even though I’m not supposed to do it.

“Time to get serious,” I say, scowling.

“Yes sir,” she says with a wink. “I like when you’re bossy.”

I roll my eyes. Picking up one of the surf boards, I move it about five feet from the other, and lay it back down.

“All right. Come stand right here,” I say, pointing to the end of the board.

“Okay…” she says, moving.

“The first thing to do is to try to practice your position and body movement here on the beach.” I move to the end of the other board. “So we’ll get on our knees…”

I kneel, and she does the same.

“Then I’m going to try to hold the sides of the board, maybe two thirds of the way down. Like so.” I grab my board so that Emma can see. “Now I pull myself onto the board, holding onto the sides. Keep your hands on the sides of the board, and your arms tucked back. See this weird sort of chicken wing thing that I’m doing with my arms?”

She frowns. “Yeah, sort of.”

“Then just push yourself, your head only, up a little.” I do the move. “The first few times you surf, you can make it easier on yourself by riding the whole wave that way.”

“That doesn’t seem that hard,” she says.

I chuckle. “We haven’t even tried standing up yet. Let’s do it from the beginning.”

We both return to kneeling at the end of our boards.

“Alright. Grab the sides… yeah, that’s right. Pull yourself on. Tuck your arms. Now watch…” I slowly turn one of my legs out so that my ankle touches the board. “I turn my right leg like this. I lift my chest up… then I slowly, carefully slide my left foot forward. I get my balance… and then, voila!”

I open my arms, looking at Emma. Her look of utter incomprehension makes me laugh.

“What the hell did you just do?” she wonders.

“Look, Law School. If I can do it, you can do it. Let’s start from the beginning.”

We go through the steps ten times, until I’m absolutely sure that she’s got it down.

“You got it? Do you feel good about what you’ve learned so far?” I ask, standing and brushing the sand off my knees.

She mimics me, brushing herself off. She rolls her eyes. “Just because I understand the theory behind something, doesn’t mean I will actually be able to do it. It’s hard.”

“You will. Just not today. The water is pretty unsafe here. Instead of a sand bar, it’s pretty much just rocks.”

She looks pretty skeptical.

“How do I like… spot the right wave? I am guessing I don’t just go after the first one I see.”

“You’re right about that.” I scratch my stubbled cheek. “Let’s just go out to catch a baby wave.”

“I thought you just said the water is dangerous here!” She looks downright distrustful now.

“I mean, for real surfing, it is. But we’re barely going out. Not far enough to do any damage.” I pick up the neoprene cuff that is attached to my board. “Make sure that you tether yourself to that board.”

“Okay…” she says.

She gets her wetsuit out of her tote bag, wiggling out of her shorts and trading them for the suit. I shuck my shirt, but leave my suit where it is. The sun feels good on my bare skin. I’m not sure if it’s cheating to use my upper body as a distraction in the face of her nervousness, but I’m going to do it anyway. Still. I can feel her anxious eyes on my back as I pick up my board and head to the sea.

“You’re safe,” I reassure her. “We’re barely going to go in. You’ll see.”

True to my word, I slog in, floating my board alongside my body. When I see that the water has risen to her waist, I stop. “I think this will do it.”

Emma glances behind her, to where the rocks are. “Are you sure?”

I shrug. “We don’t have to ride at all.”

She looks indecisive. “Maybe we’ll just do it once?”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” I give her a smile. “Now, for your wave. You want to pick a wave that is coming right at you, not at an angle. Make sure there is plenty of whitewater in the wave, too. Oh! And this is important. When you wipe out, you want to fall behind the board, and wrap your arms around your head. Protects you from the board knocking you in the head.”

“Got it, I think.” She scans the waves coming. “Not this one…”

“Nope. It’s coming in at a definite angle.”

She waits, her hand over her eyes, still looking out over the ocean. She looks beautiful like that, the ocean breeze blowing faintly on the dark wisps that have escaped her hair. Her eyes have never looked more green than they do now, here among the waves.

“Oooh!” she says, pointing. “That one?”

“That’s great,” I say, giving myself a mental shake. “Position yourself…”

I get on my board, lying down, and Emma awkwardly balances herself the same way. I feel the swell of the sea, pulling my board back a few inches.

“Ready…” I call. “Go!”

The wave hits us, and I wait for just a split second, then make sure that she goes first. But she does, so I go too, launching myself toward the shore. Unfortunately, though it is super easy for me, it’s not for Emma. A few seconds into her glide, she leans too much to one side. She goes crashing off the side, kicking and screaming, and goes under the water in no time.

“Fuck.” I am quick to bail out of the wave too, plunging underwater. When I come back up, wiping at my eyes, she is floundering and spluttering. I swim towards her and reach her in a few short strokes. I grab her around the waist, lifting her.

“What the hell?” she says, shaking her head to clear it of water. She wraps an arm around my neck. “That didn’t go as planned.”

My lips curl upward. “You surfed, though. For a few seconds at least.”

It’s only then that I realize exactly how close we are, pressed together by the waves. She looks up into my eyes, droplets of water clinging to her dark lashes. I look down at the spray of freckles across her nose, at her heart shaped lips.

I could do it, I think. I could take her mouth. Explore her taste, dominate her for just a second. I know she wants it just as bad as I do.

If there was ever a moment, it’s now.

But then my surfboard bumps against my back, and the moment is gone. A flash of sadness crosses her face, but I ignore it. I’m the one who is responsible here. I’m always the one. I take a ragged breath.

“I’m going to put you down,” I say. I let her go, and she stands on her own.

“Jameson…” she starts. I don’t know what the end of that sentence is, but it can’t be anything that’s good for me.

I start swimming in. “I think we’re done for the day.”

She slowly follows me, like a sad little cloud. It starts to weigh on me, as soon as I can stand on solid ground.

I did the right thing, though. I did the best thing for both of us. The only possible thing.

I just have to remind myself of that, from now until… until I’m dead, I guess.