We were still the hot topic at the end of the week. I swear if our school were the Twitterverse, #ryley would have been trending. I overheard girls in the bathroom talking about us before homeroom on Friday morning. They’d already taken to combining our names. The biggest piece of gossip still going around was how Ryder had attacked Chace in a jealous fit of rage and broken his nose. While it wasn’t entirely wrong, the jealousy part was just a bit far-fetched, and his nose wasn’t broken—just really, really, really swollen. I laughed every time I thought about it.
Ryder didn’t seem too concerned that people were painting him as the jealous boyfriend. He took it all in his stride, whereas I seemed to always be defending him. When questioned about the fight, he would only answer with: What’s there to be jealous of? She’s with me; or It wasn’t a fight. It was one punch; or Chace is a tool and deserved it. I was surprised at how many people agreed with Ryder about Chace deserving it. Bradley McGregor, a boy from my art class, said Ryder should have done it a long time ago. Ryder knew how to deal with people and uncomfortable situations, that was for sure.
I managed to avoid Chace the entire week. He’d taken time off because of the damage to his nose. I think he was just embarrassed. But Sunday night just after I’d finished helping the Romanovs close the bookstore, I received a string of text messages from a number I didn’t know. I blinked at my phone a few times, trying to recall the phone number, but drew a blank. Thinking whoever it was must be texting the wrong person, I opened the first message and tried to swallow the lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat. I closed my eyes and shoved my phone back into my bag and took a deep breath. I couldn’t read them. Not in front of the Romanovs.
“Are you all right, my dear?” Mrs. Romanov came to stand beside me. “Is that boy coming to get you, or would you like a ride?”
Sniffing back the tears, I smiled at the sweet old woman. I didn’t want to tell her about the nasty text that could only have come from Chace. “I’m okay, and yes, he’s on his way.”
At least I hoped he was. Ryder had called me in the morning and asked if I wanted to grab dinner at the diner again after work. I couldn’t refuse. They really were the best burgers in town. Although I was yet to try his famous and even better ones.
It was only moments later that I heard Ryder’s car coming down the street, the engine rumbling to a soft purr as he pulled up to the curb. “Ready?” he called through the open window at me before calling to Mr. and Mrs. Romanov. “Hey, Mr. and Mrs. R.” I turned to say goodbye to the Romanovs and climbed into his car.
We rode in silence. The stupid text message kept repeating itself in my head over and over. I was too scared to open the others to see what else he had to say, but at the same time, I really wanted to know. I pulled my phone out of my bag and twirled it in my hands before throwing it back inside. I must have repeated that three or four times before we finally came to a stop at the diner and Ryder snatched it from me.
“Bailey?”
I looked away, knowing he was going to ask me what I was doing or what was wrong.
“You’re crying,” he murmured so softly I barely heard. I snapped my head around to look at him and tell him I wasn’t crying when I touched my cheeks and felt the tears. I was crying. Damn. “Why?”
It was a simple question with a simple answer. I was crying because my ex-boyfriend had just sent me a message telling me I had been his biggest waste of time. But for some unknown reason, I couldn’t tell Ryder that. I didn’t want him to start thinking like Chace and believe I was a waste of time. And I didn’t want him to know that Chace had upset me either.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling well. Do you mind if we just go home?” Ryder didn’t look convinced but nodded anyway and handed me back my phone. I was grateful that he didn’t ask me any more questions. He just dropped me off with a simple, “See you at school,” before driving off. Ryder had an early soccer training session the following morning, so he couldn’t take me to school. This wouldn’t normally bother me, but knowing I could run into Chace and Christina alone made me a little uneasy.
Mum didn’t appear to be home when I walked inside, kicking off my shoes at the front door. It couldn’t have been a better welcome home—an empty house with no one to ask how my day was or why I was crying, because she surely wouldn’t believe my lie about feeling sick. She’d see straight through it and make me talk about what was wrong.
I trudged up to my room and sat on my bed staring at my phone. I didn’t know how long I sat there and stared for. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. I finally opened the second message from Chace.
Chace: Worst girlfriend ever.
I would not cry. I would not let him make me cry again. I ground my teeth together and opened the third message.
Chace: Ur just another notch on his bedpost. Don’t think ur special.
Chace: Cos ur not.
And then they came. The tears started to fall hot down my cheeks. No matter how hard I tried to stop them, they just kept flowing. It was like the harder I tried, the more I cried. My chest was tight, aching right in the middle. I stupidly opened the fifth message. I knew I shouldn’t have. I was only setting myself up for hurt.
Chace: Ur worthless. And you and ur loser boyfriend are done.
Pressing a hand to my heart to ease the pain, I slumped onto my side and curled into a ball. I was trying to wrap my head around how someone could be so heartless and so cruel. I didn’t know how I could let someone make me feel so bad. Was I really so worthless?
My phone beeped in my hand, and I clenched my jaw shut. Not again. Not another message. Sniffing back the tears and wiping them from my eyes, I tried to make out the small black text on the screen. It took a minute for my eyes to focus, but they did. I smiled. It was just a small and very brief smile before the waterworks came back full force, ripping that hole in my chest wide open. But it was a smile. And there was only one person who could make me smile when I was so miserable.
Ryder: Hope you’re feeling okay. Sweet dreams*about me* ;)
I didn’t reply. I just hugged the phone to my chest with Ryder’s message still on the screen and let myself cry.
***
Ryder was waiting for me outside homeroom. He pulled me into his arms leaning against the wall. “Ready to face him?” he asked.
“No.” I didn’t want to see him after our run-in last Monday. And I sure as hell didn’t want to see him after all those messages. I cried myself to sleep the previous night for the first time in almost a month.
I didn’t ever want to see him to again. It was easy to remember what a horrible guy he was when I didn’t see him or when he sent text messages like that. I could push the pain and hurt away, but it was just as easy to remember why I loved him when I did see him. It was just complete torture. Although, if he kept treating me the way he did that week, I think love could have turned to hate quite quickly. I really should have changed schools.
“Are you okay?” Ryder asked. I nodded. I hadn’t told him about the messages because I didn’t want him to cause any trouble or overreact. I was sure it was Chace being vindictive and trying to make himself feel better about being punched, but it still hurt.
“Don’t lie to me, Bailey.” Ryder grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back so he could look into my eyes. I stared straight back at him. I didn’t want to give anything away. “What happened?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“You can hide the bags under your eyes with makeup, but they’re still there. You’ve been crying.” He clenched his jaw.
I folded. I couldn’t lie. I knew he’d find out eventually somehow or other. So I told him about the messages and made him promise not to do or say anything about it. I just wanted to forget it and wanted him to as well.
“Ryder, please just forget it. I want to pretend that he doesn’t exist. I want to not let him bother me anymore.”
“Fine. Just focus on me and remember his face when you admitted the other night that sex was so much better with me. It’s what keeps me going,” Ryder said a little too loudly. He gave me a wink as a few people turned to stare at us.
“Ryder!” I hit him in the chest, trying to scold him but failing because I was giggling. If anything, Ryder knew how to make me laugh and take my mind off things.
“What? It’s true. You know it, I know it, and so does everyone else now.”
“You forget one important thing.” I stood up on my toes to whisper in his ear so no one else could hear. “We haven’t had sex yet, so I’m just taking your word for it.” I pulled back to give him a serious look.
“Yet?” His eyes lit up, and he licked his lips as he smiled mischievously. Oh, crap! “Challenge accepted.”
“Keep dreaming, Jones.” I rolled my eyes and looked up at the ceiling to avoid eye contact with him. Bad idea. Ryder leant in and pressed a kiss to the base of my throat, sucking gently on the skin before pulling back with a glint in his eye.
“Well, either way, I stay true to my word.” He smiled and grabbed my wrist to bring my hand up to his hair. When I gave him a questioning look, he just shrugged his shoulders.
“I kinda like when you play with my hair,” he admitted quietly before looking down the hall. Okay? I kind of liked playing with his hair. It was soft, thick, and curly, and so shiny. I was a little jealous. “Come on. Let’s go in.”
As soon as we walked into the room, all eyes turned to us, and everyone fell silent. It was like this every day. Like they were all waiting for things to break apart or for Chace to finally snap and hit Ryder. Their eyes flickered between us and Chace, who was already sitting in his seat next to Christina. I instinctively pressed myself into Ryder’s side as we made our way across the room to the seats.
“Jerk,” I heard Chace mutter under his breath. Christina was fussing over him, rubbing his face, fixing his hair, and shooting death glares at me. He looked like he was in more pain than when Ryder had punched him. I felt a little sorry for him.
No, I didn’t. He deserved it.
Yes, I did…Deep down, I felt bad. Ahhh! Why were breakups so hard? I shouldn’t have felt bad, but I did.
“Jealous.” Ryder responded to Chace in a sing-song voice, not bothering to keep his voice quiet, earning him a few soft chuckles from around the room. He pulled out my chair for me and kissed my cheek. He was really making a show of the boyfriend thing that morning.
I focused on Ryder’s actions and not on Chace. I was blocking all the bad thoughts and memories of him so that I wouldn’t cry.
“Smooth, Jones. Real smooth.” I smiled up at him and batted my eyelashes, maybe overdoing the girlfriend act a little. But that was what it was all about. Being the cheesy girlfriend. Being happy and carefree. And after the text messages the previous night, I was sure Chace was expecting me to be upset, but I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction. Ryder winked at me, grasping my knee in his hand. Just that little bit of contact between us and the pain was dulled instantly.
“Does that mean I’m gettin’ lucky today?” He lifted his eyebrow, a gleam of humour in his eyes. His lip twitched like he was trying not to laugh—most likely at the memory of Chace’s face in the bookshop the other night. So we were playing it like that. Like we were flirty, horny teenagers. Well, in all honesty, he was a flirty, horny teenager.
“Maybe,” I said coyly, grabbing a handful of his hair. Knowing that he liked it made it less weird for me to do. I took my lips to his ears and whispered, “Tone it down, Romeo.” I knew that it looked like I was whispering something sexy to him instead.
“Don’t start something you’re not willing to finish, unless you wanna ditch and go to my place.” Ryder smirked as I pulled away. I laughed at his attempt to make Chace jealous by completely ignoring my warning. He winked at me, grabbed my hand, and leant in again to whisper in my ear.
“Keep smiling and laughing like that and you’ll even have me fooled.” His mouth pressed against the skin just below my ear, sending an involuntary shiver up my spine. A small sigh escaped my lips. A sigh that didn’t go unnoticed by Ryder.
“Like that, huh?” he asked. I could feel his breath against my ear.
“Uh.” I felt my cheeks warming. I clamped my mouth shut to stop myself from saying anything stupid. I wasn’t sure if he was doing this for show or if he was trying to mess with me. I needed to be careful I didn’t read too much into anything he said or did. He was a major flirt. He had a reputation to keep up, even if he did have a girlfriend. So I guessed Ryder was just acting like he would with any other girl.
“What the hell happened to you?” Christina’s voice interrupted us from behind. “You’ve changed your attitude, your behaviour, and your appearance. I don’t like it.” I glanced at Ryder, who squeezed me gently in support, before I turned to face Christina with a sudden burst of courage and what I hoped was a genuine-looking smile plastered over my face.
“You don’t have to like it. I let go of all the drama and fakeness in my life. I stopped pretending to be someone I’m not. I stopped trying to be you.” I paused for dramatic effect and let that sink in. Christina gasped and scowled. “This is me, and I am finally happy. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” I gave her an overdramatic smile before spinning back to face the front of the class where the teacher was busy reading the paper and ignoring us. Letting out a deep, shaky breath of relief when she didn’t reply, I chanced a look at Ryder, who I noticed looked somewhat impressed.
***
“I’ll see you at lunch.” Ryder pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth after acting as the perfect boyfriend and walking me to class. I watched him walk away before he paused and tilted his head, as though he were looking at something. He spun around. He had that look in his eye. The one I was quickly learning meant trouble.
I suddenly felt a body slam into mine. “One for the road,” Ryder growled. Before I could answer, his mouth met mine. It was quick, and it was rough, but his tongue exploring my mouth felt divine and made me wonder what it would be like to have Ryder’s affections for real and not for show.
“See you at lunch, B,” he said into my mouth before pulling away too soon. And then I noticed Chace and Christina just across the hall.
“That was kinda hot and romantic in an I’m-gonna-rip-your-clothes-off sort of way,” someone said from behind me, echoing my thoughts exactly. Spinning around, I turned to see Indie standing awkwardly. Her mouth turned up into a half smile. She hadn’t spoken to me since the road trip from hell ended and Chace and Christina made their relationship official. Why was she talking to me now?
“Yeah, well, that’s Ryder.” I shrugged and entered the classroom, taking my usual seat in the middle, wondering what the hell she wanted. She was one of Christina’s friends. As I was pulling out my books and pens, the seat beside me suddenly became occupied. I glanced up to see who had decided to sit by me all of a sudden, as I had been a loner all of the previous week. I was surprised to see Indie smiling uncomfortably at me.
“Umm?” I raised an eyebrow at her, unsure of what to say.
“I’m sorry. I should never have stopped talking to you. What they did was harsh, and I hate what they’ve become. I miss you being a friend. I hope you can forgive me,” she said in a rush, fidgeting with her bangles. I knew I shouldn’t forgive her so quickly for dumping our friendship so easily when there was a rift between Chace and Christina and me, but it had to be hard for her, too. You couldn’t remain neutral when there were fights between friends. There’s always a side to choose. I knew it was also partly my fault for shutting myself off. I missed having friends. I didn’t like being a loner. I had no one but Ryder, and that wasn’t even real. It was sad and pathetic, really.
“I’ve missed you, too.” I smiled at her and laughed when her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. She squealed and threw her arms around me in a bone-crushing hug. It was sweet.
“I’m so sorry. So sorry. So, so, so, so sorry,” she repeated over and over again.
“It’s okay. I understand. Just forget it.” I smiled and pulled out the novel we were studying. Wuthering Heights again. It seemed like the education board couldn’t think of anything better when it came to classic literature.
“So you and Ryder, huh? Tell me everything.” Uh-oh. I wasn’t anticipating having to answer questions about my relationship with Ryder. It was the first time anyone had truly wanted to know. Not just for the gossip mill.
“Uh, well…” I trailed off, trying to think of what to say.
“How long have you been together?” Oh, that was easy; we’d agreed that two or three weeks sounded believable.
“A couple of weeks.” Her eyebrows nearly flew off her head. I suppressed the urge to laugh at her stunned face.
“Ryder’s had a girlfriend for a couple of weeks? Wow! How did you meet?” she whispered in disbelief, giving me a look that was almost awe and maybe a little pity. Everyone knew Ryder didn’t date girls. He was the player. The heartbreaker. I knew the girls at school would be jealous that he was mine, but they were also probably waiting for the moment his bad boy reputation took full effect and he cheated on me or something. Kind of hard to do when the whole relationship was fake. But I wouldn’t let it worry me.
“Meet? We’ve gone to school together for years.”
“You know what I mean. We’ve never really been friends with him or anything.”
She was right, sort of. We had run in different circles the past couple of years—me being in Chace’s circle and Ryder in his own solo circle surrounded by girls. He didn’t have friends at this school either, so I guessed we were loners together. The only difference was that he had friends outside school, whereas I just had my wacky mother and the Romanovs. And now Ryder. Maybe. I thought I had Ryder. He was helping me, after all.
“He came into work one day. We got talking and had lunch, and then it kinda became a regular thing. Next thing I knew, we were together. It sort of just happened.” I wasn’t lying completely; I was just omitting the truth. I didn’t want to get into the details of how or why Ryder had picked me up from the beach that day, so I didn’t mention it.
“Wow. So he helped you get over your heartbreak?”
I flinched at that question. Was it that obvious I was heartbroken? I guessed it was. I mean, I did freak out and run from the school when Chace broke up with me in front of everyone, and I was a crying mess for weeks after the road trip ended. But Ryder was helping, so I decided to be truthful.
“Oh, I’m sorry. That was insensitive.” She looked mortified.
“It’s okay. Yeah, if it weren’t for Ryder, I’d be a mess. He makes things better. Makes me forget about Chace.” It was true. He had helped. Even though I was stupidly still in love with Chace, it didn’t hurt as much when Ryder was around. He made things easier.
“So it’s love then?” Love? Uhm, no.
“Uhm, no. It’s way too soon for that, Indie. I care about him a lot, but I’m not ready to love anyone again. Look what happened last time.”
“That’s true, but I think Ryder is different. It’s obvious how much he cares about you. I don’t think he’d ever hurt you like Chace.” Of course I knew he wouldn’t hurt me like Chace. We weren’t even really together, but I couldn’t tell Indie that. Ryder was just a fantastic actor with an incredible knack for making me feel better.
“You don’t know that. No one does.” The teacher cleared her throat and sent us a pointed look that told us to be quiet and read our books. I raised my book to hide my face and started reading. Indie didn’t notice. In fact, her book was still on the desk unopened. I wasn’t even sure she had the right book out, to be honest.
“No, I don’t, but I know what I see. And the way I see Ryder look at you, particularly out there in the hall just before class, that dude’s got it bad.”
No, he didn’t. He just wanted revenge on Chace as badly as I did, if not more. But I didn’t tell her that, either. Instead, I shrugged and returned to my book, ending our conversation. I tried to concentrate on what I was reading, but my mind kept running away from me and imagining all these different scenarios where Ryder did care about me and our relationship was real.
We could have fun. We had a lot in common. But Ryder had never been the commitment type, and he wasn’t my type. Correction—he wasn’t my type before Chace. But I was a different person since Chace and Christina got together. Was I Ryder’s kind of girl? I didn’t think so. In fact, I knew I wasn’t. I wasn’t one of those girls who threw themselves at him or dropped their panties if he so much as looked in their direction. I wasn’t easy. This was just payback for something I didn’t understand but hoped to one day, when he trusted me enough to tell me.