Chapter Twenty - Zach
Fuck, my head hurt.
Throbbing pain.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t see.
And Shay begged me to come to some goddamned dinner party for her and her friends.
I couldn’t fucking stand up without the world spinning. I’d puke before I made it downstairs. God fucking forbid I stain her Daddy’s precious rug. We weren’t living in a house. It was a shrine to her own damn insecurities—some place she didn’t feel at home and wanted nothing more than to forget.
My phone buzzed. The sound grated through my skull and burrowed just to detonate an explosive charge.
Gretchen.
I shoved the phone off my nightstand and ignored it for the fourth time. She wanted to know how the physical went. But she knew the prognosis. Reminded me of it every goddamned day. Christ, she even wrote the damn prescription that fucked everything up.
Gretchen could figure it out.
But Shay wondered about the physical went too.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I liked it when I was the only one worrying about my own goddamned future. I already let the squad down. The last thing I wanted was Shay’s pity. Or her getting pissed off because I lied. Or that she’d find yet another reason to deny what she felt for me.
I tried to stand. My legs buckled under me. I sat on the edge of the bed. The motion blinded me like a punch to the gut and kick to the head, and I didn’t know which was worse.
Why the hell was I at the mansion? I was goddamned lucky I didn’t kill anyone on the drive over. My hotel had black-out curtains and enough whiskey to dull every pain. But Shay called, and I came running, like a damned masochist who needed his balls smashed one last time.
What the hell did she want from me? She acted like she wanted me gone, so I left. Then she summoned me back to talk.
Nothing to talk about. She only had to answer one question.
Did she fucking want me or not?
Apparently, it was a harder question than I thought. Shay acted distant. She hid something, and it wasn’t that she desperately loved me.
If she didn’t trust me enough to reveal her secrets, then why would I tell her about my failed physical?
I blamed Shay for my misery, but it wasn’t her fault. In my fucking shame, I lied to her about the doctor’s verdict. I was too goddamned scared to tell her the truth, too scared she wouldn’t give me a reason to stick around. Shay guarded herself with an emotional mine-field. Stepping on an IED once was enough.
I could tell her I loved her. I could tell her I’d stay with her.
I could tell her my headache was so excruciating all I wanted was to lay in a darkened room in her arms and wait for the pain to finally kill me.
Who the hell know what she’d do then. If she’d care. Shay didn’t seem the family type unless she was obsessing over me being her step-brother.
Why even bother?
I grabbed a duffle bag and threw my clothes inside. My time in the service meant I packed light. Most of my real shit was in storage. Shay never asked. She assumed I looked for a free ride. The easy way out. A money-grab.
She even didn’t try to love me. She fought it with every beat of her heart and did her best to think the worst of me.
I thought pretty fucking low of myself too. Didn’t need her disappointment to double it.
I slung my duffle bag over my shoulder, pocketed my phone and keys, and headed out the back staircase.
Shay, of course, found me in the kitchen.
And, God, did she look stunning.
Either my vision blurred or Shay stood in a halo of gold. The black cocktail dress clung to her curves, and her rich, beautiful skin begged for a trail of kisses along the soft darkness. The neckline plunged low, just enough to tease the sweet swell of her breasts.
Breasts that looked plumper, more tempting than I remembered.
Fuck. The bounce of her chest reminded me of what I’d miss when I walked out the door. Her quick smile would make me regret leaving.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” she said.
“I got your text.”
For a split second, a burst of gratitude gentled her. It disappeared as she glanced over my jeans.
“You aren’t dressed!” Shay started to pace the kitchen. I assumed she hid from her guests. “We’re supposed to be all fancy.”
Her asshole friends tried to make amends by throwing her a formal dinner party—even if Shay paid for it all. They hired a party planner to organize cocktails, entertainment, menus, all the bullshit that came from the money Shay never wanted to acknowledge.
She had her hair, makeup, and nails done for the event. Her ebony curls fell over her shoulders and down her back. Her lips puffed, begging for a kiss. She was the most beautiful, stunning woman I never met, and I walked away from her. From happiness and pleasure and every chance I had at finding a life beyond the service.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Why didn’t she want me?
“I’m not staying.” My voice raged in my ears, too loud for me to handle. I shook my head. It didn’t help clear the ache or the ringing. “I’m out.”
Shay groaned. She leaned over the island in the kitchen, pushing away a platter of prosciutto wrapped melon that apparently disgusted her.
“Zach, I told them you’d be here. They wanted to meet you.”
She didn’t get what I said, but I couldn’t decipher what she wanted. Why the fuck was everything so loud? Clatters. Crashes. Laughter from the front room.
“You have to meet them,” she said. “It’ll look rude if you don’t.”
“Bullshit.” My voice rasped. “You want me here because you couldn’t deal with them alone in your big mansion where you fuck your step-brother.”
“Real classy, Zach. It isn’t about that.”
“Like hell.”
She eased away from the food. “What’s gotten into you?”
“You tell me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She crossed her arms, like it’d protect her or something. All it did was push those beautiful breasts higher. “Christ, you’ve been acting so weird. First you storm out of the house for a week with no contact, and now you come back to piss with me?”
“I’m just realizing a few shings.” Did I slur? What the hell? I cleared my throat. “Things. I’m figuring shit out.”
“Zach, is that your luggage?”
“Yeah.”
Her voice caught. “Are you…leaving?”
Like it mattered. Like it wasn’t what she already wanted.
“Where are you going?”
“Anywhere.”
I didn’t care where it was, so long as I got away from the bright lights and the echoing ring blasting through my ears. I rubbed my forehead. It didn’t help.
“But…” She kicked the door closed as laugher from the parlor flooded in. It picked at my head—tiny needles imbedding in my skull and breaking off. Better than the usual vice that crushed me. “I know we’ve had a rough week—”
“A rough week? Shay, for Christ’s sake, we’ve never had a good week.”
“That’s not true.”
“I’m not dealing with this anymore. You never wanted me here. You never wanted me to have the money. You never wanted to fall in love with me. So that’s it.” I held her stare as the tears crossed her cheeks. Oh fuck. Each drop burnt through me. “I’m out. Done. Take the mansion. It’s yours. Take the inheritance. I’ll sign it over to you.”
“Zach—”
“All I wanted was a shot with you.” I rubbed my eyes. Nothing helped the pain and now my fucking heart broke on top of it. “I fucking love you, Shay. But if you need time or have to think about it, then I got my answer. Enjoy your house. Enjoy your money.”
“Zach, you don’t understand.”
I pushed away from the island. Mistake. The walls bent and the floor buckled. I stumbled. Shay rushed forward to steady me. I didn’t need her help. Just waited for the ear-piercing ringing to stop echoing in my goddamned brain.
I blinked. It didn’t clear my vision. Shay was a dark shadow against a burst of light.
Something was wrong.
She gripped my arm, her voice sounded hollow and distant.
“Zach, please. I’m scared. You have to hear me out.”
Too late. I tried to understand. She didn’t want to open up to me.
I pulled away. She didn’t let me go.
“I’m pregnant!”
Now the ground really did slip from under me. I grabbed the island again. My heart thumped too hard, too fast, too out of rhythm.
“You’re…”
“Oh, my God, Zach, your nose.”
Shay rushed to find a napkin. Blood immediately stained through the cloth.
“Are you okay?” Her voice trembled. “Talk to me, Zach. What’s wrong?”
Pregnant.
She was pregnant.
And I was leaving her.
Her exact fucking fear.
I had to right it. I had to tell her I was sorry. I had to hold her.
Pregnant.
I couldn’t talk. My body seized tight.
One hell of a way to react when I was told I’d be a father. First the scariest and greatest fucking words I’d ever heard in my life, and then the reaper decided to take what he forgot to grab in Iraq.
The crippling pain stole my vision, speech, tightened and ruined every muscle in my body.
“Zach!” Shay grabbed me as I fell. “Zach, what’s wrong—”
Then the world turned dark, and I was lost in the peace after the IED once again.
Only this time, I wasn’t alone.
Shay was there.
And in her? A baby. My baby.
I hoped I lived to see him.